I've worked myself into a huge emotional mess! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 8 Old 07-06-2010, 12:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Here is my problem and I'd love some kind words and advice with it. I say kind because my emotions are up in the air at the moment and I cry at pretty much everything. Haha... I'm typically a very level headed person so the whole crying at the drop of a hat is really hurting my tough girl ego.

Anyways so I came to the idea of UCing at first due to finances and then once I looked into it more it just seemed perfect for me... Then all of a sudden I'm getting cold feet over it. Its not that I don't think my body can handle it or I'm expecting a bunch of complications... I just suddenly feel uneasy about being 20 minutes away from the hospital and when your in the height of labor 20 minutes is a long time.. Plus my boyfriend drives really slow so it would probably be closer to 30 minutes. There is a hospital just down the street from me but I've been told that if your in labor and go there they will transfer you to the hospital 20-30 minutes away via ambulance. Plus its a stinky hospital anyways... haha and that's saying it nicely.

My biggest problem is I don't want a hospital birth... I loath the idea of it even though I had a fairly good experience the 1st time, I can't afford either of the 2 midwives in my area, there is no birthing center with in 2 hours from me that takes medi-cal, and honestly my ideal birth would be unassisted but not unattended... I would like to do it alone but have the security of having a midwife either on call or just a couple houses down the street at my Nana's house for a just in case. So idk. I feel sad that I suddenly lost my confidence in doing it alone. I'm angry that my only two choices are completely unassisted or hospital. I just don't know what to do at this point and am very overwhelmed with both decisions.

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#2 of 8 Old 07-06-2010, 10:57 AM
 
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Have you met with either of the midwives? Talk with them about how you feel and your situation and I am sure they will help you find care (with them or elsewhere) that works for you.

We are still TTC and will be UCing, but I would never UC if I felt nagging fear/concern. I think it is something that you have to go into with both your heart and head totally engaged.

Make a list of your fears and concerns and see if there are books/research that can help you eliminate them. Totally research all of your options. Ask questions and set aside every spare dollar to pay for a midwife or doula.

And most importantly, follow your gut!

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#3 of 8 Old 07-06-2010, 12:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you. I did try to talk to the midwives and I got no where. It's $4000 and you have to pay all of it before you deliver. That's 3 1/2 months away and even trying to save every penny.... It's not going to happen. :-( argh I like your list idea and I'll try that. I'm just so flipping emotional about it.

Mommy to Little Girl, Age 3. Baby Boy, Age 8 months.  caffix.gifnovaxnocirc.gif

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#4 of 8 Old 07-06-2010, 12:59 PM
 
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Would one of them be willing to act as your doula if you decided to birth at one of the hospitals?

Have you heard of Hypnobabies? I teach it, but you can also do the homestudy. The course includes a very serious hypnotic fear release track that can help to overcome fears related to birth.

I think it is very common to have fears during pregnancy, the hormones only add to it... but I also think it is so important to tune into your intuition to see if your body is telling you not to do for reasons other than surface fears.

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#5 of 8 Old 07-06-2010, 01:04 PM
 
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If a major concern is the distance to the hospital, consider birthing not at home but in a hotel or something. Or your nana's house (I wasn't clear if that was mentioned as a place close to the hospital).

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

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#6 of 8 Old 07-06-2010, 11:54 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Black Orchid View Post
Make a list of your fears and concerns and see if there are books/research that can help you eliminate them.

And most importantly, follow your gut!
those two things...

im positive everyone who's Uc'd has had their "gut check" moments. the purpose of these moments is to remind you that this IS serious, and you must be prepared for all possible outcomes. research.. don't ignore bad feelings, gauge whether its just a warning or like a loud "this is not a drill" type thing.. there's never any shame in changing your mind.. do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable in every moment..
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#7 of 8 Old 07-07-2010, 03:53 AM
 
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I have felt that way on and off too. I just have days where I doubt myself and other days I feel on top of everything. (I have heard from a couple UC friends that this is normal.) I realized that it was when I talked to my family or people who didnt support it so I have stopped talking about homebirth period to unsupportive people. I actually avoided my DH's family when he went to visit for the holiday weekend, I stayed home with the baby. I just didnt want the negativity at this time when I need to stay positive.
I have also noticed the more I research and read and learn about UC or birth in general the more confident I feel in myself. Knowledge is power! So if you really think its your ideal choice and want to do it maybe just learning more and reading about it and UC stories will help bring you to be more confident. I know its helped me TONS!

Good Luck!!

Katie - Mama to E1 (7, c/s), E2 (5, c/s), E3 (3, VBA2C), E4 (1, UC)
...expecting another princess in March/April

 

Questions about VBAC? PM me!

ICAN Chapter Leader

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#8 of 8 Old 08-02-2010, 05:59 AM
 
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Do you meditate. I would say try it and contemplate your situation while meditating once you are relaxed. Intuition works best when you are relaxed. Generally it is inhibited by fear and stress. It may help you sort out your fears from your intuition/true feelings/gut feelings . Wishing you a wonderful experience, and a happy healthy baby and mama.
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