Any military Unassisteds out there??? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 20 Old 05-12-2011, 10:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I need help! I am an AF mama,my hubby is enlisted and we are planning to have this baby #4 at home... my hubby's boss found out and now we are being 'scrutinized' by the higher ups. I need to know if there is legal trouble we can get into by doing this. I searched and searched and found nothing but that doesnt mean that they can't! HELP! ps. I am 38 weeks 5 days and I DID go into labor about a week ago... my labor totally stopped after 16 hours because of the stress of 20+ people in my home trying to convince me to go to the hospital and threatening legal action (till they found out it wasnt illegal) I am contracting daily and know that once I make my mind up about what to do that labor will follow shortly.

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#2 of 20 Old 05-12-2011, 11:53 AM
 
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Hi im sorry all the stress your are going thru! Im a navy wife and we are doing a UC birth as well in our own home , I am going to my ob appt but do not plan on going to the hospital when i go into labor. My hubby is a navy recruiter and we dont live near a base , so its alot easier for us to have a uc birth. Are you living in base ? If you are im sure thats why they are giving you a hard time. Sorry im not really much help! Hopefully

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#3 of 20 Old 05-12-2011, 11:54 AM
 
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Can you contact the legal office on base and see what they have to say about it? Also, do you live on base or off base?  I wouldn't think they could do anything to you if you live off base.

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#4 of 20 Old 05-12-2011, 12:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We do live on base.. but its privatized housing. Which I studied just in case... because we thought that if there was an issue we would use a hotel with a nice tub to labor in (I dont want a water birth, but I love my bath to relax!)

 

In reading I found that in military run housing you have to inform commanding officers of homebirth, but privatized is different...and I scoured our booklet of rules and there were none against it!

 

I am not worried so much about the 'legal' side of it as I know I am well within my rights... but I am concerned with the entire 'military rules' part of it. My hubby's commander told me that he wouldn't get into trouble at work over this but he did get called in to 'disuss' it. Their thing is that we NEEDED to inform the Chain of Command... and thats where I am trying figure out if they can find a way to use that for punishment.

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#5 of 20 Old 05-12-2011, 12:19 PM
 
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I need help! I am an AF mama,my hubby is enlisted and we are planning to have this baby #4 at home... my hubby's boss found out and now we are being 'scrutinized' by the higher ups.


Oh my God! I am so sorry!!!

My husband was AF when we had our UC. We told them we were planning a HB not a UC. We told them it was a UC afterwards, and they were AMAZINGLY supportive! The base commander even sent us a letter congratulating us with a handwritten comment about how delivering ourselves was surely something we'd never forget. The doctor in the ER I went to after the birth (retained placenta) reported me to the AF base nurse, who called and left a msg that I never returned. I've never had anyone treat it as if it were a problem again, and we still do military healthcare and all. We lived off base when we had the UC, but all of Corey's higher-ups were very supportive. They even expressed a similar concern that our local military hospital birthing center was unsafe. They thought it was smart, brave, even cool!

There should NOT be any legal trouble that they can get you into. However, I've heard of hospitals forcing women into Csections so I know this area is getting rather gray. But as far as I know, there are no military rules regarding homebirth or UC at all, on or off base. In any case this is your medical decision, and the military can't force you to do anything as you didn't enlist. They also can't force your husband to force you to do anything, because he has no right to force you to do anything either. It's your decision, and if I was you, I'd take that and run with it. It's your body and your decision.

In any case, you can always have an "oops, couldn't get to the hospital in time" birth.

 

They need to BACk off of you, and after my experiences with the AF and UC, I cannot believe you are even in this position!

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#6 of 20 Old 05-12-2011, 01:03 PM
 
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Navy wife here.  We live off-base in our own home, so that may have made a slight difference.  Someone in DH's chain of command did mention something about "oh, we need to talk about that!" in reference to our UC (after the fact), but I'm not sure if he was serious or not.  I told DH to tell him that my vagina is not in ANYONE's chain of command, my birthing options are not up for discussion.

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#7 of 20 Old 05-12-2011, 06:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks so much for everyone's responses! I am just going to say... my experience scared me so badly that I am thankful to hear even that there are other military families making this choice.

 

I have to tell you, my husband's Wing commander was nice (after he checked with child services to see if what we were doing was even legal) and he is an MD... I had, and I am not even beginning to make this up.... 2 Colonels (both MDs) and about 6 other officers, 2 paramedics, 6 first responders and countless 'others' from hubby's work and Security Forces at my house. A firetruck, and 2 ambulances. They brought to my house medical supplies from the base clinic (including 3 pairs of scissors and 2 packages of sterile drapes and sutures) and they all wanted to know 'why'. I explained *between 3 min apart contractions* and they all said I seemed to be "in my right mind" and "knew what I was planning." They shook my hand and left. Only to go to our neighbor and ask him to be aware that I was birthing next door and because he was a first responder himself, left him an OB kit just in case. Then the phone calls started, as well as the 'well meaning first shirt' who cme by our house about 4 times to see how it was going.

 

Yeah, 16 hours of contractions that just died... I was a mad and sad lady!

 

I actually *flush with embarrasment* yanked the phone out of my hubby's hand and yelled at his Sgt. for taking away my birth partner and for stressing me out and told her that what I do with my body is none of their darn business and that she needed to leave me alone. She actually ARUGED with me that everything I do is the military's business because he is the military. rarg!

 

I went to the hospital the following morning to have them check me because I was so scared that my hubby was gonna get chewed up going to work when I didnt have a baby... and on my chart is a nice blue sticky note that says "attempting home birth". Hmmm, wonder where that came from?

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#8 of 20 Old 05-13-2011, 05:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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If you dont mind me asking... what base were you at when you had yours? My hubby was wondering. We are at Peterson in Co Springs.

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#9 of 20 Old 05-13-2011, 08:45 AM
 
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I have never heard of anything like this and honestly I think its crazy that they think theyre going to tell YOU what to do. While they might "own" your husband for the time being, they have no say at all in what you do. I knew a mama in Alaska who did live in private housing who had a u/c about 3 years ago. We are Coast Guard but I really dont see how that matters. Im having a homebirth that will probably be closer to an u/c because my midwife is 2 1/2 hours away and my last birth only lasted 2 hours, and while my hubby hasnt talked about it much at work people do know and nothing has ever been said. Quite frankly I would tell them exactly where they could put their opinions if they did. I would maybe still consider going to a motel if I was in your situation just cause if anyone finds out youre in labor, they might do the same thing as last time and then your birth experience could be ruined. 


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#10 of 20 Old 05-15-2011, 10:12 AM
 
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Originally Posted by militarymama4x View Post

If you dont mind me asking... what base were you at when you had yours? My hubby was wondering. We are at Peterson in Co Springs.


WOW! We were at Schriever AFB, also in Colorado Springs. We would have had to go to Evans Army Community Hospital. They were so open and accepting. can not BELIEVE Peterson AFB personnel are violating your privacy and your space like that. I had no opposition to my UC by the military, only by the hospital who contacted family advocacy. The Peterson AFB family nurse called; I didn't call her back, and I never heard from them again. Are they going to pull this crap again when you go into labor for real? I would make your expectations very clear that they not call or stop by; in fact, I'd unplug the phone and lock the door. The only ones making your birth unsafe are THEM!

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#11 of 20 Old 05-15-2011, 04:23 PM
 
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I'm a former Navy L&D nurse, and I have to say that while I do not know all the military regs, I have NEVER seen anything that says they can force you to go to a hospital; just because your husband is military does not mean they can force just any old procedure on HIM much less you!! I hope you get the birth you want very soon.

 

 

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#12 of 20 Old 05-15-2011, 04:38 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovinmy3 View Post

Can you contact the legal office on base and see what they have to say about it? Also, do you live on base or off base?  I wouldn't think they could do anything to you if you live off base.



If it is anything like where I'm at, you'll have had that baby by the time you get the appointment with legal to ask the question (there is a 2-3 week wait for an appointment.  Not good for people with an urgent situation)

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#13 of 20 Old 05-16-2011, 06:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks ladies! All this has been helpful/encouraging! I am hoping that once I am in actual labor they will leave it alone... and since no one has said much of anything the last week I am feeling more confident!

 

And yes, to get into legal takes FOREVER! lol.. I did check that out!

 

 

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#14 of 20 Old 05-16-2011, 06:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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 How funny, so close! Well, that actually makes me feel better since the 'big deal' was that 'we've never heard of this.'

So, someone has somewhere.. which means that I'm the 1st nor will I be the last. :) Maybe this will help the 'higher ups' to realize that its not that big of a deal!

 

We also would be going to Evans... which is actually a decent hospital... though, very busy and very strict. They forgot about me the first time I was there (I went in for abdominal pain early in preg. I tore a ligament or something but I wanted to make sure it wasnt labor at 25 weeks!



 

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WOW! We were at Schriever AFB, also in Colorado Springs. We would have had to go to Evans Army Community Hospital. They were so open and accepting. can not BELIEVE Peterson AFB personnel are violating your privacy and your space like that. I had no opposition to my UC by the military, only by the hospital who contacted family advocacy. The Peterson AFB family nurse called; I didn't call her back, and I never heard from them again. Are they going to pull this crap again when you go into labor for real? I would make your expectations very clear that they not call or stop by; in fact, I'd unplug the phone and lock the door. The only ones making your birth unsafe are THEM!



 

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#15 of 20 Old 05-16-2011, 08:43 AM
 
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Evans read me literature for 3 hours after my 2 AM birth and refused to let me sleep until they told me all about the dangers of cosleeping and whatnot; they threatened me with a Csection 5 minutes into pushing phase because I wasn't pushing and breathing to their liking. When we told a SSgt of our homebirth he said "Of the last 3 couples I know that gave birth there, in one situation the mother died, in one the baby died, and in another the baby came home brain damaged." Soon after my UC, a friend nearly bled to death after a C-section at Evans. :( I don't know what quality there is like now but around 2007 (when I had my youngest) it did not have a good rep in the circles I ran in, and the on call ob/gyn was very rude to me when I needed a non-emergency removal of my placenta after my UC...even more rude than the disinterested ob/gyn who caught my oldest and failed to prevent perinneal tearing which I was able to prevent at home without years of training...hmm... ;)


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#16 of 20 Old 05-16-2011, 08:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Holy cow! I dunno how 'it is' at all... as my only experience is with the 2 times I went in. Like i said, 1st time.. they forgot about me. Second time was after 'The Bad Day'... and the head OB was my dr. I think that had a lot to do with the 'attempting home birth' note in my folder. lol! They treated me like royalty!

 

I think my issue is this, I listen to dr like I care what he's saying (and I might take an item or two and use it) but mostly its just blank staring on my part. They feel like they are 'getting through' to me but in reality... I have read and studied my choice and their 'scare tactics' will not make me change my beliefs.

 

It seems like they have tried to make sure that they have more options for mama and midwives etc. but I really dont want to labor and deliver in a hospital unless there is a real emergency!
 

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Originally Posted by moonfirefaery View Post

Evans read me literature for 3 hours after my 2 AM birth and refused to let me sleep until they told me all about the dangers of cosleeping and whatnot; they threatened me with a Csection 5 minutes into pushing phase because I wasn't pushing and breathing to their liking. When we told a SSgt of our homebirth he said "Of the last 3 couples I know that gave birth there, in one situation the mother died, in one the baby died, and in another the baby came home brain damaged." Soon after my UC, a friend nearly bled to death after a C-section at Evans. :( I don't know what quality there is like now but around 2007 (when I had my youngest) it did not have a good rep in the circles I ran in, and the on call ob/gyn was very rude to me when I needed a non-emergency removal of my placenta after my UC...even more rude than the disinterested ob/gyn who caught my oldest and failed to prevent perinneal tearing which I was able to prevent at home without years of training...hmm... ;)



 

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#17 of 20 Old 05-16-2011, 09:29 AM
 
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Oh mama im sorry you had to go through that , i would be sooo livid! I cant believe the nerve that had and the stress they brought upon you ! hopefully you go into labor when your hubby is home and avoid letting them know any updates on your status.

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#18 of 20 Old 05-16-2011, 09:49 AM
 
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I got a little mini-lecture from the Doc after my UC, the standard 10% of homebirths go wrong and that's why I don't approve of it...etc.

 

With my first birth I had been in labor all night and came to the hospital around 1; they told me they had no exam rooms and to sit in the waiting room. I was there for over two hours. Then there was a fire drill, which was only for personnel but my DH thought it menat us too. So in labor I had to go down several flights of stairs. Once down, I found I didn't really need to evacuate because it was personnel only, and now I had to go all the way back up, back to the waiting room, to sit there without help. I started crying and a doctor or nurse approached me. I told her how I'd been waiting, no one would see me or give me pain meds, the fire drill, etc. She escorted us back upstairs to L&D, had a quiet word with the nurses there, and came back to let me know that they now had a room for me and would give me pain meds ASAP. Shortly after I was given some Nubain, although it took about five more hours before the anesthesiologist could come give me an epidural... which of course no one educated me about the risks or alternative methods of pain management, slowed my labor leading to pitocin and breaking of waters which no one educated me on the risks of, causing my labor to speed up but now with even more painful contractions, which nurses yelled at me for yelling through... :/

 

Some of the nurses were sweet but many felt the need to tell me how to breathe or push, to scold me about yelling or even about my facial expressions, throughout the whole labor, to threaten me with a Csection, to yell at me. I'm on my back in labor and they are yelling at me, but I'm not allowed to yell.. They read to me for hours after the birth while I was under bright white lights in "transition" until we were moved to our own room, where we were interrupted for vitals about every hour even though it was 5 in the morning when we finally got to even go to bed.

 

It just wasn't pleasant.


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#19 of 20 Old 05-16-2011, 10:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I expect that I will get the 'talking to' after the fact but heaven knows I feel more comfy being at home. I am going VBAC this time around so I got that discussion at the hospital. The dr actually said, 'Its safer for you to deliver vaginally. However, we cannot deliver you after 40 weeks unless by c-section" Which just adds to that nervousness of 'what if I have to transfer?' And I know ALL about uncomfy waits in hallways etc for 'excercises'!

 

This is my 4th baby, and I was pit induced w. #1 at 41 weeks... I was young and thought it sounded great! It was not a 'bad' experience (though contractions were terrible and I had epidural, which stopped labor so more pit and AROM which I had no idea had risks at all, they just did it) except that I bled after and dr told me that I was one step away from a transfusion. Scared me (though he didnt tell me till next day) I know now, putting two and two together that I bled only after he pulled placenta out.. go figure. I think her labor was 7 hours... and pushed 3 times.

 

#2 was SROM at 35.5 weeks... Much easier contractions... though I was still not smart... and because I HATED dr on call I asked for epidural because I was hoping it would stop or slow labor down so my dr could be there. It did. My dr got there and said " I hear you are being stubborn." I said yep. he gave me a dose of pit to start labor back up and I kid you not baby was born in less then 10 mins after that, I pushed like twice. 6 hrs labor even with stall. Because he was early they checked him out for a LONG time before I got him back and he had a harder time nursing than my other babies.

 

#3 was breech c-section... hubs was in Tech school and I lived w. my mom. I looked into HB but the timing was WRONG! That was the WORST experience EVER. I hated it and never want to have it again. It was humiliation and being apart from my baby for over 40 mins to 'recover' hurt SOOO badly!

 

This lil person deserves better and so do I. My babies are nursey babies, and having the seperation really hurt that experience too..

 

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by moonfirefaery View Post

I got a little mini-lecture from the Doc after my UC, the standard 10% of homebirths go wrong and that's why I don't approve of it...etc. With my first birth I had been in labor all night; they told me they had no exam rooms and to sit in the waiting room. I was there for about two hours. Then there was a fire drill, which was only for personnel but my DH thought it menat us too. So in labor I had to go down several flights of stairs. Once down, I found I didn't really need to evacuate because it was personnel only, and now I had to go all the way back up, back to the waiting room, to sit there without help. I started crying and a doctor or nurse approached me. I told her how I'd been waiting, no one would see me, the fire drill, etc. She escorted us back upstairs to L&D, had a quiet word with the nurses there, and came back to let me know that they now had a room for me and would be able to see me. Shortly after I was given some Nubain, although it took about five more hours before teh anesthesiologist could come give me an epidural... which of course no one educated me about the risks or alternative methods of pain management, slowed my labor leading to pitocin and breaking of waters which no one educated me on the risks of, causing my labor to speed up but now with even more painful contractions, which nurses yelled at me for yelling through... :/



 

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#20 of 20 Old 05-17-2011, 07:09 AM
 
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This lil person deserves better and so do I.

 

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