how to tell midwife that i'm planning uc?? - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-06-2005, 05:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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so, i am almost 31 weeks pregnant with my fourth baby. all were vaginal deliveries, including a set of twins, and though my first dd's birth was traumatic (i had severe preeclampsia and was induced at 39 weeks due to end organ stage hypertension), i feel myself drawn towards an uc.

the problem is that we had planned on a birth center birth, with a cnm and i am well into my 3rd trimester at this point. i've been really healthy so far, i had a brief brush with rising bp at one appointment (126/88), but because i am aware of my tendancy towards pih, i nipped it in the but and with brewers yeast, hawthorn and garlic, my bp is better than it has been in years! even so, i am scared to tell my midwife that not only do i plan to uc, i also plan to discontinue service with the birth center. i am a bit afraid that she will think i am irresponsible and i don't know how to approach it.

i really want to leave the practice (it is expensive) and do my own prenatal care for the last few weeks and then birth on my own. is it okay to pull out at this point in the game? how can i tell the practice without sounding like a raging idiot? i want to continue care there for my gyn stuff after babe is born, so i don't want to burn bridges, how can i do this appropriately?
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Old 02-06-2005, 09:24 PM
 
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I was 17 weeks when I told my midwife but it was pretty hard. I really liked her and she taught me alot,but after I did it I felt amazing! I just called her and told her we had decited to have a uc and that was that. She was ok about it and asked me a few ?'s and it was over. I don't think it's ever too late to get rid of her. Good luck - Laura
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Old 02-07-2005, 03:37 AM
 
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Well, you can tell her, and you can not tell her- but follow you instinct mama.
I told my Ob, I was switching providers- no further explanation.
If I did, well, I don't want to think about it actually.
Also, I felt such a tremenous weight lifted off me when I left them. I was now able to fully focus on my own health, my own baby, my own labor, my own delivery, my own experience.
You have made the decision already to leave them. I see no harm in calling, canceling your next, and subsequent appointments and thanking them for all their help.
If they probe you as to why, you might say (if you choose to) "You are too expensive" or even,"my own personal reasons of which I choose not to discuss."
I know when all is said and done, and it comes down to it, and you're sitting on the phone- you might feel pressure, I know I did, from where I don't know. I think it was the last bit of "mainstream" threads I was still hanging onto.
But by doing it, I felt empowered, free, scared! but ready,too.
Its a big step, after that- you're home free to birth free!


ps
have you thought of having the afterbirth exams done by Gp's (if you have one) or a regular Gyno (non OB)
just a quick question though... is the after birth exam necessary?

Mama to 5 babies. UCer, too!
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Old 02-07-2005, 04:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you for all of your advice so far! i think that just saying that i am switching providers might be the best bet... i am still nervous.

amy- i may have mistyped, but when i said i wanted to see the midwife for my care after babe is born, i didn't mean *right* after, i meant like my yearly checkups and such. i don't plan on going anywhere right after the little one is born, just hanging out with my new, bigger family.
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Old 02-07-2005, 04:20 AM
 
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I, too, would be interested to know how any of you who ended prenatal care mid-pg and who are willing to share did that... especially if it was with someone you hoped to continue seeing in other capacities either during or after the pg! Great question, Heather.

It's such a relief to finally trust yourself.
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Old 02-07-2005, 10:45 AM
 
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cool- I knew what you meant- I guess I didnt type well- i meant the 6 week pp checkup.

Mama to 5 babies. UCer, too!
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Old 02-11-2005, 08:35 PM
 
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it sounds like what the others said about switching providers makes sense to you, and is simple. but (just to be a devil's advocate), she wants feedback about her service and asks why? also, i think it could still work to go back to her after the fact and tell her you wanted a uc and didn't feel comfortable discussing it, didn't want to put her in an awkward situation, etc...lots of "i" statements, would probably work. and then if you go on to have another uc, you'll probably know where she stands on it and know if you want to tell her you're pg the next time. good luck and keep us posted on how it goes!

Waldorf homeschooling homesteading homebirthing mama to my 2 boys '05 & '10 joy.gif & most amazing wife to my most amazing dh
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Old 02-12-2005, 10:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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i've actually already left the midwife's practice. i called at lunch and just cancelled my appointment and said i wouldn't be needing any more there. the receptionist was very pleasant and said, well, give us a call if you need anything!" so, it was fairly easy. i'm planning on making an appointment after the baby is born (not right after, but within a few months, i'm due for a pap anyway) and will let the midwife know why i left and hopefully she'll understand. it's not she can pressure me any if i've already had the homebirth!
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Old 02-12-2005, 03:36 PM
 
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I'm so happy for you I told my mw flat out, before my son was conceived that I wanted a UC w/a MW waiting in the wings. She was great w/it, but as I got closer to his birth, she started getting alarmist, so at 34.5, we stopped seeing each other, and it was a very amicable split In fact, I paid her out of pocket to do a newborn exam when he was a day old, and she also drove all over the state to get rhogam for me PP.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hmg7500

the problem is that we had planned on a birth center birth, with a cnm and i am well into my 3rd trimester at this point. i've been really healthy so far, i had a brief brush with rising bp at one appointment (126/88), but because i am aware of my tendancy towards pih, i nipped it in the but and with brewers yeast, hawthorn and garlic, my bp is better than it has been in years! even so, i am scared to tell my midwife that not only do i plan to uc, i also plan to discontinue service with the birth center. i am a bit afraid that she will think i am irresponsible and i don't know how to approach it.
My sister is now 32 weeks, and has been struggling w/HTN as well. She is very mainstream, and has a very SAD (standard american diet :Puke ). Anyway, she tried the cream of tartar protocol in the Susan Weed book, and it is back down to 120/60 (a mere coincidence according to her ), but I would love to hear what worked for you too, and I'm sure others would love to hear it.

Thanks!!!
Amy
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Old 02-12-2005, 04:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AmyD
My sister is now 32 weeks, and has been struggling w/HTN as well. She is very mainstream, and has a very SAD (standard american diet :Puke ). Anyway, she tried the cream of tartar protocol in the Susan Weed book, and it is back down to 120/60 (a mere coincidence according to her ), but I would love to hear what worked for you too, and I'm sure others would love to hear it.
Thanks!!!
Amy
i've been taking 1 garlic tablet (garlinase 4000, i believe, it's a one-a-day garlic tablet) and 200 mg of hawthorn each day. i also try to use hydrotherapy at least 4 times a week (submerginf myself in a warm bath) for 30 minutes. at the very least, the hydrotherapy makes me take time for myself and away from the noise and chaos that is my home! i have 3 toddlers, so it's always busy in my home. my bp has come down from the mid to high 120s/80s to 110s/60s and low 70s.
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