We may be moving to a place without any midwives to serve the area. Our first was born in the hospital, our second at home with a mw, both by natural, long (38h and 28h), but uncomplicated births. DH and I are very well-informed about birth and complications and very personal responsibility oriented. But with both when things got extremely intense it was good to have someone more experienced checking and saying things were going fine. If DH does get this promotion 6hrs away I have 3 homebirth options:
1: Stay here where my midwife is and have him move away from us for a while, have him drive back for visits and when I go into labor.
2: Move there and hire the 2 hour away midwife, if she'll take me (but paying oop for prenatal visits with one then full cost with another will get steep and she might miss it anyway).
3: UC there
As small a town as the place there is, there is still a hospital with maternity care not too far off so a transfer would be possible in case of emergency, but I transferred with my first just due to long labor and an urge to push at 4cm and not feeling sure of ourselves. But that time I was seeing an OB and pretending to them that hospital was the main plan anyway. Maybe just having had 2 babies before, and having our own doppler and fetascope and practicing hypnobabies could get me past those kinds of mental barriers.
Another concern is family pressure, a part of our family is against hiring anyone who technically would practice illegally to help us, which is the case both here and there. So although UC may not be their first choice for us they insist hiring illegal midwives is immoral. Personally if laws are stupid and actually harmful I'm happy to ignore them.
Lots of sympathy for you here mama! I will be praying for you as you consider your options. Get very very educated and then go with your gut. And don't be afraid to change your plans until said gut is satisfied! An oops UC sounds like what you fell like right now, but you will know what's really best.
I started talking with DH about it today. He's not comfortable with an unassisted birth and unless we can solve that it's not happening. His issue is that if I were in heavy labor or just gave birth and something happened, he'd be too upset to react properly and I'd be unable to do anything myself. One thing that *might* work he says is if a doula was there to support him in supporting me, particularly if a problem arose. But he'd have to really trust her experience. We basically know all the medical stuff you need to for UC, we have read copiously and would refresh our knowledge in preparation. He's just worried about his ability to act and not panic if something rare happened and he needed to decide about transfer, or give me emergency help.
I labor best all alone, so basically he, and if there was a doula she too, would just be there to bring me refreshments, maybe run a bath, maybe remind me of hypnobabies cues, assuming all went normally. I guess if there was a problem and I wasn't "with it" she'd be there to keep his head level and agree as he quickly formed a plan.
There are a few doulas much closer than the midwife there, not sure if any would attend a UC. One strongly reminds me of my MiL (whom I love!).
Your DH is awesome for being so honest and realistic (cuz panic does happen)
If you're unable to find support in time, I'd like to help in any way I can. I'd be honored to hold the space and bear witness to your process, while feeling & watching for anything that could use comforting measures or transfer consideration. I've had 6 natural births, 5 of those partner assisted and am willing to be as visible or invisible as you like/need with minimal dialog .
Birthing is the most empowering & transformative experience of my life and I feel every woman should have access to positive & realistic backing for the birthing process without monetary exchange.
My DH is a marvel with children and confident with UCing, most everyone regards him as an uplifting, strengthening presence that provides grounding through the most intense situations. Having attended 7 births as the sole assistant he can mobilize quickly if the need arises, freeing your DH for direct support of you!
PM me if you'd like to know more about us and our experiences while you look for local support
I'm in the same boat except I live in SW Kansas. There just aren't any midwives here. My last live birth was an unplanned unassisted HBA3C. My labor just went so quickly the MW didn't make it to my house. But since then I've had two early second trimester losses (one was due to Turner syndrome). I couldn't even find a doc here to "let" me VBAC if I wanted, but the closest midwife is 4 hours away and won't drive to me, but has suggested I could drive to her. There is no way I would make it in labor, my last labor was literally an hour.
My options are
1. Drive 4 hours to my past midwife and live with her the last 2 weeks and birth there (DH couldn't come with until the very very end and my sons couldn't be there either)
2. Attempt to drive 4 hours the other direction to the MW in state that would care for me, hoping I make it in time.
3. Find a doc and refuse to sign the consent for C/S (no one here VBACs)
4. UC here.
I've been trying to talk to DH about it but he's not sure how he feels about it yet. We do have a small county hospital close by (6 blocks) but I'm not sure they'd be experienced enough if something went wrong. There are no OB/CNM in town at all.
Wife to a wonderful husband, mom to 5 amazing boys, 2 m/c and Knox Cornelius our 5th son born at 15weeks 12/3/2011, Lillian Faith our 1st daughter, born at 14 weeks May 19, 2012 (Turner Syndrome).