Wow! I thought that this wasn't even legal... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 8 Old 07-14-2005, 09:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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With my 1st child, I didn't know I was pregnant until I was 5 months along (no belly, no missed period, no sickness or cravings...and totally inexperienced!) and when it finally hit me and I went to the doctor I got a huge lecture about my responsibility as a mother to have my unborn baby seen by the doctor the second I found out I was pregnant. I was expecting a totally deformed, mentally incompetant child that I would have to carry around everywhere for the next 40 years when they were done, simply because I hadn't seen a doctor for the first 20 weeks.

Imagine my surprise when the other day I came across sites that are all for it and people that have actually - catch me when I faint - had positive birth experiences!!!

Wow!

Now, looking back at my normal, average hospital births with my three children I realize that they were really nightmares. I guess I always knew it, I just always figured it was supposed to be that way (I mean I can remember when I was a preschooler learning about the garden of Eden and how Eve's punishment was that she would be in unbearable pain when she birthed - whether it's really in the Bible or not, I don't know...alot of what I learned wasn't but that's a topic for another board).

My first delivery was very quick - under 2 hours - but then I wasn't nearly as tense as I was with my next (5hours) or my last (8 hours). I was flat on my back, hooked up to the monitor-belt thing (minds going blank on the name), kinda felt some pressure to hurry up and get it over with. I was staring at the monitor and would see their heart rates go up and down and no one would tell me what was normal, just that down was not good and it meant the baby was in danger. Talk about some stress every time they moved! My 1st baby was taken right off cause he was 'a little cold' so I guess it was much better to warm him up by sticking him under a light than giving him to me : . I was instructed to keep them swaddled and everytime I got up to go to the bathroom or fell asleep a nurse would come in and take them because I wasn't watching them.

I'm not pregnant right now, but I'm sure I will be in the not to distant future. My luck with birth control has been pretty much non existant :LOL . I'm looking forward to learning all I can for the next time around .

I do have a couple of questions for you all though. I live in an apartment complex. We have very thin walls. Has anyone done an unassisted birth or even a home birth like this? I've read that the pain at home if you're relaxed isn't really pain at all, but a few times I've read that it hurt even worse. What do you think? I know that for my first two I kinda zoned out and don't remember feeling much about them actually being born. I was generally unresponsive and just was semi concious. The pain wasn't too bad. The last one I wanted to expirience it more fully and was able to stay alert enough to actually feel him coming out. It hurt like hell and I seriously thought I was dying. That was the only one I was vocal on. I know it's different for everyone, but do you all think it was just because I was so super stressed or does it just hurt like that when you're fully concious?

I just want to avoid neighbors calling the police the next time around

Diana
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#2 of 8 Old 07-14-2005, 09:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, yes. I totally forgot - during the last one (the one that hurt so bad) apparently the doctor figured she needed to grab his head and violently jerk/pull/yank/twist him out for me cause I wasn't pushing hard enough. This was MAYBE two minutes after the pushing started.

Maybe that could be why it was, ahem, a little uncomfortable.
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#3 of 8 Old 07-14-2005, 09:30 AM
 
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my first (gave up for adoption) was a hospital birth, bad experience altho it was an unusually fast labor.

my second was an unplanned homebirth. i really WANTED a homebirth, but thought i couldn't have one cuz i lived in an apt w/ really thin walls. I mean, so thin you could hear every word of the couple fighting next door. plus, i am a single mama. thank god my friend was there when he was born, but i couldn't count on that 100%, so it didn't seem wise to plan a homebirth. as it turned out, i had one of the fastest labors in history, during a blizzard no less, and there was no way i was going to make it to the hospital in time. so ds was born on the dining room floor.
here's the birth story:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=105106

in retrospect, i was probably right that planning a homebirth w/o a partner is tricky, and that might have been a good reason not to plan one, but i now realize i should not have allowed the thin apt walls to stop me. i asked all my neighbors later, and as it turned out, NO ONE in my building was home that night. (omg, thank god i wasn't home alone!) but i think it would've been fine if i had planned a homebirth and simply warned them ahead of time. they might have been a little wierded out, but who cares. or they might have thought it was really cool!

in any case, i do not think you should let that stop you. i'm so glad i had this experience and now that i know i can do it, my next baby will definitely be a homebirth.
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#4 of 8 Old 07-14-2005, 11:13 AM
 
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Welcome to the boards! I have quite a bit of experience in this realm...
1) it is not illegal to have a baby at home, anywhere you want. There is no way to enforce it, since there are oops births all the time. Those births are fine!
2) We lived in a duplex for #2, and the neighbors called CPS the day after she was born, and a social worker came out and visited...the upshot was a) the neighbors had no business calling,b) it was unfounded because it is not illegal to have a baby at home, anywhere in the world, c) I knew enough about homebirht that it impressed the social worker, who asked if I was a doctor! (how's that for only reading books! )
<p> With the next one, we lived in section 8 housing, and I only got loud at the end(and it was a long labor compared to my others, 11 hrs compared to 4, and I figured it this way--we used to hear the lady downstairs and her boyfriends getting it on, so what's the difference? it all sounds the same, but I got a baby out of it! :LOL
Homebirth is the safest option for nearly all women, and given your birth experiences, I would never walk into a hospital again...hope that helps. No one called about my last birth, btw, no one heard anything, but saw the blue bow on the door the next day, and said congrats!
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#5 of 8 Old 07-14-2005, 11:26 AM
 
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which reminds me, quidditchmom, you may not want to tell anyone you are planning a homebirth, as some people think it is thier god given right to make everyone birth ina hospital... so I would keep quiet of plans... and congrats guerillamama! cool birth...
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#6 of 8 Old 07-14-2005, 12:56 PM
 
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Hi!

I agree I would just keep low key about your plans, I discovered last time that even people who I thought were my friends were just too fearful about birth to really accept that what I was doing was the best thing really possible for baby and mom...

Anyhow.. I had dd in an apt.. and I know the walls were not that thick because I could hear my neighbours from time to time.. however I suppose we had a slight advantage since my husband WAS the property manager :LOL at the time.

Anyhow my labour was really fast and quiet I dont tend to make much noise anyhow.. so really you will probably be just fine! not everyone makes alot of noise in labour! in fact you might find being unattended makes you able to just deal with things so much easier that its not as painful as an attended birth.. well thats certainly been my experience! I did not think I was really in labour until my dd's head was falling out of me!!!!!

Goodluck!
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#7 of 8 Old 07-24-2005, 07:59 PM
 
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We have very thin walls. Has anyone done an unassisted birth or even a home birth like this?
I would assume so. I had a homebirth with my dd and, if I lived in an apartment, I would have done it there.

I've read that the pain at home if you're relaxed isn't really pain at all, but a few times I've read that it hurt even worse. What do you think?
I think it varies from woman to woman. My pain with my ds was intolerable, in the hospital, and by way if induction. But the pain with my dd, though hard, was doable. I believe that, since it was a natural labor, I had the rest period between each ctx, but when I was induced the ctxs were one on top of the next and I had no break to rest. I believe it made a HUGE difference in my perception of pain in my labors.

The last one I wanted to expirience it more fully and was able to stay alert enough to actually feel him coming out. It hurt like hell and I seriously thought I was dying. That was the only one I was vocal on.
I loved delivery, pushing my kids out never hurt in the least, but delivering the placenta made me feel like I was being ripped in half. Figure that one out! lol

I know it's different for everyone, but do you all think it was just because I was so super stressed or does it just hurt like that when you're fully concious?
Labor usually hurts. But it's a GOOD hurt, since it has a productive reason to keep you working so hard!

I just want to avoid neighbors calling the police the next time around
:LOL If it really does worry you that your neighbors would call the cops, I would seriously recommend putting a note on the outside of your apartment door that says something like, "I am fine, I am laboring my child right now. Please do not knock to check on me, I am very busy giving birth. Please do not worry for I am well. And if you really want to know how I am doing, come by about 2 hours after I have stopped making noises- and bring food."
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#8 of 8 Old 07-25-2005, 12:18 AM
 
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We live in a small community of townhouses right bedside each other connected...I remember my whole pg wishing I would go into labor when everyone was at work...and I did...the painful parts hit around lunch time and I had him a bit after that! I also remember being sooo loud! I watched the video and I never made a sound! :LOL It was all the talking in my head! :LOL
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