Help me with my " cover story"? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 3 Old 08-18-2013, 12:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi there. I have only posted here once or twice. I would like to hear from some of you who have had unnassisted homebirths but who have also seen a midwife for prenatal care. In all honestly, it's just a cover your butt kind of situation for me. I work in a child welfare agency and the last thing i would need is getting a call to my own office if I ended up in the hospital and they reported I had no prenatal care. Otherwise I just would not bother. This is my third pregnancy. The other two were natural births as in no meds, but still too much interference and pressure for our liking, and we are sick of the midwives finding some reason or the other why I can't have my homebirth, even though I birthed two nine pound babies who were posterior, with no meds. I don't fit into their box of how long to push or how long I should be pregnant, so I am done trying. They also don't respect my wishes when it comes to no pitocin shot and no forced pushing. So I show up at appointments, mostly nod and smile, outright refuse tests even bloodwork and pretend I'm going to call them for the birth. It is nice to have the option just in case. And they are covered by our provincial health plan so no cost to me. The story we are working on is that we didn't know I was so far along in labor and the baby came unexpectedly. Which is not unrealistic given that for my second labor, I was only at five centimeters around 5 hours into labor, and within 20 minutes I was pushing (and they thought I had hours to go so gave my husband the okay to pick up our oldest from daycare to take to the babysitter's, and he missed the birth). So really, totally believable. Beyond that we haven't worked it out. I am not a good liar but I don't want the extra stress of someone making a call on me afterwards. Although UC is not illegal where we live, in Ontario, it is not looked upon favorably and the authorities (the ones I work for LOL) would question my decision making and judgement so not something I want to go through. We thought initially we would call them right after the baby is born to say oops he or she is here can you come now and check us over. Then we realized that is intrusive as well, given how they treated our babies last time. We want that time to bond not to have me or the baby poked and prodded. Question is what is the story to give once a few hours have gone by? I figure if its night we can say well it happened so fast and we were both well so we thought why wake them, let's call in the morning. If it's daytime, I don't know what the story should be though. Maybe we just got so wrapped up with what was going on and things were going so fast yet so well, then we were bonding and we just naturally didn't think about it until a few hours later. What do you think? Any advice to avoid suspicions?
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#2 of 3 Old 08-19-2013, 05:05 PM
 
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It doesn't sound like you need a cover story.  You've been to the midwife all the way through, so nobody could accuse you of anything if you did go to the hospital.

 

I would call as last minute as possible.  Like have hubby call when the baby is crowning or just out unless you feel like you need to call sooner. He can sound all out of breath and tell them it came on really quickly and you're resting with the baby and waiting for them, please come quickly.  Totally believable with your third child and two natural births already.  Trust your instincts.

 

 

Quote:
“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”
~Mark Twain, Reader's Digest, 1934

 

 

I had a private birth alleged professional, and ended up going to the hospital after she no-showed and I became concerned when I was tired.  At the hospital when one person suggested I hadn't had prenatal care, I jumped down their throat.  I took care of my baby every day that I was pregnant, all day, 24 hours a day.  From conception to that moment.  I spent significant funds on my prenatal care with nutrition and supplements and yoga and pilates and educational materials and all sorts of things.  How dare they for one second suggest this baby didn't have prenatal care?  There was not a word mentioned about it during delivery after my tirade.

 

I have a midwife team now.  Between 3 people, I definitely expect one of them will show up.  If I call in time.  And even if I call early, they are willing to sit in a different room and leave me alone unless I ask for them.  The ideal is to find professionals who are willing to respect you and your choices, but it sounds like you are in good shape to get what you want without anyone having any excuse to question you.

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#3 of 3 Old 08-20-2013, 06:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for your reply! We were thinking we will either call them just after or wait a bit if possible. I don't plan on calling them when the baby is crowning, they would probably freak out and send an ambulance which is the last thing we want. If we call them a half hour or an hour later, it's all done and over with. We'll just say we got busy with handling things and that was the first opportunity to call them. I just remember how intrusive they are right after the birth, poking and prodding, and that's the last thing we want just after the birth, when we are supposed to be bonding. Hey, they can just try to prove we intended not to call, right? Pretty hard to prove, and they'd be stupid to make that accusation and have me never be a client again with any future babies. I am praying I will have the baby during the night and then we will just say that all went fast and very well, baby was well I was well so we decided not to wake them for no reason when just one midwife can come by in the morning to check us over, rather than waking two midwives in the middle of the night (their policy is to have two midwives present for the birth and right after, one to look after mom the other to look after the baby). As I was thinking I realized I really don't want to call them until the placenta is out or my primary midwife will do what she did last time which is stick me with the pitocin shot to make the placenta come and to prevent hemorrhage, even though each time I refuse it beforehand she pushes and insists and basically sticks me without my permission after the birth. Not this time. That's great that you have found midwives you can trust. Mine would never sit in another room, their policies don't allow it. The one time my first midwife left me "alone" she indicated my husband had to be in the room while she quickly ate dinner in the other room and she scarfed it down so fast it was like she was never gone. I couldn't stand the smell of any food which was the only reason she was even in the other room.
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