Hi - I'm in NJ and HBA2C is not legal here. My midwives that I had with my last birth (although the VBAC didn't happen) were great, but my body really reacts strongly to surroundings and I'm trying to weigh all options including UC.
- Option 1 (proceed with midwives or VBA2C favorable OB) delay going to hospital until too late (not that I would know when this point is - as I went too early last time and stalled).
- Option 2 travel for birth with midwives in PA who are favorable to me birthing there with them out of the hospital.
- Option 3 UCA2C - which hubby would need lots of convincing for and who may not get on board with it.
Any guidance would be appreciated.
I think my questions are more around where I would even learn to recognize if something was going wrong and I needed to get additional help, how to prepare, and for those who may not have had partner support how they were convinced or what you did?
For those with older kids what did they do while you labored - did you have extra support for them? Did you prepare them ahead of time?
I'm exploring all the options so right now I know I will not have the answers to the how I feel portion of the equation. I do know that I really want to have this baby in as natural and peaceful way as possible. I want the option to have my children present depending on how I feel at the very least very shortly after the baby is born.
I'm 10 weeks approx.
To answer your questions, my husband was hard to convince. What really brought him to a more comfortable place with it was talking it over with a friend of mine's husband, as she UC'd 4 of her babies. That same friend was at my birth, hanging out in the living room with our older kids while we birthed in our bedroom. It was great to have her there, for the sake of my kids, and also to take pictures and help us with food and such. I'll be doings same thing in future pregnancies . If you choose to invite someone, it is very important you find someone completely comfortable with your birth plans, because her discomfort can interfere with your labour (which is why I chose a fellow UCer). As for recognizing if something is wrong, I followed my gut, and did a ton of research during pregnancy, but I do not fear birth, so I came at it from a place of informative study, rather than obsessing over what could go wrong. Birth just honestly fascinates me Hope that helps <3
I had a friend watch my first while I had my second. With my 3rd our family was going to come out and watch them but my labor went faster than the other times and they didn't make it, we had to throw the kids in the car and drive to my midwife's house while I tried not to push in transition. To prepare them we talked about how I'd work hard while my belly squeezed and might make a bunch of silly noises and it might hurt for a little while, and to let me focus on what I was doing and go play. My 6 year old scolded me for using bad words on that car ride.
Staying home is wonderful, a long car ride in labor is awful and can set you back in birthing progress if it's not at the last minute, and if it is then it's even more uncomfortable and risks a car birth. How far to the PA midwives is it for you? Can you feel at home at the BC? Can your kids and their babysitter come there with you? If it's under 45 minutes there and DH was on board I'd say go to them as soon as you're sure this is it, and if things really move too fast be ready to stay home instead. Be prepared for that if you go with the hospital and waiting til last minute idea too.
Will this be your first vaginal birth? It's a greater challenge to UC with your first I think, getting your head and body past the "ok I'm in labor" space and into the "I'm birthing this baby now" space. Though sometimes your body doesn't care and powers through.
Midwifery texts are good for getting thorough knowledge of home birth, labor and variations of normal. The booklet "Emergency Childbirth" is a good popular overview to begin with for a layperson attending a normal birth. "Heart and Hands" is a very approachable and applicable midwifery book. "Spiritual Midwifery" is another one. My husband was very won over about avoiding intervention entirely by "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth". Guys need to know their role in this so let him know what his job in your support and protection will be and let him bring up his concerns and questions as they come. They need plans: if this happens then do this.
I educated my partner about birth and showed him birth videos. We're already "against the grain" as it is, and we believe in doing things as naturally as possible. Natural home birth made sense to both of us, and unassisted was what I wanted, and he wanted whatever I wanted, since I am the one giving birth! He knows how well I know my body and he has watched me birth a few times now...and he's convinced I've made good birth decisions. If my husband didn't support me 100% I'm not sure if I could UC with him around, but I'd probably still birth unassisted because I just know it's right for me.
I'd just tell my kids I'm having a baby. It's a special thing, but not a big deal. If they're awake when I'm in labor and wondering what's up, they'll be told that the baby is coming! Simple as that. I don't think it's a good idea to make it into a big thing where you have to "prepare" them beforehand, but that's my two cents. I am all for treating birth like a normal, everyday event, though a special one!
If I have a longer labor this time (with my history, not likely), I'll invite my best friend over to help watch my kids.
Here's a good online resource that really helped prepare me for birth (not only with good info, but also it mentally/emotionally prepared me). I don't necessarily agree with everything on that website, but, like anything, take it with a grain of salt. The writer (a childbirth educator) has some really excellent points and ideas, as well as good resources.
Thank you all.
For an update: I met with a Midwife in PA (an hour 15 away) who would assist there. I struck out with one OB and left a message for another in the area (both whom my previous midwife suggested during a consult). My previous midwives may be able to assist but since they are bound by hospital rules I wouldn't want to get them into trouble as they help a lot of women in the area achieve wonderful natural births in their homes.
I have another appt with a midwife next week this one 2 hours out into PA - another instance of birthing away from home.
I did pick up Emegency Childbirth and Thinking Woman's Guide to Childbirth. I haven't been brave enough to broach the subject of UC with my husband yet. He is a very loving and gentle man but he was terrified during the last two pregnancies to see me so upset and felt helpless. We don't have local family and it's just us raising a huge house full of beings. I know he'd feel better if we also had someone in our home with us who had experience unfortunately that cannot be the case in our state. When he saw the book I explained to my husband that I want to be prepared to monitor my progress and have the tools needed to deliver should I need to.
Yes, this would be my first vaginal.
I do feel that I can do this. I have been having positive visions of birthing in my home and it feels right.