UC support thread #13, January 05' - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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Unassisted Childbirth > UC support thread #13, January 05'
Chiromom's Avatar Chiromom 05:01 PM 01-11-2005
I just got my birth registration kit from the state. The clerk said she would prefer I had the paperwork signed by a midwife or md (well, wasn't I going to at least have the baby checked by a professional?) but I said I had no relationship established with such a person but was doing my prenatal care with a chiropractor. She wasn't too happy...but it sounds like if I just refuse, they will accept it with a letter of explanation from said chiro, plus letter from myself and DH explaining our decision. Jeez.

Plus the birth reg kit came with the forms to send to the state lab for the PKU test. I didn't do it (PKU test) with DD (first UC) but in this state they "say" I must sign a waiver (not included, imagine that) in order to refuse and then I must "accept the consequences"...which kinda struck me the wrong way. So now I am wondering, should I just bring the baby somewhere for the PKU and get the forms done by that person? Will *that person* ideally a lay mid-wife or alternative friendly GP even be willing to do the form without all the pre-natal bullshit. I just hate to have the state documenting all my decisions like they are building a case for future CPS intervention or something. Am I just being paranoid? I probably have a week or two before the baby comes to line this decision up.....HELP!

sprinkle pocket's Avatar sprinkle pocket 06:55 PM 01-12-2005
hi~just checking in and catching up on all the posts. we're just starting to settle down from the holidays. we had company arrive a few days after we came home from visiting family and they *just* left moments ago. sooo, we're still working on getting a room built to birth in and a wall at the front of the property so i can breastfeed outside (or labor) without our only (rubber-necking) neighbors noticing when they drive by. i'm finding that even though birth wasn't too specifically talked about during time with dh's family, i'm really having to decompress and work through fear/anxiety about birth/uc after hanging out with them. sil had a c-sec a few days ago b/c the baby turned breech (after the due date) and the hosp mw/ob said they should. and of course all the il's supported their decision fully. if only they knew their other g-kid will be born in an outhouse, camper or outside in the woods!! geesh, would they freak! it seems that just being around people that are so dependent on the medical community for providing their care and taking their word for truth without really researching things themselves, i get self-conscious. or, i start feeling really judged and considered stupid...like, what on earth would i be thinking?! uc-ing my first baby, much less if it was my 12th?! who would deliver it? i feel their pressure to conform and live their way energetically and it makes me uncomfortable to be around them, especially since it's never been my style to do things b/c *everyone* is doing it and thinks i should. so dh and i agreed no visitors from out of town and definitely no family visitors until after our babymoon. now that we've been back home a bit, i'm thinking, of *course* uc!! what else would feel so right. my body knows how to birth, whether my head recognizes it or not!! it's weird how uncomfortable i can become around "the herd" mentality. i love coming back to center.

oh, kate, i can't remember what thought i've been holding to share with you, now that i'm at a computer. hmmm. it was something related to being a 1st timer. and blueviolet, i had a question for you, too. i'll have to write stuff down when i think of it!
well, one is that my uc-supportive mw friend had advice about having a friend(s) at a freebirth. she advised taking care in choosing to have others there if they are coming from a mw perspective on birth. they could have a really different idea of what role they are wanted to play if they don't understand the difference in types of birth. seems like sounds advice. don't want someone showing up as acting as a surrogate mw.

hope all is well with everyone.
brandi~~sending you anti-nausea vibes
KateSt.'s Avatar KateSt. 02:01 PM 01-13-2005
Hi Sprinkle Pocket -- so glad your company has left and you have time to re-gather your energy. I could really relate to your post -- I have similar experiences with my family. I like being around them, but I feel the most positive and happy when it's just me and dh -- especially when it comes to uc (which they DO NOT know about). I'm just about 35 weeks now and feeling the need to just be around those that give me energy (rather than drain it!). My whole family (both sides) will be here this weekend, but after that it'll just be me and dh until our baby comes -- and I couldn't be happier about that.

Chiromom -- I have no words of wisdom. The runaround we have to go through for a bc is so ridiculous! I feel the same way -- that they are trying to build up a case against us. Good luck -- I hope you come to a decision you're comfortable with. I haven't looked at my bc packet since I picked it up last week. It makes me too mad!

Firecat -- just wanted to welcome you once again and wish you luck on your ttc journey!

Jenniebug -- what a great dream. I often fantasize about being in labor without really knowing it. Maybe that will happen for you this time!

Hope all you other mamas are doing well.
punkprincessmama's Avatar punkprincessmama 02:25 PM 01-13-2005
Hi mamas,

I am pregnant with my second child, due to debut at the end of June. I just wanted to subscribe to this thread so I can keep up a bit better. UC is something I am considering. Right now I am seeing a wonderful, hands off midwife who is very supportive of UC (rare, I know) Anyhow, I'll be lurking and learning from you all
TRIBE's Avatar TRIBE 03:38 PM 01-13-2005
Oh kate Id love if my dream were reality lol I keep talking to this baby at night and asking her to send me a message on how she wants labor to be as she has shown me how she wants her birth to be. So far I haven't receieved the message and that may be her saying my plans are just fine

Speaking of that I just wrote and incredibly detaile super long irth plan for the mw and for my party guests. i didn't realize how long it wa suntil my hand got so cramped from writing it. But I felt I needed to get it all on paper so we all know where we all stand on everything. I even put in info incase of non emergency and emergency transport situations. i hate putting that in b/c then it puts the what-ifs in the picture but i would rather have that written then to have something happen and not have a clear plan on what my desires are in those events.

I eventually need to get this all typed up. Along with that I also made a list for the mw to go over of what I feel *I* need for the labor/birth VS what they have on their list. Some is the same but many items are left off or reduced and osme items added. Just from my own personal experience. I am flexible but I just cant see spending $100 on supplies that i know I am not going to use and that cannot be returned.

Welcome PunkPrincessMama
KateSt.'s Avatar KateSt. 04:41 PM 01-13-2005
Jennie -- I'd love to see your birth necessities list if you ever have the time. I didn't even look at the list they gave me, thinking it might make me second guess myself. I think on the last thread there were many posts re: birth necessities. Mine is very simple: old soft sheets and blankets, scissors, big bowl (for placenta), candles, snacks (yogurt, fruit, etc) in a small cooler, and...that's about it! I keep hearing that I need to keep in simple so I'm trusting that...
I know what you mean about not wanting to write down emergency stuff. I called the emergency clinic down the road to see if they could handle a transfer (which they can) and then didn't put the info away. Every time I went to the phone I saw their info and realized that probably wasn't a good thing, so I put it away. I do think it's good to be prepared, though -- even if it's just for dh's peace of mind.

Punkprincessmama -- you are so lucky to have found a mw that supports uc!! Very rare indeed! Welcome.
StacyL's Avatar StacyL 06:07 PM 01-13-2005
Hi Mamas! I haven't been around in ages, I guess I felt unworthy to post since I am a failed UC'er. But, anyway, I thought I would drop back in to let you all know we had our first family portrait taken 2 weeks before Christmas. It's in my sig below.

Alex is doing really well. He'll be four months on the 19th, and he is almost 18 lbs.! Yay for mama's milk! He caught his first cold (from Mom & Dad) right after New Year's and was sick for 2 days (sneezy, runny nose, snuffly, and crying at night) but he's all better now.

Glad to hear everyone is doing well, and I hope the pg moms have happy, uncomplicated births!
TRIBE's Avatar TRIBE 07:45 PM 01-13-2005
Kate--I totally agree with keeping it simple and yanno I didnt even put scissors on my list since its osmething I always have on hand anyways lol

Supplies for mom
Nourishing fluids for labor and after
Nourishing snacks during labor (easy enough since I am planning the party lol)
Nourishing meal for after birth
Double made bed (i didnt do this last time and wish I had since i hate making the bed)
clean towels
clean gown for after delivery (I plan to have a nice new one!)
2 mixing bowls (one for placenta, one to wash mom altho i doubt this will be used)
lg pot for sterilizing (i dont think i did sterilize my scissors last time)
2-3 themacare heat wraps (i prefer these ove rheating pads so i have freedom of movement)
trash can lined with 2 tras hbags (honestly I dont think we even used one trash bag with my u/c so this to me isnt necessary)
laundry basket for soiled linens (um duh lol)
15-20 chux pads (the mw ask for 48 but my gosh thats way too many!!)
bendy straws for drinks
cloth pads for after birth
fleece shorts or pants for holding pads (www.snoogiesnaps.com makes pp shorts/pants, loooove them!! altho i could make my own I am just lazy)
flashlight and batteries (not sure why this is on the list, I guess in case of power outage)
1 gallon sized ziplock (for freezing the placenta, altho i may be eating mine in some form)
rescue remedy (I used this las ttime and so did dh, really helped keep us both calm, espcially him)
arnica tablets (take during labor to help ease swelling/bruising from birth...it works great!!)
arnica gel to rub on back
emergency, family, friends phone numbers
car seat installed in car with full tank of gas
PP herbs (comfrey leaves, witch hazel bark, shephards purse, uva ursi leaves) Now i had none of these with Rory and not sure i wil lbe getting this time, its something I will discuss with saras at my next appt.
Mothers milk tea (not a necessity but I love the tea and it aids in milk production, something i am always concerned about even despite my over supply issues last time)

For baby
goldenseal powder for cord
small bulb syringe if you plan to suction (we dont plan to, but rory was very congested for a few days after birth so it did come in handy)
3-4 receiving blanket (i rarely use baby blankets so this is a low number compared to the mw list of 10-12)
freshly washed cloth diapers and covers
layette items (gowns, t-shirts, socks)
soft cotton cap
bath supplies (weleda or burts bees--shampoo, baby wash, massage oil or lotion)
wahm made rash ointment
TRIBE's Avatar TRIBE 07:45 PM 01-13-2005
Good grief I look at those lists and it looks like way too much stuff, altho granted most of this is items i already have on hand but dang!
firecat's Avatar firecat 09:45 PM 01-13-2005
thanks for the welcome Kate, I think we will start ttc after my b-day in May! I am so excited!
Stacey, thanks for sharing those pictures, Alex looks like such a happy-go-lucky baby!
Chiromom's Avatar Chiromom 09:52 PM 01-13-2005
I think I finished my "birthkit" preparation today with the final purchase of shoelaces.

I have:

Cleaned the bathroom really well (I tend to do a lot of laboring here) and put the old towels in easy reach in the linen closet.

Herbs for brewing sitz baths and making "twatscicles"

Three boxes of big ole sanitary pads (for twatscicles and postnatal discharge)

New soft shoelaces (need to sterilize)

New scissors (kitchen scissors getting pretty gunky, so I splurged)

Warm older (dark colored) comforter for dragging around with me (where ever I end up deciding to labor)

Basic baby supplies (clothes, diapers, blankets etc..)

I think that's about it!

I may pick up some arnica, but my bruising swelling quotient has been pretty minor, so I don't worry aout that too much.

I'll just grab a bowl and such stuff as needed...I don'r really think about stuff like that beforehand.

I'm getting close tho'...who else is UCing this month?

rainbowmoon's Avatar rainbowmoon 10:42 PM 01-13-2005
Originally Posted by Chiromom

Herbs for brewing sitz baths and making "twatscicles"

NatureMama3's Avatar NatureMama3 10:45 PM 01-13-2005
Accepting newbies?
Kiki Runs's Avatar Kiki Runs 11:00 PM 01-13-2005
Originally Posted by sprinkle pocket
well, one is that my uc-supportive mw friend had advice about having a friend(s) at a freebirth. she advised taking care in choosing to have others there if they are coming from a mw perspective on birth. they could have a really different idea of what role they are wanted to play if they don't understand the difference in types of birth. seems like sounds advice. don't want someone showing up as acting as a surrogate mw.
I have to agree with this.... we were planning for my sister to come up for the birth (she's a doula, and had started her midwife training, so DH was a bit mollified at the thought of having someone present who "knew what to do", lol). Well, over time, I started just feeling uncomfortable about it, and finally realized it was b/c she thought she was coming up to be a replacement mw! She would say things like "are you going to want me to check you?" and "will you want me to listen to the heart rate?" Finally, we had a long conversation where I made it VERY clear that she was not to be here as a surrogate mw, that she would be here as my sister and, if things came down to it, just another pair of hands - not necessarily the pair that was in charge. She said she understood, and that it was a weight off her mind, as she HAD been feeling responsible and like she was to be "in charge". We ended that conversation feeling like we were on the same page.

The very next time we spoke (and every time since then), it's like that conversation never took place!! My sister is still asking about how much "intervention"( IMO) I'll want, and how outspoken should she be about certain aspects. It is like she canNOT grasp/remember that she's not going to be here as a medical professional!! So, lately, she has not made any mention of coming up for the birth, and I am not asking - she bailed out for DS' birth at the last minute, and I have sort of expected the same thing for this one. I think at this point, I am hoping for that, as I don't really want to have to explain during labor that she's not my midwife, lol!

All that to say, that yeah, I think maybe sometimes friends, etc, who have any sort of "birth-y" background find it tough to let go and just be a friend, yk? Even after my sis said she understood (and I really thought she did), she couldn't hold on to it - it was too different from her experience.


So my mom is buying her tickets up for the birth, and she just asked me "When do you think it'll be?" Same as everytime you ask - I don't know, my best guess is late February. She just thought maybe since it was getting closer, I'd have a better idea :rofl Nope, no messages from the babe yet, lol!

I'm feeling sort of torn between not wanting to overly prepare (yes, I think there is such a thing) and feeling completely unprepared! On one hand, I really don't think you (general you) need much for a birth, but on the other hand, it's not like I can say that from personal experience, yk? I think I'm going to pick up some Motherwort and some Chux pads, other than that I don't think I'll be getting much. We're set with the baby's layette, I'd like to get some cloth pads for post-partum (but will probably end up using disposable ), we'll probably get a couple of shower curtains and double-make the bed jic, and I guess I'll pick up some arnica. Other than that, I think we'll make do with what we've got (that sounds sort of Joad-ish, it's not that we can't get other stuff, I just don't think much other stuff will be necessary, yk?). Am I missing anything obvious?

I've been feeling "peckish" lately. Sluggish and blah- and pissy towards DH. Of course, he doesn't help matters by telling me that I'm in a bad mood (really, he DOES think that helps - believe me pal, I'm well aware of my moods, lol). You'd think after already going through one pregnancy, he'd have learned enough self-preservation to realize that's a bad idea. Nope. Anyway......

Physically, I feel okay. I'm not nearly as "done" as I was at this point with DS, so that's good! I have cankles now, though, so that's not so good, lol.

I'll quit rambling now - gotta start supper.

amyjeans's Avatar amyjeans 11:01 PM 01-13-2005
Stacy what a beautiful family you have! thanks for sharing your photos!
welcome newbies and oldbees
paquerette's Avatar paquerette 12:08 AM 01-14-2005
Arg, I think I have discovered the main reason against having DH (Okay, the "D" is up in the air at this point ) catching instead of paying someone to do it. I can't imagine ever, ever getting this pi$$ed off at any birth practitioner! Gah. I wish I could fire him. I keep hoping I'll have the baby when he's not home. I don't want him anywhere near me. He's making my life miserable.

Anyone else want to kill their DP, or at least throw them out of the house? :
Poolplayer's Avatar Poolplayer 12:30 AM 01-14-2005
I found a great site today about unassisted and home birthing.www.mothersnature.com

Click on pregnancy under "where to go".
NatureMama3's Avatar NatureMama3 12:39 AM 01-14-2005
Jeni I'm sorry things are rough between you and your DH.
majazama's Avatar majazama 01:56 AM 01-14-2005
Punkprincessmama... I hope you are doing well in your pregnancy. If you have a MW that is understanding of UC, that is AWESOME, IMO. You can have her do her thing, but make some boundries for yourself at the same time, if she really is supportive of UC. how was your first birth? Did you have a homebirth?

StacyL~ Awwww, what a little cutie your alex is. I'm glad to hear that he is doing so great on super-powered breastmilk.

For birthing supplies, I found that I didn't need all the things that I had gathered. I didn't need the "wiping/compress" cloths. I did use the arnica tablets and gel, quite a few towels (Cause I came out of the bath), and it was nice of my DP to fetch me nice clear miso soup as I was nearing transition, and warm raspberry tea. All in all, I find that you don't really need anything to give birth, but a good mindset, and possibly a helpful person around to fetch you things that you feel that you need while you are in it. Being in the bathtub was nice... and motherwort tincture was very handy after I started bleeding after the baby was born.I liked haing some candles lit, and actually was with it enough to play some "enya", so that was nice. I definately wouldn't have used "bendy straws", cause that's just me.

And I think it's a good idea to stress to your "fetching assistant", that they are not there as a MW replacement. Tell them in words that they will understand. Emphasize that YOU are the MW/doctor, and that you want to give birth unhindered.
Mama2Lennon's Avatar Mama2Lennon 05:42 PM 01-14-2005
Originally Posted by paquerette
Arg, I think I have discovered the main reason against having DH (Okay, the "D" is up in the air at this point ) catching instead of paying someone to do it. I can't imagine ever, ever getting this pi$$ed off at any birth practitioner! Gah. I wish I could fire him. I keep hoping I'll have the baby when he's not home. I don't want him anywhere near me. He's making my life miserable.

Anyone else want to kill their DP, or at least throw them out of the house? :
Thirty eight weeks now ... the baby has dropped, hard to walk, lots of braxton hicks ... haven't been to the internet much these days.

So ... I am doing this truly unassisted, no dp, I am a bit scared but I know I can do it! Better to be alone than to have someone who you want to kill, someone unsupportive and abusive around, right? I can just not picture the mw being there, nor anyone else but ds at the very end. Hoping dp will be gone or at least leave me alone if it's the middle of the night. I wish I had gotten rid of him before this late date.

I cannot wait to hold and caress the baby ... it is already being comforted by my words to calm down. Ds cannot wait to hug and kiss the baby either.

All I can do is wait and create the peace and calm I know I will need.
StacyL's Avatar StacyL 08:07 PM 01-14-2005
Cheryl (firecat) - You're in Durango? I grew up in Farmington! Small world, eh? I miss the green chile cheesburger and green chile stew from Old Timer's Cafe.

Kinsey - I highly recommend getting some of those disposable Depends Underwear to wear for post partum bleeding instead of pads. They are much more absorbent and comfortable and no leaks - if a bit dorky looking. But who's goona see 'em, right? Ok, except dh! :

Speaking of dh's that are unsupportive. My dh was not so great in my pg, especially at the end. But he got a lot better once the baby came, so there is hope!
Hayliesmom's Avatar Hayliesmom 09:20 PM 01-14-2005
Hi guys!

I'm getting closer now too...and more irritable. Whose wise idea was it to give the kids a 4 day weekend so soon after returning to school after Christmas? I love them but sheesh... My youngest is out of sorts because he is not getting his one on one time too. Oddly enough its my oldest who is being the most trouble. I "think" she is trying to help. Dh has learned finally on this 4th pg to just keep quiet and do what I say. I think the baby will be coming soon because I'm not normally so grumpy, scatter-brained and introverted this early (35 weeks). Or maybe I'm just getting old

You can put me in the no supplies or plan category. I have plenty of towels in the house and some chux pads. I have pads for me and blankets and diapers for the baby. I have bowls and scissors and I don't tie or treat the cord. The baby has clothes too. I have the food. We're ready

I've been craving nuts lately...wonder what that's about?

I hope the baby comes next week or waits for several more, I'll be busy after next week

I had to take off my wedding ring last night and I feel puffy. I'm ready for the baby.

Skim's Avatar Skim 12:38 AM 01-15-2005
Greetings, Mamas!

Just pulling in here to subscribe, and to introduce myself/ask for support...

I'm slowly making my way through the old threads... lots of great info!

DP and I have recently made the decision to go UC and we're pretty happy about it. dd #1 was a homebirth with a midwife attending, but this one is gonna be solo. I'm 35, live in a small town with access to a couple homebirth midwives but realized after the interview that I just really am ready to take full responsibility for this birth. And it feels right, and so strong. I'm excited! DP is a great supporter, and is right there with me. Woo hoo!

Here's where I need your advice: So far DP has been sooo supportive, knowing that we can learn what we need to feel at ease about emergencies. He loves the idea of bonding as a family through birth. However, he insists on having some kind of person to support *him* during my labor - he says in case he needs to get me something and hold me up, or clean up lots of towels, or the sheets, or whatever while entertaining our dd (who will be 3). I think he's concerned he can't be in two places at once, and that I would expect or need that.

What words of wisdom can you all offer about addressing his concerns? I feel very strongly that I want no one there but us, no matter what, and he very stongly feels he needs someone there. We have no family member or friend I trust enough to be at the birth. DP says they'll simply stay downstairs out of the way just in case he calls for them or whatever. I feel that having someone else in our house is too much of a disturbance.

Arghh. The good thing is that we have months to work this out. The bad thing is that when we talk about his need for support and my need for no one else, he hears me saying I don't want to support him. Which of course is not the case, but it's feeling like a conflict based on lack of information and experience, and perhaps fear.

Was it really that hard for your DHs/DPs? What can I share with him from the perspective of the partner?

Thanks so much for wading through my post...

TRIBE's Avatar TRIBE 01:05 AM 01-15-2005
Welcome to the group Kim!

I can share my experience with my UC and my DH. At the time we only had our then 1 mth old present as our older 2 boys were off with other fanily for the summer. Anyways once I was pushing DH oculd have really used someone there to help with our toddler. Xander was very needy and clingy on DH and at the same time so was I. I am still not sure how the heck he managed to handle me and Xander but he did and it was amazing. So I can totally understand where your DP is coming from, but I also know where you are coming from.

This time around our UC is very unconventional in that we are having several ppl here including the midwives, but the mw will be outside the birth room. Of course this time we also have all 4 children present and i simply cant imagine dh handling all 4 of them and me, lol he has trouble just handling me
ChildoftheMoon's Avatar ChildoftheMoon 03:30 PM 01-15-2005
Just wanted to let you all know that there will be an unassisted forum! It will be a subforum of birth and beyond!
Once it is set up, I will see if we can get some of the existing threads and olds threads moved over there.
Evergreen's Avatar Evergreen 07:03 PM 01-15-2005
Hey! THat's pretty cool!
cottonwood's Avatar cottonwood 09:40 PM 01-15-2005
LOL, Jennie, I just noticed you put Rory's name in pink. Cute. (Although I suspect it was because you were tired of people asking whether she was a boy or girl? :LOL)

Brandi, I can't believe it! Woo-hoo!
Chiromom's Avatar Chiromom 11:23 PM 01-15-2005
Yaaay! Our own forum!

I had my class today (finally! after weeks of exhaustive prep) and I am so happy to stop focus of the class and swing the focus back to this big old pregnant self again. I had a nap this afternoon for the first time in forever and rested some cheesy romatic comedies. Now if I can just get the DH to stop watching football, I'll be all set!

The class BTW, went really really well. The students were fascinated by UC and had so many intelligent questions. I am so pleased with how it turned out. We are going to open minds...one at a time mamas!

Skim's Avatar Skim 12:06 AM 01-16-2005
that's great about our own forum!

On another note, I spoke the the one midwife we interviewed already to tell her we're planning an unassisted birth. Well, she was totally shocked, and didn't tell me we were crazy. BUT she did say "I know you can do it. But there is a reason women are "with women".... It's important to have someone there who can watch from the outside to see what's coming." Etc. The midwife did say she might be available to answer questions over the phone if we wanted during my pregnancy, but she wasn't willing to come by if there were problems (which I didn't even ask her to do since I wouldn't expect that of any midwife). So much for my first encounter with the "what if something terrible happens" crowd.

For this reason, we've decided to not tell many people, especially not dr.s, our chiropractor or anyone but a couple friends. Too much to explain to too many people. Dealing with other people's dire concern is really not my idea of a happy pregnancy.

How do you all handle telling/not telling folks about your UCs while you're pregnant?

And does anyone else have partner/husband stories or perspectives that I can share with my DP?

NatureMama3's Avatar NatureMama3 12:47 AM 01-16-2005
Kim, we've told my parents, as we're close to them and they'd find out either way. They were a bit concerned at first, but we walked them through the logic of it and they understand enough to trust us and be ok with it.

Everyone else can just keep the assumption that we're using the same midwives as last time.
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