how do you feel about announcing pregnancy? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 02-24-2010, 12:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I just found out we are expecting #3 My last birth was a UC and a UP so our family know what to expect. I don't look forward to the worry and the comments. It sort of makes pregnancy a drag. I try not to let others thoughts get to me but sometimes I feel like I am the only on that thinks I should be having children. I am having a hard time feeling happy about being pregnant again. So, I guess I am just wondering if anyone else who UP/UCs feels about announcing their pregnancy to people who think your making the wrong choice.

Kimberly, Mama to DD (8/22/05) and DS-UC! (8/10/08)
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#2 of 14 Old 02-24-2010, 11:34 AM
 
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I just found out we are expecting #3 My last birth was a UC and a UP so our family know what to expect. I don't look forward to the worry and the comments. It sort of makes pregnancy a drag. I try not to let others thoughts get to me but sometimes I feel like I am the only on that thinks I should be having children. I am having a hard time feeling happy about being pregnant again. So, I guess I am just wondering if anyone else who UP/UCs feels about announcing their pregnancy to people who think your making the wrong choice.
Do you mean the wrong choice to have kids, or the wrong choice to UC/UP?
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#3 of 14 Old 02-24-2010, 12:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Do you mean the wrong choice to have kids, or the wrong choice to UC/UP?

I mean the wrong choice to UC/UP...

Kimberly, Mama to DD (8/22/05) and DS-UC! (8/10/08)
Moving to the country, goin' get a lot of
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#4 of 14 Old 02-24-2010, 12:59 PM
 
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I don't have any personal experience with this exact issue but I think that would be very stressful to announce a pregnancy to people who you know are going to spend the whole time harassing you about your birth choices. If someone knew that was going to be the case, I don't understand why they'd want to share that info.

I do however have experience with not announcing a pregnancy. I never really "announced" this pregnancy, I figured people would find out when they found out. It wasn't that I wasn't excited, because I was, I just felt like it was private and didn't want to be bothered with people prying all in my business.

I never thought I'd be that way though. I always thought that I'd tell the whole world ASAP. But that's not what happened.

As for birth choices- that's also private, I refuse to discuss it. Anything that I've said has been very vague and never volunteered. But everyone feels differently about that. I just chose to learn from others experiences and not open myself up to being stressed out because I don't have the patience for it. And really, no matter how much people "care", certain things are really no ones business but mine and DH's.

BTW, Congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope you are able to find some sense of peace.
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#5 of 14 Old 02-24-2010, 01:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks BeautifulWife for your kind words.

I let people figure it out themselves with my last pregnancy also. I suppose I'll do the same this go round. The problem is mostly my in-laws. They seemed upset with me no matter what I do. They have a tendency to make my life their problem. They wanted DH to have a vasectomy because they didn't want us having more kids. I know this is going to freak MIL out. It makes it difficult to celebrate when I feel I need to hide the news.

I'm glad to have MDC!

Kimberly, Mama to DD (8/22/05) and DS-UC! (8/10/08)
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#6 of 14 Old 02-24-2010, 02:03 PM
 
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I don't. I've explained to the nay sayers why I'm doing it. My explanation is pretty simple for the UP. I wouldn't do any of the tests the dr recommended anyay, so why bother going to someone when all they can possibly do is test my urine and vitals. those are things that I can do at home.

as far as the up and uc they know that I have a back up plan if something should happen and I wouldn't hesitate to seek medical help if needed. I guess people are just concerned about you and the baby being safe.

I guess I'm also kind of a weirdo who likes being different so over the years my family has come to expect that I'm not going to do anything the traditional way. I guess your best bet is arm yourself with the facts.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#7 of 14 Old 02-24-2010, 02:10 PM
 
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Thanks BeautifulWife for your kind words.

I let people figure it out themselves with my last pregnancy also. I suppose I'll do the same this go round. The problem is mostly my in-laws. They seemed upset with me no matter what I do. They have a tendency to make my life their problem. They wanted DH to have a vasectomy because they didn't want us having more kids. I know this is going to freak MIL out. It makes it difficult to celebrate when I feel I need to hide the news.

I'm glad to have MDC!

OMG that's horrible. it's none of their business how many kids you have. you would think they would want a bunch of grandbabies.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#8 of 14 Old 02-24-2010, 02:31 PM
 
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We aren't really good at announcing pregnancies regardless. We waited the obligatory 12 weeks with DS1 and 4 months with DS2. I can't even remember how long we waited with this pregnancy. Just kept putting it off. But oddly enough, even after everyone being absolutely shocked with our last UC (we didn't exactly tell anyone what we were planning), nobody has said a word about our choices!
It's kind of weird...I thought for sure someone would mention *something*. So now I feel silly for assuming that there would be confrontation. Mind you with just friends and our midwives, we have told them honestly that we haven't decided anything for sure. We're open to calling the midwife but we're also comfortable with going it alone. So I think *we* are less confrontational this time around too.

DH and I - totally winging life with our four children, DS1 (6.5yrs), DS2 (5yrs), DD (3yrs) and DS3 (1)!

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#9 of 14 Old 02-24-2010, 06:18 PM
 
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I don't say anything. If people ask if I am pregnant I will give an honest response. That's the only chance anyone has of knowing because I am simply not into announcing my pregnancies.

For relatives we don't see often enough (out-of-state) we call and let them know about the baby once the birth has happened. This works well because the relatives who we don't see often are the ones who think we're wrong for UCing.

Do what makes you feel comfortable.

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#10 of 14 Old 02-26-2010, 02:52 PM
 
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I waited until I was 5 or 6 months and clearly showing before telling my relatives (brothers and sisters in law). I had other relatives that did not even know until after the birth.

I come from a very conservative, Christian background and they are also very trusting and adamant about modern medicine.

I wanted a peaceful, quiet, zen pregnancy. I was a single mother (gasp) planning a UC. Once they found out there were no congratulations, only "worry", judgements and other nastiness. It was really stressful and I wish I would not have told them until after she was born.

Ironically they are STILL upset with me for not announcing it immediately, like they have some right to know my business. They have absolutely no understanding of why I waited to tell.
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#11 of 14 Old 02-26-2010, 05:11 PM
 
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I didn't tell anyone til I was well thru first trimester(by that time I look like 5 months!) I had church people tell me I needed another baby like I needed a hole in the head. But it turned out fine. We UC'd, cuz the hospitals were barbaric where we lived. (I was the only one there who homebirthed/homeschooled) I never told my parents til I was 6 months! My father looked at me like I had done something wrong- I had to remind him it isn't a sin to have sex with one's husband... and we got our only boy. Wouldn't change things for the world. Oh, and he was only our third child...the way they were acting you'd have thought we had 20! Nothing wrong with that, either, I hoped to have 7, but the others left too early.
Enjoy your pregnancy/birth. It is a gift you have been given!
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#12 of 14 Old 03-01-2010, 03:17 PM
 
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Thanks BeautifulWife for your kind words.

I let people figure it out themselves with my last pregnancy also. I suppose I'll do the same this go round. The problem is mostly my in-laws. They seemed upset with me no matter what I do. They have a tendency to make my life their problem. They wanted DH to have a vasectomy because they didn't want us having more kids. I know this is going to freak MIL out. It makes it difficult to celebrate when I feel I need to hide the news.

I'm glad to have MDC!
uhm, i am WITH YOU ON THIS ONE! i have a "comfort lie" i tell everyone who asks. becuase evidently, drs are the ONLY way to go. my mil was a nurse, like 9876437247813570948558253234534543.7 years ago, and thinks she knows it ALL. i constantly get comments like "thats not how they do it in the hospital" and "you dont know what your getting into" and then anything new i tell her, she tries to reteach me. oh man, and when she found out we were having a home birth! she FLIPPED! i just said, i understand your concern, but we are fully capable of handling our decisions and the problems that arise. didnt work, she still screamed at me, but hey i tried the inlaws are also throwing a fit for us to go to st louis (12hr car ride) on easter.. im due today. seems like a little much for a newborn i tell them, and then i immedietly get a lecture on carseats, breastfeeding, and cloth diapers. also, she is still griping at my husband for using bodywash instead of bar soap (minirant snuck in somewhere so everyone thinks i have a MW, and they still freak out, but not as much this is out first baby/first uc my mom and gma and sister will be at the birth, but they think the mw just isnt coming becuase i dont want her. we live in a small german community in texas, and EVERYONE is soo concerned on when "squish" is getting here, and when we are being induced, and blah blah blah. next time, i wont be using a comfort lie, and i wont be announcing. i will just let them find out when they do. my mother is a little more accepting of my hippie ways she will probably be told somewhere around the second tri, and so her fam will know, but everyone else can just find out when they realize that im not just gaining tons of weight so know your not alone and let the naysayers find out when they notice. i also dont give up birth details, if ppl ask what hospital, i say oh no, at home, they say OMGSH! SERIOUSLY! i say yes, YOUR CRAZY. possibly. and then we move on. same goes whith when are you being induced!?- i am not. -the baby will grow to 16 lbs! you cant!- big baby= long slow labor, im okay with that. go have your elective csection and leave me alone chin up momma! its hard to stay positive feeling about something you feel so strongly about when everyone is looking down on you, but know that they dont decide for you. and God makes it difficult for a reason. he gives us the naysayers, and the rude people to make it hard to make us strong have faith, and keep your chin up i personally cant wait to rub it in their faces that i went down a different less beaten path, and dang it all, came out marvelous!
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#13 of 14 Old 03-02-2010, 02:59 PM
 
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We've had no problems announcing pregnancy--family and friends and genuinely happy for us. But as far as for telling family about homebirthing and UCing---totally different. My sisters & brother are cool because they know I do things "outside the box."

As far as DH family, their the worst, my MIL turns up her nose anytime I even mention midwives so, we've already decided not to tell them about our UC & UP. It's hard b/c I really feel that pregnancy should be as stress free as possible, and people just don't know or care that their opinions on how you wish to birth can really affect you. Needless to say, I'll be very selective of the company I keep this pregnancy.
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#14 of 14 Old 03-02-2010, 11:18 PM
 
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With DD, my Parents knew from day one. And my Mother is the Earth Mother, Hippie Free Spirited type, and she raved to EVERYONE that I was planning an UC and once I did it, you couldn't stop her. Then there is DH's Family Yeah, DD was an hour old when we told them I HAD been pg, LOL. He told them she was an UC (DH LOVES I have my babes via UC) and my MIL pitched a fit! So, when I was pg with DS, we told them when I was about 13wks, and she was freaking out that I "might try to be crazy" again. Yup, that's me. Crazy I have no intention of telling them anytime soon with this pg. They can wait, LOL. My Parents know, and are over the moon.
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