Did you ever doubt your decision to UC? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 28 Old 07-29-2011, 05:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi Ladies... New to the site here, I've read some posts (only really in the UC forum) Here's a bit of info on me.... I have one beautiful son who was born on May 16/2010 in a natural hospital birth. My doctor is really good about not using unnecessary interventions but I still feel like I want to have a home birth. I am due with my second child in about 3 weeks. If I would be able to have a midwife take me into care I would and have a home birth, but since all the midwives in my region are booked solid for August :( so that led me to the decision to UC. I feel confident in my body's abilities to birth my baby and am mostly happy with my decision but sometimes I wonder if I am just being selfish because I don't want to be in the hospital to have this baby or recover from birth...

 

Read this article yesterday and it's left me a little freaked...

http://www.bettyconfidential.com/ar/ld/a/Homebirth_death.html?source=1502

 

Did you ladies ever worry you were making the wrong decision to UC or feel like it was a selfish thing to do? (BTW I've had a healthy, uncomplicated pregnancy and my birth with my son was for the most part totally uncomplicated as well.)

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#2 of 28 Old 07-29-2011, 10:01 PM
 
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Unfortunately for that mother, there was just too much sensationalism going around about her birth. Of course online mags want to jump on a story like that and turn it into a horror story, which it was, but they lacked any actual information on the birth except that it was unassisted and the baby died.

 

I read later that the baby had a heart defect that could not have been fixed. The baby did not die at the birth, but hours later and there would have been nothing they could do if it had been born in the hospital. It is a sad, sad story, but the things people have said about this mother and her decisions are just awful.

 

I also think it is horrible that you hear about the one baby that dies in an unassisted birth and home birth is automatically dangerous, but no one ever blames anyone for the thousands of babies that die in hospitals every year. Across the board, statistics show that home birth is just as safe or safer than hospital birth if you are not high-risk.

 

It's really upsetting that stories like this turn people against home birthers when there was no fault here at all. My heart aches for the mother and her family. It can't imagine losing a child. To put all of the media pressure of the story on top of it to boot just so they can sell headlines is tragic and wrong. :(

 

To answer your question, yes and no. My first birth was unassisted and I had no doubts at all. It went well. For my second child, I know I will not have a totally unassisted home birth, most likely. We moved very far out into the country and the hospital is now almost an hour away. The birth center is three hours away. I don't want to give birth in town in some dirty hotel room. It's looking like I might give birth unassisted at home, but with my midwife in attendance. I'm considering putting her up in the guest room as a precaution if I want her help for any reason, plus she is able to carry drugs in case of emergency. I don't think anything will happen, but even for everyday things, I always take precautions. We have a fire extinguisher and I made sure that even though we live so far away from town, we are right down the road from the local ambulance dispatch. Birth is safe, but if anything were to happen, I need to know that someone can take me to the hospital and help me on the way there. My husband can't help me and take care of our three year old, too.


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#3 of 28 Old 07-30-2011, 12:34 AM
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i didn't, personally, no. but if i'd had doubts, then i wouldn't have gone forward.

 

this has a lot to do with my personality, as well as the fact that i think it's important to think about hte potential of injury or death for myself or my child BEFORE i get pregnant, because it's a risk of pregnancy. I grant you, it's a very low risk overall -- but it's still an inherent risk. Just as, risk of injury or death from skydiving exists.

 

the time to think about this in regards to skydiving, imo, is before you sign the risk consent form at the center that takes you skydiving, before you take the lesson. before they strap you into the gear, before you get into the airplane.

 

to me, the idea of worrying over this question "now" (as in, once i'm pregnant) is like worrying aobut the risk of dying from skydiving once i've jumped from the plane but before the chute has opened. 

 

that's just the way I see it though. so, i made peace with the birth-death diad before getting pregnant -- and this was regardless of location. because when it comes to this, location doesn't matter. it happens in any location -- UC, hospital, birth center, homebirth, etc. It happens. 

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#4 of 28 Old 07-30-2011, 01:24 AM
 
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I've had 2 UC's and had moments/days of doubt during both pregnancies right ups until after the baby was born. I'm doubting again this time but I can't voluntarily put myself in the care of an OB again. I'm having a hard time making myself see one even to just get an ultrasound.

 

I tend to question everything over & over again. I don't consider it time to stop wondering if I'm doing the right thing until it's too late to do something else. It's probably why I don't make a lot of decisions, the constant questioning tends to make a certain decision impossible. It's a wonder I ever get anything done. lol

 


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#5 of 28 Old 07-30-2011, 07:46 AM
 
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This child being my first attempt at UC after 2 healthy and uncomplicated pregnancies and deliveries, I question my decision now and again. But I know that I am low-risk, and ordinary, so routine prenatal care is too much for me. I also know that the hospital births were torture, because they forced me to lay in bed during very painful contractions, when I felt like I needed to move to deal with my contractions only so they could monitor my baby's heartrate, which they could have done just as easily with a doppler now and again. When I had my first, this alone pushed me to get an epidural, because I couldn't just lay still enough for the monitors to stay in place and the nurses were getting agitated, so at age 17, I just said screw it. With my 2nd, I was forced to get an epidural because they had started me on pitocin without my consent and the pitocin made my contractions unbearable. No hospital for me unless a true emergency arises. Birth is not an emergency, it's life coming into the world.

 

And to amberskyfire, thank you for clearing up what the article wouldn't clarify. I'm glad that nobody was at fault for the baby's death. An unpreventable tragedy. :(

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#6 of 28 Old 07-30-2011, 01:53 PM
 
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I think I speak for many of the ladies here; we are all learning and growing. Each pregnancy and birth is unique, our life circumstances can change, or our overall outlook on life may have taken on new meaning. Whatever that brought us to desire a UC is a good thing. I've always wanted all my births to be UC, but it didn't always go that way due to my personal circumstances, feelings, and beliefs. This will be my #2 UC and I am much more confident this time around.


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#7 of 28 Old 07-30-2011, 02:55 PM
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i think the 'life circumstances changing" is a biggie.

 

i'm here in NZ now, and I know the midwife that my friend is utilizing (in a hospital birth), that my other friend used (for her planned-homebirth-turned hospital birth), and just from a couple of "run-ins" in various circles. I like her. 

 

I am contemplating that "if" I get pregnant, I might go with her to attend the birth. Or, I might UC. I don't really know -- because i'm not contemplating anything seriously at all. we are not ready for another child, and no decision is made either way, nor do we feel that it is the right time, right now to talk about it.

 

and of course, I would also still have to contemplate the inherent risk of the pregnancy -- if something happens to me, what of my first child?

 

at the end of the day, i truly believe that how/where we choose to birth isn't all that important. there's no hierarchy of birth method/experience. There's just birth, in a lot of different ways, with a lot of different needs and considerations.

 

i don't know why i'm considering this midwife: perhaps because I am so far from family, from the known. perhaps because i want an archetypal midwife. perhaps I just want a different experience. i don't know at all. There are more questions than answers.

 

and I think that's ok. i think that not thinking and not questioning really leads to problems. :)
 

and questioning -- anything -- right now, means you get to work through "stuff." you get to work through your fears and doubts, and see your truth -- whatever that is. you gotta do your thing.

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#8 of 28 Old 07-31-2011, 04:34 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zoebird View Post

 

at the end of the day, i truly believe that how/where we choose to birth isn't all that important. there's no hierarchy of birth method/experience. There's just birth, in a lot of different ways, with a lot of different needs and considerations.

I just wanted to point out; I LOVE this! This is so true and it just speaks for everyone fairly. Love it :)

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#9 of 28 Old 08-01-2011, 10:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the replies ladies... It's not so much that I think my baby will die or something... It's just how one article about one baby dying (from something that likely could not have been prevented in the hospital) can be so hyped up and people who don't care to find out how safe a UC can really be. I am confident in mine and my body's abilities to ultimately do the best job of birthing my baby.... I am happy with my decision, just sometimes the things that people who won't be supportive would say find their way into the back of my mind...

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#10 of 28 Old 08-02-2011, 01:47 PM
 
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I have days here and there where I feel it would just be easier to give up the power and let someone else do the work, i.e. go to the hospital. Those moments are pretty fleeting though, b/c I am adamant about giving my son the best transition posssible into the world, and I know too much about how hospitals work to trust them to provide that for him. Also, well, I'm mom, and so it is officially my job to advocate for this little boy...possibly for the rest of my life :)

 

The most important thing, IMO, is to be open to what you are feeling, what you need, and listen to your body. BE flexible about your plans. Also, if it will make you feel better, you can always take baby to the hospital after the birth for a quick check up and just play the "I didn't make it in time" card, that was the deal I had to broker with my DH for him to get on board with this...we're planning to wait until the placenta is out and baby has nursed before heading out to have him checked (also, I'm in the US and in order to get my maternity leave paperwork filled out, it seems I have to go in) :)


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#11 of 28 Old 08-03-2011, 07:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama2ChicknLil View Post

I have days here and there where I feel it would just be easier to give up the power and let someone else do the work, i.e. go to the hospital. Those moments are pretty fleeting though, b/c I am adamant about giving my son the best transition posssible into the world, and I know too much about how hospitals work to trust them to provide that for him. Also, well, I'm mom, and so it is officially my job to advocate for this little boy...possibly for the rest of my life :)

 

The most important thing, IMO, is to be open to what you are feeling, what you need, and listen to your body. BE flexible about your plans. Also, if it will make you feel better, you can always take baby to the hospital after the birth for a quick check up and just play the "I didn't make it in time" card, that was the deal I had to broker with my DH for him to get on board with this...we're planning to wait until the placenta is out and baby has nursed before heading out to have him checked (also, I'm in the US and in order to get my maternity leave paperwork filled out, it seems I have to go in) :)



yeah, I plan to call in to my OB's office and play the "oops" card... depending on when the baby is born just go into his office to get a "once over" and have someone to sign the registration and such. If baby is born at night, I'll just wait till the morning, but if it's during office hours we'll go once placenta is delivered and I've had a shower and BF'd and relaxed for a bit...

 

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#12 of 28 Old 08-03-2011, 07:19 PM
 
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No i did not have any doubts or fears.  I did a ton of research.  My other 2 births were uneventful and fast and I felt completely comfortable about what to do in an emg situation.  And the whole 3 hours 40 mins of my labor and delivery went flawlessly :)


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#13 of 28 Old 08-06-2011, 04:29 AM
 
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I'm almost 9 months pregnant and i cant find a compatible midwife. I keep dreaming that this baby is just going to slip out. I'm leaning toward an UC. Overwhelmed @ the moment with this though especially since we have to move this month and haven't secured a place to live yet. Dh is all for it. Family would freak out. My fist birth 6 years ago was an assisted hb. 45 hour labor and pain.
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#14 of 28 Old 08-08-2011, 09:56 PM
 
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I had my days of doubts. I would do lots of research on whatever I was doubting that day to work through it. But in the end I wasn't worried.  I didn't think twice about anything in labor and it went great.


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#15 of 28 Old 08-17-2011, 09:12 AM
 
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I UP'ed with my first and the UC was going well until labor went from latent to active (my water had broken before labor began). I thought my XH was fully on board but it turns out that he didn't have the slightest idea about anything and had done absolutely zero of the prep work. I started having serious doubts about UC when the abuse I had quietly endured throughout our relationship reared it's head in the form of yelling at me about how much water was in the bathtub and how to not interrupt him unless the baby was coming (he was too busy playing video games). I wound up freaked out and completely unsupported and transferred to the hospital for a birth rape at 9.5cm and pushing. It was also the moment I finally had to face the fact that I'd married a sociopath and had to get out of the relationship.

 

DS's birth was a classic damned-if-I-do-and-damned-if-I-don't. The way I was treated at the hospital was barbaric but I would've likewise been in a lot of trouble at home had I successfully UC'ed. My vitals like to crash after delivery of the placenta and even if XH had been in the room to notice, he wouldn't have had the slightest idea what to do.

 

Those doubts that landed me in the hospital in the first place weighed very heavily on my mind when I was pregnant with DD. I couldn't take that risk of another spousal freakout and being in the hospital was not an option, no matter what. DP was also terrified of UC and I'm so thankful that he admitted from the beginning that he wouldn't be able to handle the kind of responsibility that comes with UC. I had a UC-sympathetic MW attend and just be there in the room should I need her help. It was perfect, there were no scary doubts and I felt a kind of reassurance that even if I couldn't do it all on my own, there was a hands-off MW in the room to help.

 

If I could go back and have a do-over with DS's pregnancy and birth, I would listen to those doubts I had about my marriage and the type of man XH was/is and probably not UC the way I did. I brushed the doubts off and ignored them because he constantly reassured me that it was all in my head and he was there for me. I feel like doubts and fears exist for a reason and we do best by ourselves to listen to them and work through them.
 
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama2ChicknLil View Post

 (also, I'm in the US and in order to get my maternity leave paperwork filled out, it seems I have to go in) :)


?? That doesn't sound right! For both of my pregnancies while working, I just needed to get someone to sign off that I was medically pregnant (er...ok) and attest to my EDD. The first time, I just went to Planned Parenthood, peed in a cup and they filled out my paperwork for me, no questions asked by PP, my employer or their disability provider. Once I had each baby, I just had to call my company's 800 number and let them know the date of birth and then they told me when my benefits ran out and when I was expected back to work.  If you're asking about a return to work authorization, just about any medical professional can fill that out.
 

 

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#16 of 28 Old 08-18-2011, 09:43 AM
 
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Originally Posted by secondimpression View Post

 


?? That doesn't sound right! For both of my pregnancies while working, I just needed to get someone to sign off that I was medically pregnant (er...ok) and attest to my EDD. The first time, I just went to Planned Parenthood, peed in a cup and they filled out my paperwork for me, no questions asked by PP, my employer or their disability provider. Once I had each baby, I just had to call my company's 800 number and let them know the date of birth and then they told me when my benefits ran out and when I was expected back to work.  If you're asking about a return to work authorization, just about any medical professional can fill that out.
 

 



Firstly, I admire your bravery, and your ability to be insightful about your past UC experience. I am genuinely sorry you had all that chaos at your first birth, but you are such an inspiration! Way to make changes when needed (in all aspects!).

 

As far as the EDD stuff goes, I'm not all worried about the pregnancy disability, I'm being seen by an HMO MW (really...NO difference from an OB, in fact the one OB I saw was nicer and more hands off!) through my employers insurance, so I'm actually getting my paperwork signed today. What I'm worried about is the postpartum disability, the 6 weeks that are guaranteed after the birth. It seems I need someone to verify that yes, in fact, I gave birth to the baby on such-and-such a date to keep my check coming. I'm actually trying to decide whether I need to go in that night or if I can just make a same day appt with someone at the OBGYN dept the next day to be seen, and hopefully they can fill out the PP extension? I just don't know...my brain hurts dizzy.gif

 


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#17 of 28 Old 08-18-2011, 12:44 PM
 
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I just skimmed this thread, so sorry if I repeat anything, but just wanted to say that a baby could die just as easily in the hospital (and babies do die in the hospital).

 

I never once doubted my decision to UC.  I wasn't scared at all during labor, and everything went quickly and smoothly, better than I ever could have imagined, because I was left to connect with my body and let it do its thing without any interruption or intervention. :)

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#18 of 28 Old 08-21-2011, 07:38 PM
 
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Is there an acronym? Maybe UCC?

 

Hmmm....well, it sounds like you're trying to make a choice that is as informed as possible and as if, aside from the fact that you'd feel a lot more comfortable at home, you're also concerned about safety.

 

There's a few good threads here on MDC concerning homebirth, hospital birth and the risks involved. If you'd like a link or two, let me know!

 

Also, it sounds like you have a good relationship with your doctor. If that is indeed the case, maybe you could ask him about what can go wrong during birth (even those with the uncomplicated pregnancies) and how such complications would be managed. (You don't have to mention you want to UC to do that wink1.gif ).

 

If your doctor is not available, you could try wikipedia to read up on such subjects as cord prolapse, breech presentation, placental abruption, shoulder dystocia and post-partum hemorrhage, to name just a few.

 

That way, you'll know more about what you're getting into and what to do if something doesn't turn out the way you expected (there's a recent thread here where a mom UC'd and the kid came out foot first...), and you'll be a bit better prepared...just in case.smile.gif


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#19 of 28 Old 08-22-2011, 04:41 PM
 
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Hi everyone,

I'm brand new to the forum, and I'm expecting my third in December.  With my first son, I had a midwife and we planned a homebirth but ended up transfered to hospital.  At the time, I wasn't very well researched, and just trusted my midwife for everything that was happening.  I'm still unclear about whether I could have had him at home, but this was in a province where midwives are legislated and they have a lot of regulations they need to follow.  He was born with an extremely short cord, and there was quite a bit of drama at the time of his birth.  Great labour though, up until pushing time.

Anyway, we moved provinces for our second, and had to pay for our midwife there.  But we had a fabulous experience, and a beautiful waterbirth at home!  That midwife is no longer available, and I haven't found another that I feel comfortable with.

So, that has left me feeling that UC is the right decision for us.  I have a few friends who have, and my partner is totally on board (and excited!) about doing it ourselves.

I have had a few moments of doubt, but I have done research on anything that 'worries' me in the moment, and I generally feel great about the decision!  I know that I am very close to a hospital too, if needed (only about 10 mins drive).

It helps too to hear other people's comments, and stories for sure.  I think that it's important to feel comfortable and confident in whatever you decide, it will go a long way in your birth!  Atleast that's been my experience.

The one decision that I have been doubting the most, is whether to get an Ultrasound or not.  I really feel no desire to have one, but a few people are suggesting it would be a good idea before UC.  What have you ladies done?  With my second son, I feel it didn't relieve stress, it caused it!

I'm so excited to finally be on the forum!!  

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#20 of 28 Old 08-23-2011, 04:00 AM
 
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Welcome, Lisa! I really want an ultrasound around 35 weeks, just to see if my baby is head down, and that is the only thing I want. I'm reading up alot on breech birth in case that happens, but just for my peace of mind, I'd love to deliver head down so taking a precaution ahead of time would give me more time to turn him if needed.

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#21 of 28 Old 08-25-2011, 07:25 AM
 
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I'm new to this website too.  I find I have a lot of doubts, but they're usually alleviated by the certainty of what will happen when I see a doctor.  I've only had one prenatal appointment (to "verify" the pregnancy) and what they told me there only reaffirmed my belief that the hospital is not the place for me. 

 

I have severe enough whitecoat hypertension that it will cause my blood pressure to jump up to 40 points when I'm at the office.  Then, because with my first I had GDM and pre-e, I was already being treated as high risk.  They were telling me all the extra doctors I'd have to see, all of the extra tests I'd have to have, even though I had no indications for this pregnancy and my GDM for the last one was completely diet controlled (I'm now even questioning that diagnosis especially since the hospital then used lower thresholds than the ACOG standard, but that's another thread).  I tried to find a midwife but because of my past complications the few I saw wouldn't take me.  The birthing center may not have used EFM or other invasive procedures but it still felt too medicalized for me to be comfortable. 

 

In a way, I suppose I was "forced" into a UP/UC with this pregnancy.  I felt as though I had failed the medical community's "test" and now would have to do remedial work to prove I can do retake the test and I didn't like that feeling at all.  And even though I was "forced" this direction, with our first my husband and I would talk about going to the hospital then he would cut me off and say "But I thought we were just going to have the baby in the bathtub" smile.gif.  So even then we were toying with the idea of a UC, even though at the time it wasn't an option we knew existed.  That is what has helped with the doubts and fears most of all is a supportive husband.  He understands the birth process and doesn't want to see me in the hospital again (I think seeing the episiotomy was especially traumatic for him - and no, they didn't ask me if I wanted it).  He trusts me and because of that I can't help but trust myself.

 

As far as the U/S goes, I've considered getting one too, but the whitecoat syndrome is bad enough that the thought of having to make an appointment to discuss the U/S is puts me off (With our first, the U/S tech wouldn't tell us anything, saying that she just took the pictures and we had to go over the results with our doctor) Instead I'm practicing figuring out where the baby is by feeling around.  I just don't want the stress and anxiety that I felt with the first and I know a large part of that was going to see the doctor.

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#22 of 28 Old 08-25-2011, 08:54 AM
 
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No I did not waiver with the UC of my first,but the possibility of my baby dying was something I thought about,.Your child dies during a homebirth with or without a MW and you will be investigated. Then there is the spouse and how would your relationship be if something goes wrong.You always hope for the best,but sometimes things go wrong.

 

Whether you UC or not always prep for it,because sometimes you will UC even if you had planned(or on the way) to a hospital birth! I had what would be considered complications and I dealt with them.Prep for the worst and most likely little to nothing will occur. I labored alone for pretty much all the labor.It was easier than having someone hovering over me all nervous.....making me nervous.

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#23 of 28 Old 09-08-2011, 07:51 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Almi View Post

I just skimmed this thread, so sorry if I repeat anything, but just wanted to say that a baby could die just as easily in the hospital (and babies do die in the hospital).

 

I never once doubted my decision to UC.  I wasn't scared at all during labor, and everything went quickly and smoothly, better than I ever could have imagined, because I was left to connect with my body and let it do its thing without any interruption or intervention. :)


From what I've read on UC websites, fetal death rate has actually skyrocketed since birth moved out of the home and into the hospital. I seriously think the reason my baby's heart stopped just after birth in the hospital was because of the birthing staff stressing me out(and thus baby) to the point that making his entrance into a bright, chilly room was enough to give him a little baby heart attack. He's fine now, thank goodness, but I'll never birth in a hospital again. I just wish homebirth would gain the popular majority again. Who knows how many infant deaths could have been prevented if women weren't taught to believe hospital protocol and interventions were just the way? :(

 

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#24 of 28 Old 09-08-2011, 11:08 AM
 
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I haven't been pregnant yet, but I think I'll have doubts about my choice of birth venue regardless of which one I pick (planning for HB + MW so far). They all have their downsides; it seems they all have their own ways that they could cause you or your child to suffer if things go wrong. So, with the right twist of fate, any of them could turn out to be the wrong decision. So you just have to do your research and pick the one that seems most likely to have good results given your situation. But it's still hard not to wonder, "What if...?"

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#25 of 28 Old 09-08-2011, 03:54 PM
 
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I personally never do the ultrasound. I think it can be helpful in some cases and hurtful in others. You have to weigh the benefits with anything that could go wrong. Some doctors and midwives believe that ultrasound could possibly be very harmful, especially in early pregnancy.

 

I weighed my options based on the decisions I would make according to what I would find. Yes, ultrasound can detect problems, but most problems can also be detected with good prenatal care if you are measuring and checking your vitals and baby's vitals regularly using a fetoscope. I prefer to have midwife care for my prenatal care because she is much more experienced in finding problems without using doppler or a sonogram.

 

For other issues such as Down Syndrome, you have to weigh how important it is for you to know and how it would affect your decisions. Personally, I would not want to find out that my baby might have Down Syndrome. I would never abort a DS baby and making me worry about it with a false positive would only add stress to my pregnancy. I'll love my baby, no matter what might be different about it.

 

And for very serious health problems, I also had to weigh my decision on whether I would want to allow doctors to pressure me about problems. If my baby was positive for something horrible, I wouldn't want to know about it and I wouldn't want to be stuck in the hospital where they would take it away from me. I would rather a very seriously ill baby be allowed to die at home in peace in my arms than with tubes and needles shoved into it, alone and isolated in a plastic box.

 

But other moms feel differently. Some moms are all for having an unhealthy baby in hospital in hopes that it might be saved, so you have to explore your own feelings about what you want for your little one.

 

And like you said, it has definitely relieved a lot of stress for me. I knew from the start I wouldn't have ultrasound, so I never freaked out about things I hear lots of other moms worrying about. "Why didn't they find a heartbeat this time? Why can't we see a fetal pole? Why isn't the sac showing up this time? Why does it look like there are TWO in there? Doctor says baby might have XYZ, we need to go in for more testing next month. Etc. etc. etc."
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa R View Post

Hi everyone,

I'm brand new to the forum, and I'm expecting my third in December.  With my first son, I had a midwife and we planned a homebirth but ended up transfered to hospital.  At the time, I wasn't very well researched, and just trusted my midwife for everything that was happening.  I'm still unclear about whether I could have had him at home, but this was in a province where midwives are legislated and they have a lot of regulations they need to follow.  He was born with an extremely short cord, and there was quite a bit of drama at the time of his birth.  Great labour though, up until pushing time.

Anyway, we moved provinces for our second, and had to pay for our midwife there.  But we had a fabulous experience, and a beautiful waterbirth at home!  That midwife is no longer available, and I haven't found another that I feel comfortable with.

So, that has left me feeling that UC is the right decision for us.  I have a few friends who have, and my partner is totally on board (and excited!) about doing it ourselves.

I have had a few moments of doubt, but I have done research on anything that 'worries' me in the moment, and I generally feel great about the decision!  I know that I am very close to a hospital too, if needed (only about 10 mins drive).

It helps too to hear other people's comments, and stories for sure.  I think that it's important to feel comfortable and confident in whatever you decide, it will go a long way in your birth!  Atleast that's been my experience.

The one decision that I have been doubting the most, is whether to get an Ultrasound or not.  I really feel no desire to have one, but a few people are suggesting it would be a good idea before UC.  What have you ladies done?  With my second son, I feel it didn't relieve stress, it caused it!

I'm so excited to finally be on the forum!!  



 


Mama to a bright 5 y/o girl dust.gif and a beautiful boy born 03/10/12 fly-by-nursing1.gif Loving unschooling, 2xuc.jpgfamilybed2.gif ecbaby2.gifand natural living in Hawaii.rainbow1284.gif
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#26 of 28 Old 09-09-2011, 01:48 PM
 
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I'm needing some positive reinforcement from those who have BTDT, please!!! I'm nearly 30 weeks and after my mom finding out that I'm having a UC and pulling the dead baby card on me, I've been starting to doubt having a UC, even though I was sure I wanted one before I ever found out I was pregnant. Even the simple things like keeping the cord stump clean, etc she is making me stress over. My biggest worry is this baby ending up a surprise breech. If I see butt or feet, I might run to the hospital. I'm getting zero support at home too. My DH isn't this baby's dad (seperated when I got pregnant) and when I told him I wanted to have an unassisted birth, he MISUNDERSTOOD what it meant and thought it meant a midwife being thereduh.gif and now isn't comfortable with a UC. In fact, he says it scares the hell out of him. What do I do?

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#27 of 28 Old 09-13-2011, 01:27 PM
 
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I don't know how much help this will be. Most people here will say it's your body, your choice. And, to a degree, they're right. But.......this is your husband. Mine was terrified at the thought. He was scared to death of losing me and/or the baby. Because of that, I was willing to go with a midwife.Yes, I wanted a UC, but this was my DH and he was against it out of love. Does that make any sense?

 

We did not mesh with the local midwife at all. Neither of us wanted a hospital birth unless necessary. So he agreed to think about UC. I did tons of reading and research,......and didn't tell him about any of it. It just unnerved him. I told him that I was learning signs to look for that something wasn't right. If I saw/felt any of those, we were going to the hospital. That helped him, too. Then he didn't feel like HE was responsible for this birth. Maybe that would help you guys, maybe not.

 

In the end, things worked out well. I took care of the pregnancy (hearing the baby reassured him, too) and most of labor. Because of positioning he had to catch the baby and unwind the cord from her neck (surprise!) I took over again after that. Now he's proud as punch that he delivered his daughter! He is so much more bonded with this one than our other dd who was midwife delivered.

 

As for the mom inspired doubts, are they worries that come from you and your knowledge of baby/prenatal so far? Or are they just because of fear from your mom? It's normal to be scared,....I think. I was! Can you palpate and feel baby's position? I wasn't very good at that, but based on heartbeat and movement plus what lumps I could feel, I had a fair idea of how baby was setting. I think.

 

If you want a midwife/hospital/whatever, go for it! If you want a UC, don't  let go of it just because of your mom. There's plenty of other reasons to let go of it, but not that one.

 

I don't know if I'm getting what I want to across. I'm not good at communicating and I don't know if any of this was helpful, but here's good vibes for whatever you decide.

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#28 of 28 Old 09-13-2011, 11:40 PM
 
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I'm just one of those that NEED the approval of others and support and encouragement. I feel like I can't succeed unless I know I have people standing at my side. My DH is my rock, and he knows I can labor with his support. He's afraid of complications and doesn't want anything to happen to me or the baby. That's what has him so freaked out. I know that if things turn out okay that he'll look back on it and it'll be beautiful and intense. I have tried telling him all the research I've done and whatnot, but there's this cliche that people have put out there that goes "oh she thinks she knows everything because she looked it up on the internet!" and that's the attitude he has about my "research". Same goes with my mom. She's concerned about my well-being more than the baby's. Since this baby's isn't my DH's, she says that the baby 'will have to "grow on her"'. But still, trying to SCARE me out of it? Really? It only pushes me further away from hospital birth. I actually wanted to have a homebirth with my DD, but didn't know it was possible to have her at home without a midwife and was far too uneducated to have done it. This time, I'm so sure about my knowledge of childbirth, complications, breech, I have the hospital number on speed dial, I have all things NECESSARY for childbirth......All I need is someone to help me be strong about my decision. I KNOW with every fiber of my being that I want this. But to do it without support? Feeling like I am alone? I don't know if I can do that. greensad.gif

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