My mom is a huge gossiper, and I know that if I told her I was going to UC that the whole family would know within the same 24 hours and be hot on my heels begging me not to do it. Not only that, but I was telling her that after my glucose test in 4 weeks, I plan to UP the rest of the pregnancy, not expecting her reaction to be as big as it was. She immediately said "don't you care about knowing what's going on with your baby?" And I replied calmly that I was sure things would work out perfectly and if things were to go wrong, I knew alot about pre-e, and water leakage and contractions, etc. You know, enough to know if something was wrong enough to go to the hospital. Then she says, well what if you have group B strep? And I told her that I plan on being tested for it at 38 weeks, and I would decide from there wether I wanted antibiotics. She goes on to explain how I NEED to have prenatal care, (which I know that I'm low risk, so I DON'T need prenatal care) and I come back with "mom, I had two perfectly healthy deliveries and it wasn't thanks to the hospital staff." Complete silence about the topic after that. I made my point to my mom, but I know it would be a much more heated debate if she knew I wanted a UC. My lips are sealed until my son is born and safe in my arms. Vent over! I feel better now. lol
It is best to see things from her perspective. You are and will always be her daughter and her job in life is to naturally be concerned over your well-being. Sharing with your mom that you will not have prenatal care can be traumatic for her. Sometimes we over+share because we genuinely want real transparency and openness. But, this will most likely not occur with those who are more mainstreamed in their thinking, escpecially concerned mothers. Suffice to say, speak little of this topic and share with her all the joys this pregnancy is bringing you. Come here for support and confirmation.
It's just hard for me because I'm used to sharing things and I have to keep things secret about her grandchild just to avoid confrontation or her trying to tell me horror stories to sway my decision.
I feel ya!
My mom would flip if she knew I was planning for UP & UC. She thinks I'm nuts for wanting to homebirth in general (she assumes automatically that when I say homebirth it'll be with a midwife lol) I've learned over the years that as much as I'd like to have an open and connecting relationship with her that is not possible in a lot of areas of my life b/c they're so different from what she's used to and I've had to ban certain topics of discussion b/c they never end up anywhere good.
Share what you can with her and remember that you're saving both of you from a lot of unneeded stress
Chels, thank you. It's the same with my mom. I have had to ban certain topics of discussion AND support as well. Even my addiction recovery because she thinks there really is a cure for addiction. lol Anyway, this must be one of those things and it will just be cool to tell her and see the reaction on her face when I tell her I did it and everything turned out just fine. I know she's only concerned about me and her grandchild, but I'm doing what I feel is best for me and him.
to you. It can be so hard to have moms that can't be what we'd like
Since I decided have a UP/UC I've only told my closest friend. She proceeded to tell me I was totally insane, but in a really nice way. Haha. (This is the same girl who thinks it's "totally insane" that I live in an area that gets 700 inches of snowfall in the winter.) I gave her my reasons etc, then told her she would be the only person among my friends or family that I would be telling before the baby arrived. Laughing and skepticism from a friend I can handle. Criticism, berating, lecturing, and guilt from family, I cannot. We've just decided to tell people we're having a home birth and leave the rest to their assumptions. It's just easier than being honest.