UC support #14, February 05 - Page 6 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#151 of 164 Old 02-25-2005, 10:48 PM
 
Kiki Runs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: KS
Posts: 706
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
First of all, congrats Kate!!! And Welcome, Finn!!!


We're still waiting.... I've decided that this babe won't be born until March, and that's okay with me. Ctx have pretty much quit, and I'm just not feeling that desparate "done" feeling yet.

Very glad we decided to go UC - the OB I interviewed put my due date at Feb 13 (I flat out refused that), and the midwife I saw briefly agreed to leave it somewhere between the 15th and 20th. So either way, I'd be "overdue", which I don't agree with. I KNEW there was a reason I pushed so hard early on to have my "due date" be later.... I must have known this babe would be a slow-cooker, lol!

So this waiting is just confirming my faith in my body's knowledge (over the medical model).... baby's still moving around - not much room for kicking anymore, lol - and I feel good!



Jennie - DH is military, too, and after we decided to go UC, I went to the clinic on-base for something non-pregnancy-related. The nurse practitioner and I were chatting (she knew I wanted a home birth, as I had asked her earlier if she knew of any midwives who would fly in for one in our area). Anyway, she asked if we had decided what to do about the birth yet.... I sort of hedged around (I don't want to lie about our UC plans, but didn't want to announce it to a medical person, yk?) but when she figured it out and asked me straight out if we were "doing it ourselves", I said yes. We talked a bit about it and she didn't seem freaked out - I left feeling okay, wishing she hadn't asked flat out, but feeling like she understood why and respected my choice.

Anyway, the next time I was into the clinic, the nurse practitioner gave us a "heads up" that she had told the supervising doc about our plans and that the doc was very upset and was planning to call DH's command and make sure we didn't UC. Which, after DH and I talked about it, I said "screw 'em - if they want to come drag a laboring woman into the hospital, good luck". *I* didn't enlist in the military, they have no right to tell me what to do with my body, yk? Plus, we weren't really too concerned about the doc actually making the call b/c it had already been a couple of months since she had threatened to, and DH hadn't heard a word about it from his command. So we figured either she didn't ever call, or she did and the command ignored her (which is possible - she's a crazy person, and DH's command HATES her guts). Either way, nothing has been said to DH....

As soon as I have this baby, I will be filing a formal complaint about the nurse practitioner telling the doc - I was not at the clinic for pre-natal care, I have never asked them to provide pre-natal care, we were making chit-chat that has now been entered into my medical record. How PO'd am I?? That's pretty much like her asking me what color my underwear was that day and then telling the doc.... we were not discussing my pregnancy or the birth in the form of a care provider/patient relationship. Grrrr.......


So from now on, we will be seeing a civilian family practitioner for ANY reason. Which I will also be including in my complaint when I file it.



Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I was in a similar situation, and I honestly don't know what would have happened had DH's command pushed it. I do feel that it's my body, my baby, my birth, and therefore none of the command's business, but I understand that they could probably make things miserable for DH if they chose to do so. WHY do people think that birth is public domain?!?!!

And good for you if you manage to refrain from snarking at your DH, lol. I would be uber-pissed, particularly about the huge bill. Can you talk to the midwives about it? I understand that they need to be paid for their work, but like you said, this is something that should have been addressed MUCH earlier in the pregnancy. MUCH earlier. Good luck.


I've just been lurking around here lately, but my mind is pretty scattered so I don't reply too much (I forget people and sometimes forget what I was going to say, lol!). I sure hope I regain some brain function after the baby gets here!

Kinsey
Kiki Runs is offline  
#152 of 164 Old 02-26-2005, 12:43 AM
 
TRIBE's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: finally made it to WA!
Posts: 5,891
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Kinsey--I hate to tell you this but it only gets worse after you have the baby. i swear the ysuck our brains out :LOL

I definetly do not want things to go bad for DH with his command and that is why I have given in with the midwives up to this point. But again, what can they do if they don;t make it in time? Nothing! And no one has to know we purposely waited until it was too late to call. Hello 4th baby, by this time they tend to just slip on out *giggle*

I have managed to not get snarky with DH but he is going to hear me out on not calling them until *I* am ready for them to be here, even if that measn the baby is crowing when I am ready. Thankfully the one friend i have invited here for the birth is super supportive of this and said even if we do call the mw's before the birth that she will do her best to keep them out of my space.

One of the midwives will be here on Wed for the hom visit and I am going to bring up this bill and let her know we will pay what we can each month. I knew we would be paying a portion other than the $500 since Tricare will only cover 80% but the sticker shock of the $1053 just threw me for a loop. I coul dhave been budgeting and setting that aside for months now had we known when we should have.
TRIBE is offline  
#153 of 164 Old 02-26-2005, 03:18 PM
 
Kiki Runs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: KS
Posts: 706
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Jennie - I was thinking about your midwives' fees.... If you owe a thousand bucks and that's 20%, that means the total fee is $5000??? So Tricare will be paying $4000??? I don't know how much the "going rate" in your area is, but wow! $5000 seems really high! And if that is their usual fee, why in the world weren't you told that right upfront? Something seems off, to me. It just seems odd.....



DH and I had decided that if his command put up a fuss, we would just do it "accidentally", too. lol

Gotta run, DS is awake.

Kinsey
Kiki Runs is offline  
#154 of 164 Old 02-26-2005, 03:35 PM
 
Crystal_clear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Mat-Su Valley, Alaska
Posts: 256
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by kinsey43
As soon as I have this baby, I will be filing a formal complaint about the nurse practitioner telling the doc - I was not at the clinic for pre-natal care, I have never asked them to provide pre-natal care, we were making chit-chat that has now been entered into my medical record.
De-lurking to say this sounds like a police interrogation! She was playing "good cop". What a shame that we can't trust most people with our plans. They honestly think they are trying to save us (and our babies) from ourselves. If only they could see.............
Crystal_clear is offline  
#155 of 164 Old 02-26-2005, 06:34 PM
 
TRIBE's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: finally made it to WA!
Posts: 5,891
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Kinsey
There fee is $3500 which doesn't include lab work nor the $500 birth fee (for the sterile tray and birth attendant). I haven't had much lab work, no ultrasounds or anything else. But I also have not seen them the normal amount of visits either. No we knew upfrnt about the $500 but it was never discussed what their actual fee was and that it didn't include the lab work and other things. Now Tricare has covered part of the lab work that I di dhave done but of course not alll of it, and we have the deductible to pay as well ($150 for me and $150 for the baby). So actually what we owe the midwives of the 20 is $753, then we owe for the $300 deduct and then of course the $500 fee for them to be here for the birth.

I am really irked we were not told of all of this in th ebeginning or given the financial information as we should have been. This paper even says that a 4200-$300 dp is recquired at the initial exam, which we obviously didn't make! It also says pymt is to be made in full before delivery or there is a 10% late fee charged every quarter that the balance is not paid. All I can say is they better waive that 10% late fee since it was not our fault we wre not given this info until i was 36 weeks along. My godness we are military we don't make a lot of money and now I have this huge stress hanging on me about paying them $1500.

I seriously wish I could turn back time and either A) have really put my foot down about no midwives or medical care like I did with my last UP/UC or B) gone with an inetwork providor just so Dh felt "safe" and then "oops baby came to fast to make it to the hospital".
TRIBE is offline  
#156 of 164 Old 02-26-2005, 06:54 PM
 
Kiki Runs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: KS
Posts: 706
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Have you signed a contract? What would happen if you DID "forget" to call them, or baby "came too fast"? Are you stuck paying them anyway? Generally, I would feel like it's sort of shammy to not call just to avoid paying someone, particularly if they were under the impression that you were going to call, yk? But in this case, it feels sort of scammy to me that they've waited so long to make clear what your costs will be.

The midwife I saw was VERY clear about costs upfront with us... we knew from the very first visit what each pre-natal would cost, and what the delivery fee would be. So I was able to call Tricare and find out how much they'll pay for, so we could start saving. Everything upfront, no surprises. I *believe* we had to sign that we understood the charges and that we would be responsible for them - actually, we were SUPPOSED to sign that, but the office was slack about our paperwork, so we never did.


Ummmm..... will Tricare cover 80% of that $500 birth fee? I know that often there is a "physician's fee" for hospital births, that sometimes just gets rolled into an insurance payment (but I don't know about Tricare - this is the first pregnancy we've had with them, and we're Prime Remote, so things are a bit different for us). I had to call and call and call Tricare until I spoke with someone who told me what I wanted to hear about the fees, lol - and I got that person's name, so that if later I was told differently, I could say "well, Joe Schmoe told me this, so that's what we've been planning on". If you haven't already called and called Tricare, I'd recommend doing so - a lot of the people I spoke with didn't know what they were talking about, so I'd just call back later and talk with a different person.


I don't know what Standard pays for though, so that $500 fee may NOT be covered - but it's worth a shot at getting it taken care of, right? I know, just what you want to be doing at this stage of the pregnancy, huh?


I hope things get sorted out for you without too much more stress.

Kinsey
Kiki Runs is offline  
#157 of 164 Old 02-27-2005, 12:27 PM
 
TRIBE's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: finally made it to WA!
Posts: 5,891
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If they didn't attend the birth I dont believe we would be charged the $500 fee but still responsible for the $1053 for the appts and lab work. I don't really have an issue with paying them, its te fact that we didn't know these fees upfront as we should have and having to pay for something I didn't want to begin with. Tricare won't pay for any of the $500 fee, even if we were prime. Its the only part of the homebirth/midwife fees they won't pay.

I am feeling so down. That's not the right word but my brain isn't thinking very well right now. DH told me last night that his mother and brother will be here visiting the weekend of the 18th. I am hoping and praying to every Goddess that I either have the baby before then or the bbay waits and comes after they leave. I do not need my MIL fear of homebirth to be in my space right now.

I feel my UC slipping further and further away, and al lbecause I made the decision to appease my husband, give up some of my power and see midwifes for prenatal care. That one decision....*sigh* I had a good cry about this last night and a long chat with the baby. Now I nee to have that same chat with DH. I need to know his real reason behind not wanting to UC again. I really feel his command is a cope out. If he can't be honest with me about why, I don't know how i will deal with that, honestly.

I feel like such a drag on this thread
TRIBE is offline  
#158 of 164 Old 02-27-2005, 02:42 PM
 
MamaGaia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: NY
Posts: 149
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenniebug
Ok so this is how my last 2 went....what moon phase do you predict my new bug?

DS#2 conceived under new moon
born under 1st quarter moon

DD#1 conceived under new moon
born under 1st quarter moon

This one
conceived under full moon and Im due under the full moon in march

Looking at that im guessing either the 1st week of march or the 1st week of april, depending on which moon cycle i go into labor?
Hmmm......I shall say the 1st week in March? Maybe???

I'm trying to guess our Baby Moon too.
I ovulate on the New Moon,bleed with the full...
My grandmother,mother and I were all born during a new moon and so were all three of my girls. my son was born during a Full Moon. The next new moon is March 7th (which is my birthday) ...and the Full moon is March 23rd...my "due date" is the 27th.

Given all that...I'm still clueless
MamaGaia is offline  
#159 of 164 Old 02-27-2005, 03:09 PM
 
Kiki Runs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: KS
Posts: 706
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenniebug
I am feeling so down. That's not the right word but my brain isn't thinking very well right now. DH told me last night that his mother and brother will be here visiting the weekend of the 18th. I am hoping and praying to every Goddess that I either have the baby before then or the bbay waits and comes after they leave. I do not need my MIL fear of homebirth to be in my space right now.

I feel my UC slipping further and further away, and al lbecause I made the decision to appease my husband, give up some of my power and see midwifes for prenatal care. That one decision....*sigh* I had a good cry about this last night and a long chat with the baby. Now I nee to have that same chat with DH. I need to know his real reason behind not wanting to UC again. I really feel his command is a cope out. If he can't be honest with me about why, I don't know how i will deal with that, honestly.

I feel like such a drag on this thread
(((Jennie))) I can completely sympathize with that "one decision" impacting EVERYTHING else afterwards.... My wrong decision with DS was not having a homebirth - I had a hospital birth, and ended up having an unnecessary, unwanted c/s that I'm still trying to mentally recover from. I constantly think "what if", or "if only I had....". Just one decision makes a HUGE impact on everything that follows. B/c of MY wrong decision, I have been able to say that I don't care what DH wants this round (I wanted a homebirth with DS, but DH was wary b/c it was our first child - so I caved). He got his hospital birth last time, and it has had VERY negative effects for me (and therefore our relationship). So, while I would like for him to be happy with my choices about childbirth this round, they are MY choices to make. Luckily, after enough discussions about this, he agreed that they are my choices and he is being supportive.

I hope you can have a productive discussion with your DH (I would feel that the "command" issue is a cop-out, too, BTW) and can pinpoint exactly why he is unwilling to UC again.


And wow! you are a much more kind soul than I for allowing your in-laws anywhere near you while you're waiting for this baby, lol! I don't even want to talk to mine on the phone, let alone have them in my house.... Is there any possibility you can push that visit back? Don't they want to wait until the baby is here so they can spend time with the new little one (much more fun than spending time with a hugely pregnant, grumpy - in my case, anyway -woman)? What a strain to have to play hostess and be worried about the baby's arrival, too.....


Maybe they'll come to their senses and realize that's not a fair burden on you....


Kinsey
Kiki Runs is offline  
#160 of 164 Old 02-27-2005, 04:28 PM
 
TRIBE's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: finally made it to WA!
Posts: 5,891
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaGaia
Hmmm......I shall say the 1st week in March? Maybe???

l
Yea I was thinking it will either be this coming weekend or the 1st week of April. Part of me thinks this weekend would be it since I have already started osme of my prelabor activities but then there is this other part that says you have NEVER gone before 40 weeks, why would you now? lol
TRIBE is offline  
#161 of 164 Old 02-27-2005, 04:35 PM
 
TRIBE's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: finally made it to WA!
Posts: 5,891
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
((Kinsey))
Its crazy how one small decision can make such a HUGE impact on the events that follow. I know in my heart every decision I make is for a reason and while I may not like the outcoming events, they are happening to lead me to where I need to be. Thats a bit hard to listen to right now tho.

I was ok with my BIl coming out here, he is a cool guy and my kids love him to death. It would have been a nice break for me to have osmeone entertaining the munchkins, but I guess he got a little freaked out at the thought of me possibly going into labor during his visit that he begged his mom to come too.

Now I love my MIL, she is a great lady. However she is very much against homebirth and I think having her here before I deliver is definetly going to stress me, heck its already stressing me. I don't know why they don't just wait until after the baby is born. Maybe b/c she knows she won't get much time with the baby anyways since I am a baby hog and will be nursing lol Maybe she thinks visiting then she can help out or something to give me a break? Just one more thing DH and I will have to discuss tonight. I think he knows it bothered me when he said his mom was coming too. In fact he even cleaned out the kids 2 mice cages without me asking. Wonder what else I can get him to do today!

Alright I am headed back to bed to mope even tho I have this urge to clean and make some diapers. I can do those later
TRIBE is offline  
#162 of 164 Old 02-28-2005, 03:16 AM
 
lizzie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: A Whole New World
Posts: 4,298
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Turn my back for a couple of days...

And Kate had her baby!! Congratulations! I'm so happy for you! You guys are gorgeous! Finn is so darling, all that hair! Can't wait to hear the whole story! And I really hope your dh posts, mine could use the info and perspective.

The moon phases and their connections to the births are so cool, I've never even thought of that before. Can't wait to research our moon history!


lizzie

It's such a relief to finally trust yourself.
lizzie is offline  
#163 of 164 Old 03-02-2005, 06:51 PM
 
sprinkle pocket's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: on the edge of a 5 million acre forest
Posts: 520
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
wow, jenniebug, i can't believe your dh *informed* you that your il's were coming!! hopefully you've talked to him about it by now. b/c my dh doesn't always think of these kind of things, i made it clear early on to him that no family was to visit after a certain point in the pregnancy. to me, it was a stretch to have an xmas visit with them in another town.

i'm feeling like i still have *atleast* 2 weeks. i have energywork treatments scheduled for this weekend (37 weeks) and then when i get back to town, i'll be (probably) in full swing getting stuff together for the birth. but, just in case, i'll be taking the car seat and a bag of clothes/dipes. we're both thinking the babe could come before the 28th, but we don't have a definite feeling, just that we still have a couple weeks. i'd love to have an april birth, but i'm not sure why i think that? i'm thinking 1st week in april would give us more time to keep building the room for the birth & cleaning the camper in case we birth in there, and also just to be in there after the birth.

Waldorf homeschooling homesteading homebirthing mama to my 2 boys '05 & '10 joy.gif & most amazing wife to my most amazing dh
sprinkle pocket is offline  
#164 of 164 Old 03-03-2005, 10:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
ChildoftheMoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: taking a break
Posts: 2,464
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
march thread

reading.gif

mom to dd-99, dd-01, dd-born still@40w 7/04, ds-05, dd-08, dd-10, dd-13

love and light

ChildoftheMoon is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off