Sensitive Issue (Newborn death mentioned) - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 43 Old 08-25-2005, 04:46 PM
 
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Thank you very much for giving me a chance to share my daughter. I am extremely touched by all of your responses and the recognition of my daughter. And thank you for all the well birthing wishes! I am so ready to meet this little guy.


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And on a practical note, the person to call if there is a newborn death would be the coroner? (Assuming there is no saving the baby)
As far as my experience and understanding go, yes. No reason to go to a hospital or anything once baby has passed. If there is not a direct number for the coroner, then you call your local sheriff's office and they would direct you.

~Brandi

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mom to dd-99, dd-01, dd-born still@40w 7/04, ds-05, dd-08, dd-10, dd-13

love and light

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#32 of 43 Old 08-25-2005, 04:53 PM
 
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wow - what a powerful story. Thank you for sharing with us.

*~* A * Mama to C and A * *~* I blog - PM me for the URL
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#33 of 43 Old 08-25-2005, 05:11 PM
 
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Aw, Brandi! I did know your story...thank-you for sharing it again. Your words are moving and I'm in tears for your wonderful spirit. {{{hugs an dlove}}}

As to calling the coroner, that's all I know to do in such a case, though I'm not sure if my county would want an autopsy or not (which I'd fight against if I had to anyway)

Namaste, Tara
mama to Doodle (6), Butterfly (2), and Rythm (due at home 1/06)
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#34 of 43 Old 08-25-2005, 08:56 PM
 
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This thread is one of the most powerful I have read. The sisterhood here is incredible and as I sit here - so far away from most of you - I feel such a tangible connection through the honesty, love and trust that is here.

Thank you all for sharing your births and babies with us. They will never be forgotten and your wisdom never fade.



Shireen
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#35 of 43 Old 08-25-2005, 11:49 PM
 
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Brandi--thank you for sharing your story. Your love and courage are truly inspirational. I am sure I would be curled up in the fetal position somewhere. I love you point about SIDS. I am a childbirth educator and doula and I talk to all of my clients about this possibility. When I give them the stats on stillbirth, you can see how shocked they all are.

Holding you in the healing light,
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#36 of 43 Old 08-26-2005, 01:05 AM
 
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just re-reading the thread.

Lots of love to you mamas out there who have experienced the loss of a child.



As I was thinking more about this subject, it's hard for me to really grasp how I would behave as I have never experienced it. I hate to think about these things, but they need to be addressed. With our first UC, we were aware, probably not prepared, but aware non the less for the possible outcome of death. It was the furthest thing from my mind though during labor.
I am also really afraid to think about it now because images pop into my head, and I start to get worried about what other people would say. Like my family who obviously know by now of our intentions with this pregnancy. You'd think I wouldn't care about what others say...and if you've read some of my other posts, you know what a kind and loving family I have... .
I think I need to get over it and stop creating such a selfish scenario...kwim?
Part of me understands that (as others have said) death is always a possiblility...even if I were to go to the hospital.
I've signed on to the whole UC concept, yet truthfully, this part still scares the holy heck out of me.
Fear of the unknown. Who whoulda thunk it?
Thanks for listening. All my best mamas.

Mama to 5 babies. UCer, too!
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#37 of 43 Old 08-26-2005, 01:18 AM
 
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umm, one more thing.
Thank you OP, and all you mamas out there for sharing your thoughts on this.
I honestly had no clue how to handle the logistics of this type of situation, and after hearing from you wise mamas, I have a better sense of what Greg and I would do should it ever happen to us.
it seems so much more kind and loving to be with the ones you love then allowing strangers to poke and prod...looking for a reason or excuse for the tragedy.
I know that coming to grips with this sad event wouldn't happen immediately, but having a level head and being prepared to manage it the way we think is best is just about all we can do right?
Lots of love to you all.

Mama to 5 babies. UCer, too!
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#38 of 43 Old 08-27-2005, 03:57 AM
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My son was born at home, technically dead, and they were able to resuscitate him, he lived for 6 days afterwards. I have some facts that I would like to share but I'll come back tomorrow after some coffee

I just wanted to stop by tonight and jump for joy : for Brandi and her newly arrived baby boy :
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#39 of 43 Old 08-27-2005, 11:42 AM
 
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Len- your son is BEAUTIFUL!! I look forward to hearing your contributions to this thread. As a mama who has lost a child, your point of view is very much needed in these types of discussions.

And Brandi... the babe is born?!? I'm off to check around, see what I can find! Happy Birth Day!!
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#40 of 43 Old 08-29-2005, 03:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kynd mama
Len- your son is BEAUTIFUL!!
Thanks, Angelina

I also want to say that this thread is a great idea. Knowing what to expect/do if your baby dies is as important as any other birthing knowledge IMO.

I agree with what has already been said, and I just wanted to add that, if you have older children present, they also have the right to be there and have enough time to hold their baby brother/sister, get to know him/her and say goodbye. Unless they are very young (2-ish?) I don't think it's a good idea to whisk them away if things go wrong. That would have probably been my 1st reaction, but because I didn't have anyone to care for DS, we just took him along and he stayed at the hospital with us most of the time. That ended up being the best we could do (according to his reaction and the opinion of my grief counselor). The one thing that really made him upset was that he wasn't allowed to get a ride in the ambulance with me...
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#41 of 43 Old 08-29-2005, 01:36 PM
 
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Good to see you here Elena.... thank you for sharing...

For us, when we considered uc with #3 (he ended up as a unplanned uc but we had considered planned uc) we talked a lot about the connection between birth and death... and in accepting the power of birth we must also accept its twin death... for us that is part of the responsibility of uc... and I so agree with pp that we would be much happier doing it in our own way at home...

blessings to those who have lost...

Jen

...reach out your hand, if your cup is empty, if your cup is full may it be again... let it be known, there is a fountain, that was not made by the hands of men....

Jen Wife to Jason and Mom to Cassidy 10y Malcolm8y & Lucas 5y
living in Canada and Costa Rica and slowly exploring the world
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#42 of 43 Old 09-01-2007, 09:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kynd mama View Post
I thought I would reply, since I think I have a starkly different opinion...

If my baby dies during birth, or before, I would do my own ceremony of closure with my family. I would *not* hand my child over to some "authority" to handle at all. I am doing UP, therefore, no one "of authority" knows about my child. I would find a private place on some land to return my child to the earth. Above and beyond the horrid thought of losing my precious babe, I abhor the thought of another human touching my perfect child. If death was not certain, then all measures to protect life would be chosen, without pause.

I have had miscarriages and saved tiny tiny little bodies. I have witnessed my own mother's passing, and the circus that ensued afterwards. The differences are stunning. Life, and death, need to be respected, remembered, and revered. Not handled with paperwork and legalities. (of course, I am only referring to natural deaths)

Sure, I suppose if "someone" found out that I had lost my child, there may be legal problems for me. But you know what, I've already accepted those responsibilities by not handing my body and baby over during conception, gestation, or birth.

I am so glad to see this topic discussed amongst the UC community. It is such an awesome power to claim one's path, yet often times the ones of us who (for whatever reason) experiences the "darker" side of UC are isolated and we rarely hear from that mama again. It is a shame. We MUST accept and be aware of all aspects of life if we are to choose full awareness of them.

Be well mamas, hug those babes!!!
: and AMEN!!! This is exactly what I'd do if I had a stillborn.
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#43 of 43 Old 09-02-2007, 12:01 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by liseux View Post
There are still people (homebirthers only) who want to know what did I do wrong & maybe if I believed more in myself it wouldn`t have happened. The fact is death and birth are not that far away from each other.
That is just sick, and wrong, and mean. To insinuate that if you just 'believed in yourself' enough your baby would not have lost oxygen supply? That makes me angry FOR you. I am so sorry you lost your sweet son.

This is something I have thought a lot about because of my UC and because I have known quite a few people who gave birth to still born babies. I believe I would call 911 and ask that they send the ME out in an hour or so, to give us time with our baby. I would not want to rush to the hospital if it was obvious the baby was gone. I might consider organ donation but not at the expense of time to grieve and hold my precious child. Losing one of my kids is the biggest fear I have, made more real by the fact that I have had two losses of small children recently in and around our family. I'm not sure how you move on.

ETA: I didn't realize this thread was so old! Upon further reading it's good to know we would just call the coroner directly. Thank you for your wisdom ladies.
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