overcoming fear - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 01-18-2005, 11:14 AM - Thread Starter
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how did you overcome your fears (and family's or DH/DP) before your UC? I am a little scared at times, but more afraid of a hospital birth (and another c/s) so that's what keeps me motivated..

any thoughts?

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#2 of 8 Old 01-18-2005, 12:07 PM
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I've tried to go at it by confronting what exactly my fear is (rarely is it what it initially seems to be about) and either logic it out or make a plan for that "what-if".

It also really helped to come to the realization that I want to be the one responsible for what happens, NOT someone else. Reading A Midwife's Story (Penny Armstrong) REALLY helped me understand that. Before I was only looking at risk/vs/benefit and not in any way taking the spirituality of birth into consideration. We made the choice to bring this child into the world, we make the choices around how it comes out and accept that there are inherint risks involved (no matter how we choose to birth).
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#3 of 8 Old 01-18-2005, 03:11 PM
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Oops, wrong thread!
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#4 of 8 Old 01-18-2005, 03:28 PM
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I did a lot of meditation and visualization. I read Laura Shanley's essay on belief statements (I think from her website) and started doing those several times per week, and whenever I started to have doubts. It generally went like this...

I believe in my body.
I love my body.
I believe that my body is the perfect vessel to nourish and birth this baby.
I believe this birth will be quick and easy.

...and so on.

I did research as well, but this was what really helped those little fears that creep in, especially when other people's fear started to undermine the work I'd done.
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#5 of 8 Old 01-18-2005, 09:05 PM
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I don't think I have any fears... but I thought that too with my first child (homebirth with midwife) and i did not realise i did have a concern/fear over not knowing what to do AFTER the baby was born. That was why I didn't question my need for a midwife, and everytime that concern came to the surface of my mind i dismissed it and told myself everything would work out and the midwife would be there anyway.

Now that was damaging, "the midwife will be there anyway". I am not pleased with how things went after my child was born. That is when I gave up some control/responsibility and I hated that!!!

I am doing lots of thinking and keeping track of it all by making a website about all sorts of things from natural family living to unassisted birth to placentas and permaculture. all sorts of things that im into. I also made my own birth affirmations and wrote down the ones I remember going through in my mind for my first pregnancy.

You know what? They're different! Do you want me to post the link to them here? I haven't finished my site yet so a lot of the links do not work.

My website is my inspiration for me, and its working great so far.
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#6 of 8 Old 01-19-2005, 12:56 AM
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Originally Posted by rainbowmoon
how did you overcome your fears (and family's or DH/DP) before your UC? I am a little scared at times, but more afraid of a hospital birth (and another c/s) so that's what keeps me motivated..

any thoughts?
My opinion,
I think it depends on what the fear is, like others have said.
Also, by taking responsibility for my own actions, and not relying on others to "bail me out" puts the whole event in a completely different light.
The "what if" factor did play a big role for us in the beginning.
What if something goes wrong?
I asked myself, what could go wrong? Then I try and find the solution, usually any problems that do arise are mearly unknowns that rely on patience and understanding. (like anything else in life.) And I found there is always more than one solution for problems that "might" come up.
Take for instance, the cord wrapped around the babies neck.
In the hospital environment (speaking from my experience) this is a B A D thing. Our 1st had her cord wrapped around her neck and this sent my Ex OB into a tissy to cut the cord BEFORE THE BABY WAS EVEN OUT!!!
Procedure, routine, necessary intervention, life or death! This is what we were told by the staff at the hospital.
Fast forward to today and our UC. Her cord was wrapped around her neck. We were not scared at all. We waited. Waited to birth the baby and let the cord unwrap as the baby exited at her own pace.
Chances are the cord had been wrapped for some time before the actual birth, because during the last few weeks, the baby's head settles into the pelvis, right? Not much room for movement, and besides, it seems to me that having the cord wrapped could prevent a prolapse because there isn't much slack.
Or... we could have slipped a finger under her chin and gently remove the cord, as she exited at her own pace.
I learned that this is commonplace and to anticipate it.
I guess I tried to anticipate and prepare for anything, even the worst. I looked at the fear as an opportunity to educate myself on how to handle anything that may come up. But I also trusted myself to do what I was made to do.
I also learned that most times, most mamas just "know" in their gut that something is wrong, if indeed something is wrong. So, at that point, should I have felt this way, I would have called 911.
As far as my family, it's none of their business how I birth my children.
(mind you, this coming from the baby of 5- so I must rebel. It's in my nature)

Mama to 5 babies. UCer, too!
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#7 of 8 Old 01-22-2005, 06:58 PM
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i'm doing what pp's have said...take the time to notice the fears and explore them. i try to find their source or root. sometimes the fear is a mask for another issue. i remember what indigolilybear said about her uc's...walking courageously forward even with some fears. (total paraphrase, i can't remember it exactly now, but it was really nice) it helps to know i'm not *supposed* to be wonder woman.

as for family's fears, they have nothing to do with me, so i don't try to do anything about them. this is my birthing experience. i wouldn't expect them to be concerned about my thoughts about their choice to c-section all their babies anymore than they should expect me to put energy into their fears about my life choices. if it was dh, though, and he wanted my input, we would just talk about it, or read, or sit with it. he tends to mostly seek his solutions on his own and happens to be beyond onboard for our upcoming uc. (i'm lucky!!)
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#8 of 8 Old 12-22-2005, 05:25 AM
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