Can someone explain this to me - CLW? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 09-13-2008, 12:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm a little confused - right now, it seems as if I followed CLW, I'd still be nursing DS when he is 40. He is 20 months old right now and I have finally been feeling like I'm ready to wean him, but I want to be respectful about his wants/needs and not just cut him off. So, my question is... how do you do CLW when YOU are the one who initiates it? Or are those two things mutually exclusive?

TIA
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#2 of 17 Old 09-13-2008, 12:51 AM
 
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It is my belief that Parental led CLW is an oxymoron.

At 20 months, you still fall into the extended breastfeeding category. It's ok to be done though. Not every pro human milk'er has to participate in CLW
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#3 of 17 Old 09-13-2008, 03:01 AM
 
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"I'm a little confused - right now, it seems as if I followed CLW, I'd still be nursing DS when he is 40."

That's most likely NOT true. I know it feels like he'll be 40 right now, but I really doubt it would actually happen.

Now it might have happened with me, b/c I was forcibly weaned at 2, talked myself back into nursing (explained to my mom that she now had 2 kids and she had two breasts), then had to be forcibly weaned again at 4 when my brother self-weaned at 2. And this is sad, but when my mom died when I was 30, I realized that I started sucking my thumb at night, which I *never* did, and I think it was a soothing thing I was doing. So I might very well have nursed for decades.

But not many kids will.

My son was still nursing like a typical newborn at 3 years old, then suddenly at 3.5 he started dropping some milkymeals, and now at a bit over 4 he's very close to being done. So it happens even with the strongest nursers.


But anyway, you're right, you can't be a parent and lead child-led weaning.
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#4 of 17 Old 09-13-2008, 10:50 AM
 
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Originally Posted by happy2bamama View Post
have finally been feeling like I'm ready to wean him, but I want to be respectful about his wants/needs and not just cut him off. S

TIA
You are perfectly within your rights to initiate weaning at this time. You don't have to "just cut him off." You can start reducing the length and frequency of feedings and plan to be done in a month, or two, or three or whatever sounds good to you. You can gently wean with respect and feel good about it. CLW isn't for everyone.
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#5 of 17 Old 09-13-2008, 10:56 AM
 
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Dd nursed until she was just older than 4. Sometimes it did feel like it would last forever, but honestly, the last year was a few times a week when she was really stressed or tired.

We did a compromise between what we both wanted. While not official child led weaning, I set some boundaries as to where & when she could nurse and then she was going to camp, her father moved out so she was spending more time with him, etc. so it just sort of faded away naturally. I wouldn't have changed a thing about it. The nursing relationship is between the mother & child & both their wants & needs are important.

GL
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#6 of 17 Old 09-13-2008, 12:10 PM
 
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yeah, when mom initiates the weaning it is no longer "CLW" it would be "mom lead weaning" and you know what, there's nothing wrong with that! I know I may get slammed for this, but CLW is not for everyone. You have to do what's right for you and your family. If you are no longer happy with breastfeeding, that's your choice.

Just don't do it overnight. It must be gradual for both you and your child to remain happy and healthy.

Good luck. s
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#7 of 17 Old 09-13-2008, 12:20 PM
 
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When i weaned my son at 22 months I felt pretty isolated here since there really isn't a non CLW forum. So I just figured out my own plan and it worked quite well.

I dayweaned first, then dropped the early morning feeding in bed, then dropped the naptime feeding and eventually the bedtime feeding and all subsequent night feedings. It was a 4 month long process and the last leg of it took about 3 nights of sadness. Now at 26 months he still likes to touch and talk about boobies but ultimately I did the best thing for us!

mama to L (4) and G (1.5)
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#8 of 17 Old 09-13-2008, 12:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by happy2bamama View Post
I'm a little confused - right now, it seems as if I followed CLW, I'd still be nursing DS when he is 40.
It seems like that now, but eventually he will slow down.

My DD is still nursing, at 4, but many others stop for themselves long before that, and even DD mainly nurses to sleep and when she is upset. When they stop depends a lot on their personality but they really all stop before 40

And I think even the most ardent CLW supporter would be OK with you initiating weaning if that was the case :

nothing more to say I guess :
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#9 of 17 Old 09-13-2008, 02:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you so much for everyone's support!!! It is helpful to know that people have had success with a mix of CLW and parent-led-weaning.

I am really wanting to have DS weaned by the time he's 2 - (that's the beginning of January) or even a bit earlier than that. So, I'm cool with it taking a few months. DS is already night-weaned : so that's one thing we don't have to do! I have been slowly trying to make it a routine for him to fall asleep without being on the boob and he's able to do that although it's a lot easier for him to do it at night than for naps. For bedtime at night, I will say, "The milkies are night night" and he'll simply roll over and tuck himself in and fall asleep. But for naps, it's usually a struggle. He can do it, but it's usually not totally tear free, so on days when I know his teeth are hurting him or he's a little more sensitive, I just let him fall asleep on the boob.

In regards to his nightweaning, the one time that he does wake up is at 4am and last night, I tried to see if I could hold him off, but he was really upset - too upset for me to let it continue, so I just nursed him and reminded myself that I won't be waking at 4am to nurse forever.

I'd love to hear more strategies and ideas on how to slowly have them nurse less. What are some things you say to your DC to explain it to them? How did you transition naps and bedtime to milk-free events? When in the process did your LO make the shift to not even being interested in nursing at all anymore?

Thanks again for all of your ideas! Like a pp said, there is only a forum for CLW, so I'm hoping I can still find some help even though I fall a bit outside of those parameters
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#10 of 17 Old 09-13-2008, 02:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by happy2bamama View Post
...
I'd love to hear more strategies and ideas on how to slowly have them nurse less. What are some things you say to your DC to explain it to them? How did you transition naps and bedtime to milk-free events? When in the process did your LO make the shift to not even being interested in nursing at all anymore?...
I posted earlier - and I think as they get older & more involved in other things they just naturally ask to nurse less. I think distraction was the biggest thing & figuring out why/when dd wanted to nurse. For me, finding other ways for her to deals with hurts (both emotional & physical) is part of my job as a parent.

Sometimes she wanted to nurse because she was bored - as she got older she rarely wanted to nurse if she was involved with something. I would ask her if she really wanted to nurse or just cuddle & sometimes it wound up being just to cuddle. She knew how to physically be close by nursing, so she would ask for it when just cuddling would fit her needs.

It was also extremely painful & uncomfortable for me to have her nursing just before I got my period. So I told her she could only have milkies if she really wanted them because the boobs were sore. Again, she was a bit older so it did make it easier.
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#11 of 17 Old 09-13-2008, 09:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by happy2bamama View Post
Thank you so much for everyone's support!!! It is helpful to know that people have had success with a mix of CLW and parent-led-weaning.

I am really wanting to have DS weaned by the time he's 2 - (that's the beginning of January) or even a bit earlier than that. So, I'm cool with it taking a few months. DS is already night-weaned : so that's one thing we don't have to do! I have been slowly trying to make it a routine for him to fall asleep without being on the boob and he's able to do that although it's a lot easier for him to do it at night than for naps. For bedtime at night, I will say, "The milkies are night night" and he'll simply roll over and tuck himself in and fall asleep. But for naps, it's usually a struggle. He can do it, but it's usually not totally tear free, so on days when I know his teeth are hurting him or he's a little more sensitive, I just let him fall asleep on the boob.

In regards to his nightweaning, the one time that he does wake up is at 4am and last night, I tried to see if I could hold him off, but he was really upset - too upset for me to let it continue, so I just nursed him and reminded myself that I won't be waking at 4am to nurse forever.

I'd love to hear more strategies and ideas on how to slowly have them nurse less. What are some things you say to your DC to explain it to them? How did you transition naps and bedtime to milk-free events? When in the process did your LO make the shift to not even being interested in nursing at all anymore?

Thanks again for all of your ideas! Like a pp said, there is only a forum for CLW, so I'm hoping I can still find some help even though I fall a bit outside of those parameters
Those questions would best be asked in the Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy forum.

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#12 of 17 Old 09-14-2008, 12:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Those questions would best be asked in the Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy forum.
Can I post in both places? If I post there, I would imagine that most of the mamas there are not yet weaning, but here at least the mamas are weaning, just not exactly like I am... what I'm trying to say is, a general "Weaning" sub forum would be helpful!!!
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#13 of 17 Old 09-14-2008, 12:53 AM
 
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While true that the mama's here are "weaning", they most likely are taking no part in it at all, ya know. They may have never initiated any sort of slowing down because they are simply waiting for their child to go at his own pace.

Maybe go into the breastfeeding beyond infancy forum and do a forum search for "weaning" I bet you'll get TONS of threads about how to start weaning at 20 months.
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#14 of 17 Old 09-14-2008, 03:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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While true that the mama's here are "weaning", they most likely are taking no part in it at all, ya know. They may have never initiated any sort of slowing down because they are simply waiting for their child to go at his own pace.

Maybe go into the breastfeeding beyond infancy forum and do a forum search for "weaning" I bet you'll get TONS of threads about how to start weaning at 20 months.
Thanks, will do!
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#15 of 17 Old 09-14-2008, 02:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by bellee View Post
While true that the mama's here are "weaning", they most likely are taking no part in it at all, ya know. They may have never initiated any sort of slowing down because they are simply waiting for their child to go at his own pace.

Maybe go into the breastfeeding beyond infancy forum and do a forum search for "weaning" I bet you'll get TONS of threads about how to start weaning at 20 months.


This just isn't the forum to post about mother-led weaning. Sorry!

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#16 of 17 Old 09-14-2008, 02:51 PM
 
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Originally Posted by happy2bamama View Post
Can I post in both places? If I post there, I would imagine that most of the mamas there are not yet weaning, but here at least the mamas are weaning, just not exactly like I am... what I'm trying to say is, a general "Weaning" sub forum would be helpful!!!
Actually Breastfeeding beyond infancy has many weaning threads, it is the reason CLW was created, so that those who did not want to impose the process on their child had somewhere.

There used to be a mama-led weaning tribe in Breastfeeding beyond Infancy.

and here the mamas are not weaning, they are leaving the process to the child.

in BBI
night weaning
more night
weaning

nothing more to say I guess :
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#17 of 17 Old 09-14-2008, 03:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Actually Breastfeeding beyond infancy has many weaning threads, it is the reason CLW was created, so that those who did not want to impose the process on their child had somewhere.

There used to be a mama-led weaning tribe in Breastfeeding beyond Infancy.

and here the mamas are not weaning, they are leaving the process to the child.

in BBI
night weaning
more night
weaning
I get it, I get it.
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