l - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 03-11-2010, 11:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
Snapdragon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,561
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)
l
Snapdragon is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 03-11-2010, 11:20 PM
 
claddaghmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,823
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Here is what I would do:

1) Tell everyone to go away/shut up. Get rid of the negativity. Hang up the phone, ignore the emails, etc. They can't make this choice for you, they aren't supporting you or offering concrete assistance, and they're making it worse.

2) Get the facts. Figure out what your rights are and how to exert them. Research what the hospital can do and what it has done in the past. Consider finding a legal advisor, at least so you have a name and number in case things get hairy.

3)You mention you feel worried about the baby. The NST test itself would not concern me enough to avoid it over instinctual worry for the baby. I would go in, prepared.


What I see in your post is that you feel some niggle of worry for your baby, but you're scared to do an NST b/c the hospital might gain some control over you. So IMO, finding out exactly what they can do and what you can do might relieve the stress and put the control back in your hands, where you can make the decision on what is best for your baby.

Mama to expecting Babe 2
claddaghmom is offline  
Old 03-11-2010, 11:47 PM
 
CrunchyChristianMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 2,618
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I don't technically belong in this forum, but had to say something.

Your midwives told your SISTER about your medical information? Are they aware that it's a HIPPA violation to do that?

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this though. It feels so yucky to have unsupportive people around. you. If you think the test would reassure you, then go have it. If not, then don't. Don't let anyone bully you into something you may regret.

Elizabeth - Doing life with Scott partners.gif

SAHM to Evelyn - my crazy little Celiac (4) energy.gif Annabelle (2)  love.gif and Abraham (born 6/20) buddamomimg1.png
adoptionheart-1.gif  Follow our journey  mdcblog5.gif

CrunchyChristianMama is offline  
Old 03-12-2010, 12:06 AM
 
KristaDJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,451
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would tell the mw's that due to their unprofessional and ILLEGAL activity (in telling your sister anything about you) you are going with another care provider who you feel is better qualified to handle your care. Tell your family members the same thing and that you will be in contact when the baby is born. Then disappear, no e-mails, calls, visitors just stay home with your hub and find out what your baby needs. Once their drama is diffused decide what to do from there.

Krista; blessed mother to four earthly beings and three non-physical. Basking in my beautiful rainbow. 
 
 

KristaDJ is offline  
Old 03-12-2010, 12:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
Snapdragon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,561
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)
toning it down.
Snapdragon is offline  
Old 03-12-2010, 12:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
Snapdragon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,561
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)
toning down my stuff here.
Snapdragon is offline  
Old 03-12-2010, 12:47 AM
 
claddaghmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,823
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katie34 View Post
BEcause now dh is all freaked out and wanting me to calm his family down. I WANT to tell everyone to screw off. They are giving me all this crap. And essentially- trying to tell me to do violence to my OWN body and baby! Is what I think.
My dh's mom said on the phone just now- if something goes wrong with the bbay and you put my son at risk of responsibility for that I will NEVER forgive you.
HEr husband gets on the phone and says- you are putting this baby at risk- this is so wrong of you.
I am saying- hang up the phone, tune everyone out. DH is saying- I can't do that, I don't want to do this if our familly isn't supportive.
I am like- I didn't even want them to know in the first place.

I feel like peopl are going to come to my house and drag me and my womb and my body somewhere against my will. argh!
This is nuts, this fear I am getting from everyone. I hate this. I wish I just hadn't answered the phone today



That does sound like a very stressful and hurtful situation. ITA that your DH needs to be a team with you. Can you check to see if the book "Toxic Parents" is at your local library? Maybe you two can read it and develop a game plan. It sounds like these relatives need some hard, fast boundaries.

Mama to expecting Babe 2
claddaghmom is offline  
Old 03-12-2010, 01:08 AM
 
freestylemama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 493
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I saw this in new posts and I'm not a UCer, so please take this into consideration. I would go in and get the test for your peace of mind and for your husband. If all is well, it will put you in a really good space to welcome the baby. If it's not all well, you'll be where you and your babe can get the best care possible. Try and remember that the concern is coming from a place of love. It's hard to keep that in mind, but if they didn't all love you and your husband and your baby so much, they wouldn't be worried. I had a homebirth and got lots of fun concern from my family and ILs, so I kind of know what you're going through. I had wonderful midwives though and I trusted them and their experience and wisdom.


Healthcare is a human right!
freestylemama is offline  
Old 03-12-2010, 01:31 AM
 
jrabbit's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Houston
Posts: 2,039
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I saw this in new posts, too, and I hope all is well with you. I didn't UC, but I understand the perspective.

my 2nd & 3rd babes were born 42w5 and 43w1 - I had bpp at 42w3 with both. it eased ALL of my fears and irrational feelings-based-on-society. dd2 was perfect and born 2 days later in tub. dd3 had marginally low fluid. my bp was going up. I started getting nervous. I had multiple NSTs after that point, (my midwife had a machine, that she brought to me and left it for 2 days). then I started having meconium discharge. when her heart rate began having regular decels, while I was still not in active labor, we all agreed the time had come to go to hospital. BUT *I* knew something was wrong. I ended up with a traumatic cs, but I can live with that because I know there was something wrong, and it was MY choice to go to hospital when I did. I know that if there were another pregnancy for me, I would do the same: nothing til about 42 weeks, then do NST and probably bpp. they aren't foolproof, but they do help with the fears.

I think that if you are asking for advice, and you have a tiny fear nagging in the back of your mind, you should have the test - the midwife backup plan is worth it, but only if you can get past your current concerns.

disconnect the phone - lie about your dates - whatever you have to do ...

Mama to 3 girls 12,8,3
jrabbit is offline  
Old 03-12-2010, 01:36 AM
 
Honey693's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,086
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm not doing a UC, but I saw this on the front page. First I would unplug/turn off the phone. Do what you and husband feel you should do, not what your family thinks you should do. This is your baby and your husband's baby, no one else's. Second, report the midwife. I'm pretty sure giving out medical information about anyone (unless you indicated on your paperwork they could share results with certain people) is a HIPPA violation.

obstruct livery vehicles

Honey693 is offline  
Old 03-12-2010, 01:40 AM
 
skepticalmother's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 12
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I sent you a PM. My daughter was in a similar situation. Only when she made a solid decision and let go of the stress did she go into full labor. She submitted to the NST at the hospital and everything was fine but they said it was against AMA for her to leave. She didn't know her rights and was afraid to leave. She should have left and you need to be prepared to leave as well if you choose to make that decision. My advice is to know your rights (likely the OB cannot drop you for 30 days and would be in trouble for patient abandonment if he does). Second, any emergency room will take you if you choose to stay home but fear that something is going wrong. If you do go for the NST and everything is fine, you can leave and reassure family that all is well. Once off your back, relax and let nature take its course. Remember that this OB and midwives are likely more concerned about possible litigation if something goes wrong and that is most likely the main reason for the pressure.

One last piece of advice, if you go for the NST, eat a lot before you go. They likely won't let you eat or drink at the hospital. If they already have a section in mind for you, a full tummy my influence them.
skepticalmother is offline  
Old 03-12-2010, 01:47 AM
 
skepticalmother's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 12
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
One last thing. It is a hipaa violation. When this is all said and done and you've had some time to enjoy your baby report the violation. You have 180 days to file:

http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacy/index.html
skepticalmother is offline  
Old 03-12-2010, 02:04 AM
 
guest8990's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 37
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i would unplug the phones, take the batteries out, tune everyone out and just you and dh talk. talk the fear back out of him. then make a game plan. i agree with a pp, tell them you found another midwife, and she was just angry about it and trying to cause drama. then sternly tell them that they had their chances to bring their babies intot he world, now please respect mine. we will not harm the baby, and instead of being (hmm, lets find a nice word) rude and disrespectful, (and ignorant) they should be respectful of your decision, and take the rest to god. pray and freak out in your own house.
then i would release nothin to them until baby is here. and if they disapprove, shut them out for a few days, they will come around.
also- hippa the crap out of that miw. i wouldnt do the test either. thats everyone elses fear and intimidation talking to you. be strong momma, and take your husband back. talk to him, and make him realize what they are doing. i am so very sorry they are being rude asses.
guest8990 is offline  
Old 03-12-2010, 02:06 AM
 
guest8990's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 37
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
uhm, and i would also throw this in their faces: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5

im not afraid to throw the God card at anyone in my family. my life is based on my faith. and my faith is based on my God. and nobody wants to argue with God, now do they?
guest8990 is offline  
Old 03-12-2010, 02:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
Snapdragon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,561
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)
l
Snapdragon is offline  
Old 03-12-2010, 02:23 AM
 
guest8990's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 37
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
aww momma, im glad you and dh got back on the same team. and everything kinda sorta is working out. deep breath, the struggles are to make us stronger i hope it goes smoothly from here on out for you
guest8990 is offline  
Old 03-12-2010, 02:24 AM
 
Tulafina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 947
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by KristaDJ View Post
I would tell the mw's that due to their unprofessional and ILLEGAL activity (in telling your sister anything about you) you are going with another care provider who you feel is better qualified to handle your care. Tell your family members the same thing and that you will be in contact when the baby is born. Then disappear, no e-mails, calls, visitors just stay home with your hub and find out what your baby needs. Once their drama is diffused decide what to do from there.


And a question- are you sure of your dates? Not just your LMP but when you ovulated? I ask because if you base your EDD on your LMP you could be way off...and I know with my MW's they really wanted to take my LMP due date and use that but it would have been 7!!! days early because I didn't ovulate until cycle day 21. I take every day I can get because I tend to go late with my babes as well. Sorry if this doesn't pertain.

I hope that you have a beautiful birth and I will be thinking of you~~ sending out labour vibes your way~~. Big hugs!

Crunchy Mama to 3 boys bikenew.gif'06  and superhero.gif '08  h20homebirth.gif  and  moon.gif '10  uc.jpg

 

And a brand new baby  babygirl.gif born 4/12 uc.jpg

 

joy.gifOur family is now complete  chicken3.gif

Tulafina is offline  
Old 03-12-2010, 04:18 PM
 
NettleTea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 1,129
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by adbayer View Post
i wouldnt do the test either. thats everyone elses fear and intimidation talking to you.
Major

uc.jpg  lotbirth.gif   waterbirth.jpg 
NettleTea is offline  
Old 03-12-2010, 04:28 PM
 
NettleTea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 1,129
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katie34 View Post
Thanks guys!
skepticalmother what did you mean about being careful and being watched on the boards? Isn't UC still legal?!
IDK what skepticalmother might have been referring to, but I will tell you that there are a lot of UC naysayers who attentively watch this board for whatever reason. I know of a more private UC forum. PM if interested.

uc.jpg  lotbirth.gif   waterbirth.jpg 
NettleTea is offline  
Old 03-12-2010, 04:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
Snapdragon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,561
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)
l
Snapdragon is offline  
Old 03-12-2010, 04:43 PM
 
Cuddlebaby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 853
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
watching this cuz I will be in the same boat. if they go looking for something, they will find it. as you said, they will want to induce you based on dates ALONE! but sure, they'll find low amniotic fluid or hbp to help ice their cake. AND if you go AMA and leave (after the NST) they will for sure call social services on you and force you into a c-section especially since you are already on their radar w/ that oh so nice phone call from your sister.

I think it's important for you to take a long bath, meditate, get IN TUNED w/ your baby. you will know if there is a problem. and even if you don't interventions will probably not change the outcome (for the positive anyway).

Second advice of others who said to unplug your phone and have some great conversations w/ hubby ONLY.

I will be in this exact same situation in 15 weeks. and I'll be posting here asking for support.

wife since 1992; mom to: J 7-95; H 5-98; C 2-03; S 4-05; Micah Zachary born still UC 4-08; UM 9-08; due June 2010
Cuddlebaby is offline  
Old 03-12-2010, 06:28 PM
 
claddaghmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,823
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tulafina View Post


And a question- are you sure of your dates? Not just your LMP but when you ovulated? I ask because if you base your EDD on your LMP you could be way off...and I know with my MW's they really wanted to take my LMP due date and use that but it would have been 7!!! days early because I didn't ovulate until cycle day 21. I take every day I can get because I tend to go late with my babes as well. Sorry if this doesn't pertain.

I hope that you have a beautiful birth and I will be thinking of you~~ sending out labour vibes your way~~. Big hugs!
Oh that's a good point...I assumed conception dates...

Mama to expecting Babe 2
claddaghmom is offline  
Old 03-12-2010, 08:09 PM
Banned
 
accountclosed3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 11,594
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
what the heck i the midwife doing talking about your confidential information with your sister? i believe that is an ethics violation! i would def. take this up with the midwife.

aside from that, i'm glad you are feeling peace about it all.
accountclosed3 is offline  
Old 03-15-2010, 01:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
Snapdragon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,561
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)
l
Snapdragon is offline  
Old 03-15-2010, 03:10 PM
 
KristaDJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,451
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think you know the answer to your questions, hon. I hope you are holding your babe soon

And to the other posters asking about her dates: she was charting to TTC for a while before she got pregnant. She is absolutely certain of her conception date

Krista; blessed mother to four earthly beings and three non-physical. Basking in my beautiful rainbow. 
 
 

KristaDJ is offline  
Old 03-15-2010, 03:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
Snapdragon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,561
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)
l
Snapdragon is offline  
Old 03-15-2010, 03:26 PM
 
MeepyCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 3,679
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 56 Post(s)
I'd go for the NST. If everything is fine, you'll be much calmer. And if everything is not fine, you'll know what's going on and can make decisions with good information.

I hope that everything's fine, and that you get to meet your baby soon.
MeepyCat is online now  
Old 03-15-2010, 03:27 PM
 
KristaDJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,451
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No one can tell you what to do. If you feel in your gut that your babe is in danger then you should absolutely get help. But it sounds to me like your prenatal care has made you doubt your body and it's ability to birth, as it often does. I have seen many non-emergency transfers from women who get prenatal care but want to UC. One thing I do KNOW, though, is that you can't labor effectively if you are scared and you have to find a way to get comfortable whether that is re-centering on your UC and getting your faith back or going to the hospital. I don't think you are listening to your body or your baby, though, fear has clouded that and you can't see past the things these other people have told you. I would encourage you to try to connect with your baby and just shut this other stuff out for a while and see what you really need to do. Your body will tell you if you listen

Krista; blessed mother to four earthly beings and three non-physical. Basking in my beautiful rainbow. 
 
 

KristaDJ is offline  
Old 03-15-2010, 03:31 PM
 
KristaDJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,451
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MeepyCat View Post
I'd go for the NST. If everything is fine, you'll be much calmer. And if everything is not fine, you'll know what's going on and can make decisions with good information.

I hope that everything's fine, and that you get to meet your baby soon.
If she walks into a hospital in labor for a NST they will never let her leave. She will be resigned to a hospital birth at that point no matter what she wants and if she's honest about her contractions they will likely give her pitocin and there goes her chance at even having a natural birth.

You can't just go to the hospital and leave if you want to, they can and will make you stay.

Krista; blessed mother to four earthly beings and three non-physical. Basking in my beautiful rainbow. 
 
 

KristaDJ is offline  
Old 03-15-2010, 03:36 PM
 
MeepyCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 3,679
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 56 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by KristaDJ View Post
If she walks into a hospital in labor for a NST they will never let her leave. She will be resigned to a hospital birth at that point no matter what she wants and if she's honest about her contractions they will likely give her pitocin and there goes her chance at even having a natural birth.

You can't just go to the hospital and leave if you want to, they can and will make you stay.
Is she in labor, though? I mean, if she was in labor, this would be a whole different ballgame. It sounds to me like she's 42 +5, not in labor, and concerned about what's going on.

IME, it takes a very compelling set of circumstances for a hospital to get it together to go straight from an NST on a woman with her pants on to an induction, etc. It takes some moxie, but it is possible to walk in and then walk out again. NSTs are also available in non-hospital settings, and if the OP would feel more comfortable avoiding the hospital, than a midwife might be able to do this in-office.
MeepyCat is online now  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off