I have not had a full-term pregnancy since DS was born almost 7 years ago. I have since had a first trimester m/c at home, this would be the last incident that I would consider "normal" as far as pregnancies go.
March '09 I had an induction termination at 18 weeks for a major subchorionic(sp) hematoma. I had bled out, should have died then- didn't. Bottom line to me now is I didn't trust the Lord and let fear in. But have been able to learn and grow from it.
Oct. '09 I was 17 weeks preg when my water broke. I did NOT let fear in that time and chose to keep my child in me. He stayed for 10 more weeks. These 10 weeks I was in and out of the hosp and signed out AMA bc I HATE the hosp. Apparently I had a placental abruption(I had been bleeding for a few weeks), they had to manually scrape pieces of my placenta out. My son was born perfect, praise God! He was a miracle. After 75 days in the NICU we finally took him home. 10 days later SIDS took our sweet miracle. Nonetheless, God was/is faithful and so good to me. In my heart I know why said things have happened.
Now I am 26w pregnant being seen at the high-risk clinic, I decline almost everything and with this new rotation of drs it's a nightmare. Yesterday I was told "If you don't let us TAKE CARE of YOU perhaps you should go elsewhere," bc I declined pretty much everything they wanted to do that day(EWWWWWW). I only go there bc I did not want to get my care through the naval hosp, and if, God forbid, I had another preemie I was familiar with the nurses and facility. There is also a dr I LOVE who would be able to be the dr at the delivery.
I haven't been able to envision myself having this baby at a hospital at all. I can see myself leaning while on the bed at the hosp, but that is IT. I feel weary and very much dreading the hospital. Even though my plan has been to wait until the very last minute to leave the house, I see myself giving birth at the front door before we walk out. So much so that while interviewing a doula I told her that I may stay home too long and "oops" so if this make you uncomfortable please let me know now. DH is deployed and when I mentioned a doula to him he was offended, etc. Then when I told him we could just have the baby at home him and I he was MUCH more inclined to that idea, go figure. I can see myself on our bed, squatting- leaning on DH while giving birth to her and it feels so perfect, tearfully perfect.
So now at this point, instead of "oopsing" I'm rly feeling like I should prepare to UC. I know I need to pray and seek the Lord about it more. Although, already when worries or what ifs come in- I just thing my God is greater than any person and as Christ was and what he did so can I. Mary did not have a m/w or dr, she had God and Joseph and that's all she needed. And she gave birth KNOWING they where killing babies so Christ would not live.
Are feelings such as these what you ladies have experienced?
First I have to say as a fellow Christian, I really admire your faith. I am working through that as well, trusting God and just believing that His will be done, that He is always working for our ultimate good, that He will never leave us or forsake us.
I had a home birth with my first and I am strongly considering UC for this babe (due late May/early June). I am praying about it and all I would say is to do the same (I am sure you are!!). Basically, surrender to Him, remember He knows your prayers before you even ask Him and just delare His protection over your home, your body, your baby -- and if you have to go to the hospital -- pray that He soften the hearts of anyone who cares for you that they will be gentle with you and agreeable to what you want for yourself and your baby.
I too, think of all the women who came before us -- in The Bible and around the world who not only didn't have midwives, but didn't have indoor plumbing, knowledge about germs, information on childbirth or techniques, access to medical care should they need it etc. That is what causes the vast majority of infant/maternal deaths and praise God we have access to all that so that cuts our risk sooooo low. Even with all the risks of the women who've come before us, life managed to go on and even then, more babies than not survived.
Blessings to you on your journey.
Grace-based wife & mama to 2 unschoolers! One & . We live simply & mindfully. Expecting another blessing Feb 2015 Praying for another
I, too, am blown away by your faith. Your story is one of those that reminds I have *nothing* to whine about.
I knew UC was for me basically the first time I realized it was an option. I had two hospital births that were just about as good as one could expect to have, with lots of support from the staff and a blessedly late OB the first time around. Nonetheless, I was essentially placed on my back against my will both times, (made me mad and I think led to both tiny tears I received) and realized in retrospect I found myself asking other people IF I could hold my own child and asking permission to breastfeed! So when I realized I could just have my babies at home, (so funny to me now that I needed to figure that out... ) it was just obvious that I'd be doing that with any future children.
And I'm finally planning to do so, as I'm also due late May / early June!
Shifting my thinking to UC was helped out quite a bit by having been raised to believe I was designed by God to give birth, and that pain-free births were absolutely possible. I'd been reading about homebirths and babies coming too quickly and easily to either get to the hospital or wait for a midwife, but I still somehow just didn't recognize that we could just stay home and relax until after my first two were born! This time, I haven't imagined any other birth but a one involving my husband and I alone at home, but I've still second-guessed myself a lot more than I thought I would - I was so self-assured about the whole thing til I got pg! :) But we've had a lot of recent uproar in our lives, moving across the country and spending Christmas with my MIL. ;) I think as things settle down, so will I. One of the things I'm really enjoying so far is not dreading the constanst interference with my body from doctors.
I would really encourage you to listen to your body, your faith, and your heart, and go ahead and prepare yourself for a UC. I'm amazed that you're feeling so strong with all you've been through, and I think you owe it to yourself to be prepared for your dreams, since with all you've been through with your babies, I think you are more than prepared for what could possibly go wrong. I think Tumble Bumbles' suggestion of praying for all the possibilities is great, something you're probably already doing, and that will bring you comfort and keep your heart open to God's continuing guidance as you progress with your pregnancy. I hope things come together for you & your family just as you've seen them in your heart!
It's such a relief to finally trust yourself.
I share your faith sister! I had a hospital birth with my first almost 13 years ago. All the typical interventions. Sucked. Learned as much as I could with the second. Went to the hospital with my head on straight. Refused everything. Ended up with a FORCED section. Huge trauma. I thank God my husband was there and so strong. They tried to "fix" me while I was on the table and he let em have it:) I was only 23. I was never going to have another child. EVER. Fast forward 5 & 1/2 years. I got pregnant. WOW! We were so excited!! It was completely unexpected. I misscarried at 9 weeks. It was horrible. I knew I was ok but I let everyone talk me into going to the hospital anyway. They informed me all was ok. The baby (fetus as they called it) had passed and there was nothing left in the womb. We went home to deal with it with a referral to see a doc in three days. Went to the appt. Doc was great. When he examined me, he pulled out the placenta. Hmm. The docs at the hospital said"all clear" yet obviously it wasn't. This event changed my life forever. I was already saved, but my Faith in God deepened to a level I could have never imagined. It is wonderful!! The docs being wrong caused me to question EVERTHING. I ended up pregnant again after 5 months. Yay!! We did not tell anyone for a few months. I found a midwife who did my care for nothing. She was amazing. I was prepared to have my baby naturally. I was even comfortable having my baby at home. Alone. My dh was uncomfortable with it so I decided to go to the birthing center. When I was in labor, I felt differently. I was perfectly fine laboring in the bathroom:) I tried to stay but my dh was scared and I don't blame him. He had to physically put my robe on and put me in the van to get me there. I was in transition. OUCH! Trasition in the back of the van. On my knees on the floor right between my two boys. Poor kids. When we got to the birthing center, they got to babysit a ten week old girl of one of the midwives:) They loved it! Once I was relaxed, my water broke and out she came. It was so easy! I knew in my heart I would have been perfectly fine at home. Oh well. I loved being a new mommy again!! God is good. He used my miscarriage to question the "world" and their ways. I Thank him for it every day! He walks with me everyday! Fast forward 7 months. We move away from all of our family to be by the coast. Life was good. Well It got better. I was pregnant again! This time my dh said "Are we going to do it alone this time?" I was so excited!! I learned everything I possibly could. I let God guide me every step of the way. We had our first uc!! Our second girl. Of course our family was scared to death!! But with God ALL things are possible!! Fast forward 5 months and were back in Idaho(big mistake). I do not believe we followed the Lord on that decision. We end up living with the inlaws. Oh boy! My dh went away to school and I found out I was pregnant again! Talk about trying to keep a secret! We lived there for five more months. They were wonderful to us. We got comfy in our new home and waited to have our next baby at home. Alone. I had a faith that no one else could understand. It was very hard being close to family who were so scared of something so normal. My parents ALWAYS show up when I'm in labor! They came to visit again:) This time my water broke when I got out of bed early in the morning. I labored for 36 hours after that. Family kept calling my husband and getting him all scared about my water breaking and doing their research to see how safe it really was. UGHH!! With every contration there was water and it was clear. No issues. Complete faith. My husband finally shut off the phones. My parents were great! They left me alone. They watched the other kids. Cooked dinner. They did whatever needed to be done. My poor mom came into my room once and all I had to do was look at her and she knew all was fine. Thank God for faith! I finally got in the shower. Everything stopped. It was surreal. Quiet. It was just me and the baby. I checked myself then and the baby's head was emerging through the cervix. Amazing. I got out of the shower because I could not get comfortable. My dh came in to check on me. I was leaning over the toilet. I could not even squat. It was wierd that I could not do anythng but stand. My body started pushing for me and then she crowned. I have never felt a buring like that in my life!! He said keep pushing I see ears. I screamed that's it!!!!!! I thought I was being ripped in half. Finally I got her head out and out she came. All 10 pounds of her!!! My biggest before her was 7 lbs 11 oz. It all worked out according to God's plan. I just had to be willing to let it happen. With the last three births, I never could imagine having them anywhere but home. It was like God was showing me where and how it would happen and that all would be ok. Can you imagine if I had gone to a hospital? Previous c section, water breaks, 36 hours of labor=forced csection all over again:( WOW I was just going to tell you to have faith in God with trusting your birth. I came up with a lot more lol! He will show you the way. Trust Him. BTW I found out two days ago baby number 6 will be here sometime in Sept. No one but me and God knows!!! Our lives are still upside down. But I am willing to let God work through me. If that means bringing another life into the world then so be it. God uses all things for good for thos who love him!! I'm praying for you!! God bless you!
I knew UC was for me:
after I realized this was an option!
after I had cried and stressed for weeks, heck even months about giving birth in a cold sterile place where strangers would be in my most intimates b/c that is how my dh felt I should give birth. (I am absolutely petrified of hospitals and do not trust Drs.)
after all the research I have done on all the interventions used - the over use of pit and the 30%+ c/s rate here. Realizing that I did NOT want an IV and to be told how I was going to labor and deliver. Realizing that a stranger would be the first person my baby sees and is touched by. (this actually made me very sad.) Despite my ob being very naturally minded, the hospital protocols and such I would still have to abide by.
after I was almost half way through my preg and realized I didn't care to pay for an ob and then the full midwifes fee (maybe that more so me a little cheap?) when I preferred to be left alone during labor.
when I finally let myself go and put my faith and trust in my body. I felt so serene and peaceful and all the fear and anxiety of birthing in a hospital honestly melted away instantly.
allowing myself to be completely honest with me. I don't like strangers touching me and I do not want strangers around while I give birth. I feel giving birth is a very natural part of life and hope to welcome our baby into the world w/ just me and my husband (and three dogs :P ) where we will be the first to hold her, where she won't be taken away to be cleaned and poked and prodded (not that I would allow that,) where I wouldn't have to wait for my ob to clamp and cut her cord before I could even touch my baby, (URRGGG!) among other ridiculous hospital rules.
I really believe that birth is a natural process, not one that needs to be medicalized, unless there is a reason for it to be. Our bodies know what to do and as long as mine can do it, I want to have a beautiful and relaxed unassisted homebirth. I truly fear that if I give birth in a hospital, due to the fear and anxiety I would stop progressing and would be whisked away for a c/s, and I do not want that.
I am not yet pregnant, I wanted to learn all that I can about home births, midwives, and UC and HBAC first. The more I read, the more I lean toward UC. I've been to several web pages of midwives that I've considered and more than a few have left me feeling like they were selling something. I want to be more than just a client and mot just helping someone fatten their bank account. I always thought midwives were different from doctors in that way, but I guess I was wrong.
Whether I have a midwife or not, one thing I know for sure is that I fully intend to give birth at home. From the very first contraction to the head crowing to nursing within moments of being born, I will do it ALL at home. The reason I have worded it this way is because I had a midwife tell me that she does do HBACs, but only for your labor. When she deems you dilated far enough to avoid a c-section, she helps you transfer to a hospital. This does not fly with me. HBAC stands for Home BIRTH, not Home labor. Besides, I already have a labor coach. I call him my husband.
PS. I am located in the binghamton NY area...does anyone know a midwife around that area that is willing to participate in an HBAC? I believe in my ability to have an UC, but my husband says he is too nervous and would prefer a midwife. He said even if I don't need her, he does. He needs someone to help keep him calm and to be ther eto let him know that I am okay...that this or that is normal. I can respect that, but he DOES understand that if I cannot find a midwife, I'm going for a UC. (I have contacted about 5 different midwifes...two said they don't do HBAC, two are on sabbatical, and then the one I told you about that does home labor, not home birth)
Wow!!! I love all the responses! Thank you all soooo much!
We are def' staying home unless I feel led by the Lord to do otherwise. =) I'm reading and believing like crazy! God is good allll the time, Thank You JESUS!