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#1 of 10 Old 09-02-2013, 01:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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our last two babies were born UP/UC. they were beautiful experiences. i am now pregnant with baby #7. dh really wanted to have a midwife, i said ok. i looked and looked and interviewed some and i found one i like. but now that i have gone to my first appointment and have filled out all the blasted paper work... i keep thinking WHY?

they measured my fundus, took my bp and pulse, had me pee on a stick, and checked my weight. we heard the babies heart beat (which i must admit was comforting) and chit chatted for a bit,but after about 20 - 25 minutes i was out the door with a bundle of paper work and an order for an ultrasound. 

as i went thru all the paper work there was so much i just crossed  out that i do not consent to. it is frustrating. she is a nice woman, and i love her midwives in training. some of my friends have used her and they love her. she has great outcomes... but i don't want to be told what to do. i trust my body and i feel like the whole thing made me start doubting myself. do i need them to check out my vagina? do they HAVE to do pelvic checks every so and so? i mean I KNOW they don't but it is all in there. 

we reserve the right to check progress with or without instruments. what right? it is my body! you have no rights over my body!

so here i am. we haven't paid them anything yet, it is over $3000 which is really hard for us to come up with (not that money is the issue) but i am not sure i need to see someone every 4 weeks to check my weight, look at my pee and feel up my belly. and they get all stressed because i am not in labor at such and such a time. in fact ALL but one of my kids was born at 41+ weeks. and i am sure i ovualted early but she wouldn't really listen to that. she kept giving me the date from the wheel of fortune. like some how i don't know my own body. it is there always there.. that making you doubt yourself.

i don't know what i am going to do. do i stay or go? ugh


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#2 of 10 Old 09-02-2013, 02:24 AM
 
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Ugh, so sorry. 😕 It just sounds like a hassle to me! You've done it before and you know your own body, so you need to do what's best for you. Can you talk with your husband about it more? I hope things go well for you, it's your pregnancy, your body, and your baby! Congrats by the way!
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#3 of 10 Old 09-02-2013, 08:37 AM
 
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Lol to "the wheel of fortune"! I had an OB nurse actually tell me that depending on which exam room you were in you might get a different EDD because not al the wheels were the same!

Thanks for your post. I was trying to decide whether or not to use a midwife for my next birth/pregnancy. Sounds like i will just do it myself the next time.

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#4 of 10 Old 09-04-2013, 12:15 PM
 
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What is the reasoning behind your DH wanting a MW? 


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#5 of 10 Old 09-08-2013, 09:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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dh and i went on a date on friday and we talked. he is just worried, i think he always is and loves the idea of there being someone else there. someone who "knows". 

but he said he would support me in whatever i decide. i have been thinking about asking a friend to come, help with the kids (especially if i go into labor during the day). i have talked to her when i was thinking about having a midwife, i am not sure how comfortable she would be at a UC. i have had friends before call to tell me i was irresponsible and to not ask them for help when stuff goes wrong (nice)... so we shall see. our last UC was just us and it was during the day so i know we can do this. 

the more i think about it, the stronger my feelings are. the midwife is a nice woman and i know she is good, and i know that many women would love her. i just feel waaaay deep down in my bones that the mom needs to feel comfortable and safe to give birth. now for some that is in a hospital, for others a birth center and still others at home with a midwife. i don't think any of those are wrong... for me, i just need to be able to do my thing and not have someone telling me what to do, when to do it, how to do it, and plant that seed of doubt that "something is wrong". does that make sense?


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#6 of 10 Old 09-08-2013, 09:36 AM
 
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I totally get you. That is why I plan to UC too. I don't like people watching me/correcting me, etc when I'm concentrating really hard on something, especially something I've never done before or something super emotionally charged. I would definitely try to find a friend who could be on kid duty for you, even if you labor at night if you're loud and someone wakes up it'd be good to have another adult there to be w/them. 
Perhaps helping your DH get more educated will help his confidence...? I have handouts that I can email you & the emergency childbirth book is online here http://www.rixafreeze.com/pdf/gregorywhite.pdf

I plan to create a binder or something that's easy to reference for whoever is w/me on things that help, what to do when, what situations are transfer worthy. Maybe if he doesn't have to think on his own if you have it all mapped out that will help. 


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#7 of 10 Old 09-08-2013, 04:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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this will be UC #3 for us. dh did a lot of reading for #1, but i think #2 sort of  maybe freaked him out as we had no real "back up" person. i have a couple friends i would love to have there, or at least be able to call if i want someone around. 

i feel like people can't seem to help themselves when a woman is in labor. like somehow if you don't tell them to do something it just won't happen. i remember with UC#1 (baby #4) my friend was telling me how important it was that the placenta come out ASAP. i had done  A LOT of reading and knew it did not need to come out in 5 minutes. there was that pressure there to like HURRY UP. 

now not one of my births has been bad. but i have to say that the UCs were just better. honestly the last one was probably the best. i only labored 5 hours and a lot of that i was on my own (well except the kids were around) got this overwhelming desire to have my MIL there when i was in transition but when she finally arrived i was past that (it lasted all of maybe 45 minutes). 

 

i am just feeling such relief because i am just being open with myself. like i said the midwife was really nice, but NO midwife would work for me, because they all need to interfere in some way. 


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#8 of 10 Old 09-10-2013, 12:19 PM
 
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It sounds like you might need to clearly state your expectations for anyone that might be present or even in the house and perhaps assign them a job! Even the children! That way the possibility of them interfering w/your process will be decreased as their minds will be focused on whatever their given task is. :thumb


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#9 of 10 Old 09-12-2013, 04:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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true.

i am planning on writing the midwife a letter and letting her go. 

i re-read "primal mothering in a modern world" which always reminds me to follow my gut (although some of the stuff is a bit waaaaay out there, even for me. lol) and remember that i need to hold on to my own power and not be so willing to give it up, to refocus and look inside... what is my fear/worry? what do i need to work on? what sort of support do i need at this time? when i remember to do those things i feel so much better.


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#10 of 10 Old 09-12-2013, 07:42 PM
 
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Sounds good!!
I haven't heard of that book. I'll have to check it out.


Former Nanny Extraordinaire, looking forward to being a Mama! treehugger.gif I love Organizing & being a Health & Wellness Coach eat.gif & I'm crunchy granola as long as it's organic and certified gluten free. GF since March '08 yummy.gif. Willoughby Nov '11  cat.gif TTC #1-still, again, some more, & seriously pondering adoption. 
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