Should I? Argh, I dunno what to do....UPDATE!!!! - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-14-2005, 07:06 AM - Thread Starter
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Hi! I will try to make this as brief as I can!

I am 38 weeks pregnant, with what has been an absolutely perfect pregnancy (thankGod) and for all intents and purposes, what appears to be a perfectly healthy baby.

I have been seeing a midwife since 27 weeks (switched from OB) because I felt a strong pull towards homebirth...

...however, I am becoming increasingly um, *unsatisfied* with my midwife for reasons such as her not wanting to come to the home visit, for her telling me that an episiotomy is just a *little snip* ...for suggesting a scheduled c-section as an answer to a possible breech baby....

Well you can see my dilemma...

I know there is an option of getting another midwife...but I am SO close and that prospect doesn't appeal to me at all---the thought of interviewing someone all over again, switching records, dealing with a stranger this late in the game etc...

..but the thought of this midwife delivering is starting to scare me too!! Let me just add that she will be out of town until 3 days before my due date too--so I may be getting a stranger anyway---her partner....

Anyway, let me also add, that it is not that she is not pleasant...just that um, well you can read above...I am scared!! I am scared of like, her tranferring for NOT a good reason, for her bedside manner during labor, for her cutting me with that *little snip*...all these things...

My husband said he would advocate hard for me...that if she suggested a hospital he would force her to admit that me or the baby were going to DIE if we didn't go ...and that he wouldn't let her do ANYTHING I didn't want etc..but it is stressful to think about...you have to fight your way through in a hospital, I don't want to have to do that at home!!!!!!!

Anyway...I was thinking of going the UC route..let me add that when my midwife was scared of me being breech which she "won't touch" (WTH?)...I had an ultrasound and it turns out baby is in a great position (not breech at all)...so that won't be a suprise if I decide to go the UC route...

Everything else has been perfect, I mean perfect....so I am wondering if I just should not call her...or at the very least, call when I see the baby like, coming out so she could come and check her over etc...

I don't know...the only thing is my husband and mom (who will be there) are like FUREAKING out at a potential UC...my husband not so much, as he is very supportive of me---his concern is more like "I don't know nuttin about birthin no babies" :LOL kind of thing....which I told him, honestly, in a normal brith with no complications, they pretty much like, birth themselves ya know?? You don't need a degree in other words...

but my mom is like freakng...you have to remember she is the type who was knocked out for all 4 of her births...thinks breastfeeding "ties you down" and thinks that doctors know EVERYTHING etc... I finally got her cool with the midwife thing, now this...I am scared she would like, call 911 against my wishes or something!!

Okay, so I know people will say "just don't have her there" and yeah, that is a consideration, but I want her there is the thing... argh.....

What would you do?? Should I tell people I called her and she didn't show up? (just until she is born safely, then I would fess up) That seems somehow wrong though... should I call her (or have hubby) when things are like, THERE (I mean, head coming out)....should I just not call anyone, have my husband there and do it myself?

Should I just have the midwife there but have my husband be like Mr. agressive if she suggests anything we don't want? (he knows my wishes completely)...

I just don't know

I don't want to paint my midwife as some monster, I just think she might be more medical than I would have liked...even though their tranfer rate is only 2%...

let me add too, that I am also considering UC because the hospital is like, literally 6 minutes away...I can practically see it from my front door ya know???

If you have gotten this far, thank you!!!
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Old 05-14-2005, 07:48 AM
 
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Just my opinion, but if I were you - I'd go for a UC!!!!! It is a perfectly LEGAL (exception - husband cannot catch baby in either nebraska or nevada - can't remember which one) and SAFE alternative.
1) Check out UC to help you decide if this is right for you. Tons of information and links! Read as much as you can, and build your confidence.

2)If going the UC route:

~Two options on the MW:
A)Tell your midwife "I No Longer Require Your Services", and end it at that. If she askes why, tell her it is for personal reasons which you are not comfortable telling her (I did this with my OB in my ninth month, and it did the trick).

or B)Use the excuse "Baby came too fast!", and deal with the MW AFTER you have delivered the placenta (try to nurse immediately after the birth - it helps things along).

~Dealing with family - DO NOT CALL them for the first day or two after the birth. No matter how proud and happy you are. Chances are HIGH that someone WILL call 911 (personal experience. If this does happen, just be firm, polite, and out-spoken to the medics, and they will leave you alone. They are only doing their job )

~ As for DH, tell him there is a book out there called Emergency Childbirth(not sure if this is the exact title) that states any reasonably intelligent eight year old can help deliver a baby. It's not as hard as professionals make it to be!!

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask!!
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Old 05-14-2005, 10:06 AM
 
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I say go for the UC, call the midwife after it's over if you feel like and don't call family. Or if you do and they show up, make your phones unavailable (this is only a good option if you have a cell phone that you can hide during their presence).
Namaste, Tara
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Old 05-14-2005, 10:10 AM - Thread Starter
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Thank you for your quick response!

Yeah, I am strongly considering it...the only thing is my husband--while VERY supportive of a homebirth, he is sketchy on the UC...only because of fear I imagine--

It is not like he would *forbid* it or anything of the sort!! It is just that I can't be completely comfortable if I think he is freaking out (even inwardly) ya know?

Anyway, as for this:

Quote:
Dealing with family - DO NOT CALL them for the first day or two after the birth. No matter how proud and happy you are. Chances are HIGH that someone WILL call 911
I am not worried about that at all, ONLY because I was planning on taking her to a family doc for a newborn check-up 48 hours after birth anyway...in part due to the midwife requiring it (or wanting it, whatever)...but now if I go UC--I would to get the PKU (which would be the only test we would do)

Anyway, my only fear would be the 911 call while I was in labor (which I wouldn't put it past my mom)...
I doubt anyone would do that if everything was cool though (after birth that is)--because they know if anything was wrong, I would get the baby (or me) checked out...

Anyway, I have been researching all morning thanks to the site you recommended and another one...and I think I wanna do this!! I just have to get over my fears...

I mean seriously, the hospital is like LESS THAN A MILE away (in the event of a serious emergency)!! In rush hour, I could probably WALK there faster than I could drive ya know??

Thanks again for your response!
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Old 05-14-2005, 12:20 PM
 
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Get your handson that Emergency Childbirth book and get your DH to read it. I'm getting my hands on a copy as soon as I can, before I'm even pregnant. Not that I'll ever talk my DH into a UC (you saw my "talk him into HB post already) but ya know, if I keep planting seeds, maybe they'l grow Best wishes!
Namaste, Tara
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Old 05-14-2005, 12:46 PM
 
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I am almost in exactly the same boat. My midwife is not the issue...it's just me...just having her there somehow is an intervention.

I think what I am doing is planning on a UC as long as labour progresses fine...I will labour as long as I can alone...this may include delivery...last time I had a malpositioned baby but I also know that I pushed too soon(had a lip which might have resolved itself but they kept trying to push it back) I had no urge to push but did as directed...I find labour a vulnerable time. I also consented to arom after hours of refusing it because the midwife said the baby might change position if she did that..it did nothing and it still took an hour for baby to get into position(with the help of the midwife I have this time...she walked in the room, sized up the situation and did something as I pushed and down she slipped...as I said I have no issues with this midwife) BUT I just want to be alone..last time I was so irritated by people whispering in the other room, talking to me between contractions(for me I use that time to talk myself into the next contraction and when interrupted I lose control when the contraction hits. Checking baby's heartbeat every 15mins bothers me especially when I amfeeling baby move just fine.

So I am leaning UC as well...I will check out those links

cheers
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Old 05-14-2005, 01:28 PM - Thread Starter
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Thank you for all your replies and thoughtful advice!

I decided to go with another midwife...I called her and spoke to her for like 45 minutes and she was really cool...I know it is a leap of faith, but she immediately seemed different than my midwife---using terms like the women she "serves" and things like that---seemed like a crunchier attitude and unlike with my first midwife, this time I had NO qualms telling her exactly what I expected, what I wanted, the kind of birth I wanted, etc ----admittedly with my first midwife I was a bit naive because this is our first child and I had just switched from an OB and thought "cool, midwife, this should be okay" ---without knowing that even midwives could be drastically different...

While on one hand I would love a UC and will probably do it for our second child --this time I think a midwife would be best because I want to be calm, I want my husband to be calm and for it to be a magic, intimate, peaceful experience, and while I feel that my husband would have defiantely *come through* --I know it would have stressed him out to have had to be my sole means of support and help in delivering (crap, he's never changed a diaper even!!)

So I think it is best, but thank you so much for your words and advice!
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Old 05-14-2005, 02:05 PM
 
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Sound like this midwife may be a better match.

I was just thinking, if you asked for her to remain hands-off unless needed, she probably would be willing.

I hope that you have a wonderful and joyous birth!
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Old 05-14-2005, 02:27 PM
 
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I just want to add (or maybe second it, as I didn't read all the replies) that you should be careful of the people who you invite to you birth. I know of this one woman who invited her mother to her birth, and she ended up with a cesarean.. I talked to the MW that was there (an AWESOME lay MW), and she told me that she thought it was because of the how the grandma was freaking out during her daughter's labour. She was not used to "natural birth", and put a lot of unneccessary stress into the situation.

I hope you do get the birth of your dreams though!
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Old 05-14-2005, 02:48 PM
 
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Sounds like you made a good decision. I nearly found myself in your shoes- my first midwife (CNM) dumped us at ~30 weeks because I wouldn't conform to her medical model. I found a new midwife who was WONDERFUL and really hands-off (which is what I wanted) I would have gone UC if I hadn't found her and everything would have been okay though.

good luck and happy birthing!

-Angela
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Old 05-14-2005, 04:46 PM
 
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Cool! Glad that you have found some resolution and a new midwife who sounds like a better fit. If you are into the UC idea, you can always ask her to remain as hands-off as possible, so she's there "just in case" and not just there to oversee or manage a labor and birth. She sounds like she'd be willing if you ask and discuss it. I hope the rest of your pregnancy is full of peace and joy!
Namaste, Tara
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Old 05-14-2005, 09:19 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaTaraX
I hope the rest of your pregnancy is full of peace and joy!
:
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Old 05-15-2005, 07:06 PM
 
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Whew, what a crazy midwife!!! OMG!!!

If you feel the pull to UC then, by all means listen to your heart. You can always call the MW if you feel like you need to. Otherwise, just bring your baby into the world yourself with peace and joy.

Wishing you a joyful easy rest of pregnancy! And, may your heart guide you in this matter.
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