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#1 of 39 Old 12-11-2008, 04:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So I went to get an ultrasound yesterday and no baby was detected. The sonographer tried a few times just to make sure. I was in total shock and yet, not, given all the weird circumstances surrounding this "pregnancy". I just can't quite put my head around what has been going on inside of me, though. My intuition has been so strong about being pregnant, coupled with all the usual symptoms, plus weight gain, feeling the "baby" kick on a regular basis (I've been pregnant before, so I know the difference between gas, muscle twitches, my imagination, and a baby kicking), I've had a number of signs in the outer world that I am, in fact, carrying a baby, my abdomen is the only part of me that gained inches, which is an indicator that I'm not simply getting fat, but I never got a positive hpt, I've still been bleeding regularly, and now the ultrasound shows that there is no baby. What the?!?! I looked up pseudocyesis (false pregnancy) but it really doesn't sound like that's what's going on...I never had a strong desire or aversion to being pregnant (I was always neutral about it), I didn't try to make up the symptoms, I simply relaxed and allowed my body and intuition to show me what was going on. For a good chunk of the time, I was thoroughly convinced that I WASN'T pregnant but then there was always something that happened soon after that made me doubt that.

I feel like I'm going crazy and yet, not, since I didn't create all of this in my mind. My mind shunned it, but my body and intuition kept on poking at me (no pun intended) This is further exasperated by the fact that about 3 years ago (before I had my son) I believed I was pregnant for awhile. Like now, I didn't get any positive hpts, I kept bleeding regularly, but my abdomen seemed to be swelling and I thought I kept feeling the baby kick. That seems to prove even more that I've made all of this up in my head, doesn't it? Actually, the fact that I had been through a false pregnancy helps me see that that was a very different experience than now. I had no idea what a fetus kicking felt like...after I got pregnant with my son it was obvious to me that those were simply muscle twitches and gas bubbles that I had been experiencing during the false pregnancy. I very, very much wanted to be pregnant at that time, which is what fueled the fire. Also, my abdomen had simply been going through normal bloating phases, but since I had been so fixated on being pregnant I assumed that my uterus was stretching. Most importantly, the belief that I was pregnant died after I was about 18 weeks "along" since it became obvious to me that my belly wasn't getting steadily larger nor were the kicks getting stronger or more frequent. None of those circumstances applies this time around...I know what it feels like to have a fetus kick inside of me, I know what it's like for my abdomen to expand beyond normal bloating and I know when it's not because my bladder is simply really full or I'm full of gas or whatever, I don't have a strong desire nor aversion to being pregnant and I'm still feeling the kicks on a regular basis...AND they have been getting stronger over time. This is just very, very weird. I'm not concerned about my health at all since I know I'm super healthy. I could go to the doctor but I have a feeling they won't know what's going on with me, either. I'm very curious as to what will happen, if anything, come February...
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#2 of 39 Old 12-11-2008, 04:52 PM
 
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That is an odd situation to be in, to be sure. This is where I'd be looking into other possibilities, just to be careful. There are some health issues (fibroids, etc.) that can mimic pregnancy symptoms, and some of them aren't benign. I'd want a full checkup just to be sure I was doing everything I could be to around for my son for a long, long time. :
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#3 of 39 Old 12-11-2008, 04:55 PM
 
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Aww,

I'm sorry you're not pregnant. This must be hard to go through - and really confusing. Maybe you were pregnant early on and had a miscarriage, but your body was still going through the feelings of being pregnant? On another board I used togo to before mdc, there was a whole thread about women who could still feel kicks long after they'd had their babies. One woman said her mom felt kicks regularly until she hit menopause. Isn't that strange? It's not really something people talk about but I think it's fairly "common" - at least it's normal.

Again, I'm sorry there's no baby - it sounds like you were really looking forward to a baby.

Mom to DD ('06) and DS ('08)
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#4 of 39 Old 12-11-2008, 04:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by earthmama369 View Post
That is an odd situation to be in, to be sure. This is where I'd be looking into other possibilities, just to be careful. There are some health issues (fibroids, etc.) that can mimic pregnancy symptoms, and some of them aren't benign. I'd want a full checkup just to be sure I was doing everything I could be to around for my son for a long, long time. :
I hear what you're saying...I just looked up fibroids on google, though, and I don't get the sense that's what going on, either. Also, they would have showed up on the ultrasound, right?
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#5 of 39 Old 12-11-2008, 04:57 PM
 
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Yes, I would consider getting a full check-up as well. Clearly something is not right.

Three boys.  jumpers.gif
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#6 of 39 Old 12-11-2008, 05:02 PM
 
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I hear what you're saying...I just looked up fibroids on google, though, and I don't get the sense that's what going on, either. Also, they would have showed up on the ultrasound, right?
They might not if they are outside the uterus. I think a pregnancy scan will only focus on one small area. They probably are not trained to diagnose other medical issues during a scan. My MIL had an abdominal scan and the tech was trained to find certain spots and take pictures, but they sent those pictures on to the doctor and the doctor diagnosed the problem areas. Even if the tech spotted something it would be a liability issue to discuss it with you without a dr.

Mom to DD ('06) and DS ('08)
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#7 of 39 Old 12-11-2008, 05:05 PM
 
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I went through this very same thing a couple years ago. Every PG symptom in the book including missed PG. I was convinced I was PG and when I was "20 weeks" I went in for an U/S and there was no baby. A full work up provided no clues as to why I had been having all these symptoms or anything. It was quite a let down for me. Eventually everything went back to normal though.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#8 of 39 Old 12-11-2008, 05:14 PM
 
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I really hope you get this all settled out. How is your DH taking the news?
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#9 of 39 Old 12-11-2008, 07:23 PM
 
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Really hope you are ok, QMama.

 nak.gif Mommy to fencing.gifKai 2/03, hammer.gifCaden 1/08, energy.gif Kara 10/09, angel1.gif 3/21/13, &

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#10 of 39 Old 12-11-2008, 09:13 PM
 
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#11 of 39 Old 12-11-2008, 09:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I really hope you get this all settled out. How is your DH taking the news?
He's doing alright with it...neither of us were really ready for another baby. Our son will be 2 in January...we were hoping to wait at least another year or two before trying again. So it's bittersweet for both of us...we would have accepted the baby wholeheartedly, but we're not terribly upset that he/she doesn't exist, either.
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#12 of 39 Old 12-12-2008, 12:38 AM
 
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:definitley a weird situation all around. I bet as you accept the non pregnancy your body goes back to normal and the symptoms dissappear.

Carrie, The Birthteacher CCE and Doula, real mom to five; and womb-mom to G. born at 23w by emergency C. 12/09
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#13 of 39 Old 12-12-2008, 01:54 AM
 
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I'm very curious as to what will happen, if anything, come February...
what do you think could happen?

DD1 7/13/05 DD2 9/20/10
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#14 of 39 Old 12-12-2008, 04:20 AM
 
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:

I know this is confusing. But obviously there is something going on in there. Is there a HCP you'd trust, like a naturopath or DO, who could help or guide you on this journey, as you discover your body's truth?

:

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Welcome to baby Fiona with a giant omphalocele, 6/17/10!
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#15 of 39 Old 12-12-2008, 05:34 AM
 
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I'm sorry. I know you've said all along that you weren't attached to the idea of another baby, but pregnancy and birth and new babies are something special.

If I can be serious, because there is a strong possibility that you were pregnant and miscarried, be aware that you could have some mood swings as February approaches. That seems ot happen to a lot of people, and it is normal.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#16 of 39 Old 12-12-2008, 11:34 AM
 
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I'm so sorry QuantumMama.

Could it be that somewhere deep down you were hoping and wishing for a baby, even without fully knowing it?


Chrissy, lucky mama to Noah (9), Lilah (6), Rowan (3) and Laney (1).
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#17 of 39 Old 12-12-2008, 02:38 PM
 
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#18 of 39 Old 12-12-2008, 04:23 PM
 
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You aren't nuts, and it's not all in your head, although it might be all in your hormones.

These "false pregnancy" or "phantom pregnancy" cases are well-known in medicine, but not at all understood. It can last the full 9 months, can include stopping menstrual periods and beginning lactation, and even end with realistic (but obviously unproductive) labor. All those are under control of the woman's hormones. I have never heard of a false pregnancy producing a positive HCG test, which tests for a hormone made by the developing embryo and placenta.

Queen Mary I (Mary Tudor) of England had more than one false pregnancy, the famous Greek doctor Hippocrates mentions several cases, and if I had the time to dredge through my really old medical book, I could probably come up with quite a few more. They used to be as common as 1 in 200 to 300 pregnancies, but the rate is considerably lower now.

Keep us posted, please.
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#19 of 39 Old 12-12-2008, 04:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You aren't nuts, and it's not all in your head, although it might be all in your hormones.

These "false pregnancy" or "phantom pregnancy" cases are well-known in medicine, but not at all understood. It can last the full 9 months, can include stopping menstrual periods and beginning lactation, and even end with realistic (but obviously unproductive) labor. All those are under control of the woman's hormones. I have never heard of a false pregnancy producing a positive HCG test, which tests for a hormone made by the developing embryo and placenta.

Queen Mary I (Mary Tudor) of England had more than one false pregnancy, the famous Greek doctor Hippocrates mentions several cases, and if I had the time to dredge through my really old medical book, I could probably come up with quite a few more. They used to be as common as 1 in 200 to 300 pregnancies, but the rate is considerably lower now.

Keep us posted, please.
That's so bizarre...thank you for sharing
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#20 of 39 Old 12-12-2008, 04:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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what do you think could happen?
That was a tongue-in-cheek comment...there's been all this buildup to something happening in February...maybe a little alien will come out of me, who knows
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#21 of 39 Old 12-12-2008, 04:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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:

I know this is confusing. But obviously there is something going on in there. Is there a HCP you'd trust, like a naturopath or DO, who could help or guide you on this journey, as you discover your body's truth?

:
No, there's no one I trust in that realm at the moment. I've had several bad experiences with medical professionals during my teen years and early twenties...this is a big reason why I've done so much inner healing work so that I own my integral power/intuition...that way there will be very little need for anyone else. I will explore the possibility, though. If anyone knows of someone in the Portland, OR area who you deeply trust, please let me know.
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#22 of 39 Old 12-12-2008, 04:40 PM
 
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No, there's no one I trust in that realm at the moment. I've had several bad experiences with medical professionals during my teen years and early twenties...this is a big reason why I've done so much inner healing work so that I own my integral power/intuition...that way there will be very little need for anyone else. I will explore the possibility, though. If anyone knows of someone in the Portland, OR area who you deeply trust, please let me know.
Aside from the kicks etc... based on the swelling ofyour abdomen, I would suggest you get your ovaries checked out to make sure it isn't ovarian cancer. Not trying to scare you, but cover all of your bases.

Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born I loved you. Before you were a minute old, I would have died for you. That is the miracle of life. ~Maureen Hawkins~
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#23 of 39 Old 12-12-2008, 05:26 PM
 
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From your DDC . . .

Hope you get it figured out and everything is okay. I, also, think it could have been a miscarriage in which your body is still going along with the hormones.

♥ blogger astrologer mom to three cool kiddos, and trying to figure out this divorce thing-- Blossom and Glow ♥

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#24 of 39 Old 12-12-2008, 05:52 PM
 
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Possibly a dermoid cyst?
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#25 of 39 Old 12-12-2008, 05:56 PM
 
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How far along did you think you were, and was it a vaginal or abdominal ultrasound?

I'm wondering if it's possible that you ARE pg, but not as far along as expected and the embryo or fetus wasn't visible via an abdominal ultrasound.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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#26 of 39 Old 12-12-2008, 07:18 PM
 
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Qmama,
I have been following your posts for a while now and for some reason, I am being strongly urged to comment now. You sound like a loving and gentle person and I hope whatever this situation ends up being, that you, Q and your husband are OK. Sending you good vibes...
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#27 of 39 Old 12-12-2008, 07:22 PM
 
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No, there's no one I trust in that realm at the moment. I've had several bad experiences with medical professionals during my teen years and early twenties...this is a big reason why I've done so much inner healing work so that I own my integral power/intuition...that way there will be very little need for anyone else. I will explore the possibility, though. If anyone knows of someone in the Portland, OR area who you deeply trust, please let me know.
I don't mean to be unsupportive, and I hope you take this as gently as I mean it, but that same intuition was telling you that you were pregnant for a long time. It really wouldn't hurt to go to someone with the education and knowledge and access to diagnostic resources to help you understand what really is going on with your body. Just don't go to the ones who traumatized you before. I promise, the vast majority of medical professionals, especially holistic ones, but also regular western medicine ones, are in it to heal people, not hurt them. And they do learn useful stuff in medical school, too.

scifi-convention runners Kate, DH Drew 11/07, DD Cora 12/97. We , ,
Welcome to baby Fiona with a giant omphalocele, 6/17/10!
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#28 of 39 Old 12-12-2008, 11:09 PM
 
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No, there's no one I trust in that realm at the moment. I've had several bad experiences with medical professionals during my teen years and early twenties...this is a big reason why I've done so much inner healing work so that I own my integral power/intuition...that way there will be very little need for anyone else. I will explore the possibility, though. If anyone knows of someone in the Portland, OR area who you deeply trust, please let me know.


I am sorry you have had bad experiences.

There are several conditions that can mimic pregnancy symptoms and it might be a good idea if you get checked and maybe have some tests.

I have an auto immune condition that can give one pregnancy-like symptoms. I knew I wasn't pregnant, but I wasn't feeling right either.

I don't live in your area or I would recommend someone. I hope you feel better soon.

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#29 of 39 Old 12-12-2008, 11:20 PM
 
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Sorry you are going thru this, I would call another dr, get a second opionion, I watched a show on discovery channel where the mother had an ectopic pregnancy outside the womb that went to full term... could have been missed on a reg. ultrasound.

Kristin- Wife to J, Mommy to B (11), M-S (8), and little J (4) and J&J (7 months)
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#30 of 39 Old 12-13-2008, 12:52 AM
 
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Please use the report button (red triangle in lower left) freely when you see a UA violation. Please don't quote UA violations or those posts have to be deleted as well. I do appreciate any and all reports and respond as quickly as I can.

QuantumMama my thoughts are with you. Sending : your way.

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