UC:What made you decide on it? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 12-27-2004, 03:05 AM - Thread Starter
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And how did you convince your ds?
My dh is just not ready for it, so he says. But I really feel drawn to UC. This birth will be attended by a midwife at home, unless no one calls her in time...
but, the next baby, I feel very strongly must come without outside help.
Tell me your stories.

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#2 of 9 Old 12-27-2004, 03:29 AM
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it just called to me. i hate having people i don't know or barely know touch me , and even before i had my son i felt alone was the only way to go... i ended up having my son in a hospital and was very disappointed with the experience that i ended up having. when i got pregnant again, i knew freebirth was the only option for me + my baby.

Jeannine Parvati Baker inspired me + gave me more strength than i could have ever hoped for in this...

i ended up giving birth to my beautiful baby girl this July; she was born right into her daddy's hands. only 2 1/2 hours of labor!

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#3 of 9 Old 12-27-2004, 10:25 AM
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Well, I wanted a UC, but dh wasn't comfortable with the idea, so we did hire a midwife (one we'd used before) and she knew I wanted a UC... we'd talked about it and I'd told her, I think if it came down to it, dh would be fine knowing that I know and trust my body, and if something happened that she didn't make it in time, we'd be fine.

Now, I didn't plan to call her too late. That would have been sneaky and unfair to dh, but I also didn't want to call her too early. He was ok with me not wanting her there during 1st stage labor, and knew I wanted to time it so she'd get here when I was ready to push.

I honestly can't say whether my m/w purposely delayed a bit, because she knew what I wanted, but in timing I did think I'd left enough time for her to get here, but baby Reid had other plans. I went from about a 6 to baby born, inside an hour and a half or so. This was much much quicker then my other labors, and surprised me, because I wasn't experiencing pain, the cntrx felt crampy and tight at their peak, but only from 15-30 secs, and only for about a half hour or so before I was fully dilated.

Oh, I should say I checked my own dilation and had dh check, and he measured against a tape measure. That was amazing, feeling how my cervix had changed, and feeling the bulging BoW.

Anyway, the m/w showed up 15 mins. after the baby was born, and after we'd gotten out of the birth tub and settled into bed. Baby was nursing, and she checked me, was there for placenta delivery, and then had to wait around for two hours for baby to unlatch before weighing and measuring and checking him over.

I can't say how happy I am that it turned out the way it did, and I almost wish I could do it one last time, and not have a m/w come over afterwards, either. This will be our last baby, though.

It's an amazing experience, and I'd highly recommend it!

My m/w is a rare breed of CNM, and said she wanted every woman to experience UC at least once, so they could really KNOW that they could do it on their own.
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#4 of 9 Old 12-27-2004, 01:01 PM
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I wanted a UC with our first but decided to go with a birth center birth to make DH more comfortable. it didn't go as planned needless to say.. that was all I needed to convince me I should have listened to my intuition. hopefully I can convince DH now, that it's the right choice.

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#5 of 9 Old 12-27-2004, 03:41 PM
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Ironically, the midwife we were seeing inadvertently convinced DH, lol!

DS' birth was a completely unnecessary c/s - which I KNOW would not have happened (or been "necessary") had I not been in the hospital and subject to intervention. I knew after I had DS that I would never have another babe in the hospital again, barring TRUE emergency situations. DH was okay with a homebirth, but wanted a midwife attending. I was okay with that, as long as we found one who would be hands-off. However, in our area, there ARE no midwives who attend homebirth. We tried to find someone to fly in for the birth, but b/c I'm a VBAC, the midwives are restricted in their abilities to provide care. So we gave up on that idea.

We finally settled on a midwife who operates her own birthing center, letting her know upfront what my needs were (hands-off, *I* will make the decisions regarding *my* care). She said she was fine with that.... until.... I think around 25ish weeks she told us she couldn't provide care anymore if I was not willing to allow Doppler at EVERY visit AND an u/s AND EFM at the start of labor and at "regular intervals" throughout labor.

I had already been working on DH to have a UC, but he thought as long as the midwife was going to be hands-off it would be "fine" to keep seeing her (I didn't agree, but was working on convincing him w/out harassing him, lol). After that last visit, DH was completely turned off by her imposing the "rules" more than halfway through! He was completely surprised that she would do that, after having assured us up till then that she was fine with my requirements. I was not surprised - I figure she thought it was "too late" for us to want to go through the hassle of finding other care... little did she know I didn't WANT other care, lol.

So I guess I'm glad that we kept seeing her as long as we did, b/c then DH was able to see for himself how we were treated (vs me telling him how poorly the medical establishment was treating me) and it was "his" choice for us to go UC. So, thanks, midwife, for leading us on and dropping the bomb at such a late date - thanks!

I will say, though, that I had DH pretty much convinced before that happened, he just thought it would be okay to go with the flow and he did want that bit of reassurance from having a "medical professional" available to us. I would have been able to convince him to UC, it just would have taken a bit longer.

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#6 of 9 Old 12-27-2004, 08:18 PM
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way that i can possibly sum it up is that no other way would have been in any way satisfactory for me, does that make sense?
i would never do it any other way. i knew before i conceived that i would do that, never had a shadow of doubt or fear.
i don't get pelvic exams, paps, etc , have no intention of doing so. i feel total autonomy over my cunt and all of it's workings. i don't know if that's a good way of explaining it or not...
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#7 of 9 Old 12-27-2004, 09:56 PM
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The first time, it was about a growing awareness of my own personal discomfort of having someone I was not normally intimate with present at the birth. From a spiritual standpoint it felt very wrong. I was also beginning to wonder whether the presence of my very hands-off midwife had had an adverse affect on my labor. I had studied midwifery texts and frequently talked about birth on the internet, and felt that I had a pretty good grasp of the risks specific to my situation, and what I would do if something went wrong. Frankly, the more I learned, the more I felt that the value of a midwife's involvement was over-estimated. I was healthy and my baby was in an ideal position for giving birth, and I had the loving support of two midwife friends, and knew I could count on them if I needed anything.

All that taken together made me feel inclined to give birth without a professional attendant present. I really felt, though, that it made the most sense for me to remain flexible and not get set on things going a certain way, so that I didn't know, even up until quite late in the labor, whether or not I would call one of my midwife friends. But every time I thought about doing so an absolute sureness settled over me that all was fine. I am normally very in my head, left-brain and all that, but upon actually experiencing my intuition so strongly there was no doubt in me that I really did just know. A pretty cool thing.

The birth was amazing to me in a way that I had not been able to feel when part of my attention was directed to the birth attendant. I was completely present and aware (no "labor-land",) yet completely inside it. My behavior was un-selfconscious and uncontrived. It was normal in the sense that it was so elemental and whole, and to experience that kind of normality was and is to me mind-blowing. It was amazing as well to be so in tune with the physical sensations -- despite how painful it was, the feeling of her coming down through me was so compelling that I wished I could relive those moments over and over again -- and to feel so connected to the baby after she emerged, as if we were still two parts of the same whole, still not quite separate, and to be in that quietness and timelessness with her and slowly, slowly, with my husband as well.

Then someone else entered the room. To have all that and then to have it instantly dissipate with the shift of my consciousness as I was forced to acknowledge the energy of someone who was not a natural part of it for me -- that was a violation that affected me very deeply in the following days and months. I had a visceral understanding then of what I had been prevented from receiving from my previous births.

After that, the writings of Michel Odent really started to pop out at me. In light of what had happened to me, the things he was saying about the hormonal process and the primal brain made so much sense. I became somewhat fanatic, then, about the importance of protecting the birth space, both during and after birth, and have remained so ever since.

My last birth was also unassisted, but this time was fully undisturbed, and I am very grateful for that experience. It is one of the most important things that has ever happened to me. I'm aware as I read back over my birth story that there is no verbally expressed joy and beauty that is in so many stories of good births, that was even in the story of my second midwife-assisted birth, and my first unassisted (but interrupted) birth. I think this throws people off a bit. Birth stories are either supposed to be sad accounts of trauma, or jubilant affairs of empowerment. I don't feel jubilant, I feel struck deep to my soul with gratitude. I feel emotional and teary and very serious. Just now, while I was writing this, I remembered something from one of my favorite books, C.S. Lewis's The Last Battle, from the Narnia series. In it he writes, "There is a kind of happiness and wonder that makes you serious." That's exactly the way it feels.
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#8 of 9 Old 12-28-2004, 12:44 PM
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I was able to have an unassisted birth in a hospital. I had planned a homebirth, but was sick when I went into labor. This was my second birth. I had been vomiting for 2 days and was vomiting blood. My doctor wanted me to go to the hospital in case I had to have IV fluids for dehydration. He told the nurses to put me in a birthing room and leave me alone as much as possible. One of the nurses wanted to do an ultrasound and I threatened to go home.

My husband and I were alone for about an hour when then the doctor came in. We kept the lights low and the doctor and my husband sat in chairs across the room. I gave birth squatting on the bed and my son came rushing out as my bag of water broke. We left about an hour later. I ended up not needing IVs and my milk came in fine. I slept a lot the first few days. This was 21 years ago!
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#9 of 9 Old 12-28-2004, 08:54 PM
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Wow, Linda...what a beautiful, moving post. It really speaks to me, as many of your posts do. Thanks!

I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first baby and planning u/c. Like many other women said u/c just "feels right to me." For me, I don't even think it was a personal conscious decision -- I think it has been my baby's idea from the start and he slowly convinced both me and dh over the course of many weeks. I do feel an innate need for privacy and intimacy and I know my mw (no matter how much I like and respect her) would interfere with that, even without intending to.

Now u/c seems so natural to me that I don't even give a second thought. Though I still have moments of fear, overall I have an overwhelming faith that my baby will be born healthy and safely -- and that uc is giving him the absolute best start possible. To me u/c is the ultimate expression of trust in my baby, my body, and Mother Nature...

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