Unassisted Pregnancy - what did you tell others? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 20 Old 01-13-2014, 08:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Looking for stories/sharing experiences of what you said when people asked, "Who is your doctor/midwife?"

I am in a position where I absolutely cannot dodge this question (I'm part of the local birth services network!) so if I say "noneya" basically, then it will be highly suspicious and I just couldn't be that rude anyway - it's not in my nature :(

 

So, please do share what creative things you said when asked, ladies?! or other ideas! I do so appreciate it! :) I'm starting to show and the questions have started already and I've stalled with, "We're still deciding." eek.


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#2 of 20 Old 01-13-2014, 08:45 PM
 
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I've told everybody the truth, before and after the birth. That's the way I am. However, I did have some prenatal care at a birth clinic and I'm not a super social person. I'm a stay at home mom and I just didn't really run into any difficulty. Is it not an option to just tell the truth and ask that your choices be respected? Sorry, I just don't have any advice but good luck to you and congrats on the baby on the way! :-)
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#3 of 20 Old 01-13-2014, 08:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I wish...I teach natural childbirth classes in our community and if it were to somehow get back to a midwife (whom everyone I am networked with regularly talks to) or doctor, then they may report me to CPS if they didn't like what they heard. :(


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#4 of 20 Old 01-13-2014, 08:58 PM
 
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aww, well it just doesn't seem right to not get the birth you want because of what others might say or do. I really hope some others have some good advice as to how to deal with this. Also there's some unassisted birth groups on Facebook that there are lots more active members on who could maybe have some input or just other women to connect with :-) I personally like the unassisted childbirth-all are welcome group as another is a page and not a closed private group and the other is very picky as to who they allow in it
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#5 of 20 Old 01-13-2014, 10:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ah, yes, I requested to join the FB group (closed) a few weeks ago, still nothing :P I guess they are picky...not sure how to ask to be accepted. Geez.

I'll look for the other one, but I don't want my posts getting put on my newsfeed! lol

edit: Oh! I found the all welcome one! Requested :)


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#6 of 20 Old 01-13-2014, 10:46 PM
 
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What is the name of the UC FB group were you wanting to join, that is closed?
I am part of one, and I know why it's closed: as you stated, this is a situation that for insane, illogical, and frankly ethically-bankrupt reasons, could lead to good family's being destroyed.
Several of us have had situations like mine (where my baby had hormonal release at 5 days old and the midwife threatened to call CPS for sexual abuse - the pediatrician thought the midwife was ignorant and nuts and made sure the midwife wrote to him stating she WOULD NOT call CPS) and are nervous to be in an open group.




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#7 of 20 Old 01-14-2014, 08:31 AM
 
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I lied to people who asked. I said I was seeing a doctor due to "family history" of this or that. Doctors can't discuss other patients so I knew nobody would ever find out. After I had my UC, I told people I didn't make it to the hospital. Nobody questioned it. Very close family knew my actual birth plan and were supportive smile.gif Good luck to you!
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#8 of 20 Old 01-14-2014, 12:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That is so sad, VioletLove, and yes, how ignorant of the midwife!

The group is just "Unassisted Pregnancy & Childbirth" and admined by a couple.

 

I like the idea of lying and saying I'm seeing a doctor and right, they can't discuss. How about medwives (you know, the "midwives" at the doctor's practice), they are also bound by the same rules, no? We have a very large doc/midwife group here and I could say that I'm seeing them, but my students will wonder why since I sing praises to homebirth...eek. Why does this have to be so difficult...ugh. Maybe I could tell the students we're having a homebirth and hope the two peoples don't cross paths! lol

 

Hubby is looking into whether his ins. covers homebirth, if it does, we may just see someone for prenatal care and oops. :P


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#9 of 20 Old 01-14-2014, 06:54 PM
 
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I would definitely lie if it meant preventing CPs from getting involved.

I haven't told my mw or really anyone that I might UC, just not worth the risk. Plus it's none of their business.
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#10 of 20 Old 01-14-2014, 07:21 PM
 
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You could just say that you are a huge believer in home birth, but due to a medical condition or your mothers problem that you may have inherited or insurance reasons or whatever, you have to have a hospital birth. Then when you say you didn't make it, to them you could say you were lucky nothing went wrong, or something. Just throwing out ideas.
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#11 of 20 Old 01-14-2014, 08:03 PM
 
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I was honest about UP, but she was my 4th, you'd probably get more flack for a first or w/ prior issues. I think most people are satisfied as long as everything from your own care falls w/in normal parameters w/ plans  to get a second opinion should something arise. I did have a midwife appt. at week 20 to get a baseline for baby's position w/ plans to go back at the end of pregnancy to check for head down position. I ended up finding spinning babies instead, bur people just want to make sure you're not an island.


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#12 of 20 Old 01-19-2014, 10:00 AM
 
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How about- You know, I'm just feeling really private about this birth. . . I don't mean to be evasive, and there are so many great care providers around here, but I'm feeling like keeping everything personal and private right now. Who knew I, of all people, would feel that way, right? Lol. Thanks for asking though. It's such a special time and it's great to have your support.
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#13 of 20 Old 01-19-2014, 12:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Twopeaedpod View Post
 

I wish...I teach natural childbirth classes in our community and if it were to somehow get back to a midwife (whom everyone I am networked with regularly talks to) or doctor, then they may report me to CPS if they didn't like what they heard. :(

Unassisted birth is not illegal not much CPS can do about it. 

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#14 of 20 Old 01-19-2014, 01:11 PM
 
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Ibtold people the truth. I told them I was having an unassisted pregnancy and planned an unassisted homebirth. I was met with a lot bof questions and aww but never had issues with anyone. I agree having an unassisted birth is legal here so there wouldn't have been anything anyone could do

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#15 of 20 Old 01-22-2014, 02:21 PM
 
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I don't always tell people, depends on the person and the situation. Sometimes I say we're still deciding, sometimes I say I've hired someone privately (still pretty out there for most people, but it's an answer.)  


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#16 of 20 Old 01-23-2014, 08:05 AM
 
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I would suggest to stand tall in your womanhood/motherhood.   The only reason cps or other agencies get worried about uc is because there are a lot of sickos in the world who would  love the chance to have a child born to them with no one knowing and possibly never registering that child (social sec. ect).  So it would be best to ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH. That way people know your plan and what you believe in and what you stand for. and in the case some one decided they were so against your belief they would call child services.. well you will have those people close to you to vouch to who you are and what your plan was. You don't want them to say your inconsistent or you said this but did that and end up with a handful of problems and a newborn in your arms with cps in your face. Probably best to tell the truth and save yourself the hassles love! Best of luck to you and yours. stay strong you can do it!! it may be hard to stand tall in your belief because of others judgments... i am waiting on an ear load from my mother when i break the news i will be choosing an uc. But just remember it comes from a place of ignorance first ( which means lack of knowledge, not stupidity) and second, nerves. Most people are so used to the "comfort" of doctors they cant see it being done any other way. They are most likely concerned for the child and your safety. It can bring you down and make you wanto oops when people are not supportive. That is why you have to be your biggest supporter. Your body can and will do it if you shut your brain off and let instinct take control. people who do not share your opinion can be viewed simply as one who has not been blessed to experience the wonders the body can do and the gift we give ourselves and the world. Bless mamas! Stay strong and loving those babies! no one said it would be easy. Cant wait for number 2 xoxox

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#17 of 20 Old 01-23-2014, 02:18 PM
 
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I don't just worry about CPS though, I just don't want the negativity. It's nobody's business, it's not my job to educate the masses when I'm pregnant. If someone isn't important to me, they don't need to know the details of my private life if I don't want them to.
I think it's very important to keep our births sacred and sometimes that means protecting our privacy.


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#18 of 20 Old 01-23-2014, 08:00 PM
 
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I think you've gotten a lot of good responses, it just depends on what you're comfortable with. With my first no one knew except my mom and siblings. I had small concerns dh mom would call cps but also I did not want the negativity to interfere with my birth. At some point I have a cut off date to my mom that I was no longer going to talk about the birth bc they just couldn't accept my choice. When it came to birth I just told family the birth was so fast the midwife couldn't make it and it was annoying to lie about the birth which was really almost 4 days of labor!

With my second I had more confidence bc I had "proof" that I am making the right decision. Family never asked this time around lol. And others that asked I'd just say I was using the same midwife I used with my first.

My suggestions for you: it sounds like you can't really stay under the radar since you are pretty involved in the birthing community. It sounds like you may come across as out of integrity bc you teach about home birth and it was seem strange for you to have a hospital birth out of the blue.

I would say something along the lines of you are having a home birth and getting a care from a private midwife who is a family friend and a few hours out of town. You can still talk about to having hands off care bc everything is normal. And you have a reason to not be seeing someone in the circle. Or you can use some variation and say you are going to the self care etc under the supervision of a family friend midwife etc...get as close to the truth as you can without feeling like you may put yourself at risk.
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#19 of 20 Old 01-23-2014, 08:12 PM
 
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Exactly what I was thinking, weliveintheforest. And I think bornoutofthematrix has some wording that I would find useful in your situation.
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#20 of 20 Old 01-26-2014, 11:57 AM
 
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Originally Posted by salr View Post

How about- You know, I'm just feeling really private about this birth. . . I don't mean to be evasive, and there are so many great care providers around here, but I'm feeling like keeping everything personal and private right now. Who knew I, of all people, would feel that way, right? Lol. Thanks for asking though. It's such a special time and it's great to have your support.

I really like this, and I'm wondering if you can somehow hint that maybe you don't feel right disclosing that information as it's a very personal choice and you don't wish to inadvertently sway a client's feelings about which provider to choose? Not sure if that made sense.....

And it's completely legitimate and understandable if you are feeling private about your pgy. This is my 3rd, and I am very surprised by how little info I want out there about my pregnancy/health. I think people don't understand that they are asking for private medical information when they're "just being friendly".
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