"accidentally" choosing to have baby at home - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 14 Old 07-13-2009, 12:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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cross posted in aug dd club

does anyone who is planning a hospital birth sometimes think about just not going in and "accidentally" having the baby at home? I think I'm going to cross post this in UC, but I can't get it out of my head. Baby #2 was born beautifully at home, but for financial reasons (yes, really) we're having this baby at the hospital. I have an OB who is great--had her own babies at home and wants very much for me to have an uninterrupted birth. Sometimes I feel like she's still a little over zealous with the interventions though.

We were talking about another patient of hers who had a "tight fit" baby--not true shoulder distocia, but they were thinking it could be and she was 3 weeks overdue etc. I tried to ask her how they decide when to intervene and help baby out, vs. just waiting and seeing and I never got a clear answer. She said something about "how long do you think I should wait?" and "if a baby looks like they're having a hard time coming out, I'm not going to just wait around waiting for something to happen or not happen."

She said what they did in this scenerio was push mom's legs back and to the side to try to open up the canal better (on the bed, but similar to squatting position, I guess) and she had to "help" baby through. I asked her if it wasn't smart to put mom on all fours or in squatting position --as I had thought that was what you tried first for possible shoulder distocia. She himmed and hawed and further explained the pushing the legs back. It just made me feel like she didn't know her stuff. Maybe I am wrong on this, but if so, she should have explained to me a better scenerio.

Anyway...for reasons like this, I often think about just laboring at home and allowing it to get to the point of no return and accidentally having the baby at home...calling an ambulance if needed. I couldn't tell my doula that though--even though she's not liable for anything, I feel like she'd tell everyone "she secretly planned to have this baby at home regardless."

Most of me is also too afraid of "what IF something goes horribly wrong and I didn't have a doc/midwife there--it would be my fault.

Sarah

Mama to girl (11), boy (7) and girl (4).  "Can't we all just get along?" joy.gif
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#2 of 14 Old 07-13-2009, 01:49 PM
 
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Your OB was talking about the McRobert's position for management of shoulder dystocia It is a legit way to manage a baby with it's shoulder stuck on the pubic bone. It is similar to the Gaskin maneuver, just upside down, if that makes sense. I think most MW's use the Gaskin maneuver first, and go to McRoberts if that doesn't work.

I am sorry you are in the situation you are in because of financial reasons- that must stink to have your options limited like that I don't know that an "oops" UC is a very good idea, though, especially if your support people are not on the same page. You may be calm and collected with it, but it would be really unpleasant if your doula or any other people that were there freaked out and called an ambulance against your wishes. Just some food for thought Good luck with your decision!

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ribboncesarean.gif vbac.gifhomebirth.jpg I have given birth a variety of ways and I am thankful for what each one has taught me.

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#3 of 14 Old 07-13-2009, 02:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mamatoady View Post

We were talking about another patient of hers who had a "tight fit" baby--not true shoulder distocia, but they were thinking it could be and she was 3 weeks overdue etc. I tried to ask her how they decide when to intervene and help baby out, vs. just waiting and seeing and I never got a clear answer. She said something about "how long do you think I should wait?" and "if a baby looks like they're having a hard time coming out, I'm not going to just wait around waiting for something to happen or not happen."
Hmm. This gives me pause, because I know there is no way to know ahead of time if some intervention is going to be needed, but the "I'm not going to wait around for something to happen or not happn" comment throws up a red flag. Remember, she was trained to interfere(active management of labor) and it is a very rare birth attendant indeed who can keep hands off while mom is laboring down.I am wondering if yours will be able to keep hands off enough. There is no set protocol for a lot of things in OB, because a lot depends on the individual situation, comfort level of the provider, etc. The "turtle sign" (when the baby's head comes out, and then squinches back up toward the mom's vagina) is what is looked for in a true SD. Then you get the mom on hands and knees to help provide more room and turn the baby's shoulders to get the anterior one out from under the pubic bone.

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She said what they did in this scenerio was push mom's legs back and to the side to try to open up the canal better (on the bed, but similar to squatting position, I guess) and she had to "help" baby through. I asked her if it wasn't smart to put mom on all fours or in squatting position --as I had thought that was what you tried first for possible shoulder distocia. She himmed and hawed and further explained the pushing the legs back. It just made me feel like she didn't know her stuff. Maybe I am wrong on this, but if so, she should have explained to me a better scenerio.
That's calle the McRobert's position. it works, but mom pushes the baby uphill. And what could be SD to one practitioner, is merely sticky shoulders to another. Getting a mom's legs way back like that helps open up the pelvic outlet, but if mom is squatting, she can do that all by herself. And laying in a bed, is pushing hte baby uphill, with the chance of tearing or other internal injury increased. All fours is what I have used.

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I couldn't tell my doula that though--even though she's not liable for anything, I feel like she'd tell everyone "she secretly planned to have this baby at home regardless."
Follow your gut. If you think she would,she might. And i would keep quiet about any real UC plans. Some people are very against it. But that doesn't make UC wrong. We just have to play our cards close to the vest sometimes, and prepare, and then see what happens.

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Most of me is also too afraid of "what IF something goes horribly wrong and I didn't have a doc/midwife there--it would be my fault.
Sarah
And it would also be your fault, if a doc or mw was there- the ultimate responsibility of our births belongs to us. Sometimes things happen at the hospital, that would NOT happen at home, and we end up with a less than optimum outcome. We carry the responsibility for that, as a parent, choosing our child's birth place. We cannot blame the practitioner, even if we have chosen a good one, because WE carry the responsibility for our choices. And therein lies the rub. That's part of being an adult. So you do research, and the chances of something going wrong are usually MUCH smaller at home. But you have to find all your options, and weigh them, and figure out which is less likely to be a problem. Statistically speaking, you are just as safe at home. But it would help to have a provider if you really are nervous about being alone. If it isnt' your first baby, I would just go with the flow at home, and if you need to transport, then go. The baby will probably be born much faster than the first one. If this is a first, then play it by ear. If you wait til the ctx are 2-3 min apart, 60-90 seconds long, then go to the hospital, there is less time for the doc to interfere. You are more likely to have the kind of birth you are hoping for. Most women go in wayyyy too soon.
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#4 of 14 Old 07-13-2009, 05:34 PM
 
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I think only you can choose what you are comfortable with. As for me, I usually do an "oops!" birth, and just tell my OB that I did not make it. Never had a problem at home and always have been within short transport distance if needed.

I think UC's are great, though not for everyone. And I think "oops!ing" it is a perfectly acceptable thing for back up care (though I would never "oops!" with a MW, only an OB).

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#5 of 14 Old 07-13-2009, 05:44 PM
 
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I did this with DS, and it turned into a nightmare. I went in after the birth to get me and baby checked out medically (DP thought we'd be there and home within a few hours- I should have known better.) I had him, then nursed him a little, wrapped him up in a diaper and blankets, took a shower, etc. I basically settled in at home for a couple of hours before DP convinced me to go in to get us checked out. Then, when we were getting ready to drive to the hospital, my mom panicked and called 911.

They kept DS in the NICU, on IV antibiotics, for no other reason than "he was born outside the sterile hospital." There were NO medical indications for any of what they did to him (with the possible exception of mild hypothermia, which was undoubtedly caused by the EMTs taking a half-naked newborn outside in 40 degree weather rather than bundling him up appropriately first. He HAD been bundled up then they unbunbled him to cut the cord and left his whole top half exposed.) Then the ER pediatrician called CPS on us.

Had I birthed in the hospital, we would have roomed in and gone home together in 2 days. Had I rushed to the hospital minutes after he was born, they probably would have held him hostage in the NICU for a week but NOT called in CPS. Had I stayed home after he was born, and taken him to the ped for the first time when he was a week or two old, we would have been undisturbed. But this particular combination- showing up in the ER with a 2 hours old baby- turned into a nightmare.

So, if you're planning an "oops, baby came too fast" birth, don't do it blindly. Find out how your hospital will treat you if this happens. Plan to either head to the hospital immediately after the birth (a good choice if you're afraid of hospital birth interventions but not worried about general hospital policy regarding newborns), or to not go to the hospital at all.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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#6 of 14 Old 07-13-2009, 05:50 PM
 
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My MIL "oopsed" my FIL for their last child. Let's just say that trust was shaky before, and this didn't help.

I would not. Of course, I'm very comfortable with hospital birth.
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#7 of 14 Old 07-13-2009, 06:25 PM
 
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I agree, if you are going to "oops!" have a plan. (And I would never "oops!" without DH being on the same page as me.)

I usually "oop!" and then call the pedi and tell them we had a HB and I needed a well baby check. I did go to the OB with my second baby, and she almost tried to send me to the hospital because my BP was mildly high. So, I don't even go there anymore.

I will either call my OB several days later to tell them I "accidently' had a HB, or I just never call them at all. Funny thing, they have never called me either, when I have not called them. I guess they just never noticed I did not give birth.

Just have a plan, let your DH or support person know, make your wishes known, and do what you feel is right for you. For me, that is NOT informing anyone that would potentially call 911 of my plans. And if someone did call 911, I would turn them away at the door, as I have the right to do. And if someone did call CPS, I would turn them away at the door as well, as I have the right to do, and have done.

I am planning another "oop!" (as far as my OB is concerned I am planning a hospital birth) for next year.

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#8 of 14 Old 07-14-2009, 04:52 PM
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i agree that it is ok to "oops!" but definitely plan your oops. make sure that your partner knows about it and is on board, and knows what your plan is for after the birth as well.

emergency childbirth is a helpful read for jumpy partners.
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#9 of 14 Old 07-17-2009, 09:09 AM
 
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don't oops unless you're truly comfortable with a UC. there is a large difference between planning a UC and planning a hospital birth. they aren't exactly interchangable at will. if you're not sure which to pick then plan for both I guess, (though I admit that would be really hard IMP b/c both put you in a different place physically, emotionally and spiritually in a big way)

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#10 of 14 Old 07-17-2009, 01:46 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mamatoady View Post
Most of me is also too afraid of "what IF something goes horribly wrong and I didn't have a doc/midwife there--it would be my fault.
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Originally Posted by cathicog View Post
And it would also be your fault, if a doc or mw was there- the ultimate responsibility of our births belongs to us. Sometimes things happen at the hospital, that would NOT happen at home, and we end up with a less than optimum outcome. We carry the responsibility for that, as a parent, choosing our child's birth place. We cannot blame the practitioner, even if we have chosen a good one, because WE carry the responsibility for our choices. And therein lies the rub. That's part of being an adult.
Exactly what I was thinking as I read this!

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Originally Posted by HennyPenny View Post
don't oops unless you're truly comfortable with a UC. there is a large difference between planning a UC and planning a hospital birth. they aren't exactly interchangable at will.
Well said.

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Not sure that I'm crunchy, but definitely a "tough chew".
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#11 of 14 Old 07-18-2009, 01:53 PM
 
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the "what if something goes wrong" thing is a fear instilled in every birthing mother by the medical industrial complex. Please remember that is exactly what they are, just another industry now. They are out to make money, and they don't make money on you birthing at home. Furthermore, they don't make money off of having labor and childbirth w/o intervention. The more interventions, ie; drugs, surgery, forceps, vacuum, ivs, catheters, etc....the bigger your bill. They are heavily invested in making sure you mistrust your body and the birth process. And of course, trust in your body and birth are essential if you're going to stay home. If you chose the "whoops" it is my suggestions that you are adequately informed and prepared but remove all fear and doubt from your heart.
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#12 of 14 Old 07-20-2009, 09:03 PM
 
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i had 4 hospital births and with most of them I dreamed and talked of doing an opps! homebirth.........however it never happened because i never planned a UC and prepared for one. in the end there is always some fear that pops up. i think an opps birth is not usually an opps for the birther but just what excuse we give to our doc/midwife, or unsupportive people. I planned for a UC with #5, did hypnobirthing to combat my fears (fears.....gone....poof!) and my husband, family, kids all knew and were prepared. my midwife didnt know and i called a few days after to let her know i was no longer pregnant and to schedule my 6 week post pardom check. when it came to the pediatrician i wanted to show him how knowledgeable i was and was a little less airheaded about it. he got the , "it was a very well planned homebirth. i went with the baby at 8 days old. it couldnt have gone better. you should definately not go in to the hospital for a check up unless there is some major problem/emergency with mom or baby. to put all fears aside just go in for a check up with a midwife or ped in the days following.

always plan for a UC with hospital back up plan.

not a hospital birth with a UC back up plan.

Angela: Catholic Homeschooling Mom to Sierra(11/00), twins Addison & Kendall(3/03), Jack(4/06), Brielle (7/08), Levi (2/2011); due with#7 (9/13). Birthed every witch way.....hospital. C section. VbAC. Unassisted water birth (hypno/painless). Assisted waterbirth to an almost 10lber! (Not painless!)
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#13 of 14 Old 07-20-2009, 10:44 PM
 
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I agree. If you are going to "oops" you should at least let your partner know. So not cool to do that to them.

I've only glanced through the replies so I'm not sure if this has been covered but I wanted to mention it. There is a distinct difference at times in regards to the care you receive from the hospital in the event of a transfer, especially if it's an "oops" vs. planned, midwife attended vs. UC. We transfered in for DD1 (non emergency) who was a planned UC. The files they had for me stated I had a midwife. It went from them being ok with things to them being downright craptastic once they found things out. No longer were we patients but idiots who "dinit know nuffin about no babies". If in the event you go through with an oops and decide to transfer you need to make sure you are going to be able to ok with the treatment you get. You need to be ok with it to begin with but going in for a transfer and then being treated poorly (not saying it would happen, just sharing my experience here) really makes everything more difficult. Anyhow, just some food for thought. Not sure if that would pertain to you at all but thought I'd throw it out there. Especially if you don't want to inform support people you are ok with an oops.

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#14 of 14 Old 07-20-2009, 10:45 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Stayathomemommy View Post
always plan for a UC with hospital back up plan.

not a hospital birth with a UC back up plan.
Yes. Perfectly worded.

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