baby's grandfather RUINED unassisted cabin birth. - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 25 Old 07-23-2010, 09:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We were forced into having our son last night in the hospital by my boyfriend's father, because he threatened to call the EMTs as we were waiting out labor at the house until it was time to check into our cabin rental. We claimed to have a midwife, but he insisted on calling her, and then called the two midwives in our area to verify that they did not accept Medicaid. We would have lied and claimed to be driving to the hospital, but he FOLLOWED us, and we were afraid he would call child services. He also called my mother at work and I had to attempt to explain to her during full blown labor, as she was CRYING hysterically, that unassisted childbirth was an educated decision and I was doing what I felt was best for MY child. She of course, would not listen to reason, which is exactly why we had not informed her, or anyone else, of our plans. Luckily I was fully dilated when we reached the hospital and avoided all pain medication. Unfortunately, they did not respect our wishes for delayed cord cutting (they claimed it had stopped pulsing moments after the birth and that somehow not clamping and cutting was dangerous?!) even when we had told them it was a religious based request. There goes our lotus birth. The intensity of which he cried when they cut his cord was heart wrenching. I'm
pretty upset with all the unnecessary procedures they've performed (regardless of our protests, because such testing is required by their policies) especially considering he was born with an Apgar score of 9. A newborn should never
spend their first four hours alone in a nursery. It's been about 11 hours and I
have still yet to get him to nurse. They only allowed us fifteen minutes to initiate nursing before taking him to the nursery. They've been trying to take
him back periodically since they brought him back to us under the pretense of "you need to rest." I need to be left alone with my family! It doesn't help that we had pre-paid for a cabin for three days, and will now be baby mooning, if you can call it that, in a medical instition instead.
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#2 of 25 Old 07-23-2010, 09:34 AM
 
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Oh wow I am so so sorry. That is just awful in so many ways!

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#3 of 25 Old 07-23-2010, 09:49 AM
 
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I am crying for you. I would be so mad at bf's dad for that! No woman should have to deal with that

Remember that hospital policies are not the same as laws, and try to look on the bright side, at least you didn't get to the hospital at 4cm, right? And don't be afraid to leave the hospital early. Just because you have medicaid doesn't mean you can't leave ama

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#4 of 25 Old 07-23-2010, 09:52 AM
 
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Really really sorry mamma =(. Hugs to you and your new little family.

I know you just gave birth but you and your bf stand your ground. Hospital policies are not laws and you don't have to consent to anything. I know easier said then done when you just gave brith, btdt myself with dd1.

Good luck and congrats on the babe!

Mamma to dd1 3/8/07, one 9.5.08, and dd2 9/9/09
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#5 of 25 Old 07-23-2010, 01:41 PM
 
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He better at least be paying for the bill for the cabin you didn't get to use!!!
Sorry things didn't go as expected. But congrats on an unmedicated mostly intervention free birth, and congrats on your new little one.

Happily unmarried to DP guitar.gifParenting: DD (March '06) energy.gifwaterbirth.jpg, DS (August '10) fly-by-nursing1.giffamilybed1.gifhomebirth.jpg, and our furry kids dog2.gifGuiney Pig, dog2.gifPo the POlice, and cat.gifMrs. Puff. Loving WAHM life in the Mortgage Bizz with DP.

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#6 of 25 Old 07-23-2010, 01:45 PM
 
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Congratulations. I'm sorry these people did this to you.

If I were you, they would not ever be a part of my family's life going forward, period.
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#7 of 25 Old 07-23-2010, 03:26 PM
 
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thats horrible.. i feel so bad for you. Congrats on your little one, but such a horrible experience for all of you. I agree with bella.. stand your ground. If you are still there insist they bring your baby to you... And remember you can always check out AMA even with medicaid.

Jade, momma to Ariana 5/23/06 and Trystan 9/28/10
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#8 of 25 Old 07-23-2010, 10:02 PM
 
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I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
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#9 of 25 Old 07-23-2010, 10:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hempandhoney View Post
We were forced into having our son last night in the hospital by my boyfriend's father, because he threatened to call the EMTs as we were waiting out labor at the house until it was time to check into our cabin rental. We claimed to have a midwife, but he insisted on calling her, and then called the two midwives in our area to verify that they did not accept Medicaid. We would have lied and claimed to be driving to the hospital, but he FOLLOWED us, and we were afraid he would call child services. He also called my mother at work and I had to attempt to explain to her during full blown labor, as she was CRYING hysterically, that unassisted childbirth was an educated decision and I was doing what I felt was best for MY child. She of course, would not listen to reason, which is exactly why we had not informed her, or anyone else, of our plans. Luckily I was fully dilated when we reached the hospital and avoided all pain medication. Unfortunately, they did not respect our wishes for delayed cord cutting (they claimed it had stopped pulsing moments after the birth and that somehow not clamping and cutting was dangerous?!) even when we had told them it was a religious based request. There goes our lotus birth. The intensity of which he cried when they cut his cord was heart wrenching. I'm
pretty upset with all the unnecessary procedures they've performed (regardless of our protests, because such testing is required by their policies) especially considering he was born with an Apgar score of 9. A newborn should never
spend their first four hours alone in a nursery. It's been about 11 hours and I
have still yet to get him to nurse. They only allowed us fifteen minutes to initiate nursing before taking him to the nursery. They've been trying to take
him back periodically since they brought him back to us under the pretense of "you need to rest." I need to be left alone with my family! It doesn't help that we had pre-paid for a cabin for three days, and will now be baby mooning, if you can call it that, in a medical instition instead.
Congratulations on your birth, sorry it didn't turn out the way you had hoped, but by any chance are you in a hospital in a certain large city in East TN? Your story sounds familiar to me(I am a midwife assistant) and would love to hear more details. PM me if you like. If you are having difficulties w/bf, you can call me or my senior midwife, we would be happy to help...congrats again.
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#10 of 25 Old 07-23-2010, 10:39 PM
 
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Congratulations on your new baby!

But I am so sorry that things went so differently than you had hoped. Your story made me so mad!


Banana, doula wife to Papa Banana and mother to Banana One, Banana Two, Banana Three, Banana Four...

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#11 of 25 Old 07-23-2010, 10:48 PM
 
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I think I would stay very far away from bf's family from now on...
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#12 of 25 Old 07-23-2010, 11:22 PM
 
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LEAVE NOW! Sign out AMA. They CANNOT legally force you or your baby to stay there. And don't be afraid to threaten lawsuit if necessary. They are putting the health of you and your baby at risk by refusing to let you have your baby as you wish. It is putting your nursing and bonding at risk. By putting your nursing relationship at risk, that increases the risk of supplementing or weaning, and formula has serious health risks when not absolutely necessary. Chances are they've already given him a bottle - not only does the formula harm him, but the use of artificial nipples (bottle OR pacifier) puts him at risk for nipple preference which CAN be overcome, but is not easy (been there done that). I would be worried about what else they may do against your wishes at this point (i.e., circumcision, Hep B vax - which you CAN refuse!, etc.). I strongly suggest you just get your baby and sign out AMA...IMMEDIATELY. As in, stop reading this, get up and leave.

And s mama! I'm so profoundly sorry for your loss! And congrats on your sweet baby!

- Emy . Single mom to DS nut.gif Ezra (15.12.05), angel2.gif Thames (reincarnated 18.04.08) and DD rainbow1284.gif babyf.gif Allora (11.02.11) and dog2.gif Hoppylactivist.gif  novaxnocirc.gif  waterbirth.jpg fambedsingle2.gif bfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

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#13 of 25 Old 07-23-2010, 11:30 PM
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I had a C-section and was nursing my DD within 20 minutes of giving birth. 11 hours or even 4 hours are outrageous. My DH carried my DD to the nursery and back to the recovery room. I'm really sorry that your birth plans were interfered with. I hope you're either home or at least they are leaving you alone now.
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#14 of 25 Old 07-24-2010, 02:29 PM
 
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((Strength to you to get out now and recover with your new baby in a respectful environment for your new family.))
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#15 of 25 Old 07-24-2010, 02:38 PM
 
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You don't have to allow them to take your baby. If you are not physically up to fighting this fight, your boyfriend needs to do it. Do not let them take the baby, period. There is NO reason why they have to. If they insist that a test needs to be done and you don't feel like fighting it, your boyfriend can stay with the baby no matter where they go. Period.

I also agree with the option to sign out AMA. If you know you're fine and your baby is fine, leave! I had a planned hospital birth, and even so I only stayed 24 hours past delivery(by my own choosing).


And while right now is probably not the time to get into it too much, I would also seriously consider severing ties with the boyfriend's father.
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#16 of 25 Old 07-24-2010, 02:43 PM
 
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woah. tell them to give you your baby so you can feed him!!

mama to one '07 and one '09
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#17 of 25 Old 07-24-2010, 03:20 PM
 
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And I thought my ILs were all in my business!

You need to get that baby to your breast. I would threaten to call the police if they don't bring you your baby RIGHT NOW!

And your boyfriend's father would be out of my life after that. As well as the baby's. If he is not going to respect this, what happens if you breastfeed "too long" or do any other crazy "harmful" AP type things.

I am SO SORRY this happened to you. This is beyond words how awful that is. I hope you can find the support and help you need in the upcoming days.

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#18 of 25 Old 07-24-2010, 04:16 PM
 
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I am so sorry about the way you have been treated

Amara ~ Married to my HS sweetheart, we're having a blast with baby Z (1/29/2011)

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#19 of 25 Old 07-24-2010, 04:23 PM
 
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wow that sucks. my friend's husband actually did call the emt's on her but they legally could not transport her against her will and she was not breaking the law so she birthed at home as planned.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#20 of 25 Old 07-24-2010, 06:51 PM
 
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Get out of the hospital, go to the cabin! It would be a very long time before I talked to FIL. How angry is DH?
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#21 of 25 Old 07-25-2010, 05:17 PM
 
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Wow mama, I am so, so sorry that happened to you and your baby! That is so very wrong, on so many levels.

I would seriously consider suing the hospital for premature cord clamping against your wishes, and taking your baby to the nursery without consent.

On a more positive note - my friend who did not get to nurse her baby for a full three days due to a similar situation at the hospital where she delivered nursed her baby for many years, despite the first three days of separation.

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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#22 of 25 Old 07-25-2010, 06:16 PM
 
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I agree. tell them to bring you your baby. I'd be considering calling police for kidnapping charges. they don't get to tell you what happens to *your* baby... at least in the US, afaik.

Jenna ~ mommy to Sophia Elise idea.gif  (1/06), Oliver Matthew  blahblah.gif (7/07) and Avery Michael fly-by-nursing1.gif(3/10)

 

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#23 of 25 Old 07-25-2010, 06:23 PM
 
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I am so sorry, sounds horrible. Congrats on your new baby and despite what happened I hope you can have a wonderful babymoon!

Katie - Mama to E1 (7, c/s), E2 (5, c/s), E3 (3, VBA2C), E4 (1, UC)
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#24 of 25 Old 07-31-2010, 01:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you everyone for the much needed support. we managed to escape the hospital within 48 hours. it was a tense and sleepless experience. we had booby issues until ds was about four days old, but we have been to a lactation consultant and all issues have been resolved. ds has started eating nearly every hour and a half and has gained half a pound the past two days! we also were able to reschedule our cabin reservation, so we will have time all by ourselves. grandma has suggested we try rebirthing. she had to rebirth with dh to get him to nurse. grandpa has since apologized. he acted like a dog with it's tail between it's legs for a few days. over all ds is doing great. i get a little sad every time i put lavender oil on his umbilical cord, but i know he is a happy baby. he smiles quite a bit. again, thank you everyone! there is always a next time.
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#25 of 25 Old 07-31-2010, 06:45 AM
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awesome update~

i'm sorry your birth got hijacked, but i'm glad that everything went rather well for all of that, and that you were able to get out of the hospital (and hopefully to the cabin).

and next time, just know your rights and tell your DH to stand up for them with everyone. it's the job i gave DH. here is the legal landscape, and should anyone ask, he takes care of it. period, end of story.

and yeah, i would nto be spending any time with FIL anytime soon.
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