This is really just a vent, so feel free to stop reading if you get bored.
So I'm 6 months pregnant with my first and having a UP/UC. Dh is totally on board and very supportive. Everyone else thinks that I've been seeing an OB at my (former, as of June) University's health clinic, and that I will be hiring a midwife for a home birth when after we move, 7 weeks before the birth.
When we started out, I thought that just not divulging certain details would be enough, but at about 12-14 weeks I started getting the "you HAVE been to a doctor, haven't you" comments, and since then I've been lying through my teeth to everyone who asks. Dh can't lie to save his life (bless him) so he just doesn't say anything and leaves it up to me. I really don't like it either, but we've agreed that the lying is better than having to deal with everyone else's baggage...or worse yet, a "well-meaning" family member trying to thwart our plans.
I guess I just need to vent my frustration that I have to keep this a secret, and I'm looking for some BDTD support. I'm also looking for advice on how to deal with my mom. I'm pretty sure she thinks she'll be at the birth (I had mentioned having her there before I was even pregnant or considering a UC, but there's no way I'd want her there now). And I'm afraid she'll get suspicious about the ficticious midwife, since we'll be living very close to my parents. She knows my university insurance runs out at the end of August, that I won't be seeing anyone for a couple months, and that I've been (and will continue to) take my own blood pressure, measure my fundus and weigh myself in the mean time. This seems to be okay with her.
Our plan is to tell her we have a midwife after we move and let her think that we'll call her when I go into labor. Then call her after the baby's born, when she comes say that I felt like I had to labor alone, and when she asks about the midwife tell her that we just had one for backup and we were planning on birthing alone unless we had any problems. I feel like it will be easier to convince her UC is okay when she's holding her healthy, happy grandchild. This (along with my "shadow" self prenatal care) will also make it easier to have a planned UC next time and not have to keep it a secret.
So this is my existing and planned web of lies. It looks so underhanded and nasty when I put it all out like that, but it seems like the most viable option. Am I crazy for planning something like this and will it backfire on me? For those of you who are also having a "secret" UC, how do you deal with the guilt and frustration of lying?
Thanks for reading.