What do other breastfeeding/nursing mothers think of this common comment? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 52 Old 08-16-2008, 03:41 PM
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Not in a bubble!
Posts: 1,875
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama Poot View Post
I just smile and nod. Thankfully I don't hear it much because all my IRL mama friends nurse their kids until 2 and well beyond. Now that I'm nursing a 2 year old, I'm amazed at how much Henri is still just a tiny baby that needs his mama for everything. I know that if other people could see what I see, they would agree that a child needs to be breastfed beyond 2 years old.
ITA! I am nursing my 3yo and he is still very much a baby at times and needs his "teet"! (He chose that word not me )
ParisApril is offline  
#32 of 52 Old 08-16-2008, 08:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
neostudded's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 319
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks everyone for replying, I often feel differently when I hear this comment depending on the context in which it is said also.
neostudded is offline  
#33 of 52 Old 08-16-2008, 10:40 PM
 
azariahsmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 81
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've heard comments like that from people who only BF for a few months and I think it's just crazy.
azariahsmom is offline  
#34 of 52 Old 08-17-2008, 01:42 AM
 
uzra_hashmi@rediff's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 369
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have not set any age limit. Such comments are not acceptable to me.
Uzra
uzra_hashmi@rediff is offline  
#35 of 52 Old 08-17-2008, 09:23 AM
 
leosmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 333
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
like pp have said, I usually use any rude comments as an intro to throw in my OWN opinon about the topic and also to educate someone about the benefits of BF, CLW, and all of AP.

I have oversupply (and I'm thankful for it!) and a freezer full of milk that I can't find anyone to give to, so in our household we use my milk for lots of things...in place of cow's/soy milk (it's free and I know it's organic and doesn't cost an arm and a leg) in our favorite recipes (on cereal, in oatmeal, for smoothies/popsicles, for sourdough bread, in muffin mixes, etc.) and we use it also as an all purpose healing serum. Feeling sick? Drink a glass of booby milk. Scrapes, cuts, rashes, pimples, dry skin...our motto is "squirt some booby milk on it!". Yeah, my ILs think we're nuts (we live with them) but when they see how healthy we and our DS all are then they realize maybe we're doing something right.

I find it so weird that people will drink milk from a cow's teats, and that's normal, but to feed my child and my family (humans...) with milk from a human's teats is disgusting. I've had coworkers say "that's gross" when I store my pumped milk in the fridge next to their food...I just tell them that their preservative and chemical laden food is "even grosser" and watching THEM eat just makes me sick.

I know, I'm kind of OT and ranting...

I just feel that the only way to normalize BFing is to, well...DO IT!

I nurse my DS everywhere...at work on my break, in church, in front of relatives, friends, at the park, in the mall, at restaurants...the more I do it the more people will realize that it's normal and natural and not something to be ashamed of.

We were leaving church the other day and our priest (VERY LOUDLY) said to us..."You must have some kind of super milk...that boy gets bigger every time I see him!"

And I've nursed during communion in front of everyone...and our priest just smiles. And I know he uses us as an example for AP when he finds out a mom in our parish is expecting. "Look how happy baby K is...they cosleep and BF him and they even cloth diaper! And don't you love how their DS sleeps right through my sermons in that wrap?"

Hopefully this will encourage other moms to do the same...
leosmommy is offline  
#36 of 52 Old 08-17-2008, 10:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
neostudded's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 319
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Love your post, I found it very interesting, I wish I knew you in real life because you sound awesome! I have heard people talk about "those women" who used breast milk in other things, not just for breastfeeding their young and I think it is great!

I bet your family is very healthy, and I agree 100% about the cows milk thing.

Thanks for posting.
neostudded is offline  
#37 of 52 Old 08-18-2008, 03:16 PM
 
JoyfulMom84's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: MidAtlantic area
Posts: 93
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Honestly, before I had DD I felt that way. I just thought it was weird to breastfeed a baby past 1.5 yrs at the latest...My Mom said all of us (5 kids) self weaned by 18mos at the latest (though she really did gentle mother led weaning in some aspects). Now I can't imagine DD weaning! I want her to nurse as long as she wants. Acutally the thought of her weaning at 12mos or even before 2 makes me really sad!!! I would have no problem nursing a 3 yo

IMHO if you haven't been raised in a CLW home, or if you've never REALLY breastfed it's hard to consider it. It can be downright horrifying to think of a LO asking to nurse!!!!!! (sarcasm). I mean anyone can appreciate the nutritional value in the first 6mos-1year. But there is a difference between feeding because "it's good for the baby" and mothering through breastfeeding. A mom who sees breastfeeding as just a nutritional source is less likely to understand why anyone would want to continue after baby is on solids.

I hope that makes sense.

Hannah ... wife to Ryan ...Mommie to my girlies. RJ Dec '07 ~ AJ Aug '09~ PJ Jan '12

peace loving Friend ~ selective vax ~ sleep sharing~ gentle parenting~ doing what works for us and learning as we go!

JoyfulMom84 is offline  
#38 of 52 Old 08-19-2008, 01:35 PM
 
Carolinamx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 27
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am sad to admit that I, too, was in the "I'll give bf my best try, but if it doesn't work, then that's ok". I was that way with natural child birth too. I just couldn't believe someone could give birth naturally without going through some kind of excruciating, incredibly violent and horrible process.

My dd's birth went so smoothy. I was still waiting for the REAL pain when she was born. She was put at the breast immediately. And she's spent most of her life attached to that breast, LOL. Even now at almost four, she still nurses several times a day if we're at home and also does a couple of times during the night.

I thought I'd wean at 1, when everyone at the child birth center we attended planned to wean. My ped recommended, because of a family history of allergies, to wait until two. So we did. The doctor said so. Then two came and went and I just knew dd needed it yet. Then she turned three and she declared she would stop nursing when she was four (this coincided with potty training, so she decided that that part of "babyhood" would wait another year ). Now, with her fourth birthday fastly approaching, she's kinda changing her mind, so we'll see what she comes up with. Now I know we've come so far I'm going to let her take the lead.

We do not do bf in public now either. I don't want people to tell her anything. She told her teachers last year in pre-school that she still bf and they told her she was "too old". So I marched into the school and told them that bf was between my dd and me and that they were not to tell her that again. They took it very well but I did feel they thought we were weirdos. LOL. Even though it was a very very crunchy pre-school. Hopefully this will make it easier for other little ones in that school in the future, but honestly, I've yet to meet someone in real life that's gone so long here in Mexico City.
Carolinamx is offline  
#39 of 52 Old 08-19-2008, 06:11 PM
 
Embee's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Tacoma, WA
Posts: 2,102
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm embarrassed to admit that before DS was born, I said to my childless SIL, "Yeah, one year and that's it. My feeling is once they can walk up and ask for it, it's time to stop." My SIL agreed wholeheartedly I'm sure. I also held the "get of BF free card" where if it was difficult, I wouldn't beat myself up about it if I quit.

Oh, it's so hard to write that. I had no IDEA what I was talking about. I had no idea how emotionally important the nursing relationship is to children (and their moms!), to say nothing of it's health benefits. I knew nothing, NOTHING, and was clearly ever so happy to express my utter ignorance.

So when people said things like this to me I simply told them: "I used to think that too, but the desparity between what I thought BF would be and the reality of what it's actually been, couldn't be more HUGE. In light of new informaton and experience, I changed my opinion and made a different choice. One I (WE!) feel really good about."

FTR, BF was initially VERY difficult. I was inverted, DS had a hard time latching, I had TONS of pain but from moment one, I realized that this was not something I wanted to give up on. And when six months had passed and I THOUGHT I'd be of so tired of it and not be able to wait to wean, I realized that quite the opposite, it seemed way too early to wean him in a mere six months time. That was when I started looking into my options and came upon CLW. It spoke to me. DS weaned himself at 4 year, 3 months. No regrets.

The best,
Em

Em 43 - Wife to hubby Mom to DS born: Jan. '01
Embee is offline  
#40 of 52 Old 08-19-2008, 06:23 PM
 
Ruthla's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 47,873
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Whenever I hear "when they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to stop" I respond with "no, if they're young enough to ask for it, they're young enough to need it!" Sometimes I'll mention my big kids and point out that they no longer ask to nurse!

I've had people ask me about nursing "big kids." I just point out that babies don't get a whole year older in a day. Every day they're just a day older than they were yesterday, and there never seems to be a set point where they're suddenly too old for something. I've answered specific questions about nursing kids with teeth and wiggly toddlers.

Mostly I advise new and expectant moms to take things one day at a time. There's no need to set a specific weaning date in advance, as you never know how you'll both feel when you get to that point.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
Ruthla is offline  
#41 of 52 Old 08-19-2008, 09:53 PM
 
cuttiebearmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 368
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think that these kids of comments are just from a lack of societal understanding of the importance and natural course of breastfeeding. It's unfortunate and often people DO see things a little differently when they are actually exposed to it; that's our job! Maybe we wouln't hear it so much when more mothers continue to practice CLW. We can always hope!
cuttiebearmom is offline  
#42 of 52 Old 08-20-2008, 01:43 AM
 
Meredith&Alexander's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Keller, TX
Posts: 505
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I learned a long time ago that the true voice of someone's opinion is what comes after the "but." Seems like that's the case here.
Meredith&Alexander is offline  
#43 of 52 Old 08-20-2008, 07:30 PM
 
Embee's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Tacoma, WA
Posts: 2,102
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meredith&Alexander View Post
I learned a long time ago that the true voice of someone's opinion is what comes after the "but." Seems like that's the case here.
Oooh, this is good. A simple rule for decoding opinions.

Em

Em 43 - Wife to hubby Mom to DS born: Jan. '01
Embee is offline  
#44 of 52 Old 08-20-2008, 07:45 PM
 
sakami999's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: OR
Posts: 45
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by neostudded View Post
I was wondering what other mothers who practice Child led weaning think of comments like this,

"I am pro breastfeeding/nursing, but when they get to/can do/become X age, that is time to stop."

I have heard this comment several times and I think it is laughable.:

Ahem So, let me know what you think?
Well, since it technically isn't a question, it doesn't require a response. Folks are entitled to their opinions. That said, I'm pro-breastfeeding but when a child is filling out their college entrance applications, well, it is time to stop!


sarah, whose mom just called to ask whether or not there was a plan to wean the 3.5 year old since there isn't another sibling on the way to dry up the milk.
sakami999 is offline  
#45 of 52 Old 08-24-2008, 04:13 AM
 
octobermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Yuma AZ
Posts: 5,558
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Well, since it technically isn't a question, it doesn't require a response. Folks are entitled to their opinions. That said, I'm pro-breastfeeding but when a child is filling out their college entrance applications, well, it is time to stop!

:
I draw the line at nursing a child old enough to fill out there own college applications And I'm very firm with this boundry...

Deanna

Wife to DH since August 01 mom to a bubbly girl October 2002 and our newest gal March 2010
octobermom is offline  
#46 of 52 Old 08-24-2008, 07:56 AM
 
meemee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Norther California
Posts: 12,749
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 13 Post(s)
yeah i totally agree. most of the moms who make that comment have no idea what they are talking about.

i was all gungho for CLW - but i was surprised when my dd was 1 and i was still bfeeding. even though i believed in CLW i somehow thought our bfeeding relationship would last one year.

hah!!! she is almost 6 and still nursing. no matter that my milk dried up 3 years ago.

i make it a point to let moms know that i am still nursing. i know it still shocks some of my non parent but would AP if they had kids friends. not that they are prejudiced. but they dont see it and its so rare that it stands out

 treehugger.gif Co-parent, joy.gifcold.gifbrand new homeschooling middle schoolerjoy.gif, and an attackcat.gif 
meemee is online now  
#47 of 52 Old 08-31-2008, 12:57 AM
 
Mommoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: CDN in Olympia, WA
Posts: 192
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I also used to think that it was "weird" to still be breastfeeding a child who could verbalize his or her request. I have no idea why I thought it was weird. Just society's affect on me I suppose. I can't imagine weaning my son who was verbalizing his request for "nookie" (nursie) at 13 months. He'll be two in November and still gets that goofy nursie laugh when he sees my breasts. It's so precious. :
Mommoo is offline  
#48 of 52 Old 08-31-2008, 04:13 AM
 
Embee's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Tacoma, WA
Posts: 2,102
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommoo View Post
I also used to think that it was "weird" to still be breastfeeding a child who could verbalize his or her request. I have no idea why I thought it was weird.
Indeed, when I look back I can't find actual logic to this way of thinking. It has no real basis for existing. Truly, it's almost as if it's just a clever catch line that I heard somewhere and decided made sense...

Ugh, I'm still mortified that I ever uttered those words.

Em

Em 43 - Wife to hubby Mom to DS born: Jan. '01
Embee is offline  
#49 of 52 Old 09-04-2008, 09:54 AM
 
Tinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: next door to majikfaerie
Posts: 10,013
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by SleepyMamaBear View Post
"when they are too old to ask for it, then its time to stop"
I have not been approached with this yet about my 2 yo, which shocks me. But seeing as how I used to be one who thought the same thing I understand. Heck I have even said it about my kids. The great thing about nursing a baby is that they don't start out as a 2 yo. It's the most natural thing in the world to nurse a newborn, and then poof you look down one day and they are 2 and it still seems the most natural thing in the world.
My plan for this comment is to say "She has been asking for it since the minute she was born, the only difference is now she speaks our language." And then I'll quote the WHO recommendation.

senior majikfaerie cult member
Tinker is offline  
#50 of 52 Old 09-04-2008, 02:52 PM
 
GAmomto5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Athens, GA
Posts: 273
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I heard this from my MIL not too long ago. I asked her what the difference was between her asking to nurse and asking for milk (or anything else) from a cup. She had no answer.

Kelly - wife to the best DH and : Mama to 6 younguns
GAmomto5 is offline  
#51 of 52 Old 09-04-2008, 05:03 PM
 
laohaire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 7,369
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommyJoia View Post
you can't take those comments too seriously, they are quite often made by someone who has no clue what they are talking about.
I agree. Too many CLW'ers themselves have said this kind of thing once. It's a problem with society and not the individuals, I think.

I've only seen two toddlers nursed IRL (besides my own). I picked up my book The Experience of Breastfeeding two days ago and flipped through the pictures. The pictures were nice but they all showed babies breastfeeding. Some photos showed toddlers watching babies nurse, but it was clear that they were "too old" to nurse. Seeing babies breastfeed sort of seemed strange to me in a way Like it was so long ago that DD was a baby, I'm much more accustomed to the idea of toddlers nursing!

When I was 17, an Iranian guy told me he nursed until age 4. I don't recall my exact words, but "Gross" was probably pretty close.

When I was pregnant, I was totally gung-ho on nursing, but couldn't imagine wanting to nurse past age 2. I mean, I was commited to that age but assumed it would be torture or something to do it, and wouldn't commit to more than 2 years. My midwife kept kind of pressuring me to extend that limit. Looking back, she must have really not understood this dynamic. Especially for a woman who has never breastfed before, they have NO CLUE what it's going to be like. It's both harder and easier than you would ever think. One big thing is that my nipples were super sensitive (in a bad way) during pregnancy so the idea of anyone touching them was repulsive to me. Surely I'm not the only one.

DD is 3 now and nursing is easy breezy. Sure, sometimes I don't want to do it - not because I don't want to nurse but for example we're ready to go out and I want to GO and not spend 10 extra minutes nursing right this second. But when I nurse her, I don't see a kid far too old to nurse. She's not a baby anymore (but she WAS a baby at age 2) but it just seems like the most natural thing in the world.

And that's the perspective that people who say things like that lack.

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

laohaire is offline  
#52 of 52 Old 09-04-2008, 05:17 PM
 
thatblondegirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: southwestern ON
Posts: 760
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i have uttered those words as well. and as of right now, my cutoff point is 2 years. but that is because that is what i feel is right for me and my son. people are entitled to their own opinions and comfort levels.
thatblondegirl is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off