This is my 3rd pregnancy, I'm 29 weeks and I planned a UC with the last. At about 50 hours into the labor, I was fully dilated and I could feel the babies head, I was having strong contractions close together, but after hours of that, I didn't feel the baby moving down at all. So I was concerned he was stuck somehow, I was exhausted and probably not thinking clearly, and we transferred to the hospital. Nothing ended up being wrong at all, so I regretted going. So this time we were going to hire a midwife so if it happened again, we could ask someone if they could check and see if anything was wrong so we don't get into a situation where we are unsure and transfer when it's not really needed.
So I just had my 3rd meeting/appointment with my midwife. And after this one, I realized she is really stressing me out. She wants to be way more involved than I want. She wants to check the baby's heart rate every 30 min from the beginning of labor, and then more frequently as labor progresses. She said I can't get in the birth pool until she is there. There would be 2 midwives there, plus an assistant. I haven't met the other 2 women. Our apartment is small and I am just freaking out about that many people being there. There is just something about this midwife that really stresses me out. When she took my blood pressure and heart rate, my heart rate was really high. I already knew though, I could feel my heart racing. It's happened every time I have met with her, but otherwise I felt generally really calm in all other situations. I think because she was talking about where she could camp out basically at my home, talking about emergency situations, like how she is going to have multiple people there so one can resuscitate the baby while I'm hemorrhaging. All of that combined plus the fact I already had to tell her not to talk to me like a little kid, I have been stressed ever since. She's also forgotten many of my preferences already, and when I was there she forgot about her next appointment. I am just concerned.
I heard that the second midwife was much more laid back, I haven't met her yet. I think I will see if she is better and maybe just hire her instead. Or maybe not call the midwife when I'm in labor unless we have a question. I don't know. I just want to be left alone. Since I have had two healthy babies I'm not really worried about anything happening. We think that the delay might have been caused by the fact my pelvis was higher on one side, because my legs are different lengths from orthopedic surgeries I've had. So this time we've found a chiropractor who attends home births, and he thinks he's corrected my pelvis and he's willing to come check me when I'm in labor and make sure I'm adjusted. I'm a WAY more comfortable with him coming to my house when in labor, than this midwife. So I think it's her personality and mine, they just don't work together or something.
I guess I just posted because I needed to talk to someone who would understand.
Sounds like you need to find an option besides *that* midwife if you are already feeling that uncomfortable with her <3
Lia Joy Rundle CLD Self Directed Woman Self Directed Childbirth
Womanhood is not a destination. It is an archaeological dig.
If you feel comfortable with the chiropractor, I'd get rid of your midwife. She does seem to be stressing you out! Also, Perhaps as you mentioned the second midwife will be a better fit.
DP and I since 2007, DS born late 2008,
Excitedly expecting #2 mid-October 2012!!!
gee your mid-wife sounds like the disrespecting mid-wife we interviewed. started to hire then fired because of same issues you are having. told me what she was going to do even tho it was the contrary to what I said first thing on phone before we met her. I''ld find someone else if you are feeling you really needed someone. We ended up doing UC. 2 weeks ago.
DH meDDabout us 3 cats and 4 dogs
Yeah, find a different midwife. It sounds like you are not on the same page at all.
My second son really was stuck and I ended up transferring for forceps after 7 hours pushing. Of course I was worried about it happening again with the third, so we decided that we would UC as long as everything was progressing nicely, but if I felt I was stalling like the last time, we would go to hospital. I had a vague idea that if the birth was not imminent by a certain time (when the children woke in the morning as it happened) but baby boy number 3 was born unassisted at 12.30am after a nice quick labor :)
I think having my plan A / plan B gave me peace of mind. Maybe you could come up with something similar? But definitely interview more MWs!
babymonster that's great to know, thanks for sharing :) I hope the same happens for me. And thanks everyone else too :)
I do think it won't be good to have this midwife there if she is stressing me out now. The problem is, we live in a small town on the border of Washington and Idaho- I'm in Washington. There are only 2 midwives here, both licensed in Idaho. One (the one that's stressing me out) is willing to ignore the rules and come to Washington anyway. She says that's why she would have a midwife from the next closest town, 1.5 hrs away, come to the birth too, because she is licensed in Washington.
Trying to get someone to be there for the birth seems really complicated, expensive, and stressful. I think I will just not call anyone and hope it goes really smoothly. I really think it will, I have been seeing a chiropractor every week who thinks I'm now really well adjusted for the birth and I know a lot more now about things that we can do if the labor stalls. I'm really not worried about no one being there, I just wanted a back up resource I guess.
I don't feel good about this midwife who is willing to break the law with her license.
I think I will still meet the midwife 1.5 hours away and see if we like her, maybe she will be a good option, I don't know.
I vote with your gut. Stress and labor are not friends. Maybe even if you need to, get connected with a midwife much farther away who is willing to drive/meet you only a couple times before?
yeah I am meeting the one that's 1.5 hours away, on July 5th. I have heard good things about her, so I hope it goes well. I hate that I am still trying to figure this out so close to the end. I'm 32wks now, I'll be 33wks by then.
With someone so far away, I can't really do the whole, "wait until I need someone to call them, if at all" plan. If I do need some assistance, it would be a long wait while she drives here.
I know how you feel, I started feeling pressure to figure it out at 10 weeks (and I'm like two months past that now). I will pray for your meeting, I have my own meeting on the third (not much consolation but at least you aren't the only one!).
I guess the local midwife who I am meeting tomorrow can also be hired as a doula, and she can cross the border for that. So I am going to ask her if she is comfortable being a doula without a midwife. Also my chiropractor attends home births and he said he is completely comfortable coming with no midwife there. He's 100% supportive of UC. So that's one piece of good news. Now I just need to figure out how to get a birth pool if I am not hiring a midwife. I wonder if they will rent it to me?
I bet someone will rent you one, or you can buy it. My sister had to rent her own pool and was given a couple sources by her midwifes to do so. Midwives are not exactly the balance-sheet-type personalities. :) We had to call one back a couple times to pay for a class she hosted, to find the one person in her office who knew/could be bothered with the credit card machine!
I met our other local midwife, she doesn't feel comfortable being a doula at a UC, neither do any of the other doulas in the area. However I did really like her. If we want her to be there, we have to cross the border and stay in a bed and breakfast. I've talked to several b&b owners and they are all open to having a birth there. I really liked a couple of them, it's not our home, but it's better than a hospital.
So it looks like I have to have a plan A, B, C, etc. It actually all depends on the timing. If it's a day before I'm 37 wks, we will stay home and our midwife can't legally be there. If its between 37-39 wks, our midwife is out of town, but there is a back up if we choose. I met her, she seemed pretty hands off and laid back, so that's good. 39-42 wks my midwife can be there. If I go over 42 wks, we will be UCing because it's illegal for midwives to attend 42 wks+. It's a little ridiculous how many different scenarios there are, but at least I know of all of them now.
So many options! At least you ahve them all figured out in advance! I need to plan mine out a bit more carefully, since I have a vague plan for over 42 wks 6 days (our local legal limit) but it would be smart to have numbers down etc in case. That's alot of changes in a small window. It makes me thankful for our laws (which I felt were too much but anyway): up to 4 weeks 6 days early, or up to 2 weeks 6 days late. And no birth centers for me because I was a couple months before the newest coolest legal limit of 22 1/2 months between babies after a CS. LOL. I kinda have a plan to UC after 43ish weeks but I also have the number (somewhere...) of a midwfie who can legally do a birth after that so I might call her. Reading up on UC here anyway because my births are historically fast (or, I just am bad at recognizing the signs), so that's an always plan C for us. I agree, its akinda silly how many different plans a person has to make, largely thanks to our legal system.