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#1 of 12 Old 05-14-2005, 01:37 PM - Thread Starter
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I am new to the forum. I need all the info I can get on UC. I have had 2 previous routine hospital births. I am 12 weeks pg w/ our 3rd. I so want to have a UC but my dh is totally freaked. He says he doesn't have a clue as how to go about delivering our child, from cutting to cord to examing the plecenta for defects. I don't know that much either but have been reading alot. Any advise from anyone would be great. My dh wants step by step instructions (ha, ha, like every birth is the same) if we are going to do this. There are no midwives close to us so that is not even an option & I don't want one. Also where did you find your birthing kits and books?? You are all such brave wonderful women. I want you opinions and advise badly. Thank you all so much you are awesome.

Hope to be a UC'er soon!!!
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#2 of 12 Old 05-14-2005, 02:46 PM
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Have him read Unassisted Childbirth by Laura Shanley. That did it for my dh. Also have him read Emergency Childbirth. Where are you in ks? I have these books if you're close you can borrow them.-Laura
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#3 of 12 Old 05-14-2005, 02:59 PM
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I was going to also suggest Emergency Childbirth. Still waiting to get my hands on that one so my dh can look it over.

There are several places that sell birth kits. I like

And totally OT....Fun to see other Kansans here. I grew up in Wichita. Actually, I was just there last weekend visiting my Mom and will be back in about a month.
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#4 of 12 Old 05-14-2005, 03:06 PM
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I would first examine what role your parnter will take in your birth and go from there. what are your expectations for him?

my DH was much like yours (freaked out) until he understood I don't really want him to "do" anything other than support me physically (remind me to change positions, counterpressure if needed) and bring me food and water. he was much more at peace when he realized I don't want need him to worry about delivering the baby. anyway hope this makes sense, you will surely get more great advice here!

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#5 of 12 Old 05-14-2005, 03:47 PM - Thread Starter
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Thank you all so much for your fast responses. I live in SE Kansas, Humboldt to be exact. I really would like my Dh to catch the baby. I think it would be a wonderful experience for him. The thing is that with our first 2 he wouldn't even cut the cord it just scared him. I would love for him to be more hands on with this one. My brother is an EMT and he lives in the same town. So we have someone close if we need him, like 2 min. away. Thanks all for your input. I will be working on my dh as much as possible until the birth.

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#6 of 12 Old 05-14-2005, 08:11 PM
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One of the reasons he was probably scared is that doctors tend to add an element of panic to a situation. Being surrounded by people wearing clothes that make them look like they are preparing for germ-warfare is not exactly comforting.

My only instructions to DH were to only "catch" the baby - no yanking, twisting or pulling. The baby will turn itself naturally. With it just being the two of us, he suddenly became facinated with the whole birthing experience. He wasn't pushed out of the way by some doctor, thus he felt free to enjoy the birth of his son. Never once did he yell at me to push - he would just say quietly "you're doing really good honey" every once and a while. Once he caught our son, his heart seemed to burst with pride that he helped bring our son into the world. He now brags to everyone about the joys of homebirthing unassisted.

As for the cord, we waited about an hour after the birth before we cut it just to be careful. If he is uncomfortable with cutting it, you can always go the lotus route.

Good luck with your birth!
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#7 of 12 Old 05-14-2005, 09:39 PM
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Good luck! Have you checked out the sticky at the top of the UC forum?

I second (or third) the recommendation of being really clear about what role you envision for your dh during the birth and labor. This will help you to communicate what you really need and want, and may help him become more comfortable.

I hope your journey to UC is as mind boggling as mine has been!

rural mama to DD1 DD2
unschooling, non-vaxing, writing, gardening, co-sleeping, critter-loving family :
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#8 of 12 Old 05-15-2005, 06:09 AM
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There's so much you can read about birth that will help steady your plan. Lots of good researched evidence-based stuff always does it for me

I can PM you a good list of sites if you like

Congratulations on having a birth to look forward to!
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#9 of 12 Old 05-15-2005, 12:27 PM
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I would just advise you not to have any requirements of him (other than to not interfere,) and build on what his role will be *only* as he becomes comfortable with the various elements of birth, *if* that happens. After all, birth is not a natural nor an intuitive thing for men. And you don't actually need someone else to deliver the baby, cut the cord, or examine the placenta. He doesn't, in fact, have to do anything to you to make you give birth, nor should he. That is the whole point of UC -- rejecting the idea that the body normally needs help to give birth.
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#10 of 12 Old 05-15-2005, 10:46 PM
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I agree with fourlittlebirds, your partner doesnt need to do anything outside of what he does for you now, care,love, support and trust you.
Be patient- in time, you both will learn how right it really is. The truth shall set you free!!! (and your hubby, too!)

Mama to 5 babies. UCer, too!
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#11 of 12 Old 05-17-2005, 09:27 AM
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My DH was really nervous about the idea of UC with my 4th pregnancy ... it wasn't until the last week or so that he actually picked up New Nativity II and started reading birth stories ... and then it was only a few stories that were near nightstand. He tends to really freak out when anyone in his family gets hurt or sick, so it was a constant worry for me. I prayed about that one thing more than anything else during my pregnancy ... I just didn't want him causing anyone tension (mostly ME) during the labor and birth.

One thing that helped, which I had to keep reassuring him about, was that he didn't have to DO anything in terms of 'delivering baby' ... in fact, I gave him some specific jobs that made him feel better ... like he had a plan. "Keep the baby warm - get those towels and keep them coming" so it was a focus for him. I knew he wouldn't have to 'deliver' the baby because babies get born without anyone handling and assisting - especially in the water. When the time came, DH asked, "What do I do?" and I answered, "Nothing" and our baby was born into the water and my hands. I don't think DH truly got it that he didn't need to play doctor or perform or DO anything.

For me, it helped being prepared to know that I would do anything and everything that needed to be done ... I was mentally prepared for a solobirth even though my heart was set on a family birth.

If your DH likes to read or is willing to read birth stories, send him links so he can read lots of them! it may help to print out a bunch of them from Laura's website or or ... let him read a variety of stories so he sees there can be a variation of normal in length of labor, pushing stage, birth positions, etc. It will also help to get an idea of what other Daddies were doing during the births of their babies. If you really see him in the role of baby catcher, then print out those stories where Daddy was totally involved ... if you see him with a less active role, find stories like that.

Congrats on your upcoming UC.
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#12 of 12 Old 05-17-2005, 12:00 PM
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As for what to read, we have recently discussed on this forum how out-of-date Emergency Childbirth is. But at the same time it is very simple. Basically, it tells the attendant not to interfere at all unless there is a problem and is very reassuring that birth is natural and doesn't need to be helped along. For that reason, it might be a great book for your husband. Also, it is about 50 pages long and then has some reference material at the book. Being so small, it also emphasizes that there isn't much to it; birth happens.

Great to have you on the list! Welcome.
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