Intense fear/stress/anxiety! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 12-07-2010, 05:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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   I'm 37w4d and I"m freaking out. My pregnancy didn't start off well. I did not want any more babies and had went in for an iud only to find out that I was pregnant. Since then I've been getting used to the idea. I had one ultrasound and found out I'm having another girl (will be my 4th!). I've had a little fun shopping for her. I have read only one pregnancy book and have not been to my ddc board in quite some time. I feel like I've been in denial a little. Now she'll be here soon. The past 4 months have really sucked financially. It still sucks actually! Baby is due on Christmas. I've had 1 hospital/epi birth, 1 waterbirth/birth center, 1 birth center birth w/o water, and 1 uc waterbirth. I'm planning on uc'ing but I'm experiencing such intense fear/stress/anxiety about the birth. I'm worried it will be really painful and that I won't be able to handle it. I have been in bed for weeks now. I don't leave my bed unless I need to use the bathroom or take my kids somewhere. I'm feeling depressed and I just don't know what to do about it. I have taken hypnobabies classes and have been trying to listen to the scripts every day but usually its more like 3 times a week. I sleep through them and so who know what good it will do. An epidural is sounding pretty good to me and I never thought I'd say that! Any one else went through this? Dh is supportive of whatever I decide but its tough because I don't really have anyone to talk to. I'm not close with my family or his and I don't have irl friends.


Stephanie + Dh= Super blessed parents to 1 ds, and 4 dds!
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#2 of 9 Old 12-07-2010, 08:57 PM
 
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I have been a lurker here and never posted but your note sounded so sad I had to reply!  I am sorry you are in such a stressful situation and that this LO's arrival may not be at the perfect time for you and your family.  I have never done UC, but like you had pretty horrible pregnancies (I was really depressed when pregnant, had horrible hyperemesis, I work full time and DH was in school, etc.)  By the time I had gone to 41+3 and showed for my induction, I was just not in the mood or mindset for a really challenging delivery.  I got an epidural as soon as I got painful, slept for a few hours, woke up when I was complete and pushed for 20 minutes and delivered my SGA overcooked little sweetheart.  It was exactly what I needed and I couldn't handle any more challenge or stress at that point.  It was a great transition for me from a difficult pregnancy to the bliss of motherhood.  I guess what I am saying is, if you are just not up for it, that is ok.  If you want to do the whole hospital/epi route, that is fine.  Do what you feel you can do and what will be best for you. 

 

Sending lots of happy baby dust your way.  I hope that your first look at that sweet little girl will help all your other worries fade.  Take care, mama.

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#3 of 9 Old 12-08-2010, 09:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for answering. I appreciate it.


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#4 of 9 Old 12-08-2010, 09:20 PM
 
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Stephanie, I could have written your post.Seriously. I thought we were done 2.5 yrs ago with #4. Then I had a polyp on my uterus last summer, which gave me my period 2x a month until I had it removed in Jan 2010...Feb 2010- took but ONE time, and boom here comes #5! There is a reason for it all I am certain!

So,  I am past my due date of 12-5 with baby #5. I have 4 little girls at home, and hope for the boy this time! I still have lots of fear and anxiety. And this is my 4th UC. In comparision to birthing at a hospital with drugs- I'd take this UC over it any day. BTDT with baby #1, and because of it, I would never ever ever birth in a hospital, unless medically ness., although an epidural sounds fantastic...the consequences, and interventions are totally not worth the added stress. If anything, this birth will be the most peaceful part of my life right now.

I am finally settling into a lot of facts. I have to accept what is to come and will do so openly knowing my choice for myself is the best.

This UC is a walk in the park compared to the stress and frustration of our finances. I think all pregnancies are challenging in one way or the other, but I am the only expert of MY body and I know what it can do, its done it before.

I am sort of fearful of the feeling of labor again. They say you forget about it all- that's a load of crap. I remember how hard I work, how it comes and goes in waves and can seem unbearable...B U T... my body will only provide an specific number of contractions to birth my baby, not one more, not one less. (I only wish I had that number written down!)

The time of my labor is pre-determined by my body. The intensity of each contraction will NEVER rise above my own personal pain threshold. I will plateau, then transition to push.

Once it starts,  I know there is an end.

I have thrown my back out in the past and would gladly take labor over that. My dh just passed his first kidney stone 1 week ago and I would gladly take labor over that.

Its all how you perceive the birth.

Read Almi's twin birth story- I just did and it was great. She put herself into a state of mind of visualizing the physical process of her babies being born and it helped her through the labor. I plan on doing that.

Here's a big fat cyber hug from me, it's going to be alright.

 

all my best.

amyjean


Mama to 5 babies. UCer, too!
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#5 of 9 Old 12-17-2010, 09:06 PM
 
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Just wanted to pass on some encouragement to you also.  Whatever you decide, I hope you know that it is your choice and you are free to make the one that is best for you.  Birth is just like a marathon, definitely physical, but majorly mental.  If you aren't up to it mentally, no matter how physically prepared you may be, it just won't work. 

If you feel resigned to doing the hospital birth, I hope that gives you a sense of peace.  But if it doesn't, I hope you get some good books and get encouraged with lots of natural birth stories.  Or go to a massage, coffee shop, talk with some friends, have a date with your husband-- do the things that will give you a sense of peace and feeling of fulfillment. 

I'd love to know what you decide.

By the way, my third pregnancy was super hard for me.  I was very depressed and suicidal- and somewhat homicidal:).  So, I know how hard it can be.  Pregnancy hormones do crazy things to us ladies.


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#6 of 9 Old 12-18-2010, 04:20 AM
 
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Gently but oh so firmly, dear sister: GET OUT OF BED.  And remember this wise saying: 'Not to decide is to decide' (Martin Buber).  Are you willing to have 'whatever' happen to you, baby, your birth?  Because if you don't get out of bed and start living again, who knows what will happen?  Are you wanting to become a helpless victim of your life, accepting whatever occurs?

 

Maybe your fear/angst is just a result of a surprise pregnancy and financial woes.  Maybe it is something else that you need to listen to, and make decisions about.  You'll never know unless you get out of bed, and start living your life again.  You and only you have the power to do this.  Reach out, find contact with others, do the dishes, go for a walk, make crafts with your kids, watch tear jerking along with funny videos....start living again.  This baby is coming soon and you must make decisions about it or those decisions will be made for you by 'fate'. 

 

Consider all the options, every single one of them including releasing this child for adoption if you really can't manage one more in your life.  I did that once--I really made myself think about it, because of my life-situation at the time, compounded by the fact that I had not wanted another child when I conceived by surprise.  It made me realize that even though having another would be very hard--and it was, and has been in some ways all through--that I could not deny the love coming with the baby.  Someone else might make another choice--and then you would be granting a great and precious gift to another family.  There is no wrong choice in this!  But think about it, because otherwise you will sink farther.  My dear son is now nearly 13 and a joy in my life, last one left at home with the others now grown.  It's been a hard go yet never too much except when I forgot that I made a choice, I made that choice for good reasons of my own.  Whatever your choice, it will be one made from your own power and love, and that fact can serve your power, love and joy for the rest of your days.

 

Now--get out of bed.  Face your life, and figure out what you need.  Get help somehow--it is available in many ways.  That, or stay in bed and let life happen to you...so rarely a thing that people look back on with fondness!

 

You can do this mama.  For yourself, your baby, your marriage and other kids, you must.

 

sending lots of loving hugs and prayers for your discovery of yet another layer of womanly strength to move forward.

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#7 of 9 Old 12-19-2010, 08:33 PM
 
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Mama, there is such a thing as pre-partum depression, and as pre-partum anxiety.  These conditions can be crippling if you don't get help, but there is a lot of help available.

 

It is possible that your anxiety is grounded in some real thing - that there is a real reason for concern about your pregnancy and delivery.  It is also possible that your anxiety about your pregnancy is  a manifestation of your stress over other issues, made worse by the hormone storm you're going through right now.  If you are spending most of your time in bed, and most of your time feeling fearful, you need to talk to a professional.

 

Anxiety can really screw up your world view, and make even sensible and ordinary things seem frightening.  You need support, and you should be evaluated by a doctor or midwife.  In your case, it might make sense to start seeking support with your husband - can he stay by you while you make the phone calls?  Can he come with you to the appointment?  If not, can he help you ask a friend to come get you and drive you there and sit with you?

 

I got through my third pregnancy (a very anxious time) with a combination of counseling and medication.  I was glad that I did - feeling just a little bit better made it possible for me to reach out and find support that made me feel a lot better.  Please get help:  you need it and you deserve it.

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#8 of 9 Old 12-20-2010, 07:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have been seeing a midwife for prenatals. She thinks I'll be just fine. She says I'll be a "butter birther". She knows how I've been feeling through my whole pregnancy.. so I dunno. My due date is Friday.  I have been seeing a therapist off/on since I was probably 7-8yo. I haven't seen a therapist though in 3 years. I stopped going because it was getting expensive (close to $300 mo!) and I couldn't tell if the Lexapro was working. Also it seemed like I would feel "fine" for a month or two or three and think I'm over the depression..only to later feel terrible again. The therapist wasn't "natural/crunchy parenting" friendly either  but I guess that's the norm really. 


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#9 of 9 Old 12-20-2010, 07:56 AM
 
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LMB, if your midwife knows that you have trouble getting out of bed because of anxiety, and her response is "it'll be fine", you need a new midwife.

 

Your anxiety is preventing you from engaging in the daily activities of your ordinary life.  That means it's serious.  I know that therapists can be expensive, but please make some calls.  Heck, tell me where you are and I'll see if I can find you a local organization that deals with pre/post-partum depression and charges on a sliding scale.  There ARE crunchy-parenting friendly therapists out there.

 

My experience with depression is very similar to yours in that I would feel fine, and think it was gone, and then feel awful again.  (When I feel fine, I feel like I have always been fine, that sad thing was just a weird patch and it won't happen again.  Unfortunately, when I feel bad, I feel like that good part was just a weird patch...)  That can be the way depression works.

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