Did you tell your OB that you were going to UC? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 57 Old 06-01-2011, 05:18 PM
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Oh, so I am hated because I win arguments? love.gif  Thank you for today's positive affirmation! That feels gooood. High five!

 

Haters gonna hate! But, Mittens and I got no beef. You wanna be startin' something? hammer.gif

 

Oh yeah, and [obligatory response to OP so it looks like I'm still on topic and not just here to pick fights] = lawl

 

 

And yes OP, do not do anything to upset the OB. Remember to remain completely at her mercy, like a good girl. It is her life, after all. [Of course, sarcasm, Holly.]

or generally not trying to upset people in LIFE is nicer than being a walking confrontation...

yawn...you bore me EE.

 

I don't recall being civil/honest to a point with a care provider means we are completely at their mercy but then again I am not trying to hawk a book based on the point that all OBs/MWs have ulterior motives besides helping mamas birth babies and keeping everyone healthy in the process...So once again yawn...you're shtick is tired.
 

 

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#32 of 57 Old 06-01-2011, 07:34 PM
 
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or generally not trying to upset people in LIFE is nicer than being a walking confrontation...

yawn...you bore me EE.

 

I don't recall being civil/honest to a point with a care provider means we are completely at their mercy but then again I am not trying to hawk a book based on the point that all OBs/MWs have ulterior motives besides helping mamas birth babies and keeping everyone healthy in the process...So once again yawn...you're shtick is tired.
 

 

If I bored you, you wouldn't keep coming back to engage me. What's boring is that you continue trying to pick at ME, as if that scores points somehow. Like in your last attack, I wonder if you even noticed that the way you addressed Mittens was even incorrect, as she and I were not even disagreeing with one another? It was just you jumping at any cheap shot you can take. You're not even stopping to comprehend the meaning behind anybody's posts before barking at them.

 

Back to the subject though... being totally honest with your care provider CAN put you completely at their mercy, in certain situations. Or didn't you know that? All it takes is a concerned professional to make it their duty to step in and suddenly a woman's body and rights are no longer her own anymore. Even if it didn't go to that extreme, there are many obstacles that can be thrown in OP's path whether intentionally or not, and it is those that she and all of us here who care about her are hoping she can avoid.

 

I don't know what this "hawking a book" business is, and if you had the fairness of character (and the reading comprehension) to look at mine before judging it, you would have to admit that it is not about all OBs and MWs having ulterior motives. You're just being unfair again and taking more cheap shots, which is particularly vicious considering the book in question is dealing with my own personal struggles and feelings of being traumatized. Way to be sensitive, "LDavis". Or are we only sensitive to moms on the other side of the spectrum, who abhor UC?

 

Now, I think I'll stop answering to you, so you can go ahead and keep saying whatever you like to me, but from now on in this thread I will restrict my comments to the others who are actually serious about UC, which is why I come here in the first place. :(
 

 


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#33 of 57 Old 06-01-2011, 08:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Stop it. Both of you. Lets act like adults. Since moderation isnt happening, we need to try to remember to moderate ourselves and not fight over the people that we think the other people are because of some post or another that they made that we disagreed with.
Ldavis24 , you are one of my favorite people on this board love.gif
EE has given me some really great advice since Ive been on my quest to learn all I can to prepare to UC.
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I do think its likely that if I tell my OB that I will be at her "mercy." Last night DH and I talked about it for a long time and we came to the decision that we will not tell my OB at all. I feel that regardless of whether or not she is trustworthy and reliable, I wont be able to trust her interpretation of what is going on with my body unless I know that she is not holding a biased opinion and attempting to sway me towards a hospital birth. Basically, its not about whether or not she is capable of being honest with me and supporting me, its about how I will read her comments and actions. I know that this issue is all about how I will perceive her actions and responses, not what she is actually going to do. Because of that, we both agreed that I will be less stressed out if I do not tell her.



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#34 of 57 Old 06-01-2011, 08:40 PM
 
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Holly, sorry your thread got derailed. hug.gif


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#35 of 57 Old 06-01-2011, 10:55 PM
 
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I do think its likely that if I tell my OB that I will be at her "mercy." Last night DH and I talked about it for a long time and we came to the decision that we will not tell my OB at all. I feel that regardless of whether or not she is trustworthy and reliable, I wont be able to trust her interpretation of what is going on with my body unless I know that she is not holding a biased opinion and attempting to sway me towards a hospital birth. Basically, its not about whether or not she is capable of being honest with me and supporting me, its about how I will read her comments and actions. I know that this issue is all about how I will perceive her actions and responses, not what she is actually going to do. Because of that, we both agreed that I will be less stressed out if I do not tell her.
 

 

Glad you've made a decision that feels right to you.  You can certainly 'feel her out' over the next few months.  Ya know?!  Enjoy your pregnancy!!
 

 


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#36 of 57 Old 06-03-2011, 09:10 PM
 
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How about "OB, if I make it to the hospital for this next birth, what are you going to do to keep them from freaking out about me?"

 

Don't most OBs bill insurance with a standard pregnancy package that doesn't distinguish between numbers of prenatal visits and time spent at the birth? If that were the case, it wouldn't really affect your OB in the slightest for you to stay home instead.

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#37 of 57 Old 06-04-2011, 05:53 PM
 
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Well, here in my area I don't really have the option of having an ob like that. My entire state is super mw unfriendly, vbac unfriendly, and all things "natural" unfriendly. It's horrible. If I so much as mentioned home birth to any of the ob's I've been too they would and have had a heart attack. I am still searching for an ob that I am comfortable obtaining prenatal care from because they're all so close minded. So, in other words, you are super lucky. Only you know your ob best and how she might handle information like that. If you so choose, I agree with the others on casually and gradually mentioning ideas to see what her take is. But in my situation, there is no way I could even mention it, I would be kicked out of the practice. Good luck to you! Hope it goes well :)

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#38 of 57 Old 06-06-2011, 08:45 AM
 
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Hello, Holly. I appreciate your concern and thought that you're putting into this question. My two cents: you need to be honest with your OB. Only then can she truly provide the care and guidance that you need and deserve. You say yourself that she is good and compassionate and you two have a history and so far you've worked well together.

 

This is a bad analogy, but when a doctor asks during a regular checkup, "How often do you drink?" And someone says "A glass of wine each night." If it's really half a bottle of Jack each night, then a doctor needs to know that. Don't worry about judgments, just be honest with the hopes of getting and providing the best care possible for your child.

 

Even if she tries to talk you out of it or worry you, really that just makes you think that much more ahead and plan ahead and investigate possibilities. 

 

UC is not illegal in Kentucky so all she can do is warn you or inform or advise.

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#39 of 57 Old 06-06-2011, 07:28 PM
 
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hmmmm, I would say, go to your appts, keep your options and mind open and if you feel the time is right, tell her. If not keep it to yourself and play it by ear. I totally get seeing someone who is free because of insurance. I totally get that. Not flaming you at all just was curious what exactly you were looking for. I hope you have the birth you feel empowered to have mama. Good luck!
 

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Im just playing devils advocate here for a moment. So if she bills globally at the end of your pregnancy like I understand most do, she will get paid for your prenatal care. She will lose out on the birth though and that is the biggest money maker for her. Does that make sense? So consider from an OB's standpoint, its a business and if she is going to make more money from another patient who is going to receive all of their prenatal care from her and deliver with her, she is more apt to take them on because it simply makes more financial sense for her. So will she get paid for your prenatal care, yes. Will she make more money off another patient, probably.

 

Just wanted to clarify my point.

 

Im totally just wondering what is your reason why you want to see an OB anyway, if your planning a UC? Like, do you want the standard prenatal appts or just a few and an U/S for positioning? Have you thought of alternatives like seeing a HB midwife and asking her about the possibility of having her stay nearby while you birth at home but away enough that you feel unwatched? Im just not sure seeing an OB is going to be the right choice for you. (totally not attacking you, just curious and trying to help).

 

 




Using homebirth midwives is not really an option for me. I live over an hour away from them, and I have a friend who lives near me who used them and they came about 12 minutes before the baby was born. I would have to pay them out of pocket, and risk them not coming until the last minute. I want to see an OB because I want to make sure that everything is moving in the right direction for me to give birth at home, alone. If I was using a midwife for prenatal care, I wouldnt need an OB, but as it stands seeing an OB is completely free, and a midwife is not. My OB has a CNM in her office, and I have use them before, so Im comfortable with them. I may not go to all of the appointments, but I probably will go more than a couple of times. As this is my first UC and my first homebirth, I do want prenatal care the entire time. My last baby turned breech on me at 35 weeks last time and I had no idea. If I hadnt seen my OB there is no way I would have known. Maybe this time I will be more aware of things like that, but I see no harm in seeing an OB since Im not going to pay a penny for it, they allow children at the visits, and its really close to my house.


 


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#40 of 57 Old 06-06-2011, 07:36 PM
 
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Yes, exactly, but they bill after the birth for all the services. I believe paperwork may be submitted the entire pregnancy but global payment is not until after the birth. So you can imagine why it might p*ss them off if you dont birth with them. They do not get paid for a birth they do not perform however. That would be fraud. So they see you, planning to deliver your baby and get paid the big bucks and then get only to bill for prenatal visits 40 weeks after beginning them.

It makes no sense. I think alot of them would care less if the billing were different. It would be like going to a hairdresser once a month for a cut but getting your color/perm somewhere else. Your hairdresser would be pretty p.o.ed. Totally not likening your prenatal health to a hair cut, just an analogy...

 


 

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How about "OB, if I make it to the hospital for this next birth, what are you going to do to keep them from freaking out about me?"

 

Don't most OBs bill insurance with a standard pregnancy package that doesn't distinguish between numbers of prenatal visits and time spent at the birth? If that were the case, it wouldn't really affect your OB in the slightest for you to stay home instead.



 


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#41 of 57 Old 06-06-2011, 07:44 PM
 
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Sorry, just saw you made a decision, mama. GOOD FOR YOU. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! :))))

 


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#42 of 57 Old 06-07-2011, 11:10 AM
 
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Hmm, I dunno.  My previous OB didn't give a crap about 'delivering' my twins.  He wasn't on call, but I know he was in town.  He could have come in for me but chose not to.  He gave great prenatal care, so I'm fine with him getting paid for that.  If the OBs aren't willing to 'deliver' their own patients and participate in HUGE call groups, then honestly, I have not problem NOT being attached to them when it comes to the actual birth of my children.

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#43 of 57 Old 06-07-2011, 02:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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There are two doctors that deliver babies at this hospital, so there is a chance she wont be there. She wasnt last time. She did some great work for me by talking to the nurses on the phone, and advising people to leave me alone, but a military cut happy doctor is actually who was there when my DH caught the baby. The doctor didnt do anything except for stitch me up and make some snarky comments about if I was sure I wanted the local anesthetic for stitches...after all its not "natural."

I thought I had made a desicion, but I still just cannot imagine not telling her the truth. Im not good at lying, and it makes me feel really dirty so its so hard for me to believe that I can not tell her my plans for that long. I actually have a friend that UCed and went to her for OB care, so Im going to ask her what she said about it.

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#44 of 57 Old 06-09-2011, 08:06 AM
 
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I am a military dependent and I got all my pre-natal care with my last baby with a midwife at the on-post hospital.  I did like her and she seemed very open to natural methods, but I knew that if I told her that I planned to give birth at home that it would put her in an awkward position because she is not free to support my choice or assist me in any way with a homebirth.  She would "get in trouble" with the military if she did.  I knew that so I did not tell her out of respect, pure and simple.  After I had the baby, I called her only then did I explain my choice.  She was happy for me and thanked me for not telling her.  She confirmed that I did  the right thing because had I told her it would have put her in an uncomfortable position because I imagine as a military employee she would expected to discourage me or even report me.   By choosing not to tell her, I was doing what was best for both of us. 

 

Just thought I'd share that perspective. 

 

Ultimately, you will instictively know what to do.  Just take your time and think about it. 

 

Best of luck!


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#45 of 57 Old 06-09-2011, 10:17 AM
 
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I agree with Astrogirl, if you have trusted her up until now, why wouldn't you want her imput on something like this? She sound like a TRUE ally- you know how much effort she put in to make your last birth good at that hospital. She obviously cares for what your needs are. This is the perfect person to have for OB care for a UC. Let her expertise HELP you, you are fortunate to have it. if you want to feel her out, that's fine. But if you trust her, why not trust her NOW?

I saw an OB/CNM team so that IF something came up that might make a UC more dangerous, I would know about it before. I know some people UP, and that's great for them, but for myself, I wanted to know there weren't any issues going into it. I lived in Mexico and the doc was in Ca, so we talked about what happened of I didn't make it ;-) . I didn't know them nearly as well, so I didn't tell them straight up, but I think they knew.

IF it was a random OB, without the relationship you have built, I would say keep it to yourself, at least for awhile. But this is not the situation.

Only YOU will know what's right, good luck mama!!!
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#46 of 57 Old 06-17-2011, 08:39 PM
 
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 AT LEAST  I would simply tell her something vague that showed my intentions, i.e.:  'if all goes well, maybe I will be able to have the baby quickly at home and not need to call you.....'.    

To me this is a wierd thing to say.  It's one thing for her OB to advocate for natural childbirth in a hospital, it's another thing entirely for an OB to casually agree that their patient can reasonably expect to just have their baby at home unattended on purpose.  Doctors go to school to "deliver" babies, they get paid to "deliver" babies.  Her OB's interest is in delivering that baby, her life's work is in part delivering babies. 

Keep it to yourself would be my advice, I would think of it as more an oops don't ask don't tell thing and I doubt she's gonna be askin' ya, lol.

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#47 of 57 Old 06-18-2011, 03:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by calldeville View Post

Hello, Holly. I appreciate your concern and thought that you're putting into this question. My two cents: you need to be honest with your OB. Only then can she truly provide the care and guidance that you need and deserve. You say yourself that she is good and compassionate and you two have a history and so far you've worked well together.

 

This is a bad analogy, but when a doctor asks during a regular checkup, "How often do you drink?" And someone says "A glass of wine each night." If it's really half a bottle of Jack each night, then a doctor needs to know that. Don't worry about judgments, just be honest with the hopes of getting and providing the best care possible for your child.

 

Even if she tries to talk you out of it or worry you, really that just makes you think that much more ahead and plan ahead and investigate possibilities. 

 

UC is not illegal in Kentucky so all she can do is warn you or inform or advise.

 I strongly disagree.  I would not trust a doctor with that information and agree with your decision.  AND it is not critical to the care you receive.  The doctor doesn't need to adjust anything s/he is doing for your actual health care because of this information.  In a reality where your choice to have a homebirth was honored, where doctors just accepted it either way and did not have a heavy bias against one of the choices and way to much power to put you under a spotlight if you choose the "wrong" one, where you need not be fearful of the reaction to having the homebirth, you could just be open and honest.

 

There are too many risks to honesty and no real benefits.   

 

The most I would ever say to a doctor in that kind of situation would be:  "We really want a homebirth and are seeing you because we haven't found a midwife.  If we were to find a care provider we might change care even in late PG."  That would give her a tiny heads up that you have other hopes and that things may go differently in the end.  But it's more honest not to say anything at all I suppose.


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#48 of 57 Old 06-20-2011, 08:21 AM
 
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I definitely would not tell. You don't owe her this. As much as we like to think our doctors really are in to us, they really are doing their job. She is not going to feel betrayed if you do not come to her. I have no intention of telling my OB. I will tell her after the fact and let her believe it was an opps.

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#49 of 57 Old 06-20-2011, 08:27 AM
 
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Remember, if you tell her your plans, she can and probably will drop you. There is nothing forcing her to stay as your doctor.

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#50 of 57 Old 06-25-2011, 07:14 PM
 
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Interesting post!!

 

As an OB myself for the last 25 years and having a c. Section rate never over 8.6%---most of those REPEATS who DECLINE VBAC offers---I do Vbacs, vaginal breeches, doulas.......   It is not MY birth experience after all.  Oh by the way I have done WELL over 400 vaginal breeches and NONE have died (reference another post )

 

I would just say one thing.

 

I myself will not go swimming or to a movie with my children,  if I know that someone is out there who I have checked that day and is in early labor.  After all---wouldn't you WANT your OB there (Oh yes ---I do solo call)----I mean if she didn't show up when you wanted HER ---you would be royally p****ssed off---no???

 

At the very LEAST  if she checks you and tells you that you are in early labor---place a call later to her office or have her answering service advise her that you are planning a home birth and fax her something that releases her from having to "stand by"---after all she is NOT getting paid for the delivery---OB care and DELIVERY are billed separately unless the doctor does the delivery--in which case it is global fee.  Or write up something in an envelope that advises her of your intentions and releases her---and drop it off.   Or do you EXPECT her to be "available" in case the proverbial s*it hits the fan---a PPH or fetal distress or you push for 5 hours and nothing happens???  IS this the "right " thing to do?

 

I believe in doing the decent thing at all times--and have raised my children to do the same.  After all the doctor can't jail you or fine you---but let me ask you all something---I see a LOT of criticism of doctors---called them duplicitous and outright liars--yet you jump up and down with glee and support of doing something that ---if you asked your CHILDREN their opinion---is the very thing you are condemning!!   Hmmmmmm!?!?!?

 

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#51 of 57 Old 06-25-2011, 07:21 PM
 
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I definitely would not tell. You don't owe her this. As much as we like to think our doctors really are in to us, they really are doing their job. She is not going to feel betrayed if you do not come to her. I have no intention of telling my OB. I will tell her after the fact and let her believe it was an opps.


I actually feel VERY hurt and betrayed when a patient is later found to have lied to me all along-----and we aren't so stupid as to think it was an "oops".

 

We are human after all---and not ALL evil----If I wanted to make a ton on money I would have gone into opthamology and do Lasix surgery 3 days a week---no call--no weekends, no nights--no sitting at the hospital for 12 hours waiting for a woman to VBAC, no missed birthdays because I put the patient FIRST---and believe it or not we actually went into this field because we ENJOY working with women and I spend many hours writing to congressmen and HMOs fighting for what is right for women---so PLEASE-----PLEASE  stop painting us ALL with the same stereotypical brush

 

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#52 of 57 Old 06-26-2011, 07:54 PM
 
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#53 of 57 Old 06-26-2011, 09:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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 I strongly disagree.  I would not trust a doctor with that information and agree with your decision.  AND it is not critical to the care you receive.  The doctor doesn't need to adjust anything s/he is doing for your actual health care because of this information.  In a reality where your choice to have a homebirth was honored, where doctors just accepted it either way and did not have a heavy bias against one of the choices and way to much power to put you under a spotlight if you choose the "wrong" one, where you need not be fearful of the reaction to having the homebirth, you could just be open and honest.

 

There are too many risks to honesty and no real benefits.   

 

The most I would ever say to a doctor in that kind of situation would be:  "We really want a homebirth and are seeing you because we haven't found a midwife.  If we were to find a care provider we might change care even in late PG."  That would give her a tiny heads up that you have other hopes and that things may go differently in the end.  But it's more honest not to say anything at all I suppose.



This is kind of what I was thinking when I started this thread. Why would she need to know? Not what are the reasons that I should tell her to keep our personal relationship great, but why, medically would she need to know this information?

I'd also like to add that while she avocated for me last time, she was not there. She was out of town and the OB who did end up delivering DD is a cut happy ex military doctor who has recently had his license revoked for giving a woman a hysterectomy that was not medically necessary. He also had terrible bedside manner (by terrible I mean he joked about my need for a natural birth while stitching me up and gave me the greatest parenting advice ever "Never pick up a crying baby. You control them, they dont control you eyesroll.gif)

Holly and David partners.gif

Adaline love.gif (3/20/10), and Charlie brokenheart.gif (1/26/12- 4/10/12) and our identical  rainbow1284.gif  twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)

SIDS happens. 

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#54 of 57 Old 06-29-2011, 01:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by littlest birds View Post

Quote:

 I strongly disagree.  I would not trust a doctor with that information and agree with your decision.  AND it is not critical to the care you receive.  The doctor doesn't need to adjust anything s/he is doing for your actual health care because of this information.  In a reality where your choice to have a homebirth was honored, where doctors just accepted it either way and did not have a heavy bias against one of the choices and way to much power to put you under a spotlight if you choose the "wrong" one, where you need not be fearful of the reaction to having the homebirth, you could just be open and honest.

 

There are too many risks to honesty and no real benefits.   

 

I agree with everything in this post!  I have not and would not ever tell an OB that I was planning a UC.  I told the OB's from my first two UC's that I was planning a homebirth and wanted a back-up doc in case a situation/condition arises that precludes a safe homebirth.  That was the truth.  I also saw a midwife during those two pregnancies (who DID know I was planning UC).  The obstetricians knew about the midwife and likely assumed she would be at the births although I never stated that.  

 

Any health care professional I hire is, I feel, on a need-to-know basis. 

 


Shayla ~ Crunch-tastic UC mama of 3 nature kids and a moon baby
 
 

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#55 of 57 Old 07-08-2011, 07:49 AM
 
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NO NO NO and NO.  In my area ob's have the right to FORCE women into csections and get cps involved if they don't agree with your choices in birth. (not personal experience, 2nd hand from a professional)  A woman's right to birth freely is still a battleground in most places.  So for that reason I would not feel compelled to tell the person who stand to loose the most $ from my decision.  It is not their beezwax IMHO.  You just have to tell them you have decided to go in a different direction.  Now if you want to remain in their care, you do kinda have to play by their rules, though.  They should be aware that they are only providing prenatal care and will not be delivering.  That is only fair, right? 

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#56 of 57 Old 07-08-2011, 07:54 AM
 
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sorry, double post :P

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#57 of 57 Old 07-09-2011, 01:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks. I am going to my first appointment on Wednesday, and I am not going to tell her. I havent yet decided if I will tell her at all (I am still honestly deciding if I really want to have a UC), but I will be sure to update if I do.

Holly and David partners.gif

Adaline love.gif (3/20/10), and Charlie brokenheart.gif (1/26/12- 4/10/12) and our identical  rainbow1284.gif  twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)

SIDS happens. 

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