Originally Posted by
Shantimama
All of this makes me very sad. There is so much talk about the rights of the parents. Not all parents give a hoot about the rights of their children and that is why there are agencies like CPS and CAS. Sure, there are the blatantly abusive and neglectful parents where you can walk into the home and see filth, drug paraphanelia and bruises all over the children and it is clear that there needs to be some intervention but it isn't always that obvious. Many abusive parents look good and know how to keep things under the radar. That is how they get away with it! The job of CPS is to figure out which families are safe for children and which are not. It can't be an easy job and mistakes are going to be made and that stinks BUT many children don't get the protection and help they deserve because parents' rights come miles before the rights of children in our society.
I grew up in a very respectable home. It was always immaculate, there was always food in the fridge, laundry was put away, everything looked perfect. I was quiet, a good student and pretty well behaved. My mother was outraged at the thought of people judging her or interfering or having the nerve to walk into her home. She had
rights and could not believe that a branch of the government thought they had any business judging her or threatening her precious family. As an adult I have seen and read the CAS paperwork quoting her and describing the state of our home. They got the message, were duly chastised and left us alone. They had no business trying to walk into her house and interfere and intimidate her.
My mother won. She put them in their place, all right. No one could just walk in and tell
her anything, ask any questions, nose around in her business. Why were they bothering
her in her middle class home with the perfect meal plans and lovely furniture and well behaved child? She had a right to privacy and to not allowing uninvited people into her home. She "won" and they walked away and closed the file. They did exactly as they 'should' have done according some posters on this thread. They never should have been there in the first place, right? At least they got the message and were put in their proper place after their little "power trip." The nerve of those horrible, power-trippy social workers!
They walked away - and she continued to drink heavily every night and her pedophile lovers and new husband continued to have their way with the only child in the house. It had been going on for years and it continued for many more years. I never told anyone - who knows who might have made that call to CAS? All of the subtle but classic signs were right there but my mother and her strong sense of parental rights won the day. I was coached and threatened about how to behave and what to say when interviewed by CAS. As would most children abused from early on in life, I did exactly what I was told. My mother told me horror stories about what would happen to me if I said anything that would make that "horrible" social worker take me away from her. Little kids will do just as much to stay with an abusive parent as a loving parent. My mother knew how to bully and work the system and she got away with it. Even with social workers in my home asking questions, her ability to assert
her rights was stronger than anything else and never was there any suggestion of me having any rights at all, not even to a safe bed to sleep in at night. I was drilled the morning before being interviewed alone by CAS. I knew exactly what to do and say. Forgive me if I have a hard time with parents saying that all CPS intervention needs to be on the parents timing and with their presence or consent. That approach ensured that I stayed in an abusive home. A 'surprise' visit and questioning at the right time just might have saved me some real agony - but my mother's (and step-father's) rights came first, of course, well before the rights of the state to examine and ensure the safety of one of its most vulnerable citizens.
I think it is tragic when things go wrong and innocent parents and their children get hurt by the system - but I think it is even more tragic when innocent children continue to be abused because there is so much more credence given to the rights of parents than the rights of children. The only "right" I was granted was that I lived long enough to get old enough to leave home and create my own safe home to live in.
Abusive parents can be extremely devious and intelligent and good at covering their tracks. From what I have read, that is more likely to be the case than clear cut obvious cases of abuse. I really do appreciate the anxiety and anger of parents who are afraid of being falsely accused but it terrifies me to think of how many children never get help or protection because their parents are able to keep the system at bay. Yes, I believe the terrible stories of CPS interventions gone wrong that have been shared here - but I know of so many more cases where abused children found that all of the adults in their lives looked the other way out of "respect" for the parents, many of whom looked like decent, caring, respectable people. If child abusers don't all look like monsters and not all abusive homes are blatantly, obviously horrible places, why can't people accept that investigators are going to have to pry to find the abuse that is so often well covered and hidden? Many abusive parents don't even see what they are doing as abuse and they will do anything in their power to cover it up and get away with it. No abusive parent is going to allow CPS into their home willingly and few will admit to what they are doing. Children have nowhere to go but home and how exactly can they be protected if their abusers are given more power to keep out those who would intervene for good?