This started out as a discussion based on the fact that our midwife (the one I assist at births) is unavailable for most of our pregnancy, although she may be around for the birth. But we got talking, my partner and I, and then with our midwife as well, and I think we're going to go for it and do this on our own, fully empowered. This is my fourth baby. My first was a c-section and this will be my third HBAC. It's wild to think about freebirthing. I always thought it was a cool idea, but something that was just not for me.
And now, all of the sudden that seems to be chaning. It's scary but liberating. It's joyous and yet a little surprising. I had a really beautiful vision this afternoon while I was journal about my desires/wishes for this pregnancy and birth of exactly what I wanted and what my dream vision would be. And then I realized that all of it's possible! All I have to do is say YES!
Yes, to trusting myself. Yes, to trusting my body. Yes, to doing the work of caring for my body, this baby and this pregnancy as best I possibly can. Yes, to letting my amazing community of women into my heart and into my life. Yes, to receiving. Yes, to asking for help if/when I need. Yes, to creating the time and the space to sit in ceremony, prayer and meditation with this baby. Yes, to getting to know him/her so intimately and so well before he/she is even born, by palpating and listening to heart tones. Yes, to knowing if things are beyond the scope of what I feel comfortable handling. Yes, to knowing who to call. But mostly importantly, it's an opportunity to become so fully embodied within my physical, emotional and energetic being that the beauty of this journey can be my story as well. It doesn't have to be someone else's story I admire.
Whew! It feels huge to "say it aloud" even if I'm only tying it over the internet. It's been a deep deep soul searching to reach this decision. It's required me to really dig deep and discover the truths I hold within my heart. So...I nervously and yet excitedly step into the UP/UC reality.
We're going to freebirth our baby!!