I've had my son in the hospital with every stinkin nurse, doctor wanabe and doctor with their hands all over me and seein parts of me no one but my hubby and parents should see. I've had two beautiful UC's with my mother and husband present and greatly enjoyed them except for how hands on my mom likes to be, think of a hands on midwife who like to do checks and well that's my mom. In labor I'm so in this "I don't care, whatever!" mood that I don't say anything cause I'm really just concentrating on doing what I need to but I've never liked being handled so much when I'm in labor. My mom caught in my first UC and my husband in my second and this time I had decided to catch myself...
Now I'm secretly desiring to be completely alone except for the other kids in the house, I do it all alone anyways, it's not like they can take the pain away or do it for me anyhow. My son and nephew are 8 and old enough to help keep an eye on the 2 and 3 year old who will probably want to be with me watching and helping anyhow as we've been watching vids and they are just fascinated with it all and aren't bothered in the least by all the noises moms make even when a few have been screaming which I tend to be quite loud and with my last baby who was also my biggest I couldn't help but let out a blood curdling scream as I pushed out her big body.
My husband always gets so stressed about the birth, he's always afraid we're going to die and though we've not had any real complications in the past I have had issues with retained placenta that wanted to take a couple hours or so to deliver and it just scares the heck out of him. That said, he was rather calm, cool and very encouraging and helpful with the last UC where I freaked in transition, (which btw I am totally NOT forgetting the rescue remedy this time!) so I'm not so opposed to him being there but I dunno I just crave this solitude this time around from the prying eyes and hands of adults. Which is funny cause I was inviting a few friends earlier and now I'm taking it back, I just want this time to be primal and alone.
Anyone else feelin me here? I understand that there is concerns that others would have about the children being in the home while I solo birth and that their needs might not be met or in case of situations so I'll probably be making sure hubby is on his way home anyhow but I still seek this, any other mommas know what I mean?
I have a mw, and she and dh will probably be here. And, the kids will probably be asleep, because my babies are always born at night.
But, I really want to be alone. I want to put my other kids down for quiet time some afternoon, and then just go in the other room and have a baby. I'll call dh and the mw so they get here shortly afterwards. My labors have been quick so far, and no complications. I'm really close to an EMT station and hosptial (3 and 7 minutes away, respectively).
I could really be myself if I was alone. I have a hard time being real even with dh there, and it makes me hold back in labor. If I could really relax into it, and if I could really just admire my baby with no one watching...that'd be great.
"If you keep doing the same things you've always done, you'll keep getting the same results you've always gotten."
Both my UC babies came mid-day so I expect this one will as well... I'm torn in that both my daughters 2 and 3 are excited about the baby and even the birth after watching birth videos and whatnot, I do want them to be able to experience the birth of their new baby sister or brother. I feel that they are entitled to it, being that they too will birth one day when they're older and though they may not remember much I know that the normalcy of it all will imprint on them. Plus it's THEIR little brother or sister, this as well entitles them to experience the joy of it all. My son who's 8, does not like birth, all the noises are just strange and at times scary for him, which makes me sad cause I was hoping he would not have been left with that impression. I'm hoping to tone down my noises this time for his sake so that he can be a part of it since he's really hoping it's a boy and I think being able to witness it in a less stressful way (I do get really loud and loud noises in general shake him up) it will change his feelings on it overall.
I was thinking though of calling hubby home from work when baby is well on his or her way so he'd get home shortly after... I dunno, we'll see what happens in 3 months, still a ways off anyhow.
You sound a lot like me.
I HATE being touched unless I ask someone to.....which pretty much has never happened during my 4 births. I don't want anyone to catch the baby but me.....I am doing the work....I should be the one rewarded with holding the baby first! I don't like people watching me either.
I am not opposed to CERTAIN people being present but completely hands off. I do always have my hubby home....as a back of plan and if I want a water refill or something. But he has never been a hands on type when it comes to this......thankfully we both agree on that.
With my first UC the people in the house were my other kids, dh, and my mom.
My kids kind of just ran around the house doing their own thing...didn't really pay much attention to me.
Dh kind of just kept an eye on the kids and got me refills or helped with whatever I wanted.....which wasn't much.
When my mom came the first time she was in the room most of the of time. She is very helpful, which is nice.....but she was just so worried that I didn't like that negativity....so next time I didn't call her (which she was mad about and informed me I HAVE to call her immediately when things start with this one....well will see..lol).
So yes pretty much for the most part it is just me in a room birthing. I would suggest having an adult within yelling distance in case you do really need something.
I enjoy the freedom of not having to worry about what people think of me birthing. I enjoy no exams and people not telling me what to do. I thoroughly enjoy UCing and that for the most part people don't mess with me. Thankfully even when my mom was present, she knew not to touch me unless I asked her to. But I did feel a bit weird with her just sitting there watching me.
This time various people have asked to be present (my sil in law, my mom, my aunt in law). I don't think I will allow anyone other than my mom, my dh, and my kids. But again...none will be hands on...just there to help me IF needed.
With my first UC, since my mom was in the room, I didn't want to deliver the baby with her in the room....so I told her to go get my dh (who was watching the kids)....and I intentionally birthed him while she was out of the room....so when they came in...I was already holding the baby. I think I just feel more free when no one is there....but I do like to have dh or my mom within yelling distance.
I am a quiet birther for the most part but my kids do vividly remember some of the birth. My now 7yo talks about how he remembers blood in the pool. And he would have only been only been about 3 and a half then!
I so understand this myself! I have been secretly desiring the same thing. I am a little afraid to tell my husband because I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I totally get what you are saying. I'm pregnant with my 4th, which is our 2nd planned UC. I really like having DH there on the one hand, because he is as helpful as he possibly can be as far as getting me drinks and handing me towels or whatever I need. He knows to be hands-off during contractions if he wants to keep his head (jk- sort of). Even he says that he often feels almost helpless because there really isn't much he can do, but he is a good support at least.
With my first birth, I was at a Birth Center with my husband, a midwife and a birth assistant. For me, that is entirely too many people. My mom has never been invited, which is actually pretty weird because in most other respects we are very close, I would even say best friends. I just don't do the watched pot thing well. I don't even like to let people know I'm in labor- anybody that needs to know gets a call when the baby is born. I hate the idea of feeling like I am being timed or waited on or the object of everyone's anticipation. makes me feel like a caged animal!
My second birth was a planned UC/UP, which was completely amazing. It was just me and DH. Our first born was there too, but he went down for a nap right around the time I was hitting hard labor, which is when I started actually wanting DH's attention. DS woke up right after the baby was born and got to meet his little brother right away. Before that though, DH was in and out. He would check on me occasionally, but he was also keeping tabs on our then-2-year-old, so I wasn't being sat over at all.
Then the third one, we went with a midwife again, but planned a homebirth. Well, we ended up basically having a UC again anyway, which I was completely thrilled about! He came so fast that she couldn't get there in time...and it was in the middle of the night so the 2 older brothers were asleep. I labored alone for a while because I wasn't really sure it was 'real' labor. By the time I was sure and the contractions were actually getting difficult, I had very little laboring to go. It was literally like 45-50 minutes from the time I woke DH up and told him to fill the tub till the time DS3 was born. Now that was nice!
I think for me that birthing in the middle of the night again would be ideal. It saves me from having to worry about getting someone to help with the kids (which would mean someone knowing I was in labor). And I can labor alone as long as I want before waking DH. One thing I really do like having him around for is setting up the video camera. I like my births taped so I can watch them again later, but I know better than to think I will have the presence of mind to fiddle with the camera and changing out the discs and all that myself.
I don't know. I guess I waffle back on forth on the pros and cons of having someone there, but yes, there is a big part of me the would love to feel the peace and empowerment of "going it alone"!
P.S. Sorry this turned into such a long post. I guess I really needed someone to ask me that question so I could confront my feelings about it, so thanks! :)
Rachael , Daughter of the King, Wife to DH (12-31-03), Mama to DS1 (5-9-06), DS2 (10-20-08), DS3 (7-28-10), and thankful to be expecting #4 at the end of December2012.