I'd really like UC, but not sure if it's a good idea... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 12 Old 03-29-2013, 05:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm not entirely sure why I'm writing this... I'm not sure if I want advice or just to express the situation to people who won't just immediately scoff at the idea of unassisted childbirth.

 

We're definitely having a home birth, everything has gone absolutely perfect during the pregnancy, and there would have to be serious complications in the next few weeks to make me consider starting at a hospital (although we're planning on doing a maternity ward at the local hospital just in case we have to move there). We're working with a group of midwives and they don't make me uncomfortable or anything (there's one that neither of us like, actually, but she isn't on call as often so hopefully we won't get her), but they aren't exactly my best friends. I'd feel much more comfortable if it were just my partner and me. I'm usually the one who's completely paranoid and constantly thinking of the worst case scenario, but right now (week 34!) I actually feel fairly confident that my body is perfectly capable of delivering this baby without anyone's help, and it feels like the right thing to do.

 

I am still worried about something going wrong, though. I don't know all the indications that there's a problem and I don't know how to handle problems that arise as well as the midwives would. If we decided to do this unassisted and something went wrong and we lost the baby- I don't know if I could live with myself. But I still have this really strong desire to have an unassisted birth.

 

My partner also isn't very comfortable with the idea of a totally unassisted birth, although is fine with waiting until a little bit later than we're necessarily supposed to to call the midwives (my partner actually suggested it, I was thinking about it but hadn't brought it up). I don't think either of us really want them there, just don't feel comfortable taking the risk in having it completely unassisted.

 

 

My mom had a very short labor for me- unintentionally UC with dad on the phone with the midwife the whole time to find out what to do- so I'm mostly hoping that the kid'll take after me and will decide to be born without any complications before the midwives are able to get here.


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#2 of 12 Old 03-30-2013, 09:36 AM
 
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Your not crazy for wanting a private birth. But it sounds like you would probably be happy with a midwife on call or even in your living room. This might be the time for waiting to see if you want to call her and it can be an accidental UC for you too, allowing for the midwife to be right there.

 

 But you really need to learn the signs of when to look for help. It's not like trouble would just escape your attention. But still education is good for a UC.

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#3 of 12 Old 03-30-2013, 06:14 PM
 
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Hey Sillysapling, I just had to write this because you & I are in the same boat! I am due in August and have still not gotten in touch with a midwife as I also want to do a UC. However, I might try to find someone who would agree to be a backup in case of a problem or I changed my mind & decided I wanted a midwife there. My husband and I had an unassisted miscarriage in 2009, but contacted the midwfe we had been seeing after I passed most of the tissue (I say most because the placenta did not pass until 3 days later) because I was concerned about the heavy bleeding that I was having. The midwife recommended I take a teaspoon of cinnamon in a cup of hot water, and told me to go to the ER if the bleeding got worse or persisted beyond an hour. As it turns out, I was OK. The placenta issue completely resolved itself. 3 days later, I felt a small gushing sensation, went and sat on the toilet, and the placenta painlessly slipped out. I had not even realized I'd had this issue. The midwife hadn't known, either;she just assumed I had passed it earlier, with the rest of the tissue. Anyway.......I can understand where you are coming from, for if the midwife had been there during the miscarriage, I could not have focused, and my husband would not have been able to help and support me as much as he did. I'm going to buy some midwifery texts to study to become familiar with complications. I'd recommend for you to read Emergency Childbirth by Dr. Gregory White and to look at Inhishands.com/shop/Literature.81 They have a flip-up laminted guide to OB complications, by Daphne Singingtree. That way, no matter what you end up doing, unassisted or not, you might feel more prepared. By all means, if you'd feel better having someone there or on-call, have them, but I'd feel better knowing waht was normal & what
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#4 of 12 Old 03-30-2013, 06:23 PM
 
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Wasn't. And, if you have a fast labor, a midwife might not be able to get there on time, and you or your partner might HAVE to deliver the baby. I'm just trying to suggest what might be helpful for you. I'm not trying to be pushy or anything, please forgive me if I'm sounding that way, I'm just a big fan of UC. My experience also taught me that a lot of times, if you leave it alone, the body will do what it's supposed to do without interference. Yeah, emergencies needing immediate help can happen, but they generally don't happen in normal births. And, if they do, that's why we have 911, EMTs, and hospitals. Just my 2 cents, and good luck, whatever you end up doing. smile.gif

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#5 of 12 Old 03-30-2013, 09:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for the advice. Both of us are trying to learn the signs of trouble- but neither of us have been through a birth and we have no medical training. We aren't planning on this being our only child, it might be better to see how this goes and think about a proper UC next time.

 

We'll talk to the midwives we're working with about if they could wait in the living room or something until there are signs of problems. We live in a small apartment with very thin walls, so it shouldn't be much different than having the midwife in the room.


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#6 of 12 Old 03-31-2013, 09:41 AM
 
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An apartment with thin walls? Yikes. I'd be worried about neighbors overhearing and getting curious as to what was going on. LOL.

But seriously, again, good luck and I hope that you have a wonderful, empowering birth. Any idea as to what gender your baby is? I get the sense that minenis a girl, but we'll see.

TizTaz5, wife of a wonderful husband and mother of an angel (lost June '09) and two rainbow1284.gif babies born in July '13. Great things really do come in pairs!
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#7 of 12 Old 03-31-2013, 10:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by TizTaz5 View Post

Hey Sillysapling, I just had to write this because you & I are in the same boat! I am due in August and have still not gotten in touch with a midwife as I also want to do a UC. However, I might try to find someone who would agree to be a backup in case of a problem or I changed my mind & decided I wanted a midwife there. My husband and I had an unassisted miscarriage in 2009, but contacted the midwfe we had been seeing after I passed most of the tissue (I say most because the placenta did not pass until 3 days later) because I was concerned about the heavy bleeding that I was having. The midwife recommended I take a teaspoon of cinnamon in a cup of hot water, and told me to go to the ER if the bleeding got worse or persisted beyond an hour. As it turns out, I was OK. The placenta issue completely resolved itself. 3 days later, I felt a small gushing sensation, went and sat on the toilet, and the placenta painlessly slipped out. I had not even realized I'd had this issue. The midwife hadn't known, either;she just assumed I had passed it earlier, with the rest of the tissue. Anyway.......I can understand where you are coming from, for if the midwife had been there during the miscarriage, I could not have focused, and my husband would not have been able to help and support me as much as he did. I'm going to buy some midwifery texts to study to become familiar with complications. I'd recommend for you to read Emergency Childbirth by Dr. Gregory White and to look at Inhishands.com/shop/Literature.81 They have a flip-up laminted guide to OB complications, by Daphne Singingtree. That way, no matter what you end up doing, unassisted or not, you might feel more prepared. By all means, if you'd feel better having someone there or on-call, have them, but I'd feel better knowing waht was normal & what


I'm sorry, I didn't see your post earlier- you posted while I was responding to BlessedJess! :)

 

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and also the book suggestions. I think that we're going to plan to have a midwife there, but it's definitely good to be prepared in case the baby comes too fast or something else happens, so I'm going to try to get the books. The Emergency Childbirth has some pages available for free on google books at least. If there are complications, we luckily live about 5 minutes away from a hospital.


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#8 of 12 Old 03-31-2013, 10:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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An apartment with thin walls? Yikes. I'd be worried about neighbors overhearing and getting curious as to what was going on. LOL.

But seriously, again, good luck and I hope that you have a wonderful, empowering birth. Any idea as to what gender your baby is? I get the sense that minenis a girl, but we'll see.


With as much banging and screaming as they get up to at all hours- they better not complain about the noise from that. It's a converted house, though, so our neighbors aren't next to our apartment, they're above us and we're on the ground floor, so the neighbors aren't as big a concern. We can have conversations in different rooms, through closed doors pretty easily, though.

 

Thank you! We don't know yet, we're going to wait to find out. I'm not sure what gender I think the baby is, we'll just have to see. :)


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#9 of 12 Old 06-06-2013, 07:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I know it's been a long while, but I want to update this-

 

We didn't have a UC. The midwife who was there for most of the labor was so unsupportive and made me feel like I was doing something wrong just by being in labor. My partner and I were so uncomfortable with her in the house, I really think that active labor went on for hours longer than it needed to and I felt a bit traumatised afterwards. I still don't like thinking about the birth, I've emotionally kind of distanced my baby from the birth just so my feelings on the birth won't effect the love I have for my wonderful baby.

 

When the first midwife decided it was far enough along, she called another to come and help. The second was so wonderfully supportive, she sat through contractions with me and coached me through them. I was still scared, but I immediately felt like I was doing things right and it was actually getting somewhere. By then I'd exhausted myself so much I had to sleep between contractions, but right after I had rested enough, my water fully broke and I started pushing. I don't think I would have been in labor nearly as long, or at least it wouldn't have been as emotionally bad as it was, if she had been there from the start.

 

After my experiences, I'll say this:

 

I would have preferred a UC to having someone who made me feel worse during the labor, but having someone supportive who was familiar with the labor process was so helpful. I've seen a lot of people planning a UC comment on having a mother or friend or someone with experience with birth and labor to help them through it. If I had someone like that, I definitely would have felt comfortable doing a UC.

 

We aren't entirely sure what we'll do next time- for laboring, we're both fine with a UC, but having someone there to help after the birth was helpful because I lost a good amount of blood and ended up passing out, my partner wouldn't have been able to take care of both me and the new baby.


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#10 of 12 Old 06-06-2013, 08:23 PM
 
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Well, sillysapling, I am not happy to hear that one midwife was not supportive, and I feel bad that you had to deal with someone like that during your birth. But it's good to hear that the second midwife was helpful, that your baby is wonderful, and that there was someone there to help you and your partner when you passed out. I hope that you have recovered from your passing out. I nearly did that after a miscarriage, and it really scared me as I was in the shower at the time, and alone as my husband had stepped out for a moment.

My husband and I were considering a UC, but we have changed our minds as we just found out we are having twin girls, and at least one of them is breech. I spoke to a lady who had twins at home with midwives, and she told me that she personally would have never considered a UC. She pushed out her babies within 5 minutes of each other, and felt there was no way she could have attended to herself and her kids simultaneously. There is also a higher risk of postpartum hemorrhaging with twins.

So, after much thought, and after reading your last post, my husband and I are going to have a midwife here, but we won't call her until the labor is well underway. I feel like I DO want her here while the babies are coming out and immediately after they are born. I have also read up on how to handle an unplanned UC and what is not normal, so I do feel ready in case of a really fast labor or the midwife not getting here in time.

Thanks so much for sharing your story! I do hope that you can resolve your feelings about the birth. I had a lot of stuff to resolve after my miscarriage, and the years of infertility that followed. Your midwife should not be delivering babies if her attitude is that a laboring mom is doing something wrong by having her there. Why would you even be a midwife if you felt like that?!? Best of luck to you, and enjoy your new baby!

TizTaz5, wife of a wonderful husband and mother of an angel (lost June '09) and two rainbow1284.gif babies born in July '13. Great things really do come in pairs!
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#11 of 12 Old 06-06-2013, 10:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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With the passing out- fortunately, one of hte midwives was able to catch me so I didn't hurt myself. Basically, the midwives ended up taking care of me while my partner took care of the baby, so having them after the birth was super helpful.  I really wish I hadn't felt so bad after the birth, my partner got so much more bonding with the baby right after the birth, I didn't get any proper bonding until that afternoon (baby came at 4 am, so I'd say at least 8 hours later), and because I felt so weak I wasn't able to do much. I spent the first few weeks basically afraid to be left alone with the baby because I had a difficult time learning what I needed to do to calm my baby, I'm sure that was mostly because I couldn't breastfeed due to surgery so I couldn't even give my baby that, that was something else I had a rough time dealing with... We're fine now, though. :)

 

I'm sorry about your miscarriage, that must have been horrible to go through, especially alone. I'm glad that you were able to get pregnant again afterwards and it's going so well now!

 

Good luck with your twins, and congratulations! I can't imagine being pregnant with twins after how rough being pregnant with one was, I hope you're doing well physically. :) If you don't have anyone else (friends/family) you want to be there during the birth who could help out afterwards, I definitely think you're doing the right thing by calling the midwife to come help at least for afterwards. Twins are going to be a real handful!

 

I really think that the midwife just had other plans that day or something- she was fine all the times we saw her before then, and fine the times we saw her after, but the day I gave birth she just seemed annoyed at having to be there. :| I don't know how it works, but I'd hope if she had something super important, they would have worked around that and not scheduled her for that day! Up until the second midwife showed up, I really feel like I was having an unassisted birth that happened to be happening with a midwife in the room. :|

 

(by hte way- did you get the message I sent you? It's ifne if you don't want to reply, I know it was long :) )


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#12 of 12 Old 06-10-2013, 07:06 PM
 
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Hey, I did get the message you sent, I just didn't get a chance to reply yet. Or to reply to this post.

Delayed bonding and not being able to breastfeed sounds very rough, my heart goes out to you. I hope that things are getting easier for you.

Thank you for your condolences. Today has been a rough one as it is the anniversary of my loss and I just feel so conflicted...ecstatic about my coming twins, devastated about my 3 and a half year old who should be here, and unsure if homebirth instead of a UC is the right choice. Add hormones to the mix and yikes...I have had a good pregnancy, physically. No high blood pressure or fluid retention, but a lot of shortness of breath and pelvic tightness. Anyway...emotionally, it has been hard for me and my husband both.

I can easily see why you would want someone there after a birth. Or even during. So much is happening. I just worry about a midwife being too hands-on....or being totally unhelpful, like you said, an unassisted birth with a midwife happening to be there. How apt, and how sad.

Thanks again for sharing your story, and I will also return your message. I am wondering, don't mean to be a thread hijacker, but I would like it if you could answer these two questions for me: what is the best thing about having your new baby, and what has been the hardest thing to adjust to or deal with? You can answer that via PM if you want. I would just like some input from someone who is in the thick of taking care of a new baby.

TizTaz5, wife of a wonderful husband and mother of an angel (lost June '09) and two rainbow1284.gif babies born in July '13. Great things really do come in pairs!
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