UC support thread #15 March 05 - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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#61 of 116 Old 03-24-2005, 03:17 AM
 
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UmmSamiyah ~ UC = Unassisted Childbirth.

Jenniebug ~ s i was EXACTLY like that just a day or two before my daughter was born. i know how you're feeling!! i locked myself in the office and cried and cried... s ~~ birth vibes ~~ just remember: all of your hugs are doing something: they're making you ready, little by little, for birth!
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#62 of 116 Old 03-24-2005, 09:59 AM
 
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UC=Unassisted Childbirth. Childbirth without a doctor of some kind or midwife taking responsibility for the birth. The mother does the birthing alone, with family members such as husband and children, or possibly with a close friend or two who are not medical personnel.
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#63 of 116 Old 03-24-2005, 11:35 AM
 
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Kate--Thats awesome Saras came by and did that for you guys I have heard being this emotional is a sign labor is impending but I wasn't emotional like this with my last so who knows LOL Everything is a sign and nothing is a sign. I *think* I am definetly having prodromal labor now. The last 2 nights I have had a bout of ctrx that start at 20 min apart and get to about 12 min apart before stopping. Annoying and yest reassuring at the same time.

UmmSamiyah--I am sure this has been answered but UC stands for unassisted childbirth.
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#64 of 116 Old 03-24-2005, 11:36 AM
 
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Thanks Klothos. I have seen others mention being very emotional just days before birthing. I don't think that is the case for me but I guess we shall see
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#65 of 116 Old 03-24-2005, 11:59 AM
 
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Hi all!!!

Congrats Kinsey! I hope you and CallieAnne are at home and doing well.

Peyton is growing like a weed, already over 11lbs, but that's not too surprising since he stays latched on as much as he possibly can He's such a cutie and we are all in love. He smiles at me and his big sister now but just makes funny faces at the rest of the world. He's starting to communicate in ways other than crying now. A very expressive kiddo.

Kate, I had a breast infection last week too, what a pain. I hope you're feeling better!

Missed you guys!

Stacey
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#66 of 116 Old 03-24-2005, 12:10 PM
 
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WOW. Why would you ladies choose to have UC instead of at least a midwife? I had a midwife and thought she was great not interferring or anything. Sorry if i am repeating another persons question. I am not preggo or anything but it is definately an option for future reference.
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#67 of 116 Old 03-24-2005, 01:00 PM
 
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UmmSamiyah, you might want to keep in mind that this is a support thread, not intended for debate.

anna kiss partner to jon radical mama to aleks (8/02) and bastian (5/05)
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#68 of 116 Old 03-24-2005, 01:32 PM
 
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UmmSamiyah--This question will receive a VARIED degree of answers. Not everyone choses UC for the same reason.

My reasons initailly (wit hmy first UC, this will be my second) were monetary. Not the best of reasons to chose this path and in the end it had nothing to do with money at all, it was just the starting point for me on a different path. See I knew I simply could not and would not give birth to my 3rd child in a hospital. We are military and I would have had to go to the MTF (military hospital) as I did with my 2nd child. I had a bad experience there and refused to put myself or child in that situation again. My husband completly agreed with me on that. We searched for midwives but found they were just too expensive for us. At the time our insurance was not covering homebirths so that wasn't even an option. In my quest for having a homebirth I stumbled upon UC. I read and read and read everything I could on it. In my heart I felt this was the answer to my quest for a homebirth, a birth my way.

Even after my decision was made i still read and researched everything I could as did my husband. We did our own prenatal care and I had the best pregnancy to date. After my daughter was born my husband and I both agreed that we couldn't imagine giving birth any other way.

Now we are about to have our 2nd UC. We are seeing a midwife but not b/c we want to but b/c we have to due to my husbands command (he is military). I really do not like seeing them. This pregnancy has not felt the same to me, I haven't felt as connected with it at times as i feel some of my power has been given over to these midwives. And essentially it has. If i had gone into labor before 37 weeks I would have had to transfer to the hospital, if I go past 42 weeks I will have to transfer to the hospital. I don't like that I almost have no choice in this matter at all b/c of the fear of my husbands command.

Regardless the midwives think they will be attending my labor and birth but our plan is that they will arrive too late. I hate that I have to decieve them to cover my husband. But for us to have the birth we want as a couple this is what we have to do. In our hearts and minds UC is the only way to have a baby. No one helped us make the baby why should anyone help us give birth to it?

I could go on and on but I am sure you wil lbe filled with answers from many others
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#69 of 116 Old 03-24-2005, 01:34 PM
 
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Annakiss--I don't think she was asking to start a debate. It sounded to me as if she was truly interested in why someone would chose a UC and that it may be an option for her in her next pregnancy/birth. We can't assume that everyone asking why we would chose a UC is asking to start a debate, but rather that they are asking for as much information as possible. UC isn't widely known by the entire public, its up to us to help educate them and answer them the best we can, without getting defensive
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#70 of 116 Old 03-24-2005, 01:42 PM
 
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personally my intuition is guiding me toward UC and I plan to follow it.

I tried going the mw route last time and feel it contributed GREATLY to my having high BP (white coat induced) and a c/s. my former mw's (MEDwives) did a couple of things that are less than professional imho and I still feel greatly abandoned, violated and stigmitized still to this day.

I _KNOW_ UC is for me now without a doubt!

really though, I had wanted to go UC with my first and I should have listened to my intuition.

I wouldn't be able to have a hospital birth at this point unless medically necessary.

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#71 of 116 Old 03-24-2005, 05:24 PM
 
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Annakiss, I am not trying to be combative. I didn't even know what UC was until now so I am trying to get more information like Jennie said.
and
Jennie. You ROCK!! I never imagined having a baby by myself and I think for number 3 I will do more research. Some of the things that happened with my mid-wife I am starting to think weremw induced also. but i thought it was just me. I think that is the most awesome thing i have ever heard of. And you are totally right- I didn't need anybody elses help making my little rugrats why should I start then? well okay...I want to know so much more... What about vacc's or birth certificates or logistics like that? Are most of you women homeschooling? This is amazing!!
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#72 of 116 Old 03-24-2005, 06:23 PM
 
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Hey guys, please keep thinking of Kinsey and CallieAnne. CallieAnne was moved out of ICU on 3/20 but is still in the hospital. Kinsey is in another hospital with mastitis but she did get to visit the baby yesterday and hopefully today and hopes to be released Friday. I don't have anymore updates on the baby, I don't think she's able to nurse yet but I don't know that for sure. As of 3/20 I know she was still getting her mama milk through an NG tube. The latest info I have is that Callie is steadily improving but I think she will still be in the hospital for a few weeks. Sorry there's not a ton of detail but I mainly just wanted to ask you to keep sending get well thoughts for them...
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#73 of 116 Old 03-24-2005, 07:34 PM
 
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MistyD-- thanks so much for the update on Kinsey and CalliAnne. I'm so sorry they are going through this! Summoning up all my positive, healing vibes to send their way.

UmmSamiyah -- Perhaps you stumbled onto this thread for a reason -- there's no such thing as a coincedence, right? When I first heard of uc, I never thought it was something I'd do either. But the more I thought about it and the more I researched, the more and more it felt right to me. After awhile it just felt like the most natural (and safest) choice for me. (And I also really felt that my baby was telling me this was the way he wanted to be born.) My labor was close to 17 hours and 15 of it was active labor. The last few hours I was intensely relieved there was no one there monitoring me or keeping track of time -- who knows if I would have been "allowed" to be in active labor so long? I probably would have gotten slapped with a "failure to progress" label had I been in hospital or under someone else's care. Instead I was able to do my own thing and my intuition told me everything was okay. When my baby started coming out and the precious moments after he came into this world were the most magical and incredible moments dh and I had ever experienced. I kept saying "We did it!" afterwards and laughing. It was wonderful and exactly the way it was supposed to be.
Good luck on your journey -- it truly is a process of amazing self-discovery.

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#74 of 116 Old 03-24-2005, 07:37 PM
 
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Rainbowmoon --I'm so sorry you're still feeling the ramifications of your mw's behavior. I hope your upcoming birth is truly a healing and fulfilling experience for you. ((((HUGS))))

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#75 of 116 Old 03-24-2005, 07:51 PM
 
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Hi,

Thought I would kick in with my reasoning here. I had a nightmare experience with the midwife I had hired a couple months back for this pregnancy. I had my 1st with midwives years ago. It wasn't a perfect experience, but it was really nice and I felt comfortable with it at the time. In fact, it had never occurred to me to UC until I read something about it recently, probably on an MDC board.

If you're interested in my whole nightmare, I just posted about it in the pregnancy forum earlier today to get it off my chest. Look for today's post by cresorchid.

As for why UC after that experience, there were a couple of reasons. I felt like I certainly couldn't trust the midwife I had hired. No two ways about that. Then, where I live in Austin, it seems like the midwife community is very close-knit. I wasn't sure whether all the other midwives know about this particular midwife's behavior and ignore it or are ignorant of how she treats clients. In addition, if she talked to anyone about the situation, I wasn't sure she would tell the truth since she lied to me about a 2-3 things in the last conversation I had with her.

As a last reason, as soon as I fired this midwife I heaved this sigh of relief. I had not realized I was under such tension, but as soon as I was free of midwifery care I felt so incredibly FREE! It was wonderful. I felt like i had taken back power that I had given, inappropriately, to midwives. And the more I read about birthing from the midwife perspective (books like Spiritual Midwifery and Birthing from Within) the more I felt like midwives really don't respect women. They rely on our fear of doctors and hospitals unnecessary interventions so that we don't question them or listen with as much skepticism nearly as closely as we would to a mainstream individual. Moreover, I began to believe that while they support the stereotype of the doctor who is like a 50s dad–you have to do what he says, he's inflexible, says things like "If something goes wrong it will be your fault because I recommended (whatever)... Doctors have actually changed quite a bit in the face of competition from midwives. Hospitals, I will admit, don't seem to have changed nearly as much.

But the midwives seem to be like 50s moms. They listen to everything you say, and "love you unconditionally" but at the same time if you don't do what they want, try to lay this guilt trip on you. It feels very manipulative. The ones I've met also have a tendency to treat you like a mother treats her child–lots of physical holding and cuddling whether you want that or not. It sets you up to feel like a child. And if you don't want that physicality, you have to be very vigilant about your boundaries. If a male doctor tried to touch you half as much as these midwives, they would be arrested or before an ethics committee before you could blink an eye, but the midwives I've met seem to believe that just because they are female (and midwives) that they can automatically do this.

I also don't want to condemn all midwives. These are the trends I have seen, and even if the trends are accurate, not all midwives are identical. Pamamidwife who often posts to this list is VERY respectful of our viewpoints and even takes advice from us on certain issues because she knows previous UCers have learned through experience.
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#76 of 116 Old 03-24-2005, 09:36 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cresorchid
but as soon as I was free of midwifery care I felt so incredibly FREE!
I can sooo relate to this statement..I feel so unhindered going UP.

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#77 of 116 Old 03-24-2005, 10:24 PM
 
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well cresorchid, that is also amazing. Are there any good books i could reference. I live in an area where there is only 2 mw and I plan to buy a farm even farther from civilization and we get heavy snow. Should the time come that I go into labor and a mw not be able to get there i wouldn't want to put someone elses life in danger. Tell me about prenatal care then? How does that work out?
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#78 of 116 Old 03-24-2005, 10:34 PM
 
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MistyD--Thank you for the update! I am sending all my healing vibes their way and hoping they will be with each other and home soon!

Rainbowmoon--Unhindered, yes totally how I felt last time. This time I feel very hindered having to be under mw care. I swear if I could strangle my husbands command I would. How dare they dictate how I have my baby *grr* But like you I coul dnever have a hospital birth unless it was 100% can't get around it necessary.

UmmSamiyah--I have to agree with Kate here, you stumbled upon this forum for a reason The process of discovering UC and the mental shift, its amazing! I can;t even describe that feeling of change. But its like all of a sudden the stars line up and everything clicks and its like...euphoric.

Vacc--Only my oldest is vaxed and at the time I was ignorant and did what I thought I was supposed to. By the time my second came along I had done a lot more reading and depsite having a hospital birth I refused to vacc him. My stepson is vacc'd but I had no control over that either.

BC--that was fairly simple for me to get. A lay midwife in HI filled out the paperowrk for me for a very small fee. Even without her help it wouldn't have been an issue as all to get the BC. Its just a matetr of finding out your countys requirements to get a BC. Usually just need proof of pregnancy and a witness.

Homeschooling--yes i homeschool my oldest and this coming school year my 2 youngest will start homeschooling. i am **** lworking on getting DH to talk with his ex so that my steson can be homeschooled as well (we have custody of him but she still has to be involved in educational decisions *blech*). I am not sure I would have homeschooled if I hadnt found the school system here to be totally lacking. My son was having a lot of issues and until I took him out of school i had no idea what was going on. We discovered 1) he needed glasses and 2) he works much better when given individual attention. I see him thriving now and he is even 2 grade levels higher in reading than the school was trying to place him at, in fact they were saying he was behind! HA!

But none of this is connected to my choice to UC, well some of it possibly is. The mental shift did a lot of changing within me. We try to eat healthier, positive discipline etc. But i was doing attachment parenting, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, slinging, non vaxxing, non-circing cloth diapering all before homebirthing and UC entered the picture.

Good luck on your journey! I can only suggest check out www.laurashanley.com and ordering her book. That book changed my husband completly and was a true inspiration to me. Then I would join the site www.birthlove.com Its a bit pricey for the membership but that site is SO full of so much information and awesome birth stories that its worth the price.
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#79 of 116 Old 03-25-2005, 12:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UmmSamiyah
Are there any good books i could reference. I live in an area where there is only 2 mw and I plan to buy a farm even farther from civilization and we get heavy snow. Should the time come that I go into labor and a mw not be able to get there i wouldn't want to put someone elses life in danger. Tell me about prenatal care then? How does that work out?
I would start by looking at the sticky for this forum with the recommendations others have posted. The truth is, my mw issue only occurred 2 months ago (almost to the day now) so I am very new to UC too, although learning quickly. I have some of the books and websites they referenced, but not all of them.

My advice is to learn as much as you can about normal birth and symptoms of problems. While a problem is unlikely, in case it does occur, you want to be as prepared as possible. Also learn as much about the physical aspects of birth so you won't be surprised. Everyone's experience of each and every birth is different, but the physiological process is standard. If you haven't given birth before, I would also take a class or learn some relaxation techniques as well so you have some way of dealing with any discomfort.
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#80 of 116 Old 03-25-2005, 03:39 AM
 
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Binah Yetirah, what state are you in if you don't mind my asking? You might have told me before in the thread that JanetF started about an UC community in Australia but for some reason it has TOTALLY disappeared from the UC forums.

I might be able to get you some help in getting a BC package before your birth. Whoever you spoke to at BDM - sounds like they were just doing that power/control thing. You should call and ask for a BC package along with the birth registration form to be sent out to your address immediately. Lie and say you are a m/w if you have to - usually they won't ask any questions then!
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#81 of 116 Old 03-25-2005, 04:26 AM
 
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(( anyone who hasn't seen this, you might want to check it out http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...17#post2860617 ))

and WHOA i just realized there are a TON of posts i hadn't seen!?
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#82 of 116 Old 03-25-2005, 04:46 AM
 
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everyone mentioned most of my reasons for choosing freebirth... mine were...

* i'm a very private person, and HATE being touched... i CAN'T STAND being around lots of people, groups, people i don't know or aren't very familiar with...
* i'm also a control freak, particularly about my body, and wanted to have COMPLETE say over how i labored & birthed...
* i believe that unhindered birth is best for mother and baby...
* i had a bad hospital experience w/ my son's birth...
* i wanted to labor in MY tub, in hot water, surrounded by candles ( not forced to sit in a hospital tub that they won't allow to be filled up because of "the risk of infection" , which was my only other option for my daughter's birth -- the hospital)...
* it felt right for us!! both the baby & i were (and are ) healthy...
* and i wanted to be free to eat pancakes, eggs, and bacon during labor.

check out

http://www.freestone.org/articles/Fr...eryMother.html
and
http://www.freestone.org/articles/FearOfBirth.html

Quote:
What about vacc's or birth certificates or logistics like that? Are most of you women homeschooling?
we do homeschool... for a ton of very huge issues, which i won't get into here. [eta: if you're curious PM me if you want. ]

we vaccinate on a slightly modified & delayed schedule, & give only thimerosal-free vaxxes...

and getting the birth certificate and SSN were a nightmare. it took MONTHS. we JUST got her SSN -- and she was born last July!!!!! i talked about the problems in... someplace in one of the UC support threads. probably around november??

HTH

//nak!!

** note the link in my sigline UmmSamiyah ~ my daughter's birth story, with links & info.
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#83 of 116 Old 03-25-2005, 11:15 AM
 
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: This would be me this morning. I am spposed to have a mw appt today but I really don't feel like going. I can't sit long and its a 35 min drive there, with 4 kids. I'm cranky and overdue so excuse me if I don't want t ojust hop (ha!) in the car and go for a visit that will tell me um nothing! Yet the mw that I don't much care for is trying to give me a lecture on coming in and having not called the last 3 nights that I was having ctrx. HELLO! I have told her several times I am prone to 1-2 weeks of prodromal labor. When the ctrx switch over to true labor I will friggin call (ok not really but thats what she thinks). Its pointless, IMO, to call every time I have a twinge that I know is going to fizzle out. I have long labors as well so its not like I wouldn't have time from the start of actual labor to give her plenty of "warning". Sheesh! This is exactly why I don't want her here! Its why I don't like her and why even my friend doesn't like her and would lock her in the bathroom if she showed up before I gave birth :LOL

She has become more and more condescending to me as the weeks pass. I am not sure what to think of that other than she is completly intimidated by me and can't for some reason accept the fact that I do not need her, that birth happens and it will happen MY way not hers. If it weren't for my DH I would be firing her, oh heck I wouldn't have even hired her. I knew that much from the first time I met her.

Luckily there is another mw in the practice whom I truly adore. She is much more the kind of mw we need more of. She believes in birth, trust the body and baby. She knows birth happens whether she is there or not and thats ok with her. I could totally see having her here just for the female companionship. But nfortunately she is out of town until Wed and knowing my luck watch me go into labor before she is back Part of me wants to go ahead and be done with the pregnancy, hold my wee one. But the muc hlarger part really wants this babe to stick around in the womb until the other mw returns form her trip. I realize DH and I already plan to not have them make it here in time but if for some odd reason we do give them plenty of warning to make it in time I would much rather it be this mw than the condescending one.

Sorry for the I am just irritated as heck this morning with her and the lack of sleep I had from several hours of strong, close together ctrx really don't help my mood at all.
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#84 of 116 Old 03-25-2005, 11:37 AM
 
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Jennie

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#85 of 116 Old 03-25-2005, 11:41 AM
 
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Hi Jenniebug, it's a shame you can't call the mw and tell her she ought to realize what a pain it is for you to drive all the way to see her, and then tell her that if it's so important to see you now that SHE should drive out.

Sorry you are getting so much grief. Maybe the babe will wait for the other mw–I bet the babe doesn't want this harrassing moron anymore than you do!
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#86 of 116 Old 03-25-2005, 12:03 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cresorchid
I would start by looking at the sticky for this forum with the recommendations others have posted. The truth is, my mw issue only occurred 2 months ago (almost to the day now) so I am very new to UC too, although learning quickly. I have some of the books and websites they referenced, but not all of them.

My advice is to learn as much as you can about normal birth and symptoms of problems. While a problem is unlikely, in case it does occur, you want to be as prepared as possible. Also learn as much about the physical aspects of birth so you won't be surprised. Everyone's experience of each and every birth is different, but the physiological process is standard. If you haven't given birth before, I would also take a class or learn some relaxation techniques as well so you have some way of dealing with any discomfort.
thanks cresorchid. this would be number 3 and number two was a homebirth with a mw. I think the biggest thing I didn't like about that experience was the fact that i think she was drunk
So how do I tell my family? They had somewhat of a hard time swallowing my homebirth. hehe I figure the sooner the better, even if I am not preggo yet(as far as I know )
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#87 of 116 Old 03-25-2005, 12:29 PM
 
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Oh, Jennie! I'm so sorry! Of course I know which mw you're referring to. I forgot Saras is out of town again -- and I'm glad you reminded me because I have to call them for birth cert stuff. Are you going to go to your appt? Why do they get so paranoid at the end of the pregnancy? Thinking of you and am so sorry you have to go through this when you didn't even want it in the first place.

UmmSamiyah -- your mw was drunk! Egads! I loved Laura Shanley's book too. Also -- "Unassisted Homebirth: An Act of Love" and "The Power of Pleasurable Childbirth" were great. You can buy all of these of Laura's website.

Jennie -- I also wanted to fully concur with what you said about feeling euphoric while discovering uc. That truly is what it feels like! I felt so blissful and heady while researching uc -- it's the most amazing feeling when you realize you're on the exact path you're supposed to be on.

Cresorchid -- I read your "father/mother" analogy on a different thread a couple of months ago and didn't get a chance to respond, but wanted to let you know how much that spoke to me. I couldn't agree more! In fact, I remember saying to my dh after a phone call from my mw that irked me, "I don't need another mother!" I remember even reading your post to dh -- we both thought it was accurate and articulate.

I'm also one of those mamas who felt FREE after breaking free of the mw's. It truly did feel like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and that I'd claimed my power back.

UmmSamiyah -- I'm glad you found this thread. It's nice to have some fresh energy that causes all of us to reflect. I've enjoyed reading everyone's posts.

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#88 of 116 Old 03-25-2005, 12:30 PM
 
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Thanks Rainbowmom. I feel better after venting. My friend/labor support had me cracking up about the situation.

Cresorchid--:LOL yeah I don't think the baby wants her here anymore than I do. Probably why those really good ctrx stoppped last night. I did cancel the appt with the mw today. She is going to call during the appt time to "talk" Seriously if it is so dang important to see me she can drive out here afterall she isnt the one overdue and hauling 4 kids around
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#89 of 116 Old 03-25-2005, 12:30 PM
 
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and Klothos -- thanks for sharing. I'm surprised no one said anything after your presentation. They must have been in shock.

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#90 of 116 Old 03-25-2005, 12:36 PM
 
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LOL Kate we must have been posting at the exact same time! I canceled the appt. And you know what relaly ticks me off is she had even said if I didn't feel like coming to one of these that it would be ok to just call and do an appt over the phne. Of course that was when I was scheduled to see Saras, this must not apply when my appt is with her. Really why is she so paranoid? Babies don't come by their expiration date lol and I have a history of babes going past dates. Geez I am only 2 days past right now, get paranoid when I am 2 weeks past.

Oh lordy and that issue opens a whole new can of worms too b/c then they have to opt me out to the OB. Maybe I can convince Saras to flub my records a bit if I do go to 42 weeks. There is no way in heck I am going to the hospital nuh uh no way no how! DH command and everyone else can kiss it.

Oh so yeah I canceled the appt. I am not driving all the way down there today. I am exhausted and frankly its a useless appt. I haven't followed the standard appt schedule to date, why would I start now? I so wish I could have your freedom and just fire them. Well that one anyways, I really wouldn't have any problem with Saras being here.

Ok no labor vibes for me, gimme sticky baby until after Wed vibes :LOL :LOL and now I am going back to bed, if the kiddos will let me anyways.
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