2nd baby, 1st uc! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 09-27-2013, 03:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi all! I just want to say I'm so very glad to have found this forum! I recently posted something on a natural site assuming ucs were like the norm there, but I ended up jumped on by a ton of women saying I should at least have a midwife or doula present. Not what I expected at all. So, to find women choosing the same path as me is absolutely wonderful! So happy about it! I'll try not to write a novel here but am sharing my story. With my first daughter I chose the hospital route. To me that was just the norm. That's what you do. I went to all their required visits. Allowed the usual vaccines. I don't even remember what all they did. Flu, probably pertusses. I don't know. I hated every bit of it but figured I didn't have a choice. I hated all the visits. Found them to be a waste of time. You go in. They check heartbeat, ask how you are doing and basically say ok see you next time. I was a week late and they started talking about inducing. I allowed that as well which was horrific! I went in. They put me on pitocen and after a day of quite painful pitocen induced contractions they sent me home to recover and sleep because nothing was happening. Then they had me come back after a night of rest to start all over again. After pitocen and nothing for a while they decided to break my water to get things moving. Finally they did and I had a fairly quick labor. Six hours maybe if that? This was a couple years ago so now it's kind of a blur to me. I just remember all the intervention, lights, people, checking my dilation often, being spread eagle on a birth table with all kinds of faces up in my space. I hated it all. I never questioned the vaccines they gave my daughter. I didn't realize I had any choice. They never made me feel like I did. At one point during the night I was up breastfeeding my daughter and afterwards just laid there for a few minutes enjoying her closeness when I heard a knock at the door and the nurse came in to tell me the baby wasn't allowed to stay in bed with me at night. I was absolutely horrified! First of all, her timing made me question if they had cameras in the room or something because I wasn't laying there long with her and second, this is my daughter! What right have they to tell me she can't be in my bed with me? I had the bed slightly inclined and knew there was no chance I would roll over on her. I would never put her in harm's way!I was far too much in love with this little being I had just given birth to. Also she spit upa bit in the clothing they had put her in. I remember wondering if I was even allowed to dress her in clothes I had brought for her. I felt so controlled and violated that I just had to get out of there! In the morning I asked if we could go home and I was shocked at how they reacted. Telling me they needed to do more vaccines and needed to watch her another day to make sure she's healthy. I insisted and they very adamantly told me I was making a huge mistake and putting her life in danger and they strongly recommended against this. They generally require two days I guess...but still they had me wait for hours. They sent up a pediatrician to check my daughter to make sure she was ok. I had to wait for more testing and another vaccine. All the while I was growing increasingly angry. She was healthy! No problems at all. They kept a security bracelet on her ankle and I wasn't allowed to leave till it was removed. I felt like a prisoner in a place that I should have felt comfortable in. In the end I was still there most of the day but I was allowed to leave and told they were only allowing me to go because my husband had had a child in a previous marriage so he knows the ropes they said. Again I was horrified! My daughter may have been my first but I have much younger siblings who I helped out with a lot and a niece and nephew, I worked in a daycare as well. Basically I felt like I was being baby sat to assure that I was capable for caring for an infant. They let me go under the condition that I bring her back the next day for a wellness check. I did as I was told but not happy about it at all. I vowed to never again go this route if at all possible. When I got pregnant this time around I dreamed of a beautiful home water birth. Honestly, I'm not a social butterfly and after this I was mistrusting. My mom told me to do a uc. Immediately I was completely put off by this idea. No drs? No professional? I starting looking around to midwives. Emailed one. I didn't like her response at all. It still felt very intrusive, medical, required visits and so on. I found out though that I needed cash for these and the only way to go the midwife route was a birthing clinic with my insurance. I settled on one closest to me, an hour away. I started going to all their required visits and they started pushing all these tests and immunizations and so on. If I gained a couple more lbs than they liked they started harping on me wanting a food diary and to know how much water I was drinking and demanding I exercise such and such amount. Mind you I eat very healthy, organic for the most part. We generally don't eat anything processed except for the occasional eating out. I drink lots of water. I don't hardly exercise but with a two year old and feeding healthy in my home I'm basically on my feet all day and exhausted by the end of the day. This really was feeling like deja vu to me. Then my last visit with them I found out I accidentally got on the wrong insurance that didn't work with them. I found out a little later that I could change it and proceed with them but took this as a sign that I wasn't supposed to be going this route anyway. I started dreaming again of a beautiful home water birth which I had wanted in the beginning. Started researching unassisted birthing and I've quite literally been obsessed. Spending hours and hours reading stories, blogs, watching videos. This is what I want. My mind is made up. My husband kinda freaked when I told him this is what I want to do but through all my research I've been teaching, training him. He's still a little nervous but he's accepted and ready for this now I believe and knows this is something I really need to do. It's not just something I want to do. It is but I need this. I want the quiet private atmosphere of being at home. I've played it out in my head a million times. My birth pool will be in my living room. I don't have a fireplace but we have a big screen tv which I intend on playing a fireplace video on. I'll have my essential oils filling the air. I love lemongrass. It's my favorite! :-) I'll have beautiful relaxing music. I won't tell my mom until after he's arrived because although she's totally supportive of this as it was her idea she can be a bit overwhelming. With my first she kept begging to come in the room and see the baby and all I wanted was more time with her and my hubby and breastfeeding her. I love my mom. She's the greatest, but she can wait till I'm ready this time :-) I fully realize that complications however slim a chance that may be can happen and if they do I will call an ambulance or go to the hospital. But I stronglyhave faith that I am making the right decision and my boy(I did have an ultrasound while going to birth center) will be just fine and healthy. I also realize that birthing can be very painful so maybe at the moment it won't feel so beautiful(I had epidural last time) but I know when I have conquered this and I'm holding him in my arms that I will be so very happy with my decision, and if my husband has any lingering doubts he too will know this was the right decision for us. As of this point still debating on whether or not to keep my daughter with us for this. My mom would take her but then she'll know and I don't want her stressing me out. Also ideally I would love my daughter to be with us for it. I know that would require extra responsibility out of my husband. I guess I'll just have to talk it over more with him. But am thinking of trying to keep her with us and if she gets to be too much I'll call mom. She's only nine minutes away anyway :-)
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#2 of 3 Old 09-27-2013, 03:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I also want to add I'm in the states where uc just isn't the norm. I don't know anybody that's ever done it before, but I feel confident in paving the way and showing other women there are options! My son is due Dec 12th. Very excited!
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#3 of 3 Old 09-27-2013, 08:22 PM
 
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I'm also from the USA and I know some other women who have done UC's, one being my mom. I went up to her room that morning and said in a relief, "oh! I had a dream you had the baby without us!" Only to realize that she actually did, lol! I've had my last three at home with my mom as our hands off midwife and this time around it will just be me and my husband, possibly our kids if they're awake. wink1.gif For me, yes birth is painful but it's soooo worth feeling every minute of it. You'll feel like superwoman! I'm due right before Christmas. Congrats and good luck!
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