would midwife at home or UC be best for me? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 01-09-2011, 12:55 PM - Thread Starter
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How do you decide to skip the midwife at home? We can afford one and DH so far is demanding it. I love the idea of UC but I'm anxious about it. I'm only 7 weeks along so I have a lot of time to think and learn


In my mind the worst scenario is the baby has a bad presentation and we have to rush to the hospital or the baby comes out not breathing and I can not help them or just that something bad happens that I have never heard for and therefore am not prepared for.I'm also weirdly uncomforable with the idea of touching my vagina when a baby is coming out of it. The idea of massaging my cervix when the baby is coming gives me creeps 


I am a very reserved person and not truly comfortable around many people. DH is very unhelpful when I'm in labor. He would be best as one of those dads who sit in the waiting room until the baby arrives, so I would be nearly alone in the birth. I'm good at listening to my body.


I have 2 children and both were at hospitals. the first birth was so awful I believe I have post traumatic stress from it.The second birth was as good as a hospital birth can go and I still don't want to go through with it again.  I have been around this board for 2 years but just changed my screen name because my old one was the same as my email


So, how do you decide to go without a midwife and how do you calm anxiety over UC?

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#2 of 3 Old 01-09-2011, 01:22 PM
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I think you just need to make the choice you're most comfortable with. Not sure what you mean about touching as baby is coming, I have reached down to help guide baby and support my perineum at crowning both births but never needed to reach inside. Did check my own dilation during the second labor a couple times but that wasn't necessary. The way I prepared for births was to get very informed about variations of labor or complications and what one would do in response if things came up. Research especially the ones that are on your mind most, that makes it easier to make decisions and find confidence. With my first I wanted to UC, was confident I would if things went totally normally at least, but changed my mind after 30 hours of labor and went to the hospital and the OB I'd been seeing prenatally and birthed naturally there. I gave birth with a midwife present for my second, one who was good at staying back and doing as I asked of her instead of taking charge. I was happy with that because she could reassure me everything was going fine even when things weren't quite textbook, and could deal with resuscitation or hemorrhage or anything like that if it did come up.


I think key to confidently going through with a UC is to know about how much variation you'd be ok with before choosing to transfer, and being able to really envision yourself giving birth the way you're planning. In the second labor I went in with the mindset of, my husband and midwife might be there to help out but I know *I* have to do this myself and I know I can. They can't do it for me, they can't rescue me if it gets intense and difficult. I will be the one to push through it.

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#3 of 3 Old 01-10-2011, 11:26 AM
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If you can find a hands off midwife then and can afford it, then I think that'd be nice. I'm going to UC because I can't stand people telling me what to do or vaginal exams etc while in labor. I hated that. This is going to be my first UC, but I wanted one with my last birth - just didn't have anywhere to do it because of my living situation. Definitely, I would give birth at home but do what feels right as far as UC or midwife attended. Your hubby does play some part. I wouldn't want my hubby upset with me. I think it's essential to have your husband's support. So, if absolutely he would not go with an UC - do midwife assisted. (my opinion) HTH

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