Please learn all you can about SD prevention and the maneuvers for resolving it as there are several. SD has been one of the most common causes of infant death during UCs in MDC's history from what I have seen.
As far as helpful herbs, Motherwort, Angelica, and Shepherd's Purse are helpful for relieving hemorrhage; Shepherd's Purse should be taken after the placenta is out. Rescue Remedy is rumored to be helpful for bleeding and shock. You may want to do more research to have other herbs on hand for other uses, but these are the most important. If you think you're bleeding too much, don't hesitate to take herbs, and call 911.
You will also need to learn how to handle things like the baby not breathing (take a neonatal resuscitation class; "regular CPR" does not work on a neonate) and cord prolapse (where the cord is coming out before the baby--put your legs above your head, bum in the air, and CALL 911! without hesitation)
There are many other emergency situations, and I would recommend you research and be prepared for them all. While unlikely our history has proven that they CAN happen--with disasterous results if we're unprepared. Also, my advice... if there's a life-threatening emergency such as these, call 911 as soon as you identify it, and do whatever you can to get through it until the EMTs arrive.
And the most important rule...follow your instincts--even if they are telling you to intervene.
Thank you, I'll look into all of that.
What you need here is something to get the time off her hands. Some kind of huge project where every time she asks about the doctor thing you can say "it's covered, thanks, now what do you think about Big Project?" Let's see.... any chance she's a gardener? Or has been alternating her complaints about you with complaints about some other issue?
The thing is, you'd think she'd be quite busy. She still has four kids at home, a full-time and a part-time job, and four pieces of property she's managing. She should be plenty busy.
I tried again to talk to my mom today.
Lately she's been making all these jokes about *her* delivering the baby. Things like "Well I'll come around and deliver him if I have to, but I don't want to!" or when she asked me what doctor I was going to, I said "Oh, well we've seen ..." and named that one doctor we saw one time, months ago, rather than explain that we were unhappy with him and couldn't find another, and when she asked where we'd have the baby, instead of answering, I said "Well, that practice delivers at [hour-away-hospital]." Meaning to tell me that I should go to [slightly-less-than-hour-away hospital, literally a few minutes difference] instead, she gave this long ramble about how we'd better stop by her house and pick her up, and while my husband drove to the hospital she could deliver the baby in the backseat. I said gee, if you were gonna deliver him anyway, what do we need to go to the hospital for? and she said "Yeah, we'll just have him at your house, you've got the pool" (meaning a swimming pool in the yard, not a birthing pool, and certainly not serious.
Anyway, all this made me think I'd too harshly judged her. Maybe she was capable of thinking open-mindedly about an unassisted birth. Certainly she was bringing it up often enough.
So I tried to talk to her today as we ran some errands together. In my mind, it was going to go something like this:
Me: I wanted to find a midwife so badly. Too bad the nearest legal one is 3 hours away.
Her: What do you mean, legal one?
Me: [brief explanation of NC's extreme antimidwife laws]
Her: Well....what's the difference, if the other ones are just as qualified?
Me: None, and I talked to several who work 'under the table' so to speak, but none were available and willing. There were either distance or scheduling problems for all of them.
Her: Oh. So you're going to the hospital then.
Me: Well, we actually gave some consideration to having the baby at home without a midwife.
Her: Well, that's what women used to do.....
How it actually went:
Me: I really wanted a homebirth with a midwife. It upsets me that I couldn't find one near enough.
Her: That ought to be illegal!
Me: Wait, what?
Her: Going to somebody's house and delivering a baby! That ought to be against the law!
Her: What if the cord is wrapped around the neck or something?
Me: Well a midwife is trained to-
Her: It ought to be illegal!
After that, everything I tried to say, she'd either interrupt, talk over me, or walk away. So much for bringing her around.
I'm sorry she is not being supportive, it sucks. At least you know where she stands though, and can do your best to avoid talking about it with her from now on. I know how it can be hard not to feel like you can talk honestly about something as important as your birth with your mom.
Ugh, that really sucks! My mother-in-law is very similar and we live on the same property as her. She gets very much into our lives, telling us we shouldn't have more children (I'm pregnant with #3 and she had 7). It's a lousy time to have clashes like this because you're trying to prepare for a relaxing birth and it sounds like nothing is going to please your mom. Do you think she might be jealous of the fact that you're having kids and she can't anymore and no longer has real control over any of her children? This might be her way of trying to feel like she still matters. Not that it helps you at all, but that may be where she's coming from.