UC support thread #16 April 05 - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 97 Old 04-01-2005, 12:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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uc thread #1
uc thread #2
uc thread #3
uc thread #4
uc thread #5
uc thread #6
uc thread #7
uc thread #8
uc thread #9
uc thread #10
uc thread #11
uc thread #12
uc thread #13
uc thread #14
uc thread #15

roll call

andrea -- UC 8/03 story
yvonnemlv--mw 9/03 story
Aurora -- UC 10/03 story
Whit -- UC 11/03
2much2luv -- UC 1/04
thechrysalis -- UC 1/04
Mothernature -- UC 1/04
indigolilybear -- UC 3/04 pics (first UC 5/01 story )
citizenfong -- UC 3/04 pics
Carrieanders -- UC 4/10/04 story
Chaka Falls -- UC 4/04
rajahkat--(Kat) UC 5-7-04 (1st UC 9-6-01) story/pics
amyamanda -- UC 5/04 story
Karenpl -- UC 6/04 story
bookwormmama -- UC 6/04
wildthing -- midwife-attended 6/04 story
grnbn76 -- emergency cesarean, 7/04 story
Hathor -- UC 7/04 story
Mamajaza -- UC 7/04 story
gr8fulmom -- UC 7/04 story
luna13mama -- UC 7/04
Chandar -- UC 7/04 story
Klothos -- UC 7/23/04 story
madrone -- UC 8/19/04
TinyBabyBean -- midwife-attended 8/04 story (if you're still reading - you may want to relocate your birth story, as that forum is closing...)
violet -- UC 8/19/04
Oshunmama -- midwife-attended 8/04 story
lovemygirl -- UC 9/9/04 story
mellie-bellie -- UC 9/27/04 story
fourlittlebirds (formerly blueviolet) -- UC 9/04 story (first UC 7/01, story )
JesseMomme -- UC 9/21/04 (first UC 11/02, story )
StacyL -- Hospital transport 9/19/04 story
4xmamamia -- UC 9/30/04
amyjeans -- UC 10/9/04 story
rachel -- UC 10/25/04 story
lafemmedesfemmes -- UC 11/8/04 story
DancerMom -- UC 11/12/04 story
Ame -- UC 12/9/04 story
laurata -- UC 12/10/04 story (first UC 3/02, story )
Lula's Mom -- UC 12/12/04 story
AmyD -- UC December 04' story
nikirj -- mw assisted 12/04 story
Asheville Mama -- EDD January 1 2005
zonapellucida -- late January 2005
Chiromom -- 2nd UC 1/23/05 story (first UC 2/03 story )
Dandylion -- UC Feb 1 2005 story
Mama2Lennon -- hospital 2-8-05
Hayliesmom -- UC 2-16-05
mehndi mama -- UC 2-12-05
KateSt. -- UC 2-17-05
hawkfeather--unhindered w/mw 3-24-05 story and pics
jenniebug-- mw 3-26-05
sprinkle pocket -- UC 3-23-05
Mamagaia (Rebecca)-- UC 4-1-05
liamandpipersmama (Laura)--UC 4-17-05story
FreeRangeMama -- UC 4-22-05story (first UC 9/03)


carlasher -- mid March 2005
SunflowerMama (Lisa)--mid June 2005
Selissa -- June/July 2005
cresorchid-- due 7-7-05
Binah Yeteirah--July 2005
Skim (Kim)--July 2005
rainbowmoon -- August 2005
ChildoftheMoon (Brandi)-- late August 2005 (planned uc born still 7/19/04 peacefully at home with mwstory)
heldt123 (Jamie)--August 2005
Quickening--Aug/Sept. 2005
Arora the Explorer--EDD 12-10-05
--


Please PM me to make changes or add new story links .

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brandi

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mom to dd-99, dd-01, dd-born still@40w 7/04, ds-05, dd-08, dd-10, dd-13

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#2 of 97 Old 04-01-2005, 12:43 PM
 
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subscribing

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#3 of 97 Old 04-01-2005, 02:57 PM
 
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Hi Everyone, Just subscribing and wanting to say hello.
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#4 of 97 Old 04-01-2005, 06:59 PM
 
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subscribing but not sure how lon gI'll be around. It bothers me that I had a mw birth & I'm really strugling with getting over this issue
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#5 of 97 Old 04-01-2005, 07:46 PM
 
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Oh Jenniebug I read your story and it made me sad and angry at the same time! There was a similarity between your birth and my first birth (planned mw hb) where the mw was pushing for me to get out of the pool and birth the placenta when I wasn't really ready.

IT WAS WRONG! I felt it pull away and I was instantly feeling ill/weird/out of it and stayed like that until the next day or so - all because of the placenta being forced out before it was ready to do so spontaneously. And the m/w was getting all worried because I laid down and didn't/couldnt/wouldnt move because my body was reeling from the abrupt ending to my birth. Well gee no wonder! *duh*

Your treatment was horrible, I would be very concerned if I knew of anyone else planning to birth with those mw's and I'd warn them!

I think they probably went aggro on you after you gave birth because they didn't LIKE it that they were useless during the birth and they wanted to DO STUFF to you/baby to "put you in your place" and show you that they were necessary. I'll cheerfully yank their hair for you (not their head hair either!)

If you need support or help processing your birth and coming to terms with it (when you're ready), why not join Accessing Artermis? It is a yahoo support group for women who feel traumatised/conflicted with their birth experience.
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#6 of 97 Old 04-01-2005, 11:12 PM
 
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Firstly, I want to wish sprinklepocket and her hubby a CONGRATULATIONS!!! I've been thinking about you a lot and am chomping at the placenta to hear the story Enjoy your babymoon

Mama2Lennon, I'm so sorry to read your post. When you briefly posted after the birth about going to the hospital, my heart ached for you. I'm so sorry that your child's birth was taken from you like that

Jennie, your post also made me sad and angry at the same time. In fact, I had my hubby read your birth story as it caused such intense emotions in me and I wanted to process it w/someone. What they did to you was not right, it was not right at all. I am thoroughly disgusted w/their behavior. And I agree w/Quickening, it does seem like they were "getting back" at you for being so damn self sufficient I thought about Kate's post back in the day about how one of the mws was telling her that she (Kate) was underestimating how much help she would need from the mws. All I could think was, "thanks for the freakin' help". I can understand you not wanting to stick around, but it seems like you have a lot to process and if you are able to get some support and help processing this, than I hope you stay.

We've had a few mw assisted births lately (as well as mama2lennon's birth), and after the births, I notice that the moms are reluctant to come back here and post their experiences and feelings about the whole thing. I have no ego invested in anyone else's birth, but I for one, would like to offer support to those who need it. I don't feel anyone here will chastise anyone for the outcome of their child's birth and I really would like those who were planning UC, and for whatever reason, don't get the UC they wanted, to come back and not be embarrassed or whathaveyou. I've followed your pregnancy, I've followed your journey, and I would love to follow you where you are now...wherever you are

Hope that made sense, getting a little tired and dopey.

Hope everyone is well,
Amy
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#7 of 97 Old 04-02-2005, 12:50 AM
 
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just subscribing- hope all mamas are well.
love to you

Mama to 5 babies. UCer, too!
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#8 of 97 Old 04-02-2005, 02:27 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KateSt.
So, I was thinking of starting a "UC Mamas" thread to talk about our babies and children. I know there's "Life With a Babe" and other threads in the Parenting Forum. But I've had a lot of questions and would really like to talk about them amongst you wonderful like-minded mamas. It would be a place where we could hang out after the birth of our babies and share our experiences. I'd love to hear more from experienced uc mamas like Mamajaza, Indigolilybear, and Blueviolet. Would anyone be interested in this?





I think that would be awesome! And I've thought of that before too. Great minds think alike, hey I thought we could talk about how "special" our UC babies are, and maybe post a few pictures. I have this great picture of Samaya with a hat that says "born to be Free"

mama2lennon~s I understand how things went for you. It must have been SO hard having to deal with a breakup at the same time that you were preparing for your baby's birth I hope that you do get the birth of your dreams one days

Sprinkle pocket~ your lovely user name has been popping into my head recently, and I remembered that you were due .. and he's here already. WOW! I hope that I have a boy one day too CONGRATS!!! I look forward to reading your birth story.

Jenniebug~ congrats! I love that name that you chose for your little grrl. Sorry that you had a bad experience with the "med-wives".
And I agree with quickening that the midwives do that $hit cause they are trying to prove that they are "neccessary". My first birth was like that too, acting like my baby was in trouble, but she was absolutely within the range of normal newborn behavior.
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#9 of 97 Old 04-02-2005, 03:15 AM
 
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Hi there! Just popping in to say hello - we're planning a UC for our baby due any day now! This is our first UC, and we're excited and nervous at the same time. I've really enjoyed reading some of the birth stories! Can't wait to write my own!
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#10 of 97 Old 04-02-2005, 12:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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For all you mamas feeling reluctant to stay on this thread--STOP feeling that way. There is no competition here. No one is disqualified because you did not live up to some standard. We are all in this together. This is a support thread. We all get to know each other here and become friends. There is no reason to leave.
My heart goes out to those of you whom have been treated badly or whos birth outcomes did not go according to plan, but your committment to a good safe birth for you and your wee ones has not changed, and that is what uc is all about right? Please stay mamas. I understand if you need time away to process, but please know you are always welcome. We are all here to learn from the good and the not so good, we are here to support each other, this is not an elite club.
Love to you mamas.
Brandi

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mom to dd-99, dd-01, dd-born still@40w 7/04, ds-05, dd-08, dd-10, dd-13

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#11 of 97 Old 04-02-2005, 01:52 PM
 
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welcome MamaWindmill!

Mama to 5 babies. UCer, too!
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#12 of 97 Old 04-02-2005, 02:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChildoftheMoon
For all you mamas feeling reluctant to stay on this thread--STOP feeling that way. There is no competition here. No one is disqualified because you did not live up to some standard. We are all in this together. This is a support thread. We all get to know each other here and become friends. There is no reason to leave.
My heart goes out to those of you whom have been treated badly or whos birth outcomes did not go according to plan, but your committment to a good safe birth for you and your wee ones has not changed, and that is what uc is all about right? Please stay mamas. I understand if you need time away to process, but please know you are always welcome. We are all here to learn from the good and the not so good, we are here to support each other, this is not an elite club.
Love to you mamas.
Brandi
My sentiments exactly.
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#13 of 97 Old 04-02-2005, 04:15 PM
 
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Thank you mama's! It really means a lot to me to have you all for support. I wish I had 2 free hands to really type out my feelings & frustrations. Maybe after I getRhi & Rory down for a nap...
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#14 of 97 Old 04-02-2005, 05:11 PM
 
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#15 of 97 Old 04-02-2005, 11:02 PM
 
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Hello all. Just checking in and offering support.
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#16 of 97 Old 04-02-2005, 11:30 PM
 
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Quikening--Your post, exactly what it felt like! My body was reeling from the abrupt end and sudden flurry of activity. I do think part of the reason they went so aggro on me was to do like you said, show that I did need them. WRONG! All they did was show me how much I did not need them and how better off we were without them!

Do you have a link for that yahoo group? I definetly feel the need for support right now. I was not prepared for these feelings at all. I knew I didn't want them here and what I feared would happen did but I wa snot prepared for the way it would efect me.

Amy--Thank you! Kate had the same set of midwives and we both got the same vibes from them. I just wish I had been bale to fire them as she had been.

I don't think my reasoning for not being here is that I feel there would be a lack of support or anyone looking down on me. I made the choice I made for my husband and I have no ill will to him. Its Just very hard for me right now to accept my lack of control in the situation. The contsant hounding on myself of why I didn't stand up for myself and tell them to all back the f*** off.

A friend who also went thru a similar experience with them tried to comfort me by saying perhaps it all playe dout this way for a reason. Perhaps Baby or I needed to experience whatever it was that transpired. Maybe I needed to experience it so I would never become that kind of midwife once I am able to start my training and practicing. Maybe Rhi did need something they did (altho I can't figure out what that would be!). Maybe my husband had to see and experience this treatment as well to finaly 100% convince him that no matter what UC really is the best and safest way to go.

Getting over my 2 hospital births was nothing. I knew I did the best in those situations considering my lack of education/knowledge. This however is so difficult because I know so much more. I knew they were wrong for me, I knew they would take control from me that way and this is just another way they have taken some power from me. I hate them for this and I am so mad at myself for it. These strong feleings really have taken me by surprise.

I don't know where to begin in the healing and processing. I do know that at my 2 week appt (that I "have" to go to ) that I will bring up their behaviour. I am horrible at confrontation but I feel I owe it to myself, to past and future patients of theirs, to step and say something. I am going to have lunch with my friend who is currently seeing them for her HBAC and warn her. I hope she has a doula and if not I hope her dh can be a strong advocate for her and help prevent them from going aggro on her as well.

Kate--I am not sure you have gotten to this thread yet or not but mama I am SO glad you fired them and did not have them at your birth. If you and your dh hadn't been convinced before that UC was the way, you would certainly be after them attending. You are so blessed to have gotten your birth your way. I know I will never recommend them to anyone after my experience. Its a shame really, Saras could be a great midwife, the kind we need more of but unfortunately I think all of her med training has effected the way she practices.

mamas for listening to me all these months and even still to my trauma after the birth. You all are a great support team!
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#17 of 97 Old 04-02-2005, 11:34 PM
 
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Sorry this post is long.

Jenniebug, the site is http://groups.yahoo.com/group/accessingartemis and its just started up. It was previously a part of http://groups.yahoo.com/group/joyousbirth but the two split so acessing artemis could be solely for birth trauma support, with the other one being for support for homebirth/empowered birth.

I don't think there was a reason for your birth experience but I do think that good consequences can come of it in the long term within yourself and your DH.

The anger at yourself is understandable. You felt the wrongness of the situation and didn't take control. In a way, a part of you allowed this to happen and that is why you are angry with yourself.

Remember though, that a birthing woman or woman who has given birth moments before is not in the right 'set' to cause even more conflict/confrontation or negativity... or trouble! Why would she want to make things worse? She is more likely to "go with the flow" as she went with the birthing flow" as long as nothing directly threatens her life or her baby's, to get it over and done with as soon as possible.

That I believe, is why so many people, even women armed with knowledge, information and support end up "going with the flow/or rather, allowing things to happen to her". Be pissed off. It helps! But be pissed off at THEM too, not just yourself. A HUGE part of THEIR responsibility is called TRUST! They betrayed that horribly and they took advantage of you.

Take your DH with you to the appointment in 2 weeks if possible. It helps to have someone there to support you that is equally as angry at you about your treatment. Don't confront them alone.

What happened with my birth that I have issues with, I have come to accept was my responsibility and my fault. Yes, the m/w was wrong for not listening to me. But when it came down to it, I DID get myself in that situation where I was not the one in complete control. I could of prevented it. I didn't.

What has helped me come to terms with it was the understanding of WHY I acted the way I did. I made a choice at my birth. I made the choice to not bring further aggravation to a situation that was not directly putting my baby or me at risk of dying. As much as I hate to say it, for me personally I think it was the right choice for me to make because I was lucky. Nothing bad happened - I didn't haemorrhage because of forcing the placenta out too soon. My baby was ok. I was ok. And I remember my birth in a pretty good light and the angry parts are tiny. If i had gotten into a huge fight with the m/w, I would have had all that negativity in my birthing space, and that would of stayed with my birth memories. I am glad I don't have that.

However, I am NOT going to put myself in the situation where this could potentially happen again. This means UC and nobody is gonna get in my way. My instincts were true to my situation. I went against them because of the m/w and there were negative consequences which could have been distasterous!
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#18 of 97 Old 04-02-2005, 11:35 PM
 
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Skim,
I think it is just me!

I am due in May and am so excited to read all of the mamas birth stories and posts. Right now we are just trying to decide who to tell and who to hide like crazy from. OK, so the one we want to hide from are obvious, but really, did you all tell your whole family, or none or some.

And then there is the issue of everyone wanting to visit right after the birth. DH and I both want most of my immediate family to come, they will cook and clean and do laundry, ect.... but lots of his family would ocme and watch us and try to take the baby. But I jsut am not up for getting nagged at over who we do and don't allow into our home. It was so different in the hospital. I didn't really care who was there visiting, because there was always some person we didn't know bugging us about something. It wasn't our space, yk. But at home, I don't want his irritating grandma in our bedroom, on our bed, with me trying to nurse two kids and all of June's stuffed animals. LOL. Dh says he will just tell them all that we aren't having anyone for a few days, but they think we will be in the hospital and what if they find our we are at home and just come over. They would too.

Man, if I had only known about the in-laws! sheesh!

Louise
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#19 of 97 Old 04-02-2005, 11:37 PM
 
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Howdy!

Well, even though I'm not a regular poster here in any of the threads, I would like to encourage the UC moms who worked with midwives to stick around, at least so we can offer you our support, and at most so those of us with upcoming births can learn from you/ask our questions when we're unsure or pondering...

Our Baby #2 is due in July, and I find that as each week passes, I feel so far removed from the mama I was just 4 months ago in terms of confidence in my body, in my body's ability to birth, and responsibilty for whatever happens. In fact, just tonight I was sharing with DP that I can't imagine *not* having the UC forum here at MDC, even though it's not very old! What a fantastic resource to help those of us who choose (or are led) to UC feel supported and "normal", instead of the freaky radicals who just have to do it differently than everybody else. :LOL

(OK, I am a freaky radical in many ways, and I do most things in life differently than anybody else, but then again, that's what happens when we follow our intuition and heart, no?)

Anyone UCing in my neck of the U.S.?

rural mama to DD1 DD2
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#20 of 97 Old 04-03-2005, 04:07 AM
 
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I just wanted to show you all the picture that I talked about before.... my baby wearing a hat that says "born to be free" girl:
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#21 of 97 Old 04-03-2005, 12:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by june'smom
Right now we are just trying to decide who to tell and who to hide like crazy from. OK, so the one we want to hide from are obvious, but really, did you all tell your whole family, or none or some.
Hey, june'smom!
Well we didn't tell any of our immediate family because, well, they think we're endangering our dd's life just because we don't vaccinate her. My family is worse than dp's, but everyone knows we're planning a homebirth. When asked if I had chosen a midwife, I told my parents (who live far away) "yep, we have everything set up and taken care of to be ready for the birth." A white lie, sure, but not untrue. This way we don't have to dodge too much. But I did tell my very supportive birth aunt, who also lives very far away, and she is totally cool with UC. In fact, before she knew we had really decided to go that route she suggested it to me! DP's family would just never unerstand the concept, and they aren't too interested in the details, anyway. Not too much stress there.

We also don't want anyone around immediately after - unless they're going to help. Last time we told my parents that if they came to visit us 3 days after dd's birth (like they really wanted to) that it was on the condition they help us with house stuff. They agreed, and proceeded to sit around, complain about the quality of the food DP and I cooked for them, started arguments with dp, told me that being overweight would cause serious health problems (3 days post partum!!), held my sleepy baby, and only once went out and bought take out for us. Never even washed the dishes. We learned the hard way that they can't come over for a while after the birth. I'm trying to convince my birth aunt to come up to visit, and play with dd after the birth, because she "gets it", we love her, and she loves dd. No other family would be useful, really, or welcome, for a while. And I *know* she would wash dishes... :LOL

quickening - I totally agree with your idea that confronting the medwives would be easier with jenniebug's dh to support her - especially since it was because of the demands of his command that they even hired midwives. Let him support you, jenniebug.

And mamajaza - cute!

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#22 of 97 Old 04-03-2005, 03:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Great pictures mamajaza! Thank you for sharing. Your girls are getting so big!

I was thinking about this thread and our mamas in need of support with processing their births. I think we should start a thread in this forum for that specifically so the issues and needs of these mamas can be addressed directly and not lost in the high activity of this thread. I also would like to keep the focus of this thread on uc support specifics as well. I stand by what I posted earlier-there is no reason for mamas who transfer or go with a midwife to leave this thread or forum, we are all in this together and of like mind, regardless of our birth outcomes. I just think it would be easier to keep the individual threads to specific topics.
If anyone has any problems with this, just let me know. I also would be happy to start the support thread for processing our birth outcomes if need be.
Thanks for all the support and love here!
Brandi

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#23 of 97 Old 04-03-2005, 11:02 PM
 
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We didn't tell any family. Well, actually I told my sister in law by email because she lives several states away and wouldn't be annoying about it. She ended up having a UC herself so
My ILs, who live close to us, were majorly freaked out by our previous midwife assisted home birth so there was no way we were going to tell them this. I also didn't have even the slightest urge to tell anyone. It was kind of a private thing for us.
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#24 of 97 Old 04-03-2005, 11:40 PM
 
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Mamajaza...I absolutely love your pics! The tandem nursing one just warmed my heart. That is so beautiful!

Mama to 5 babies. UCer, too!
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#25 of 97 Old 04-04-2005, 12:49 AM
 
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We won't be telling any of my family. I'm not even sure what I'm going to say after the fact. Dh's dad knows, though, and is pretty cool about it. He was worried, especially since this is going to be a UBAC, but he's fine now that dh has done some reassuring.

I haven't, and probably won't, even tell my family that it's going to be a homebirth. At least not until after, if then. Still not sure. My mom keeps blathering to ds about "when mommmy goes to the hospital". Yeah, right. Not if I can help it.

mom to all boys B: 08/01ribboncesarean.gif,  C: 07/05 uc.jpg, N: 03/09 uc.jpg, M: 01/12 uc.jpg and far too many lost onesintactlact.gifsaynovax.gif

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#26 of 97 Old 04-04-2005, 01:08 AM
 
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what beautiful photos, mamajaza! i love the tandem one too... when i'm pumping & attempting to nurse my daughter @ the same time, sometimes i'll visualize a baby on both breasts & amazingly, it really gets the milk flowing!

//nak
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#27 of 97 Old 04-04-2005, 03:30 AM
 
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Thanks

about telling people your plans... that question has come up a lot since I was on this thread from the beginning. I chose to tell some people who I knew would be supportive of it. If I wasn't sure, they weren't told till after. My dad suprised me by being impressed that I did it myself, and everyone else said I was so brave I thought they'd all try to scare me about the what if's... maybe they would have if I had told them before the birth. I also was afraid of negative energies if I told some people (like my grama) and then something weird happened, I'd always wonder if it was because of their expectation of disaster. That's the way I saw it, anyways. All in all, I got absolutely no negative reactions from the people who I told (before or after). Most people were very fascinated and a lactation consultant that came to my house wanted to know everything that happened. I loved that!
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#28 of 97 Old 04-04-2005, 11:02 AM
 
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only my mom really knows so far we are going UC and 1 good friend. niether comment much on my choice. my grandma & SIL both know I am going UP but hasn't thought to ask about the birth yet...

do you mamas just outright lie about your plans?

what do you say in case of a transfer? (this is my biggest worry)



so I only have about 4 months to go and I am counting down the days! I just can't wait!

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#29 of 97 Old 04-04-2005, 11:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We told a few close friends of our plans to UC last time. This time we are telling no one. Even though my daughter's death had nothing to do with birth, we feel that it may not be a welcome idea that we wish to birth our son alone. Not lying to anyone, everyone just assumes our midwife will be there. I am seeing her throughout the pregnancy, and it is a possibility I may call her during labor, (as an in case situation if I feel something is wrong, or I have trouble due to emotions coming up concerning my daughter's birth).
I feel very private about my birth this time. Joyous and peaceful, but not as preachy to others about the qualities of an unhindered birth Something I am not usually quiet about!
Brandi

reading.gif

mom to dd-99, dd-01, dd-born still@40w 7/04, ds-05, dd-08, dd-10, dd-13

love and light

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#30 of 97 Old 04-04-2005, 12:08 PM
 
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We did tell everyone we talked to the truth afterward. I was surprised by people's reactions. Mostly everyone was impressed (you're so brave!) when i thought they'd be disaproving.
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