Friends who are supportive - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 02-26-2014, 05:37 PM - Thread Starter
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After talking to my husband I called two close friends to ask them if they would like to be with us to welcome our new little one when labor starts (through birth).  I also let them know that we are most likely going unassisted and wanted to make sure they'd still be comfortable being here and they both were just fine with it (both are of the view that birth is natural, both fellow-home-birthing mamas of many).  I figured they would be but wanted to make sure we don't run into any surprises.  Though I like the idea of the intimacy between me and my husband mostly during the more intense parts of labor and birth I feel like having a few close friends there in my previous births has made the time very special.  With my second baby it was my two cousins and sister-in-law (who video'd and cried for joy after the baby was born).  With my last two (and first hospital) my friend has been there and with the two home-births she's started a tradition of making me pancakes, which I crave after working so hard at labor and birth.  I do hope things work out for her to come again!  The other friend I asked has not come yet to any of my births but I'm all-the-same excited if she's able to make it.  I'll never forget my cousin and friend taking out cool water from my birth tub and putting in hot water for me.  I guess I feel like just basic loving-care is the type of support I need when birthing.  I'm trying to decide now if I'll ask one last friend to be there, as she is a birth photographer (known her for years and years and is just starting birth photography) and I LOVE having pictures of my babies being born BUT...  ugh I can't decide if I will want people in the room during the whole labor/birth or if I'll just want her to come in right as the baby's being born or right after and get pictures of us and the baby and kids meeting their new sibling.  Thankfully, I still have 7-ish months to think of what is most important to me and also to change my mind if I start feeling a certain element will help or hinder me.


Do you feel like you'll have a special friend or family (besides spouse and kids) there?  My mom will be there too but we usually ask her to take the role of supporting the children if they need food, drink, a hug, etc...    

Rachel, mom to 6 children.
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#2 of 3 Old 02-27-2014, 10:27 AM
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I had the same struggle! First time, my sister and a couple sisters-in-law asked if they could be there and we said sure but asked them to leave at the pushing stage. Hubby was going to do everything (midwife coached that time) and he didn't want to feel "on the spot". Plus, I wasn't convinced anyone could really not care about privacy and modes though all moms I knew said so haha. I didn't appreciate labor and delivery going into that birth, either. My attitude was that it was just some unpleasant thing that had to happen, probably blood and guts, and I would rather not be there. Yself except I'm the mom so I have to be.

Second time, I was on still on such a huge high from having my perspective on labor and birth so drastically changed by the first birth that I was ready to invite anyone and everyone to be there. I thought labor and delivery were so awesome I wanted everyone to share that moment. So my sister video recorded and three sisters-in-law were present as well. It was nice because they could all keep each other and my husband occupied to pass the time. We were at a birth center that time so we didn't have as many options for recreation as at home.

This time, I felt like I really wanted it both ways (share the moment and get it recorded for myself, AND have that special intimate experience between just use as a couple). Before we were planning to be unassisted I invited a couple people to be there. I figured I would basically labor alone which is good for me and let anyone who wanted to be there be in the living room and when the birth was imminent they could come in quietly and see that moment of taking the baby out of the water. Now that we are going unassisted, we really want it to be just us. No one to second-guess or question. We will probably set up a video camera and I'm sure my husband can take some pics because I don't usually want any help or support in labor. Some kind of record is really important to me. I might let my sister come photograph again except she is far away and won't make it in time haha.

Because we have always had others around, I don't know how much I subconsciously felt like I had to "perform". I didn't consciously feel inhibited, but I want to find out how much I was subconsciously. Or maybe I will find out we miss the extra company. I don't know. Only problem is now we have to uninvited people who are so eager to be there. Awkward..... Oops.
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#3 of 3 Old 02-28-2014, 08:51 PM
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I'm single so when I birth I will have my best friend there and perhaps her 2 grown daughters to take pics and make food for us. My mom will not be invited nor even know that I will be doing UC... Not sure about anyone else at this point...
My best friend birthed all 4 of her kids at home witha MW and wishes that the she coulda been alone. I think the MW was making her a little crazy....

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