Kate, good for you for telling that doctor all that stuff! I would absolutely not go back to her again. Just keep rescheduling appointments until you find another doctor. I do think it is important for you to have a doctor who can go on the record saying that Finn is healthy, in case this crazy woman calls CPS out of spite. And then, I would write a letter to her, her medical group (whoever employs her,) and to the state licensing board about the misinformation she gave you, and her coercive tactics.
Kate wrote, "For example, I don't want to use a breast pump or feed my baby from a bottle -- it just doesn't feel right to me. But it's becoming clear if I don't do that, I'll never get more than 10 minutes to myself."
LOL, that's probably a little bit of an exaggeration, no?
They do grow up, after all. And if you've given them a secure base, they will eventually initiate separation from you themselves. You've read Magical Child?
I don't think a bottle or pacifier is necessarily going to cause trouble, but I don't think they're necessary at some point, either, in order for mom to get some time to yourself. For one thing, the older Finn gets, the longer he'll be able to go between feedings. And the more time he spends with others (as he's comfortable with it) the longer you'll be able to separate from him without it creating feelings of abandonment.
I never felt "right" about introducing a bottle or pacifier either -- it wasn't about parenting dogma, it was a gut feeling. Same with having other people hold the baby. But I had to put up some serious boundaries with other people so that I could be clear on whether what I was feeling was a reaction to their judgements and opinions, or really what me and the baby needed. Once I was able to do that (and the babymoon helped immensely with that) everything fell into place.
This is the first time I've introduced baby food -- before I waited to do solids until they could eat real food. But Rowan has been so demanding, and what we are eating often doesn't agree with her stomach. So I've been buying little jars of baby food. A nice thing about that, too, is that if she becomes hungry while I'm gone, Scott can easily take care of it without us having to go to the trouble of doing EBM with bottles. We started that at about five months (I think the AAP is now recommending six?) though and I realize Finn might not be ready for that.
I've always felt very strongly about not letting other people hold the baby unless the baby was clearly into it. Generally, Rowan isn't, her instinct is to not have anything to do with strangers and I don't want to give her the message that I am not going to honor what her body and instincts are telling her, or that she should learn to ignore them. She has always been absolutely fine with my oldest son, we're homeschooling so he's been around full-time from the beginning, and unless she needs to eat she is happy to be held by him. (We've got numerous darling pictures of him rocking her to sleep.) It's taken a little longer for her to bond with my husband as he's gone for most of the day, but when he's here he holds her for as long as she's comfortable with it, and slowly (probably as her memory has improved) she's become comfortable spending longer and longer amounts of time with him as primary care-giver. There are a few other people she is usually okay with, I think because she senses how gentle and loving they are. One woman in our homeschooling group is very soft-spoken and gentle and sweet, and Rowan just absolutely loves her. Once we were all sitting on a big blanket and Rowan crawled over and put her head in her lap. But other people -- like those with a less "mothering" and more nervous energy, she leans away and gets a concerned look on her face. Those are always the people, ironically, who try to tell me that if I don't force her to be held by strangers against her will, she will always be scared of people.
I'm like, um, so how do you explain my other extremely social children? :LOL
Okay, I'm starting to ramble now. But my point is, don't worry -- if you're following baby's cues, and allowing yourself to be in the moment rather than worrying about the future, everything really will work out fine.