A whole bunch of questions from a UC-wannabe - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 11-24-2005, 03:48 PM - Thread Starter
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Happy Thanksgiving everyone. (And for anyone in Canada... Happy Thanksgiving a couple months too late. LOL)

Apologies in advance for this somewhat long post. I hope you read it through b/c I really do need advice and encouragement. I imagine that I could find most of the answers if I search the archives, etc. etc. but then I would have to compile it all... and I'm sure there are other people lurking here who might have some of my same questions/situations and will be so glad that someone spoke up. I'd posted before in here with a post "so I'd planned a mid-wife assisted homebirth" and got some answers there, but I'm hoping to go into more detail with this post.

Anyway. So I am 27 and DH is going to be 25 in 2 months. We are probably going to start TTCing around the end of January (pending what happens with an eye appointment on 1/17... followup for LASIK... I need to make sure I don't need an enhancement in my left eye which is being annoying b/c that would push back our TTC date). So in theory, by this time next year I could be a mom. Or I could be big pregnant. Or I could still be trying.

But I'm rambling now. Someone just smack me. LOL. Anyway. As of right now, we are planning a midwife assisted homebirth. But my only option for that is ONE midwife here in town that is a CNM. (Living in Missouri... direct entry midwifery currently a felony... practicing medicine without a license and all that stuff). I have not called or or anything yet to meet her to see if we click with each other. Others have told me she is fine and people like her... but I just have a weird feeling. When we were in Oklahoma, I found a midwife online (direct entry) and even just seeing her website I had SUCH a good feeling that I made an appointment to go interview her a year ago. (Yes, it was over a year before we were going to TTC but I went to meet her anyway LOL). I loved her and was so sad to move away. I'm delaying meeting this CNM because I have this thought about "What if she and I don't click?" and so I'm putting off the meeting for as long as possible. It might be an irrational thought and we might click and she might let me birth the way I want after all... but every time I think about calling her to just talk I get nervous. I dunno.

So if we don't click... there is a slim chance that I could get a hold of someone who has used an illegal midwife that is still practicing... but I don't want to put that midwife in a bad situation, ya know? The law may change this next legislative session and if it does then hopefully I won't have any trouble finding a midwife. And I get along with most people easily but some people just have a "vibe" ya know? And it's the vibe that makes me click with them or not.

DH is completely supportive of us having our baby at home and was even explaining to friends of ours, with no prompting from me, that it's a natural process and we don't need interventions or hospitals or anything. (yay DH lol). I think that if he and I sit down and REALLY talk about UC, and logically weigh out all the pros and cons, then he would be supportive of that, too. So even if midwifery becomes legal we still might do a UC. I'm leaning heavily towards that. And the family (mine) can just deal with it afterwards.

Now for a few of my questions. Depending on what health insurance I do or do not have, I may or may not go to an MD (or maybe an DO or OD or whatever the abbreviation for osteopathy is) to get limited prenatal care. I don't care about a sonogram. I would only go basically so they could "see" me pregnant and could possibly help me get a birth certificate. If we choose to just do prenatal care at home, how hard would it be to get a birth certificate if nobody "offical" sees me pregnant? I've heard of taking a picture with a newspaper date stamp or something like that... but what if we forget that?

Second, I'm not afraid of labor pain or birthing pain. I've read over and over that relaxation is key. Except I can't relax. LOL. Case in point - I've never had an orgasm. (TMI to follow). DH and I will be messing around and he will touch me, and it will feel good, REALLY good... but then I get nervous about it and make him stop. I told him that it's too intense of a feeling. He was like "I KNOW... that is what you need to get through." I don't know what I'm afraid of. I mean although it's intense, I'm sure it's not going to start feeling BAD all of a sudden, ya know? So with my inability to relax through the intensity of an impending orgasm... I just wonder if I will be relaxed enough to get through labor rushes or if I'll be afraid of what's to come. Education will help but experience will help more.

Third, I've never seen a birth. I don't know what a placenta looks like or how to tell if there's a piece left in me. I will be bleeding but I don't know what normal bleeding is and what excessive bleeding is and wonder if I'll be able to recognize that I've lost too much blood in time enough to treat it. Nobody tells a cat how to give birth and in what position to lay... she just has her kittens and that is that... relying on instinct. But what about human mother instincts? Are they indeed strong enough to guide me in my labor and immediate postpartum? And then what about breastfeeding... could that be instinctual also? I've seen women nurse before but it's always discreetly. And I've read books. I am the queen of reading tons and tons of books on everything from conception to the first year. LOL. (Been researching childbirth and pregnancy for about 10 years now... LOL). How would I weigh my newborn baby and measure him/her? I've heard of a "fish scale"... is that something readily available at Walmart or something? And obviously I can't just dangle the baby on the scale by the hook in its lip... how do I put a piece of fabric up into the scale to lay the baby in? And how do I get bloodstains out of carpet? (rofl j/k)

Ok I think I'm done. Anyone out there having my same thoughts? Thanks for reading this far. I hope bits of it were entertaining. LOL I appreciate any feedback and/or support that I can get.


Andrea , child of God, wife of Tim , mama of L, B,
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#2 of 4 Old 11-25-2005, 08:04 PM
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Buy some birthing videos. There are also websites around that let you watch homebirths both with and without midwives. When it's closer to the time to TTC for me and dh, I plan on watching lots of them, right now I've just browsed through the photos and such to see what will be available in future.

Have you considered/tried meditation for your relaxation? Or tried playing various types of music to see if that will help you relax? Or at least defocus the analytical part of your head that can't just be in the moment. For that matter, regardless of where/with whom you plan to give birth, meditating on the process could be a good prep-tool.

The sticky up above has tons of great resources. Lots of people around MDC like Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Personally, I'd read that one *before* you read a lot of UC specific stuff like Laura Shanley because after Laura's book I found May's book to be too interventionist and couldn't get into the spirtuality aspects that other people like. Birthing From Within is another excellent source, yet another caveat, the sections on birthplans had enough in there about things that can happen in hospitals that it was kind of scary. Basically, read more on actual birth, especially stuff that *isn't* by "What to Expect" style mainstream purveyors of the medical lie.

Talk to your local health department about prenatal care programs for women without insurance. Just be a bit cautious if you go that route since that'll put you in their system.

Fish scales are available easily. I'd just add rivets to the corners of a square piece of blanket and hang it from the scale. Play around with dolls before you have the baby to see how it'd work. You should be able to get a reading at the point where the baby is just lifted off the bed, you don't need to really "hang" him/her. Wait until she/he's sleeping .

Hydrogen Dioxide works great on blood stains in carpet.

Okay, my usual head's up, all advice above is based on reading both on MDC and IRL, not on experience. So one more, you can learn *lots* around here.
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#3 of 4 Old 11-25-2005, 08:20 PM
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i found another scale that might be easier to weigh a baby on ....
Baby Scale

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#4 of 4 Old 11-29-2005, 02:44 AM
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Well, if its any consolation, I've had very few orgasms...it is a very intense feeling that I feel I can't handle and I made it through a midwife assisted homebirth.

My midwives gave me affirmations to repeat during specific parts of my pregnancy, I felt they really helped calm me and help me believe that my body was doing the work, my mind just needed to allow it. I printed these and posted them on the bathroom mirror, kitchen cupboards, anywhere I would see them and said them outloud frequently. If you want them you can email me and I'll type them out for you, but they really aren't until you have conceived, you may find your own you like but these are very birth related.

Definitely read and watch videos. But don't watch birth stories on TLC. Once in a great while you get a waterbirth but lots of intervened births. I read Gentle Birth choices, don't know if that exactly fits into an unassisted but it answered lots of questions for me and you can get it with a video.

And maybe even look at the back issues available from Mothering, there might be something good there too. If you're not reading Mothering articles you may want to consider, one of the articles was so inspiring to me it took me from determined to have an epidural to a homebirth.
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