So I haven't been on this site in over a year! My sweet little girl just turned 1 three weeks ago. She is so much fun and I adore being a mother. I wouldn't trade her for anything.
My husband and I decided early on that UC was the only type of birthing that made sence to us. We did our home work and kept away from people who wouldn't like our choice. We had lots of prayer time and reading (mainly me reading). I want to finally share our story of meeting our sweet little person.
We set up our little nest in my sister inlaws vacant master bedroom/bathroom a week before I was "due" and kept to ourselves. We waited patiently and got excited at every little Braxton hicks contracton I felt. I had them off and on for about two weeks. When ever I felt them I thought "hey these aren't too bad!"
My actually contractions started on sunday February 17th around 8:30 pm. We waited a little bit before we decided to drive across town to our sisters place (quiter than our living situation) At about 11:30 the really real contractions started. I got scared! Those Braxton hicks one didn't give any clue to what i was in for! By midnight we left for our nesting spot.
We were driving a smidge over the speed limit (it was midnight why not?? Lol) and out of no where a shopping chart was in the road! We swerved and and laughed a little. What I night this was turning out to be.
We arrived and I stood at the side of our car while my husband brought our bags in and I delt with a few contractions. During a break I came inside and leaned on the wall here and there try into focus. He prepared my bath and I started snacking. But not much, my tummy didn't like that. I sat in the bath for a few minutes but the pain was too much so I thought I lay down to hopefully sleep through the contractions. I slept for 45 minutes and woke up and threw up my snack! After that I couldn't go back to sleep so I spent the rest of the time in the bath. I used so much water that night. At some moments I wanted the water spraying on me but the tub would get to full so we would drain it and the cycle went on and on. We had a water proof pillow but for some reason I didn't want it to get wet lol. My contractions were about every 3 or 4 to 5 minutes all night. I kept trying to focus on relaxing and I kept hoping I'd have my baby before morning. Before the light came back.
I remember being a little bit sad when the sun had come through the windows. It made me feel anxious. As if it had been too much time. Everything I read about not worrying about the time went out the window.
I don't remember what time my water had finally broke but I think it was before the pushing contractions had started.
We got excited when the water broke but I was so exhausted by that point I became scared as well.
My pushing contractions started between 11 and noon on Monday the 18th. Boy did I underestimate the pain. My husband was in contact with his sister via phone and FB during the day. I regret not asking to talk to her directly. But my momma instincts were say "hang up that phone!!" My husband relayed to me that she had said not to push till it was time or I was wear myself out for when it really was time. I retrospect I realize that those pushing contractions were "the time" but hearing the words about waiting filled me with doubt. But all my body could do was push. I couldn't not push. It was impossible. But with the doubt I wasn't giving my body to extra voluntary push to top it off. I had about 3 and a half hours of pushing contractions with only involuntary force behind them.
I had felt baby girl move during the rest of the labor but once her head was close I didn't feel her moving anymore. I was able to stick my finger in only about a half inch and I could feel her head.
You know how everyone says "that moment when you just don't think you can do it anymore and you loose all hope... That's right before the baby comes"
Well I was right in the middle of that very emotion. I was filled with so much doubt. Timidly I asked my husband to call for an ambulance. I was so nervous I had messed everything up with my choice to UC. I thought I better just call it sooner than later. He called they came I pushed and pushed all the way to the ER, I cried for pain killer! They said "oh honey look you've got this far you can do it!"
In came the OB (a note about him later) after only two or three good pushes he snipped me with my defeated approval and out she came. He told me her head was too big so he need to cut. My husband over heard a nurse whispering to another nurse "her head wasn't big at all, he didn't need to snip"
Thinking back I agree. I'm certain with one more push I could have done it.
In all my reading and watching and asking questions I don't feel like anyone ever really described that last moment of pain before the baby comes out. Maybe because its unexplainable. My best attempt would be to say that you feel as though you couldn't possible give anything more or feel anything more painful, but when some one yells at you to push harder and stop screaming you find it and you can't believe it's happening. You can't believe your body just felt what it felt. But at the same time I knew I was supposed to feel every bit of it. I knew it wouldn't kill me.
After they put he on my cest I tried to focus on her but the pain from the episiotomy was very distracting. The OB was an OB I had met before at a clinic when I had a "self diagnosed" uti. I had been I. A lot of pain and thought maybe I had a kidney infection. I couldn't take the pain anymore so I went in and since I was pregnant I met with an OB. I told him that I thought I had a uti and he asked me in a rude tone "who told you you had a uti??" I told him I had gotten an at home test strip at was hot pink after urinating on it. He rolled his eyes and had me pee in a cup and came back with the results. He never said uti but because he was such a professional (
Anyway the whole time he was with me he was very rude, demanding and immature. When I told him I didn't want something done he asked why very rudely and condescendingly. I just cried and said "because I said I don't want it! Stop asking me why!"
Before he sewed me up he wanted to check for bleeding at the cervix. So multiple times he inserted a metal tong type utensil with gauss at the end to check for blood. But they weren't long enough and I kept clenching because my god it hurt!! He threw his tong utensil down and huffed and puffed about not having the right size and how nobody gets anything he needs for him. He was being such a little baby about everything.
So once he finally started sewing I whimpered at every pierce and pull, so he told a nurse "can you get her something to shut her up??" The nurse asked me sweetly if I would take the pain killer. I agreed. After having it I still felt everything but my strength was completely gone. It made me too weak to cry or make any noise. I also had to pass my daughter to daddy because my arms felt like they where falling to the side.
For months everytime I closed my eyes all I could picture was myself kicking that OB in the face and screaming at him "I bet you'd cry too if some one sliced our penis open!"
He was a jerk. And I'm in no way exaggerating.
What a thought to have to bring home with you when you're trying to fully take in this new life in your arms.
One year later my thoughts are...
I'd do a UC again but maybe with another woman around.
I'd make sure my husband was as well versed in the information as I was
I'd get my body in better shape before I get pregnant
And to any future UCers out there... Remove fear from your life and surround yourself with the support of those who are also well learned in child birth. Have a clear plan for hospital personnel should you decide to go last minute. Be confident in your choice, and not ignorant! When you get down in that deep dark vulnerable place any amount of ignorance can be the small pebble that cogs the giant machine that is your plan.
I can't wait til I'm in great health to get pregnant again and hopefully do things closer to my dream birth