Hello everyone! I have been reading through some of the posts and just signed up to ask some questions and advice.
I am 20w3d with my first pregnancy. Pretty much since the beginning I have wanted to do an unassisted birth at home with just my partner and my mom (who is my best friend). Both of them have expressed their stress over me not getting any prenatal care and it only being the 3 of us. My mom is the mother of 4, all vaginal births without drugs, my birth (her last) was at home with midwives. She feels that I need at least one prenatal check up to make sure everything is okay with baby. I am not going to get an ultrasound and so I am not sure what she expects to find out from the one visit. She says in order for her to not be stressed out during labor she needs me to do this. My sweetheart also feels I should get one prenatal check up to calm my mother's nerves, but he really knows nothing about birth/pregnancy and has done absolutely no reading on the subject (even when I give him Ina May Gaskin's books and ask him to read a little). I think it would also make him feel a little better knowing that I had seen the doctor once.
I feel like everything is going just fine. I am very connected to my body and have no signs or symptoms of things going wrong. I work at an acupuncture clinic and receive monthly acupuncture treatments. I also talk at great lengths with my acupuncturist (mother of 2 home born girls) and so I do get a lot of prenatal advice.
My biggest concern is finding a doctor who won't lecture me on my lack of prenatal care before 5 months and possibly their opinions on UC. I don't want an ultrasound, I don't want to go in more than once, I don't want to be lectured or feel like I need to lie in order to get a doctor off my case.
Do any of you have any suggestions for either convincing my mother I am fine without a prenatal check up or for finding (and talking to) a doctor who will be okay with me seeing them only once?
I feel like I am being pushed into receiving care I do not want to have and that is the whole reason why I want to do a UP/UC in the first place!! I don't feel like anything is wrong and my body knows exactly how to have a baby. I would rather have as little interference as possible. I have felt amazing through out the last five months and don't feel like I need any tests done to show me where I am at in comparison with the FDA and WHO's statics.
Thank you all so much in advance! I look forward to being a more active participant of this forum as time goes one.
If you do want to see someone experienced but openminded you'll probably need to find a homebirth midwife. If your state doesn't regulate them it would make it easier to have this one visit with every test being 100% optional. Alternatively, what are you doing to monitor yourself and your baby during your UP? Fetascope or doppler? Urine test strips? Blood pressure checks? Fundal height? Blood sugar? Hemoglobin? Or just generally checking in with yourself that you are feeling well? A prenatal checkup would involve all those kind of things as well as being with somebody who had seen a lot of pregnancies and trained in things to look for. You can cover some of those at home on a regular basis just fine if it will reassure your mom and won't upset your peaceful pregnancy too much.
first of congrats to your new arrival,
i too am here to have discussions about pregnancy including unassisted,
i have had 5 pregs and very much remember my first as he just turned 9
i had a full medical managed preg and delivery and speaking from that, not one thing was really up to me ever.
all the test were always fine, i ate regularly and moved when i needed to and rested when i felt it was necessary. doctors only had me feeling that my life was only in there hands and as long as i told them every thing that i felt and they could tell me if i could go ahead with a vaginal delivery, other wise i would have to be c-sectioned, which was to me the worst thing ever, not having ever had any surgery, surely this would not be the way, i did not want to give birth via c/sec,
i had my plan that i wanted to follow, but when i went into labor it wasn't followed they wanted to intervene , where i felt helpless and loss of control over my body through all the intervention.
ended up with an epidural and then through love of my husband was able to finally push my baby out,
really tired of all the epidural and stress of the whole labor, which i explain probably leaving out a host of info and emotions because it would take too long:)
i from shear exhaustion,i went to sleep for having labored for 3 days not being allowed to eat the entire time, early labor wasn't felt by me only the machines i was hooked up to, which i didnt want,
of course when you go into the hospital you are surrendering to them your rights as a person and given rights as a patient and to their model of care which may not be the same as yours,
i had a desire to experience what it was but did get that
i got a healthy baby, alive, but through trauma base which would have been avoided if i had the confidence to listen to what i felt and not let the society of nay sayer's
which is what you basically get in a hospital settings, mostly many people in the room yelling at you, your either doing it wrong or not right, or five suggestions of what you should be doing and what your not, i had that more in my second birth, and then if you are not complying thats when they decide your going to c -section
my third birth was totally at home and solely with my husband and i, the result was a loving affair to welcome our daughter into the world with love a up most honor to the baby and what her first experiences are and impressions of this world are just being in printed into her existence,
i didn't get the precious moments with my first two boys and i was of complete confidence that my 3 birth through many videos through various sites showed me that there is indeed a big difference between all of the different kinds of births, and through all the stories shared from the people who should be really in decision of where and who they want apart of their birth,
i think it is a loving affair where doctors are not really welcomed between you and your partner
I thought I would have only one prenatal check as well. I figured it would be towards the end of pregnancy, 36-37 week mark just to find out the baby's position. I started calling around for a homebirth midwife at 20 weeks because not all of them will see you for care w/out delivery. I avoided the clinics due to all of the paperwork/ insurance hassle. The first one I contacted got back to me & said that she was fine w/ the arrangement, but she liked me to come in the next week just to establish a baseline for growth, which sounded reasonable to me, so I'll have 2 prenatals w/ her, & we're doing the rest of ours at home. We do check blood pressure, measure fundal height, use the glucose/ protein strips & plan to rent a doppler for the birth itself. Baby's moving & I feel fine.
Personally I wouldn't tell a doctor about any UC plans, maybe a CNM, but it depends on her. I did tell my last CNM & her eyes got wide, but she asked very calmly if I was just there for prenatal care. We were planning the hospital route at that time, she was just glad I was getting some kind of official care at all, especially since i didn't walk into their clinic until my 8th month. Social Services will be more interested than the doctors as they'll think your a drug addict but they don't show up unless you do go to the hospital.
Thank you so much for your responses! It's really wonderful to be able to communicate with other women who feel the same way about childbirth as I do. It seems like such an intimate journey that should only involve those you desire to bring into the nest with you. Doctors just don't do it for me!
I got my fetoscope today!! Played around for a few minutes with it, but didn't hear anything. Mom was here and she gave it a listen (she does NOT have the best hearing in the world) and said she thought she heard a heartbeat low and to the right. I told her the other day that I think the placenta is on the left hand side because I never feel the baby over there and today, with listening around, she thinks I'm right about that.
I can't wait to hear the little heart beat. One night, about a month or so ago, I put some herbs in my ears because they had been hurting and getting clogged. I put some cotton to keep the herbs from leaking out and laid down next to my sweetheart. I started hearing this really fast beat in my head. I thought maybe my heart was racing, so I checked my pulse. Nope, pulse seemed slow and normal. I told my sweetheart to pull out a clock to I could time the beat and it was about 120 beats per minute and my heart was 60 per minute. I am convinced I was hearing Baby's heart beat in my head! Maybe I am just crazy, but it was such a wonderful little moment of connection, especially because I had yet to feel any movement.
Anyway. Thanks again to each and every one of you for all the information and support your bring to this forum!