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#1 of 17 Old 02-26-2014, 12:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Did anyone on here hire a home birth midwife and decide to go unassisted for the birth part way through? We hired a fabulous midwife right before we came to the decision to go unassisted. We really want to do the birth ourselves but we don't want to put our midwife in an awkward position. It feels like firing a really nice friend and I don't want bad feelings....

We just aren't sure how to handle things. Did you discuss unassisted birth with the midwife as the reason for terminating? How did you explain this? Did you continue working with her and just not call in labor? Did you find some compromise, like she is on the premises but in a different room and only comes in if you ask her to look at something or have a question?

Feeling confused about what to do that will be doing right by everyone. Wish we had decided to go unassisted just before hiring her rather than just after. *sigh*
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#2 of 17 Old 02-26-2014, 09:52 PM
 
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The exact thing happened to us. I felt bad "firing" her, but felt/feel I made the best decision for us. So I basically had to suck it up and call her and let her know how I was feeling and that my husband and I wanted to have a uc. I definitely got mixed emotions from her. At the beginning of the conversation she asked if i had been planning a uc all along (I only had two appts with her), and that she's had the issue before after people ask for her price sheet. I remained honest with her throughout the conversation. I told her how I liked her as a person and felt comfortable with her and the assistant she would have had attending, but that I felt this "calling" to have a uc. The conversation ended with her explaining that she would always be there to offer support for anyone that needed her, and that her secretary would contact me once she returned from vacation to gather my medical records and other misc documents I may need. Also that I could see her later in the pregnancy to ensure baby was head down, for any further paperwork I needed, and to see everything was progressing normally.

Although, that turned out to be the last conversation I had with her. I never once heard from her or her secretary. I never tried to contact her again either, but felt that I did not recieve a call back because she did not like me choosing uc.

Ever since then, I've written my own medical records based on the prenatal care I give myself, my husband checks babys position, and does cervical checks when I want (usually after begging lol, it's his least favorite)
Now I am 38 weeks and waiting, but I'll post how everything goes when baby decides to make his debut smile.gif
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#3 of 17 Old 02-27-2014, 10:13 PM
 
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I hadnt hired a midwife, but I did consult with two later in my pregnancy when we werent sure dh was going to be able to make it home for the birth. So while I didnt have to terminate, I did have ot make the awkward (for me, I'm awful at anything even resembling confrontation) call letting each of them know I was going to go uc after all. The one I just left a message and didnt hear back after that, although I know she was supportive of my choice. The other was really so amazing, calling to make sure I was really comfortable going uc (rather than just couldnt afford her) and she offered her availibility last minute without a contract or via phone if we had any questions or concerns during/after. Good luck, I hope your mw is receptive/respectful.
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#4 of 17 Old 02-28-2014, 01:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for the encouragement and sympathy! I dread confrontation, being seen as a "problem", and fear creating bad feelings.

I guess it is obvious, if the personal aspect weren't part of it. We can't afford a service we have decided we don't need anyway. Simple. Except, we feel like friends and dont want hard feelings. how do I say "we don't need or want you" in a way that doesn't burn bridges or cause offense? I don't want her to feel like I am dismissing her profession. I also don't want to put her in a financial bind because we are at 30 weeks and she probably can't replace that lost income at this point.

I appreciate the advice. I know I am probably making this into a bigger deal than it is, but I keep second-guessing what is right to do. Thanks for listening!
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#5 of 17 Old 02-28-2014, 11:47 PM
 
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Don't worry I went through the same internal battle smile.gif

Just try to be as honest as possible. That you appreciate the care that she has provided, and that you truly want to remain as close as possible, but that you and your husband realized that with this baby you really feel like a uc is calling to you. Maybe see if she'd still be willing to be involved in the post-birth check up/postpartum? But that you feel you only want you and hubby for the birth.
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#6 of 17 Old 03-01-2014, 12:51 AM
 
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Do you have a contract with her or have you paid her? There may be money things to discuss.

I'd go the honesty route and talk about feeling called to uc.
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#7 of 17 Old 03-01-2014, 01:04 AM
 
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We had set up a contract, the terms were a $500 deposit and then we were going to pay the rest in a lump sum before 36 weeks. For a total of $3600 if paid in full before 36 weeks. I had already had a price sheet from her that mapped her charges because I was planning on forwarding it to my insurance to see about them covering any, but since we decided on the uc the $500 deposit actually went toward the 2 appointments I had with her. So we didnt owe her anything.

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#8 of 17 Old 03-01-2014, 01:08 AM
 
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Sorry I thought the pp was referring to me >_<<br />
Oh well I guess that info is there if needed lol
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#9 of 17 Old 03-01-2014, 09:50 AM
 
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smile.gif it's good to have all that figured out.
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#10 of 17 Old 03-01-2014, 08:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We have paid her $1250 so far toward the almost-$4000 total and I guess there is sort of a contract (we signed a lot of papers at the beginning). She does have spelled out the fees due if terminated before 37 weeks and we are prepared for that. We have no insurance and can't afford the rest anymore (thank you, north-eastern snow days with no work). She has been really flexible, so we don't want to seem ungrateful, either.

More snow expected Monday, so if my husband is not working I guess we will call her together and talk it over. *nervous and dreading it greensad.gif*
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#11 of 17 Old 03-01-2014, 08:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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To clarify... The plan to UC is not financially motivated.we were already totally convinced we want to do that. The monitary saving would be a nice fringe benefit. Just in the last few weeks we have discovered we can't afford it anymore anyway, so it's good we were already prepared to UC.
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#12 of 17 Old 03-03-2014, 07:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Update... we are on our own. it didn't end with bad feelings and she said she respects our ability to make a decision. We can't access her for anymore prenatal care or rhogam after or anything, though, because she said she can't be involved since she won't be at the birth. She can't be held responsible. She doesn't support UC personally, but she respects our decision. She said she wasn't surprised.

Anyway, now I can really get excited about the birth! However, we need to look into getting the birth certificate and rhogam, etc. DH gets to play midwife now wink1.gif (or is it midhusband?)
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#13 of 17 Old 03-03-2014, 02:35 PM
 
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Lol! I like that! A Mid-husband smile.gif

I'm glad everything went well, I'm not sure what you would do regarding the rhogram, maybe get a prescription from a family doctor? Or I think there has been women that go into the ER

I live in ca, so for the birth cert I have to make an appt and go into our county's vital records dept within 10 days after the birth. There's also a packet that I fill out and a couple documents I have to bring along, such as a utility bill.
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#14 of 17 Old 03-03-2014, 11:58 PM
 
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Make sure that you get the Rhogam taken care of within 72 hours of the birth if you are Rh negative. You'll need to have the plan in place before the birth.


Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
14yo ds   11yo dd  9yo ds and 7yo ds and 2yo ds  
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#15 of 17 Old 03-04-2014, 08:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Would a doctor give us grief about planning UC?
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#16 of 17 Old 03-04-2014, 09:45 PM
 
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U
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Originally Posted by Jewel5811 View Post

Would a doctor give us grief about planning UC?

Unfortunately, I'm not sure :/ it would def depend on the doctor. I found this thread that I think has some useful info: http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1390632/rhogam-after-uc

I think the reason the moms that uc go to the ER for the rhogram is because it's easy to just say it was an oops. I'd hope they wouldn't give you any issues, especially after giving them the answer that "the midwife didnt make it in time". Also, it sounds like in the thread some women were able to have a midwife who was willing to just do the rhogram.
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#17 of 17 Old 03-04-2014, 09:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you!

Wasn't keen on the ER because it seems it might risk cps involvement or be higher cost. We don't have insurance.
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