That situation wouldn't work well for me as far as just sucking it up and going along with someone else's plan for my birthing. But I know you have had this option on the table.
I can tell you that I recommend hypnobabies. Even if you're farther along than the program recommends for starting, I found it helpful to keep me relaxed.
Remember that you can and should request a different nurse if you don't like the one you get.
What's the particular hospital like?
Do any midwives want to barter or are there any in a different location that you could see?
A doula will support you and your husband and it sounds like you guys really need support. They should remind you to speak up and that you have that right.
How much it's reasonable to freak out really depends on your hospital, doctors, and nurses. That said, there's a reason I haven't signed up to birth in a hospital so I understand your stress. No one should have to fight for what they want during pregnancy or birth, but if you have to you can. You can be sweet and say no thank you. You can say I'm going to decline that at this time. You can say I don't consent to that. You can tell them to get the %|@< off of you. There's probably a lot of advice to get on the general birth or vbac forum. And maybe you don't need advice.
But yeah, find a doula you like.
... aren't you going to have to pay for a doula out of pocket? Can you put that towards a midwife?