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UC Sypport thread

11K views 233 replies 42 participants last post by  lizzie 
#1 ·
So, who else is planning an unassisted home birth? I thought we should get together for support here since I know most of you cannot discuss this with family or unsupportive friends.

I am due Jan/Feb and this is my second homebirth, but first unassisted. I had been leaning towards UC all along, but decided on a midwife in the beginning. After a series of revealing events, I decided to change my plans and go it alone. I have been reading everything I can get my hands on and I feel like I'm doing just fine with this.

So, what about you?
 
#52 ·
Claire, I just had to laugh reading your post. Umm, have you ever written porn? :LOL Not that I've ever read any, of course! But there was quite an <intimate> tone there...

Quickening: You go, girl! Ha! I doubt many people would consider any of us NORMAL just based on our inclusion in this thread
 
#53 ·
Quickening, I think that you are normal!! Women are supposed to love labor and birth! At least i think so. Even if it is hard work and even painful at times, it is such an awesome experience, amazing, and over so quickly in the scheme of things. We have only about a day or so to experience this, i want to savor it! I can't wait to birth this babe, but it's a little bittersweet, it may be my last so i want to remember everything i can.

Oh, by the way, i felt my first little kicks the other day!!!! I am 16 weeks now, and sooooo excited!!
I just want this babe to get bigger and bigger so i can feel those little arms and legs more and more. It's such a cool feeling!

Ok, some smilies for Ellie now:

:LOL
ag
ild
:binky
:bf
 
#55 ·
Tracy -- Did I ever write porn! LOL!
That made me laugh so hard! I, uh, didn't mean that kind of "alone time," but I certainly wouldn't be opposed to it if the mood struck me. Actually, some of my fantasy births start off after making love to my husband. I think that would be a great way to begin bringing our baby into the world...since the act (philosophy aside) is what started the pregnancy off to begin with. Laura Shanely's site has some nice erotic birth stories. http://www.freebirth.com/sensualbirth.htm Of course, if you're like me you've read every word on her site 5 times already. But, it's always nice to read.

Quickening -- Hmm, I didn't think about 5 hours being too short to enjoy and savor. Ok, next fantasy birth, I'll add a few hours on, with a slow lingering start up. Quickneing, I think you're my kind of normal. I REALLY loved being in labor, too. It was so amazing. Right after my son was born the first thing I told my husband after gooing over my son was, "I could do that again. Not tomorrow, but certainly the next day." And, I was quite serious. I just love it!

Bookwormmama -- Ooh, the first kicks! congrats! That's so neat! YEAH!

Mothernature -- ooh, just put a story down on your keyboard. You can have lots of birth fantasies! Just typing one doesn't mean you have to commit to it. We have an afternoon birth, an early morning birth and a schedule pleasing birth. Just start with a time, if you want, and see where it goes from there. I love reading birth fantasies!

I had the midwife I'm seeing teach me how to palpate myself. I think from now on, I'll palpate first and then have her confirm until I get good at finding my babe. Romantic Getaway Sparkling went from head down to transverse after some long car travel, but now back to head down...I think. I'm still learning this whole belly feeling thing.

~Peace~
 
#57 ·
Kendall! That is such a beautiful picture. Oh, my goodness that georgous! Did you go to a professional studio (certainly looks like it)? Towards the end of my last pregnancy I scheduled pregnancy photos. I explained, I thought pretty clearly, that I wanted sensual pictures and some nudes, but not showing all that my mama gave me. The photographer ended up doing a bunch of conservative shots and they just turned out looking like I forgot to button my shirt on the way to the mall. They were so dumb. The only ones I ended up buying were the few that I wore a tasteful white silk nighty. She didn't even want to take pictures of me in that, because she said no one ever likes their more nude pictures. She was so wrong. Your nude is my dream pregnant nude. What a treasure. It's just beautiful. Again, I like a lot of the pictures on Laura's site. I wonder if I could convince my DH to give my sensual pregnancy picture another shot this pregnancy. I think he'd do a better job.
 
#58 ·
Claire-you crack me up-forgot to button shirt on way to mall!!! I have to remember that.

DH is an art director in advertising so we used a woman from his agency who was a good photographer, not really professional, but good. We borrowed a friend's studio and dh directed the shots so it was totally fun. Most of them are nudes and we also did some toga type shots with a sheet and he put those in a greek myth picture for me. It's handy living with a graphic designer! This time he's going to bring home the lights from work and a really good digital camera and we're just going to set up a makeshift studio in our house.

I'm already as big as I was in that pic and I'm only 22 weeks. Those pics were taken at about 28 or 30 weeks. I'm scared to see how big I'm going to be in 6 weeks the way I'm growing. I'm already measuring 2-3 weeks ahead of my dates.

I will try to load my pics on our web site so you can see all of the poses and get some ideas maybe. Let you know when I get that done. DH did a good job at airbrushing out my stretch marks and other undesirable body parts!
 
#59 ·
Ooooh, nude pregnancy poses! ?Thanks for putting the idea in my head lol

I already want someone to professionally videotape my next birth - don't want dh doing it... I'd love for someone who knows what they're doing to tape my labour, birth and immediately after! I don't get self conscious and I'm sure the person doing it could stay out of the way!

we have footage of my dd's birth but not very good as my mum was helping the midwife and filming because my 18yo brother who was filming went out for a bit with my dad and 14yr o brother! they missed the birth and were sad about that : /

i think the midwife didnt want males around, just the impression we got from her! she was great but still she could of let them know i was in the pushing stage and called them back! arg.. oh well its uc next time lol no outsiders!
 
#60 ·
I had completely forgotten that Laura Shanley's site had that section on there - thanks for bringing it up! Also, mum2lillie, your picture is absolutely gorgeous! I would love to have pregnancy photos but it doesn't look like it will happen this time. With Christmas and all, I'm worried I won't even get my belly cast done!

January is coming quickly and I feel like this baby is doing everything he can to push his way out
I have so much pressure on my cervix that it makes it hard to stand up sometimes. This is pretty new to me as I never really had this with my dd. I also have tons of contractions. All of it makes me feel good, like my body is doing what it should be doing to prepare for labor.

Other than that, I'm doing fine. The throwing up has subsided and other than an occasional nose bleed, just lots of movement still. And I'm still sleeping pretty well, which I am really happy about. I couldn't sleep at all the last two months with dd. Probably all that worrying about going to the hospital!!

Hope you are all doing good!!
 
#61 ·
Loved reading all the posts.

I'm newly pregnant---not due til July.

I live in the country and a UC sounds most feasible for me in all reality. My first (dd--now 4) labor went so well wondered we even bothered with going to the hospital. I woke up and went to the restroom and was in transition. We made 90 miles to the hospital. I was 100% effaced and fully dilated, and they were not taking me seriously: "This is your first baby, so calm down. Be patient. What's your social security number?" Enough already.

I would repeat much of that labor and birth in my fantasy delivery. I'd like to wake up rested and have already dilated most of the way without pain, only tight basketball feeling, which happened with dd over a long period of time. This "active labor part" I'd like to be in the warm tub or pool with warm water spraying on me while I sip on blenderized ice. I'd like to listen to soothing classical music and smell wonderful aromatherapy candles. The lights would be somewhat dimmer. I'd have some supportive women around for their love and energy. And I'd like dd, who'll be 4 1/2, almost 5 and dh there. This time, I'll have pics and video! An hour later, the new little one will be here.

I may birth in the water (probably). Dh will cut the cord, and I'll hold the baby.

We'll use the help of the supportive women to clean up, make an herbal soak for my just-labored body, and make a meal and do whatever little things need to be done.

We'll focus on the new baby as a family: mom, dad, big sis, new baby.


We'll eat and rest.

I personally liked having a short labor and pushing session, and request that again. This time, I'm interested in learning about hypnobirthing as an alternative to moaning. I liked moaning the first time, but I think it will be very challenging for dd to hear that. She'd probably get very upset. So, this time some grunting while pushing and maybe a few moans but mostly deep breathing.

My dad's mom had 12 children "back in the old days" so having 1 or 2 or 3 like this should be a "piece of cake". Right? LOL

 
#62 ·
Hello ladies. I have been following your thread for a while now and finally decided to jump in. I am due in July (hi Michelle
) This will be my third baby and my second homebirth. I feel unassisted is the way to go this time. It just feels right. My last birth was blissful and my midwife just hung out, and after attending two births with her this last summer, I really feel for me, I want to and can go it alone. I love being a doula and am excited about becoming a midwife myself (though my philosophies on birth are still changing and forming) but for me, personally, I don't need anyone around. I just read Laura Shanley's book and it helped put a lot of things in my brain in place, things that have been floating around. As I sit here and write, I feel so excited. Most likely I will do my own care as well. I still need to talk with my midwife about my decision, I have not seen her yet. And as I am to start apprenticing with her in February, I need to tell her what is going on as she expects to be attending me. Dh is still a little leary, but we have lots of time to discuss it and he is all for what will make a safe and blissful birth.
Brandi
 
#64 ·
Hi indigo
Very happy to finally be here. I don't think anyone besides my dh knows my feelings on unassisted. I pretty much keep it to myself, as even having a homebirth with a midwife is
to many people around me. Usually hesitant to share my feelings even here on mothering, don't want to sound preachy:LOL I feel so strongly about a woman's ablitly to birth if she would just let go of what she has learned about it from society. It is nice to have a thread with like minded mommies!

Have not thought about a lotus birth yet, have heard a few different definitions of it. Is is born in the caul, or is it letting the placenta naturally fall away from the baby over time?

Brandi
 
#65 ·
Hi ladies.

Nothing new here, just checking in. We are doing fine here.
Anyone else nesting in a major way? I'm not really nesting in the cleaning sense, but I completely withdraw from society when I am nearing my due month. I cannot stand to be around anyone at this point. I just want to snuggle safe and warm at home. We have church each week, which isn't too bad because it is easy to avoid conversation there, and then the family Christmas gathering to weather. That will be AWFUL! but i will endure it so my children can spend time with grandma.
: Then there's my mother in law...oh, let me vent for a moment.
She comes over about once a week if we don't get down to her house. Not too bad, but not good to me. I am a loner and antisocial and I just don't get why she has to come visit all the time. But anyway, this a woman is so incredibly afraid of birth. I really feel sorry for what she must have gone through with her 7 births but anyway. She comes with this look of pity on her face. She asks the "How are you feeling?" and without giving me a chance to answer or completely ignoring my answer of "Good." says "fat and pregnant, huh?" The rest of the conversation is full of "hanging in there, do you need anything?" blah blah blah....I mean everyone is pretty much annoying at this point..."How are feeling?" is really getting on my nerves. Grrrr....but my MIL is definately the worst. Then this lady at library story time...my dd was wearing her Born at Home shirt so a couple of people asked if she was indeed born at home and I said yes and am i planning that this time. Good conversation...right? Then this woman says, "So you're in good health right, cause you can't do that if you aren't, right?" For some reason this question drove me insane. Of course i am in good health, pregnancy is not a disease. And I can give birth whereever I want no matter what. Like its against the law to birth at home or something!
Anyway, I had a strong urge to announce our uc plans and hash it out with these women but I resisted.
I am breathing now...I just get so sick of the way society feels about pregnancy and birth. The negativity just makes me want to literally puke. I think I will give into my feelings and just stay home for the remaining 5 weeks or so of my gestation.
Ok, sorry for this icredibly self centered and angry post.
Big belly rubs and hugs to everyone!!!
Beth
 
#66 ·
What is it with mom's and MIL's?? My mom made a similar comment a few weeks ago, about how I must feel "so fat and unattractive". I was like "gee thanks". I don't feel fat, I feel pregnant and I don't feel unattractive, either - just uncomfortable! Then there are the other people that don't seem to even notice I'm pregnant - too busy to hold the door for a pregnant lady and her toddler, or even step to the side so I can get past. Ugh. I actually had a cashier at Target last week ask me what my problem was because apparently I sighed too loudly when paying!! Geez.

Anyhow, do you guys realize there are 3 of use due the same week in January - me, 2much2luv, and Mothernature? I think that is so cool! Maybe 4 if citizenfong is due mid-late Jan.

Speaking of being due in Jan, if you are planning a waterbirth, when are you setting up your birth pools? I am still dying to set mine up! Not fill it, just set it up. Then I plan on sitting in it and visualizing baby coming. Maybe I'll do it this weekend. I'm sure my dh will think I'm insane
 
#67 ·
thechrysalis-I was thinking about you being so close and was wondering if you had friends who would do a blessing way for you. Maybe you could get them to do your belly cast and take some nice photos.

We set up our birth pool when I went into labor. It was just a huge kiddie pool. It was funny because we thought it was going to be this really short labor and dh was hurrying to get the water in it which was slowly trickling from the kitchen sink. I ended up hanging out in the pool for a couple of hours and got out and delivered hours later in our bed. I'm still planning on setting one up this time, but it's going to be much smaller because I don't want dh to be responsible for cleaning everything up post-pardum. What a pain. I guess that's the one nice thing about having other people there. Oh well.

Is anyone measuring their fundal height and measuring ahead of their dates? I'm was measuring totally on dates until a week and a half ago. I'm 22 weeks and measuring 25 weeks now. Woo-hoo. Must be a big ol' baby in there!
 
#68 ·
Kendall -- My measurements are typically pretty wacky. I did decide to get an U/S this pregnancy at 20-ish weeks and now I'm pleased that I did. I never had a PP AF after Jude was born and when I went to the midwife I was measuring 12-14 weeks (EDD Jan). Thanks to the U/S I found out I wasn't due until mid-March. I'm still measuring pretty far ahead. At 25 weeks, I was measuring 31 weeks. So...I sometimes find myself thinking I might have a Feb baby (on my Birthday pleeeease!), but I don't really think so. I think I'll give birth in March. If I thought I'd give birth and didn't for another 8 weeks, I think I'd be really depressed. Kendall, it's possible that you just are carrying big right now, too. Even though I measured big with Jude he was just a tad over 7#. I kept thinking he was going to a be a nice chunky 10# baby.

Moms and MILs saying "fat" and "huge" things. Yuck! I feel most beautiful pregnant, don't you? It's like this amazing thing is happening under our skin. It's just so cool.

Beth -- sorry you had a run in with the homebirth police! Sounds like you survived their tough interegation tactics despite the swinging light in your face. Sheesh!

Brandi -- So nice to see you here, nursing mama. I hear you on the trusting a woman's ability to give birth. It irks me sometimes to hear others not trust. But, I someitmes wonder how differently I would view birth if I came from a different family or had a less supportive husband or less faith in my body. I may be posting, "Help! Crisis!" every other day.

Welcome Michelle L. Hope you have lots of fun this pregnancy! And, your labor be one that dreams are made of!
 
#69 ·
I love being pregnant too! After a big ol vent to dh last night I decided I am just going to start being honest with people. "How do you feel? Fat and pregnant?" "No, I feel vibrant and healthy. I love being pregnant!
" Honestly I am just too nice to people...i need to speak my mind.

I am due at the end of January and I don't know if we'll ever get our pool up. lol I don't picture a water birth at all in my dreams or fantasies, but the water was soooo nice during my last labor that I bought the pool so I could have the option. I suppose we will get it up sometime in those last few antsy weeks. I say go ahead and put it up if you want and play in it. With my last dd we had it up really early too.


I started measuring large after my ultrasound around 20 weeks (don't know why I got it, but that's in the past...) I haven't measured myself in forever mainly because I lost my tape measure.
: But I remember i measured ahead with my first dd and I know everything is fine so I am not too worried. I was measuring about 2-3 weeks ahead, btw.

Got the ickies here.
I hope its not the flu, I am just hurting everywhere and sinus headache and a slight fever...all that fun stuff. My youngest dd was sick like this for about a day or two a few days ago so I hope mine goes as quickly.

Belly rubs!
Beth
 
#70 ·
We WILL set out tub up early this time!!! In fact, everything will be set up early since DS came so fast last time that DH almost missed it since he and DD were out trying to blow up our birth pool. And I DO want it..........it will be blown up and ready for air probably at least a couple of weeks early. As well as tripod, and everything else I want there, but I really don't want to miss being in a huge tub of water this time. I labored in it w/dd and loved it. And as I said, I really wanted it last time but missed out.

Brandi--lotus birth is not severing the cord.
 
#71 ·
Well, I am NOT measuring big for dates (I'm not actually measuring, just estimating based on feel), but I believe that is because baby is transverse. I may start to measure "big" from side to side if Baby doesn't turn soon! :LOL When I feel Baby lately it is starting to feel like there is baby wrapped around my whole middle!

thechrysalis: I am not due in Jan., thank goodness! I am due in early March (late Feb?) and am currently at the stage of feeling like, Aggghhh! Will I be ready in time?

My good friend who is due 7 weeks after me went in together with me to purchase The Pink Kit (it's pretty expensive). Has anyone here ever heard of it/done it? It's a collection of information about women's bodies and how you can work with your body during labor, like to create more space. For instance, one of the exercises teaches you how to move your sacrum (tailbone) to make more room during birth if your baby is posterior. Anyway, you are supposed to do the exercises for 8 weeks and I realized last night when I brought it home that--I better get crackin'! I really don't have any time to lose.

Brandi: SO glad to see you here!

Okay, fat comments: Last weekend was the above friend's son's birthday party. She is planning on having her baby at her lay mw's house (over the boarder in a state where lay mw's are legal, as opposed to our state) or a Claire-style, Oh, looks like we don't have time to get to the mw's! birth. Her IL's don't know anything about any of this, except that she is seeing mws. So when I got the opportunity to pave the way a bit by sharing my plans, I did. Her MIL says to me, "Well, <FIL's> mother had 7 children at home. She had a pretty easy time, I think. Well, and I would think you would, too, you're not a small girl either!"
:

I really don't think she was trying to insult me, but it does crack me up how many people, especially of a certain generation, have no trouble pointing things like that out to you.

Well, back to the Christmas panic. I'm trying to get done as much as I can this week, cause I have to do ALL my gift shopping next week. This Saturday is the big party in Atlanta and we can't buy gifts til we get dh's bonus on Sat.!

BTW, Kendall, I'm wondering if our mutal acquaintance is planning a UC? Do you know? I know she was leaning that way, but her dh was interested in perhaps having a mw on call/backup. Just curious.
 
#72 ·
Well, It's nice to know that I'm not the only one measuring big. I know that I was always a week ahead with dd towards the end, but I'm certain I wasn't measuring this large at 22, 23 weeks and I still had a 10 pound baby.

One thing that has concerned me this pregnancy is Gestational Diabetes. I've had a real hard time with sugar. I just can't eat it like I use to, everything makes me feel sick. That's a good thing because I want sugar out of my diet anyway. I don't really have any symptoms of GD except rapid weight gain and it all seems to go straight to belly. Last time people asked me pp if I'd had GD because I had such a huge baby and I gained a lot of weight, but the m/w never mentioned that I could be and I certainly don't think I was. I'm not going to worry about it unless my intuition leads me down that path.

The other thing that crosses my mind is twins, especially when I lie in bed at 4 am and can't sleep because all I feel is baby everywhere. I had a very early positive test at 9 DPO on a dollar store test with this pregnancy and wonder if I had a really high amount of HCG. I felt definate flutters around 8 or 9 weeks. Started having Braxton-hicks non-stop at 13 weeks. All of that could just be second baby stuff right? I guess it's one of those things that you have to wait it out and find out when the time is right.

Tracy-That Pink Kit sounds cool. Is that something you got locally or online? Yes, our mutual acquaintance is planning to UC. It's amazing how many UCs are going on in our little town!
 
#73 ·
Sorry I haven't been around in a while. I've been getting over the post-flu sinus infection, planning dd's b-day party and getting ready for Christmas. I haven't finished my shopping, but I've decided that most people on our list will be receiving baked goods. I'm making several banana bread loaves, some chocolate toffee, some of my special cookies and my grandmother's fudge. I'll probably get all that started today. I still need to purchase my mother's gift and get it mailed today so they will have it in time. Dh is in charge of his family which lets me off the hook (sort of.) My dh's family also has a tradition of drawing names and making something for the person they draw. They get pretty creative and I drew his mother! I still haven't started so I'm getting a little stressed about it. I may knit her something or sew something, I still don't know.

I haven't been measuring fundal height, but I'm probably right on for dates. My first baby was pretty small, 6'2oz and 21 inches long. I think this one will be bigger, but not much. Thank goddess no one is commenting on my size. How offensive. I am still pretty small though. I started out about 105 pounds so I'm not a big person to begin with. At 8 mos. pg. I can wear size 8 pants, so maybe that's why. Still, I would never say anything like what you ladies are hearing.

I love being pregnant too. I feal so beautiful and womanly. I also don't get the honor of having ample bossom when I'm not pregnant or nursing, so dh (and dd) are enjoying my new body with me. This is the ultimate expression of being a woman. I don't expect to get to do this again either so I'm trying to enjoy it.

I had noticed that some of us were close on dates. What fun to have someone doing this at the same time. 2Much- I hope that you don't get this nasty flu. Maybe it will go easy on you. We don't have time for you to get it as bad as I did. You want to be able to breathe during labor! I'll keep you in my thoughts. Sending healing light your way.

I am having an aqua doula delivered for my birth. We had one with dd and it was wonderful! They are kind of expensive, but they come and set it up and come back after it's over to take it all away! To me (and dh) it's worth it. He in fact, insisted we do it again. I was willing to go the kiddie pool route this time, but he liked the idea of not having to clean it up. He wants the full bonding effect.

I'm getting toddler distracted, so I better go for now. Have a wonderful day!
 
#74 ·
Hey thanks for the welcome
Nice to see so many familiar faces! Sparklin-I think about the other side of birthing too, the fear side. With my first I was kind of like that, I almost had the bliss feeling, but my doc would just laugh and say, oh you'll want the epidural, they all do. And my birth class was such a joke, but it was all so nicely masked with calling it a birth center and family oriented. At the time it was just me and dh, I did not know a soul and had never been on the internet let alone own a computer, I was at the whim of state aid, and like most women, followed what I was told. I had a fairly quick labor and a very healthy big baby, though the doc did things to me without paying attention to my desires. So I feel really passionate when it comes to birth, I feel like I have been on both sides. I was so scared at the hospital, so tense, and then at home with my second, complete bliss, I laughed and smiled during birth, I was strong and capable, the only difference between the two births was that I was in a comfortable place I trusted and my STATE of MIND. How I viewed birth was different. Ok, see, this is what I was afraid of, feeling preachy! But this is what my life is about now. I dream of doing early birth education. Showing women that they do have a choice and that they are capable, it is up to them.

Thanks indigo for clearing that up for me


I am so excited for all of you due so soon! I have so long to go! I am not yet wearing maternity clothes, though I don't think that will be too far off :LOL I just can't wait to feel movement, to really know that wee one is in there!
Brandi
 
#75 ·
Dh wants to start getting ready for the baby, which I think for him means getting supplies ready. I really haven't given this much thought but I suppose there might be a few things we should have on hand. For those of you who have already UC, what did you find useful to have handy? I think we will be going the kiddie pool route, so I need to order one of those. Anythings else?
I have also been contemplating whether or not to invite one of my close friends to be at the birth. I'm not even sure she would want to be there, and she tends to be a very worry oriented person, but she has always been very supportive of me in whatever I do. On the one hand I think it might be a real bonding time for Dh, Dd and I (and baby of course) which we could really use these days. But Dh has a tendency to be really annoying and pushy during any kind of big moment and I think my friend might balance things out a bit. I guess I'm just thinking out loud. Are any of you having other people at the birth?
My hips are definately spreading out nice and wide. I tried to sit on a little wood stepstool the other day which I can usually just fit into and I shocked to discover that there was just no way I was going to squeeze between the sides. It wasn't just extra fluff, though I'm sure I've packed a bit of that on too, it was my bones.
I have a hard time visualizing anything about the birth, my usually graphic and fertile imagination just draws a blank. I think I have become so committed to just going with the flow that I can't conjure up any pre-concieved notions.
 
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