My Mother disowned me! - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 90 Old 09-20-2009, 06:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
Earth Momma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 258
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
last tues we had the most amazing birth experience ever! I truly believe our UC has changed my DH's life!

We called the fam later that day and got mixed reactions, my Mom being one of the positive "it's your choice, etc" now she says she feels like we lied to her and doesn't want to have anything to do with us. She as well as MIL are nurses and very much from the medical model of everything and I decided not to tell anyone so I could focus on having the birth I always wanted, I don't have any regrets about that choice but I'm very upset with the current situation.

any thoughts?????

: wife to DH, mom to DD (2004) DS (2005) DS (2007) DS (2009)

Earth Momma is offline  
#2 of 90 Old 09-20-2009, 07:19 PM
 
Gentle~Mommy :)'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 549
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
What? that's crazy?? give her a little time to get over whatever it is. Surely she can't cut you and her new grandbaby out of the family?

Congratulations on your new little one!

Katherine, SAHM to 2 little princes
Gentle~Mommy :) is offline  
#3 of 90 Old 09-20-2009, 07:21 PM
 
Belle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Vancouver, (Not BC) WA (Not DC)
Posts: 2,996
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Congratulations on your new baby!

I agree with the pp. Just enjoy your babymoon and your mom will come around.

Heather Mike Married 8/1/99 Mom to Charlotte Aug 04, Nov 06, and Katherine Oct 07
Belle is offline  
#4 of 90 Old 09-20-2009, 07:31 PM
 
~girlsmum~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Rural country, south west Ontario, Canada!
Posts: 224
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Your mom will come around if and when she's ready. I've gone through the line of family with mainstream medicine beliefs and I won't go that route, my girls have always come first; my oldest is 16 and I didn't stop at every balk of my family to explain myself and we've done really well.

Congratulations to you on your new baby!

~Patricia~, wife to D, mom to V:, mummy to S/C : , ::. Learning how to be a GREAT mom to my autistic twins and loving it!
~girlsmum~ is offline  
#5 of 90 Old 09-20-2009, 09:18 PM
 
Kidzaplenty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Writing my Happily Ever After
Posts: 16,983
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Congratulations on your baby! And I think she will likely come around.

However, if she never does, then that is her loss (and I would happen to tell her that if a conversation ever happened). If she chooses to cut you out of her life, she will miss out on being involved with your baby. You and your immediate family come first, now and always. Her feelings are secondary. If she can't deal with that then you don't need to deal with her.

I think after she calms down she will realize all that she will miss and change her mind.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
Kidzaplenty is offline  
#6 of 90 Old 09-20-2009, 10:38 PM
 
Pookietooth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 5,059
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
to you. I hope she comes around soon. How horrible to have that experience.

Jen 47 DS C 2/03  angel.gif04/29/08/ DD S 10/28/09 DH Bill '97.

mighty-mama and her sister Kundalini-Mamacandle.gif

Pookietooth is offline  
#7 of 90 Old 09-20-2009, 10:47 PM
 
KristaDJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,500
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If she'll disown you over the way you give birth who cares? If she wants to be a part of baby's life then she'll come around, if not.... doesn't sound like you're missing much. Sorry she's being so selfish and shallow but I think you should try to forget it enjoy your baby. Don't let her make this about her because it is SO not.

Krista; blessed mother to four earthly beings and three non-physical. Basking in my beautiful rainbow. 
 
 

KristaDJ is offline  
#8 of 90 Old 09-21-2009, 01:41 AM
 
Serenyd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Natchez, MS
Posts: 2,424
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Give her a little time to get over it. Because she so needs to get. over. it. Jeez. Sorry you are having to deal with this during your babymoon
Try to not to worry about it and enjoy your new LO!

 nak.gif Mommy to fencing.gifKai 2/03, hammer.gifCaden 1/08, energy.gif Kara 10/09, angel1.gif 3/21/13, &

rainbow1284.gif baby.gif  Cole 2/3/14 ♡ Happily unmarried to geek.gif Papa since 2002 ♡

~We may not have it all together  but together we have it all~ uc.jpgsaynovax.gifgoorganic.jpgintactivist.giflactivist.gif 

Serenyd is offline  
#9 of 90 Old 09-21-2009, 01:53 AM
 
Sailor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: CA
Posts: 2,535
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have an aunt and an uncle who are doctors - very, very mainstream. I don't think they even realize that people still consciously choose to UC. It's not even an option in their minds. So, I know how it can be with medical professionals in the family!

I think your mom will eventually come around as well. I'm sorry she's so upset.

Congrats on your experience, and enjoy your new baby.

First special delivery - April 2010 :
Sailor is offline  
#10 of 90 Old 09-21-2009, 01:09 PM
 
fyrebloom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: North of Boston, South of sanity
Posts: 1,752
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ugh, I'm very sorry to hear that. What a stupid reason to abandon your own child. My father disowned me when I was 38 weeks pregnant with my first. He's never met any of my kids and won't take my phone calls. It's pretty pathetic. Is there any other reason she could be pulling this stunt? Maybe this is the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak? Seems really odd to me somehow. Sorry you have to go through this. It's hard when your parent breaks ties like that, you kinda always expect them to be there and to reject you outright is very confusing and hurtful. Hopefully she'll come around. You did what was right for you and your family and that's what matters. Let me know if you need to talk

Lucia , Poly )O( Lactation Counseling mama lady.gifvbac.gifto 5 yo Goobersuperhero.gif and 3 1/2 yo MZ twins twins.gif Peanut and Sweetpea and 1yo Pumpkinbabyf.gif mmm placenta.gif
fyrebloom is offline  
#11 of 90 Old 09-21-2009, 08:57 PM
 
belchers1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 656
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Erica, wife to Jason (March 2002) . Mama to Ava (June 2003) , Jason Jr. [AKA JJ] (August 2004) , Lila (January 2009) , Maura (October 2010) , and a new person in December 2012!
belchers1 is offline  
#12 of 90 Old 09-21-2009, 09:14 PM
 
CalmCenter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 136
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I so sympathize! It sounds like you get to be the "adult" in this situation and treat your mom with compassion and love, and some detachment. She is dealing with her own baggage, don't let it weigh you down.

Be proud of yourself and protect yourself gently, while maintaining an open heart for your mom when she is ready to accept you and love you as the wise adult you are.

Earthy Mama treehugger.gifmarried to my best friend with a sweet,joy.gif Spark of Love born 1.2.10, expecting hola.gif 3.4.13!!!

 

CalmCenter is offline  
#13 of 90 Old 09-21-2009, 09:19 PM
 
Equuskia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Puerto Rico
Posts: 3,259
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's her loss. She misses out on the joy of being a grandma. You don't need that stress right now, so forget about it, and enjoy your baby.

Equuskia in with Nodtveidt DD1 : DD2 :
Equuskia is offline  
#14 of 90 Old 09-21-2009, 10:00 PM
 
Ruthla's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 47,599
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Congrats on your new baby!

I'm sorry your mom is acting so immaturely. One of two things will happen: either she'll come around, or she won't. If she doesn't, then it's because of HER issues, not because of anything you've done.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
Ruthla is offline  
#15 of 90 Old 09-22-2009, 04:53 AM
Banned
 
accountclosed3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 11,906
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
congratulations on your new baby and great birth!

i can see why your mother is hurt if there was a "lie of omission" going on, but at the same time, the decision she has mad is drastic.

but ultimately, it only hurts her. she misses out on you and her grandchildren for a completely ridiculous reason, imo.

i'm sorry that it's the case, and hopefully she'll realize what she's choosing to miss and come around!
accountclosed3 is offline  
#16 of 90 Old 09-22-2009, 06:43 PM
 
sweet.p's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 198
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
What do you want the outcome to be with your relationship. If you want to repair it, then apologize for deceiving them.

They might not forgive you if they see birth through the prism of the medical model, what you did can be seem very irresponsible.

They might think (as most people do who work in the medical model) that you put your life and the baby's life in unnecessary danger by not having a midwife present at the homebirth. Sort of the same reasoning we have insurance on cars, homes, health, life, for the "what if".
That is why most homebirths are midwifery attended births.
sweet.p is offline  
#17 of 90 Old 09-22-2009, 10:16 PM
 
Zenful's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: in my center, my true home
Posts: 206
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I can understand why she'd be upset. Lying isn't always just saying one thing when the truth is something else entirely...it can also be leading someone to believe something that isn't true, no matter if it's done explicitly or not.

In our society, we all know that the standard train of thought when someone says they're going to have a baby is they're going to give birth in a hospital or at home with a midwife. We all know this, so if you didn't say anything otherwise then I'm sure you knew that your mom was assuming you would have some sort of professional attendant present. You waited until after the fact to tell her what you were really planning. Do you see how that would hurt her? She feels betrayed right now, and I can't say I blame her. I understand you wanted to make sure there wasn't any interference on her part and it doesn't seem like you felt you could trust her to respect your boundaries. If I were you, and I wanted to keep my relationship with my mother intact and healthy then I would explain how you felt, how you were afraid of how she'd react because right now it sounds like she feels as if she's been slapped in the face.
Zenful is offline  
#18 of 90 Old 09-22-2009, 10:32 PM
 
Kidzaplenty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Writing my Happily Ever After
Posts: 16,983
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I totally disagree!

It is not lying to NOT tell someone that is not involved in a decision and does not have a say about your choices in any matter.

I do not go out of my way to tell everyone about my choices regarding our life choices (that includes our UC or vaxing choices). And that includes my Mom and my ILs.

The OP's mom has no right to beel hurt or betrayed. It was never her choice to make, and the OP was never required to tell anyone beyond her husband.

And if the OP felt that she may find some unsupportive responses there is nothing that could possibly mean she should have to tell and then just deal with those responses.

If her mother is so immature that she throws a temper tantrum and disowns the OP because the OP made a mature, rational decision regarding her own healthcare and the care of her baby without telling her, a decision that said mother has NO say in, well then, what can be said? It boggles the mind that she would feel justified (and that anyone would justify her behaviour), IMO.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
Kidzaplenty is offline  
#19 of 90 Old 09-22-2009, 11:33 PM
 
Serenyd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Natchez, MS
Posts: 2,424
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's your body, your birth, your baby! You don't have to justify your choice to anyone. You have nothing to apoligize for - she's the one who owes you an apology for the way she's acting.

 nak.gif Mommy to fencing.gifKai 2/03, hammer.gifCaden 1/08, energy.gif Kara 10/09, angel1.gif 3/21/13, &

rainbow1284.gif baby.gif  Cole 2/3/14 ♡ Happily unmarried to geek.gif Papa since 2002 ♡

~We may not have it all together  but together we have it all~ uc.jpgsaynovax.gifgoorganic.jpgintactivist.giflactivist.gif 

Serenyd is offline  
#20 of 90 Old 09-23-2009, 02:26 AM
 
cathicog's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Great Smoky Mountains TN
Posts: 1,576
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Earth Momma View Post
last tues we had the most amazing birth experience ever! I truly believe our UC has changed my DH's life!

any thoughts?????
Congrats on your UC! And I am sorry for your mother's feelings, but it's her loss...You did the best for you and the baby, whether she knows it or not. Maybe she will accept it in time, maybe not. But you did a great job, and probably the wise thing in not saying anything to them. I didn't tell my parents of our UC plans either- they would have had a cow. They got over it! Congrats again on your birth, and enjoy your babymoon, whether your family decides to or not, is up to them!
cathicog is offline  
#21 of 90 Old 09-23-2009, 02:30 AM
 
member234098's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Behind you.
Posts: 3,348
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My thoughts are that life goes on. Congratulations.

Well begun is half done.

If your mom is reasonable, she will come around and get to know her grandchild; if not that is her loss not yours. The future is your child.
member234098 is offline  
#22 of 90 Old 09-23-2009, 09:50 AM
 
Nicci P's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Milton Keynes
Posts: 145
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Really sorry you're dealing with this. I didnt tell my dad even though I birthed in his house with my mum present. He knew I was planning to birth there but not that it would be a UC.
When he came home from work, minutes after the birth he had to go in the garden to get air because there was no midwife and spent the whole weekend asking when I was going to get the baby checked over! My family havent been too thrilled with it either (I got called "f***ing insane" by my grandparents) which is exactly why I didnt tell them. It's important to not have people's negative views of birth clouding your head while you are in labour and it totally makes sense that you didnt tell your family.
If you still want a relationship with your mum, I hope she comes back and apologises for over-reacting.
xx
Nicci P is offline  
#23 of 90 Old 09-23-2009, 10:24 AM
 
maritimemum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: New Brunswick, Canada
Posts: 81
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty View Post
I totally disagree!

It is not lying to NOT tell someone that is not involved in a decision and does not have a say about your choices in any matter.

I do not go out of my way to tell everyone about my choices regarding our life choices (that includes our UC or vaxing choices). And that includes my Mom and my ILs.

The OP's mom has no right to beel hurt or betrayed. It was never her choice to make, and the OP was never required to tell anyone beyond her husband.

And if the OP felt that she may find some unsupportive responses there is nothing that could possibly mean she should have to tell and then just deal with those responses.

If her mother is so immature that she throws a temper tantrum and disowns the OP because the OP made a mature, rational decision regarding her own healthcare and the care of her baby without telling her, a decision that said mother has NO say in, well then, what can be said? It boggles the mind that she would feel justified (and that anyone would justify her behaviour), IMO.
^^EXACTLY my thoughts!

A. Adoring my hubby, homeschooling our two beautiful lil vegetarian kiddos, snuggling our newest addition born in Nov'09 (attempted UC turned transfer at 36 weeks with PPROM) and missing our baby who we didn't get to hold in our arms
maritimemum is offline  
#24 of 90 Old 09-23-2009, 05:00 PM
 
Zenful's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: in my center, my true home
Posts: 206
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty View Post
I totally disagree!

It is not lying to NOT tell someone that is not involved in a decision and does not have a say about your choices in any matter.

I do not go out of my way to tell everyone about my choices regarding our life choices (that includes our UC or vaxing choices). And that includes my Mom and my ILs.

The OP's mom has no right to beel hurt or betrayed. It was never her choice to make, and the OP was never required to tell anyone beyond her husband.

And if the OP felt that she may find some unsupportive responses there is nothing that could possibly mean she should have to tell and then just deal with those responses.

If her mother is so immature that she throws a temper tantrum and disowns the OP because the OP made a mature, rational decision regarding her own healthcare and the care of her baby without telling her, a decision that said mother has NO say in, well then, what can be said? It boggles the mind that she would feel justified (and that anyone would justify her behaviour), IMO.
She is the OP's mother, though, so even though she doesn't have a say in the matter and one could argue that it's none of her business...the OP still lead her to believe something that's false, and, yes, that is lying. You can look it up in the dictionary if you like. If she didn't want her mother to be apart in the birth or her choices in this regard then she should have made that clear to begin with. Establishing boundaries is much more compassionate than lying, imo. Anyway, what's done is done...she can't take back what's happened, but I was trying to be fair since all the other comments basically condemn the mother for feeling what she's feeling. It's not completely the mother's fault for feeling how she feels, in other words. Disowning her daughter is extreme, I agree, but she's obviously very hurt and feels betrayed. Maybe she didn't even want a say in the matter or to try to convince her daughter not to have a UC...maybe all she wanted was to feel included and honored as an equal partner in her daughter's life. When a person hides something from someone else because they can't trust them with the information, this communicates to the other person that they are not seen as their equal...they usually feel shunned and hurt, in other words. At the very least, I feel the OP should explain to her mom how she feels and why she did what she did...maybe also mentioning that being disowned hurts her quite a bit, too. It sounds like both people could use some more understanding about how the other person is feeling...
Zenful is offline  
#25 of 90 Old 09-23-2009, 06:45 PM
 
sweet.p's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 198
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zenful View Post
She is the OP's mother, though, so even though she doesn't have a say in the matter and one could argue that it's none of her business...the OP still lead her to believe something that's false, and, yes, that is lying. You can look it up in the dictionary if you like. If she didn't want her mother to be apart in the birth or her choices in this regard then she should have made that clear to begin with. Establishing boundaries is much more compassionate than lying, imo. Anyway, what's done is done...she can't take back what's happened, but I was trying to be fair since all the other comments basically condemn the mother for feeling what she's feeling. It's not completely the mother's fault for feeling how she feels, in other words. Disowning her daughter is extreme, I agree, but she's obviously very hurt and feels betrayed. Maybe she didn't even want a say in the matter or to try to convince her daughter not to have a UC...maybe all she wanted was to feel included and honored as an equal partner in her daughter's life. When a person hides something from someone else because they can't trust them with the information, this communicates to the other person that they are not seen as their equal...they usually feel shunned and hurt, in other words. At the very least, I feel the OP should explain to her mom how she feels and why she did what she did...maybe also mentioning that being disowned hurts her quite a bit, too. It sounds like both people could use some more understanding about how the other person is feeling...


Thanks for your common sense words.

My impression is that it's an important enough relationship that the OP wants to figure out how to repair it.
sweet.p is offline  
#26 of 90 Old 09-23-2009, 06:52 PM
 
sweet.p's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 198
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty View Post
I totally disagree!

It is not lying to NOT tell someone that is not involved in a decision and does not have a say about your choices in any matter.

I do not go out of my way to tell everyone about my choices regarding our life choices (that includes our UC or vaxing choices). And that includes my Mom and my ILs.

The OP's mom has no right to beel hurt or betrayed. It was never her choice to make, and the OP was never required to tell anyone beyond her husband.

And if the OP felt that she may find some unsupportive responses there is nothing that could possibly mean she should have to tell and then just deal with those responses.

If her mother is so immature that she throws a temper tantrum and disowns the OP because the OP made a mature, rational decision regarding her own healthcare and the care of her baby without telling her, a decision that said mother has NO say in, well then, what can be said? It boggles the mind that she would feel justified (and that anyone would justify her behaviour), IMO.

Her mother is NOT everyone.
From the tone of the OP post it sounded as if she is troubled that this has created a fracture in their relationship. I don't think her mother threw a temper tantrum being concerned over the welfare of the baby and her.
sweet.p is offline  
#27 of 90 Old 09-23-2009, 07:11 PM
 
inkedmamajama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 1,323
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Earth Momma View Post
last tues we had the most amazing birth experience ever! I truly believe our UC has changed my DH's life!

We called the fam later that day and got mixed reactions, my Mom being one of the positive "it's your choice, etc" now she says she feels like we lied to her and doesn't want to have anything to do with us. She as well as MIL are nurses and very much from the medical model of everything and I decided not to tell anyone so I could focus on having the birth I always wanted, I don't have any regrets about that choice but I'm very upset with the current situation.

any thoughts?????
congratulations on having a wonderful, life changing experience!

enjoy yourself right now and let her come to you, make sure she knows you still want her in your life

Heavily tattooed and Dready Mama to my girls. YES we are STILL NURSING! love to and
inkedmamajama is offline  
#28 of 90 Old 09-24-2009, 10:47 PM
 
NettleTea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 1,194
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zenful View Post
the OP still lead her to believe something that's false, and, yes, that is lying.
That is not true. The OP never said she lead her mother to believe anything. It could be that she simply kept her plans quiet. My family never really asked about our birth plans. I think hospital was assumed. Does that mean I was misleading for not volunteering that information? No, I don't think so.

It would not have been a good ideal for my family to know anyway. So I am glad they assumed. My mom is a worrier. I know she would've worried herself sick and in return would've painted all sorts of different "what if" situations for me out of her own fear. Something I did not need to hear. I knew deep within myself that I only needed encouraging words and that our plans were something to be guarded.

And if my family had asked about our birth plans I wouldn't have pretended we were going to go the typical route. I just wouldn't have said anything. The most I would've offered is that I do not feel comfortable talking about it, it is something very private to us at this time. Something along those lines. That might not work for those who have more aggressive families though.

In the end my mom was totally shocked, but pleased and proud once she knew that we did not go into it blindly, we had prepared ourselves. She's always been very amazed by it. She has reread our birth stories many times because it means so much to her. But I know that if she had known beforehand she would've been worried sick because UC was a totally unheard of thing to her.

It is important for one to do what they feel is necessary. It is not the family who has to bear the burden of doubts, discouraging words and horror stories when it comes time to labor. Unfortunately, most families of today are not supportive of homebirth and unassisted birth. The society we live in is much too medical minded to be expected to support things of that nature and other ways that do not rely on a doctor for "guidance".

uc.jpg  lotbirth.gif   waterbirth.jpg 
NettleTea is offline  
#29 of 90 Old 09-25-2009, 12:22 AM
 
Serenyd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Natchez, MS
Posts: 2,424
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweet.p View Post
I don't think her mother threw a temper tantrum being concerned over the welfare of the baby and her.
If she was really concerned about her daughter and her grandchild, she wouldn't have broken off contact.

 nak.gif Mommy to fencing.gifKai 2/03, hammer.gifCaden 1/08, energy.gif Kara 10/09, angel1.gif 3/21/13, &

rainbow1284.gif baby.gif  Cole 2/3/14 ♡ Happily unmarried to geek.gif Papa since 2002 ♡

~We may not have it all together  but together we have it all~ uc.jpgsaynovax.gifgoorganic.jpgintactivist.giflactivist.gif 

Serenyd is offline  
#30 of 90 Old 09-25-2009, 12:38 AM
 
jeliphish's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 2,022
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Anger is a secondary emotion. I am guessing she is in shock and more than likely going through a lot of emotions. You are her little girl and she still loves you, I'm sure, with as much intensity and "motherly passion" as you love your child. She has the right as your mother to feel whatever emotions she is feeling just as you will one day when your child is doing something that you either A. Do not agree with or B. Something that you are totally convinced is going to be the end of them. She needs to of course continue to be respectful of you and your choices and not say or do anything too inappropriate but I think you still need to keep in mind that its going to be difficult for your mom not to act like a mom LOL. She does not love or care for you or your LO any less because she doesn't agree with your choices... Nor is she a horrible person for having her own beliefs about certain issues. Give her some time.

Blessed with two BEAUTIFUL little girls: Kylie (09/06) and Maggie (4/09) :
jeliphish is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off