So dh is a first class bubblehead! :LOL Heehee. So.. yeah, in his mind, it's like if he went to a party, and he was the highest ranking person there, and someone got hurt/commited a crime, he would be held responsible. I know they do that. Wish I could remember under what section of the UCMJ that falls under.
Have you said to him in so many words what you said in your last post... that you can take full and peaceful responsibility for what happens at home, but you'll never be able to forgive yourself if something goes wrong at the hospital?
I'm just beginning to understand the level of terror my dh apparently lives in throughout my pg'ies and labors... I don't know WHY, since we've never had a problem, but he seems to think that our easy births have been the luck of the draw, not because I knew what I was doing!
Maybe he feels like (this is your 4th, right?) you're "tempting fate" because your children have been healthy so far? Especially since your last UC went so well? I know my dh thinks my hospital births we're 'perfect', (and for a hospital, they weren't too bad) but all I can see are the negatives.
Also, as you've probably noticed, commands that are schools often have nothing better to do
than freak out over the littlest details of the lives/families of the men and women in them. They scrutinize everything (uniforms, haircuts, whiteness of your teeth) to nth freaking degree, and you know he's probably worried about getting passed over for chief because of some blurb in his record. After all, you should be asking how high when he says jump and have his whip hanging on (polished) brass hooks over the door...
Being a man (hate to generalize, but he is military..
) would he respond to maybe statistical things about the safety of homebirth, and UC in particular? I came across some limited but no less true studies about the level of intervention in hospitals vs homes. And you can maybe tell him about one of the women you met at the commissary/exchange/beach/park/MDC who told you the horror story about how the wife of the PR1 in her squadron... well, I'll pm you if you want to hear it. No one else here probably does! But can you say... military docs who are there because they couldn't get licensed in any state due to their inability to pass the most basic of licensing tests??
I'm just typing to hear my fingers click now.. but back to your question, I thought about that, if you could do it anonymously, sp?, what about your supportive friend that thought the medwives were out to lunch? Is she in a position to possibly ask the base legal office what if any legal ramifications her/any dp would be held liable for if she were to give birth at home, uc? I've got some girlfriends who are still active duty on the west coast, maybe I could get them to do some nosing around? But we're p3's (subhunters, haha) so we're the opposite of anal, no one gave a damn about anything up there... I could still ask though! Actually I have an ex-Navy friend in SC, and she's in school out there, maybe I could get HER to call and say she's writing a report on birth and the military??!! What a crazy subject that would be.
I'm certainly willing to try anything I can for you! I know the dread of which you speak! You should be able to approach birth with so much more peace than you're feeling right now! And I second the "it happened so fast" concept! (third it, fourth it, whatever) There is NO WAY they can say that it didn't happen like that.. You're fourth baby? They can happen like that!
I know it goes against everything we believe in, but maybe you could find out what's really going on with dh by offering to make all the plans that involve the hospital, if HE will agree to let you just "happen too fast"... seems like that would cover his butt with the command (well, they've come to their senses and have registered with the hosp, sir...
) but then BAM... what could you do? If he goes for that, maybe he really is just worried about his career (vs your child... you must be ready to smack him). WE know there's no comparison, but maybe if he's thinking this is all about you, and as a man can't understand that you are proctecting your and his baby, if he feels like you're (at least pretending to) giving his career the same consideration or at least acknowledging its value to him (if not to you) will allow him to relax and see that his professional destruction is not your goal... I should have just pm'd you, I'm rambling on and on... but I've been reading your posts for weeks, I know how relaxed you sounded about this before, and I hate that you've lost that and are experiencing this fear about how your birth will play out. Please let me know if I can do anything with contacting friends and whatnot!