What happened to all the faith? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 43 Old 11-05-2012, 02:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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This forum seems so inactive. IMO most of the autonomous UC veterans are just not here much at all. mostly I am seeing a lot of newcomer questions that almost sound troll like, because they are so fear based or off based assumptive. The answers make me cringe because they are so on the same level anti-trust of natural process and variation of norm accepting. Like they are coming from medwives or something. Are all of the real conversations going on in the lounge? what happened to all the support and authentic unhindered trust birth philosiphy? I feel like this isn't even the UC forum. It is a good thing I already UCed and this place was so different back then. 


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#2 of 43 Old 11-05-2012, 11:39 AM
 
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I agree with your assessment. Just letting you know that someone out there is on the same page as you.  I've been lurking for about six years and there have been a lot of changes.
 

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#3 of 43 Old 11-05-2012, 07:04 PM
 
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Well here's the truth from a newcomer... 

I put in my request to be in the "lounge" (as have several others) weeks ago  and no response. There don't seem to be many veterans here and there are no stickies to help with those newbie questions. 

 

I am perfectly comfortable with the idea of a UC and thankfully so is DH, but I have questions about the logistics of some things. I'm a huge planner kind of person, I want to be prepared and I want DH to be prepared because I do not want to be in nurse mode while I'm laboring. I think  a lot of the newer gals here want to know how it goes and how it looks to have a UC in some ways because it is so different from every other birth story, birth environment etc that we have all grown up with and been fed our entire lives. It is different and for some, like me, it can be hard to visualize. 

 

I have been disappointed at how quiet the boards are and the lack of taking newer posters under the wings so to speak. But, I have found truthfully, that many of the UC forums on other boards are just as quiet and not terribly helpful either. 

 

I agree too that some of the posts sound a little troll like and I've found myself thinking "really?" 

 

To be truthful though, it just doesn't feel as supportive as I had hoped. Even in the 2 years since my last live birth, MDC seems to have changed a lot. I don't know where everyone went, but it does seem like there was a mass exodus and there is much more "mainstream" thinking here than I remember. 

 

Just my 2 cents. 


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#4 of 43 Old 11-05-2012, 08:28 PM
 
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I also put in my request to join the lounge with no response.
I uc'ed a year go (boohoo they grow up so fast) so maybe I havent been here long enough to see all the changes. I see good answers and bad. I'm totally for trusting your body though smile.gif
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#5 of 43 Old 11-05-2012, 09:16 PM
 
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Well, I am not a huge poster and not really an oldie but I have been around for about 7yrs.  I have been on an unassisted/freebirth journey for 5.5yrs.  With each baby I had there were changes around here.  It felt that sometime around 1.5-2yrs ago there was alot of negativity toward this specific mdc in the form of trolls, outright bashing, and other blogs/sites that criticized any post that attempted to discuss an inherent trust in our bodies, baby, and birth.  I miss the way it used to be.  I don't know where everyone went....to a different board...just stopped talking about it in a public forum...?  I think it is a little bit more active on the fb page unassisted birth/freebirth, however I don't think it is the same feel as this was.  Again, not an expert in all things birth/women, but I know my experiences and would be happy to share (I sooo remember being new and craving the wisdom and info others could provide).

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#6 of 43 Old 11-06-2012, 06:04 AM
 
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Another newbie for the up/uc journey. I did expect there would be a few more experienced ladies posting her, but have noticed that it seems to just be us newbies introducing ourselves to each other.

 

I totally trust the birth process, otherwise I wouldn't be up/ucing. It would be nice to be able to glean from the wisdom of those who have already walked this path before me, but even if this forum stays this quite I'll still be making this journey, and just have to find my encouragement elsewhere.


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#7 of 43 Old 11-06-2012, 06:22 AM
 
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I think I like the idea of us newbies showing up and being here for each other. Maybe the "oldies"(?) have just gone past this stage in their lives and are off doing things with their kids. Most people don't hang around online after birth is over

 

I would love for older members to be around to give us newcomers advice and guide us through this journey, but I feel like us newbies can manage just by going through old posts.

On the bright side, this is the only place I've come across where people aren't afraid to want to birth their way and talk about it. Mention UC in a conventional place and prepare to get shot at. I'm so tired of cyberbullying!

 

PS Idk how to apply for the lounge but it seems like a pointless thing since no one is getting accepted. I did find an awesome group on facebook, but its secret. add me and I can add you I think www.facebook.com/dams.silly.girl

jsut let me know your SN here (from this thread) so I know who you are! it's really active with lots of veterans and newbies giving great advice. I wish it felt more like "friends" than a forum though.

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#8 of 43 Old 11-06-2012, 10:30 AM
 
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Originally Posted by babycatcher12 View Post
I think  a lot of the newer gals here want to know how it goes and how it looks to have a UC in some ways because it is so different from every other birth story, birth environment etc that we have all grown up with and been fed our entire lives. It is different and for some, like me, it can be hard to visualize. 

 

newbie here.  If any of my posts were troll-like, I'm sorry, I really am.

 

I knew ZERO about UC until 7 months ago and am trying to learn more.   My first birth went very fast, and if #2 is faster (as VBACs are apparently wont), I might have a UC.  And I'd like to know what to do in that situation.  Its been helpful to read about why other women choose  UC, but really, the practical details and the relaxed yes-this-can-be-normal atmosphere is what I'm here for. 

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#9 of 43 Old 11-06-2012, 12:33 PM
 
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Crap! I hope I haven't come off troll-like. I usually have an in depth question but not a lot of time to post it.

 

Anyway, I have been surfing more in the home birth area or searching old posts of UC's to get my info or other sites. I wish I had more girls here who have BTDT to learn from but there aren't many.  :-(

 

Sorry I cant type more right now I have a toddler sleeping on my lap taking up one of my arms.


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#10 of 43 Old 11-06-2012, 05:25 PM
 
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I'm a newbie as well & put 1 post, perhaps troll like. I've had 3 all natural drug free births, one at home & we're looking very seriously at UC this time due to finances more than anything. I didn't know there was a lounge, is that more private? I was trying to get onto a christian UC forum but it seems pretty dead as well. And I am a little fearful. I watch a lot of videos where the women seem in control during the whole process; I remember seeming very suggestible during my births themselves. I think my husband is more into it than I am, lol, He's gained a lot of confidence in my body watching me work which is reassuring & a nice support.
 


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#11 of 43 Old 11-07-2012, 07:13 AM
 
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It's nice to see that there are quite a few of us here :) I'm sorry that some of you have tried to get into the UC lounge without success, it took me a loooong time to get in, and FWIW not much happens there (twas a bit anticlimatic, lol) But I still find MDC to be a supportive place; it is a lot different than it was even four years ago, but there are still a lot of amazing women here trying to make the best decisions for themselves and their families :) Maybe we can make a more concerted effort to be more active on this board as it seems that a few of us will keep a thread going for a few days and then it fizzles out, lol. 


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#12 of 43 Old 11-07-2012, 11:01 AM
 
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Well, Hi I'm Yolanda. I found this community about 2yrs ago and let me tell ya' it was poppin'! So much information from BTDT UCers with a lot of opportunity for personal conversations. Thankfully, with their help and research I was able,with peace of mind, to have my totally awesome UC last year July! Honestly, I think most of them have moved on to others phases in their lives. Some of them have written books, started blogs and have kinda forgotten about MDC. There were also some personal attacks where people didn't feel comfortable to openly discuss their experiences but I think as with any public forum, the oldies leave, newbies come in and the community re-creates itself. 

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#13 of 43 Old 11-08-2012, 01:53 PM
 
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I think that if you worry about how you are coming across, you don't have anything to worry about ;)

 

I guess what gets me is that things seem to be off balance.  It was so helpful to me to hear birth stories and see supportive talk back and forth between people.  I am competent enough to research difficulties, and society throws enough horror stories at you no matter how you're interested in birthing.  So to see a bunch of posts that are pretty much "warnings" with no encouragement involved makes me sad. 

 

I think it's great to ask questions.

 

Oh, and as far as ladies seeming in control during birth videos, maybe they were or weren't!  Who knows what's going on inside. I think being "vulnerable" to other people's suggestions could look really calm in a video.  What helped me was reading ALL kinds of birth stories.  Some women are frantic and feel like they will die.  Some are blissful.  And in both of those cases, most of the time, everything is fine.  

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#14 of 43 Old 11-12-2012, 04:50 PM
 
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It's not just this board that seems like it's dying.  I used to frequent this place, Frugality and Finances, and Decluttering mostly.  They are much, much, MUCH slower than they used to be.  I too think there was a huge mass exodus (I think when MDC integrated with FB) and it sucks.  I really miss the community that was around especially about five years ago.  I'm surprised that, even if the "oldies" are past the MDC stage of their lives, that new parents haven't flocked in instead.  Maybe not "flocked" but at least close to replaced them.  It seems that the few old-timers left are kind of cliquish now (not all, of course) and the newcomers just don't have that same, I dunno.  MDC's leaders have tried to implement new changes, such as the "expert panel" etc but I dunno how well those have worked...  Anyway I dunno, I'm grateful that the board was going strong when I had my UC and my first kids were babies.  But I do wish more likeminded people would return now!

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#15 of 43 Old 11-12-2012, 05:04 PM
 
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I am not a uc'er but like pp said, it isn't just in here. What used to be a safe place to discuss alternative parenting choices with like-minded mommas has become one more place where I have to defend my choices against people telling me that me or my children are going to die.  


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#16 of 43 Old 11-12-2012, 06:19 PM
 
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What used to be a safe place to discuss alternative parenting choices with like-minded mommas has become one more place where I have to defend my choices against people telling me that me or my children are going to die.  

 

This is pretty much it for me, too.  I only have 2 UC's under my belt but I only feel comfortable to a point.  I've read about info being dragged from this site to other sites and I'm just not comfortable with that.

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#17 of 43 Old 11-13-2012, 03:27 PM
 
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I used to frequent this forum, under a different name, when I was pregnant with my daughter 2 years ago.  It definitely seems quieter, although it wasn't terribly active then, either.  People seemed to be worried about rubberneckers (mainstream people watching and gathering data to use against us) so I figured that's why the posts have been kept to a minimum.  I also put in a request for the lounge but have gotten no response.  I'm definitely not a troll of any kind and have been on a long, arduous journey for years now when it comes to trusting my instincts and body, so I give advice when I feel I have it in me to give.  

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#18 of 43 Old 11-13-2012, 09:43 PM
 
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 No one is talking in the lounge either if that makes anyone feel better.  MDC just seems pretty dead in general except certain forums. i agree there are a ton of new posters that seem very troll like all over MDC but the mods will not remove their posts

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#19 of 43 Old 11-14-2012, 09:20 AM
 
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Well I think it sucks that it has to be like this. Why is it everybody else's (nay sayers) job to put there nose in my birth! If I want to UC shouldn't I do the best research job I can?! I hate when a few people have to ruin it for everybody else!

 

Ok, rant over.


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#20 of 43 Old 11-14-2012, 11:21 AM
 
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I believe there was something with MDC being bought out by someone mainstream, and they made a big push to get new people on the site, which of course, meant mostly trolls. I was here 7-8 years ago until I guess 18 months ago, left for a year, and came back with a new screen name. It was really different when I started, although UC was never a place I hung out personally. Most boards that were non-mainstream--vax, UC, unschooling--have taken a big hit in readership and posting. 


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#21 of 43 Old 11-14-2012, 01:34 PM
 
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Several PP's have wondered if anyone knew of any other sites that the original MDC'ers (or at least the folk who are having kids now who would be of the same mindset as the older MDC generation) - where have they gone to?  In reality I doubt there is such a forum out there, but does anyone know?  Did they all just take to FB in little groups, and/or just quit forums altogether?  I'm sure people haven't quit living that sort of lifestyle, but where have they gone??

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#22 of 43 Old 11-16-2012, 05:55 AM
 
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I used to love this site until they sold out. Now its almost a watered down babycenter. I went to a fb group with the ddc from my first birth and rarely come here anymore :/
The lounge is completely inactive as well-I don't even understand why they have it when it's impossible to get access. Cynthia mosher finally granted me access-and I didn't even pos bc I had my baby the next day.
You're better off looking through the old posts or going to Laura shanley's forums and searching through old posts. All your questions have been answered and its much faster and easier to look for the answers already posted, rather than sit and wait for your questions to be answered.

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#23 of 43 Old 11-29-2012, 09:36 AM
 
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i posted a ton on here 3 years ago as i UP'd and then my entire UC experience with pictures. Then i ws burned/hurt really bad by trolls. Someone sent me a link that lead to a website of trolls taking my beautiful  birth pictures and birth story and many women ripping them apart with their ugly words and ignorance. This all happened days after my UC and ruined my babymoon. I have just now returned after 3 yèars to this board and i feel very timid at sharing anythi g.


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#24 of 43 Old 11-29-2012, 08:33 PM
 
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Slingmama I'm sorry you were blasted. That would make me gun shy too. I agree though that some of the post seem a little troll like, things just seem so different since I came back after my HBAC a couple years ago. It's disappointing. The unfortunate thing is that those of us who are looking for guidance and resources are left to try to find a support system that doesn't seem to exist anywhere. 


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#25 of 43 Old 12-02-2012, 09:13 PM
 
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I agree. I only came here infrequently when I was pregnant almost 4 (?!?) years ago with DS, as I was intrigued with the idea of UC, and very interested in learning more. Could they not make the UC sub-forum private, as they did similarly with SA sub-forum, and only allow people who meet "X" criteria in? I posted a thread a little bit ago, but after reading this thread, I guess I'll just go back through older posts (I suck at using search stuff. orngtongue.gif )


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#26 of 43 Old 12-03-2012, 10:34 AM
 
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The subforum is private. I applied for access shortly after it was created, but didn't get in. As I'm preg again, I'll be applying again and maybe I'll make the cut this time. There are whole sites devoted to helping trolls gain access to the private forums on MDC, though. It's not like these trolls just flit by, get board, and leave. This is a hobby for them. There are trolls with post counts as high as you or me, nowadays. The last time I was planning a UC, I came in here some but found a couple of yahoo groups with great ladies and info and no tollerance for trolls. That's where I ended up spending most of my time.


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#27 of 43 Old 12-03-2012, 08:41 PM
 
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I have messaged the moderators several times about access and they never got back to me. I'm looking for other places for support for a UC. 


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#28 of 43 Old 12-13-2012, 02:07 PM
 
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I'll tell you what happened-- it became overrun with trolls and no one trusted anyone anymore. It was to the point that people had numerous false identities, and we weren't even allowed to say "troll" anymore, and if we even so much as disagreed with someone we got spanked. It became a ghost town when trolls who hated us with a passion outnumbered actual UCers here. You can easily turn a place designed for help into a playground for the mean-spirited. All it takes is no one standing up for themselves.

It's hard to find public support because anything you can access publicly, so can they, and it's a big hobby of theirs. Still, some communities manage to moderate fairly well and keep a level of support. Some decent bets are Facebook pages:  In Search of the Perfect Birth, Unassisted Birth/Freebirth, Undisturbed Birth, and several others like that. Even deeper, you'll get some of the best support in private groups, if you end up stumbling into them accidentally. You are NOT alone, and it sucks, but support will not come easy. The internet is a vicious place. Read lots to gain knowledge, and retreat within when you want peace and comfort. You knew you could birth alone, so you CAN.... internet communities will not be the answer in the long run.  Peace.

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#29 of 43 Old 12-19-2012, 11:41 AM
 
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I'm a long-time UCer. 12 years of research into birth and UC and I had my first child UC 4 years ago and my second UC nine months ago.

 

I wasn't here when the trolling occurred. I sort of backed out of MDC when the magazine stopped. It seemed like the site was overrun with new members who had no idea of what MDC was about and there was so much bad advice. I completely gave up. No one was posting anymore that made things worth it. I check in from time to time to see what's going on. I'm sort of glad it was just trolls scaring everyone away. Since I never saw any trolling, I figured that moms just were not UCing anymore. Like we had hit our peak and just sort of petered out.

 

I'm in a private group on FB which posts several times a day and they handle trolls pretty well, but they also are rabidly against anything NOT UC and you are really not allowed to talk about any other kind of birth. I guess that makes sense, it just gives it a slightly hostile feel if a mama mentions anything even remotely having to do with not completely having 100% faith in your body. Even mamas who suggest or ask about herbs for hemorrhage or what supplies they might need do on occasion get a little finger wagging. Still, it's the best group I have come across. I just wish I could find something that's friendlier to ALL kinds of UCers like MDC used to be. :(

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#30 of 43 Old 12-22-2012, 12:06 PM
 
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This thread is a real eye opener for me. I've had 6 births - which means 2 midwife attended homebirths, 4 freebirths and this thread explains a lot for me. I came here pregnant for the 6th time and anticipating a possible multiple pregnancy when I was sideswiped with enough negative feedback to convince my husband and I that it was detrimental to my pregnancy to be looking for support here. So I left, determined to wait and come back when I was finished.

 

Now I've had my babymoon and feel strong enough to post here again. I did have another place I post, one that I'm actually the owner/administrator of, a place that is about outside the box birth, whether homebirth or UC or even hospital birth. That place is really small due to the fact that I have to personally register each new member to keep out trolls, so my friends and I have to personally meet friends and invite them. But at least it's alive with activity, daily visits and almost daily posts. It's hard to avoid trolls, that's the point. And it really matters to pregnant women if there ARE trolls cutting others down.

 

I really sympathize with Cynthia Mosher and the rest of her gang. Moderating such a large forum with open registration poses a lot of problems. I don't know how she even keeps out the spam bot attacks while allowing people to join. I think the crew here does what they can and we are fortunate to have a place here to come to - but we just have to keep up our guard. I feel really sorry for all of you who have been stressed out and pushed away from here. It's a tough problem for all involved.

 

Now that I'm not pregnant I will try to come here and post a little now and then. I've been wanting to share the results of my suspected multiple pregnancy. The birth was victorious and the whole experience miraculous.

BlessedJess is offline  
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